What to say...

Isn't it hard to know what to say to people when there's been a loss? I think it is, but it's mostly because of how I personally view things.
I don't see death as a bad thing, ever.
When a child dies, it's the most heartbreaking thing in the universe- for us. I just don't believe that anything on Earth can compare to what life is really like when we're not in our bodies. And I think that all agendas are served at all times whether or not we "see" it.
That being said, what IS it like to have alzheimers. I should read "still alice" but I want someone else to read it first and tell me if I should read it.
I'm not sad that she died. Not even a little bit. She was 96 years old, and had been mindless for so many years. She was on NO meds at all. GO. that's awesome.
I'm sad for my dad, and aunts. No matter how much you've grieved the loss of the person you knew, when they GO you do it all over again. That hurts. You miss them, the them that they were, the "them" that raised you, nurtured you, played with you, grew you up. And my one aunt and cousins were her full time care givers, so the amount of work they've been putting in, and the things they've seen and done and experienced with her, through her...the loss is even more of a relief and feels even bigger....I was imagining her going to bed last night, with that nagging feeling that something BIG had occurred. You know that feeling?
Anyway- Cullen got a little irritated with me when we were discussing it because he said he understands what I was saying, but people just want to express their love without it being brushed off. I understand that too, but it isn't MY heart that needs hugging- it's my dads, and my 2 aunts who lost their mother and have the most memories of her. Seeing my dad sad hurts. He went away to cry.
I wrote emails to my aunts. The one who was her caretaker in these last years I have NEVER MET. They live in Oregon and always have and are as unconventional as they come. I met my cousin (one of her daughters) Debbie one time, when we had Tia, and I got to hold Tia. I don't think I was even 10 years old then. But I emailed them to tell them thank you for everything they've done and that I love them for how they took care of her.

In other news, Cullen and I get to leave tomorrow for the North Shore. CAN'T WAIT. CANNOT WAIT. Today is almost as fun as tomorrow. I get to pack (yeah, I know. I GET to pack? WTF. But today packing for 6 people is FUN!) and get us all ready and tomorrow we FLY. Next Monday is our FOURTEENTH anniversary of being married. That's not bad! :) God knows we've had our bumps and bruises and close calls. FOURTEEN. Amazing.
Cullen showed up again this morning with a mocha. I think he WANTS me addicted. :)
I want to eat today. Is there anything better than the windows being open and hearing the birds in the morning? Happy.