It's time to think about everything I'm going to accomplish in the next year, but first I have to tell you a sad, heartbreaking little story.
We have mice.
That's not the sad part. That doesn't make me sad. I think they are precious and adorable and I'd keep em in a cage if I could.
That's the problem. I can't catch them.
So they visit my drawers in the kitchen. This is the REAL problem. Mice poo on my bibs...I am tired of washing mice toilets when they haven't been used by the children they were intended for. I tried everything to get them to stop. I shouted out to them: You can be here but you can't poop here, if you do HE will kill you!
But they don't understand human speech. :(
I tried putting some disinfectant in the drawers. Surely their smart like mousey noses can tell when something is not good for them, and Lysol smells un-good. It worked until the lysol dissapated. Mouse poop returned.
I bought a mouse trap- not a mean one. If you can't tell, I love the little guys. I could never buy a mean mouse trap. Can you imagine when I caught one? Cullen at work all day...there would be no good way. Not the kind that they perma stick to (OMG...the squeaking would kill me!!!) and not the kind that kill them dead and leave them for you to throw away. I want to throw up just thinking about it.
No, a mouse trap that shuts them in, live, so I can release them into the freezing cold so they can freeze to death, a slow, lonely, desperate death. No better. Truly, no better. In fact, I'm such a dork that I would TOTALLY release them next to someone else's warm house. HAHAH! To give them a "chance" at survival, or at least dying by someone else's hand.
But no. I tried. Clearly the trap was not set up right, because they were eating the bird seed HAPPILY at will, coming hungry and leaving full and happy. :(
Cullen came home with decon yesterday.
This morning it's half gone. :( :( :( And I'm so sorry for all the little dead mice, going off somewhere between the walls (I hope) to die, and rot, hopefully without the rotting death smell. :( I am indeed a big enough loser so that I got tears when I saw how much of it was gone, just like how I'm crying now thinking about it. It makes me really, really sad. I know it's stupid. they are MICE. I am not supposed to care about them. I am supposed to be grossed out by them and hate them and scream when I see them. I don't.
BOOOO.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Oh!
Screaming babies who can't poop get very hard to listen to after awhile. You wouldn't think breast milk is so hard to digest, would you? Adalane just can't work it out. I can't do anything to help her. She's making it worse by crying, but I can't make her stop.
BOOOOOOOOO.
One of these days her system will figure it out. God help all of us when she gets on solids.
Just thought I'd share. If you could hear the noise going on...well...you'd leave. :)
But she's cute!
I gave up because I've been at it for 2 hours and you can't imagine how long those two hours have been. So Julia is now trying. She has Adalane laid down on her with her blanket, trying to get her settled down. 8 kids here today and I am almost ready to say that I'll have a drink when i'm out with Cullen. :D
BOOOOOOOOO.
One of these days her system will figure it out. God help all of us when she gets on solids.
Just thought I'd share. If you could hear the noise going on...well...you'd leave. :)
But she's cute!
I gave up because I've been at it for 2 hours and you can't imagine how long those two hours have been. So Julia is now trying. She has Adalane laid down on her with her blanket, trying to get her settled down. 8 kids here today and I am almost ready to say that I'll have a drink when i'm out with Cullen. :D
It's spring outside!
Omigosh it is SO nice outside! Of course, only in these northern states would we call a forecast of 37 degrees SPRING, but it feels like it. The sun is out and it feels so nice and fresh outside! I love it! I want to walk down the block. Maybe I'll do that at naptime if all 3 are zonked. Probably not, because that feels wrong somehow but I WANT to!
Wanna know what the weird thing about losing weight is? It isn't even weird, it's just true...it's all in your head. You LOOK better the instant you FEEL better. That's why the show "How To Look Good Naked" was so brilliant. People didn't lose weight. They found out that they were beautiful RIGHT THEN, no matter what their body shape. So I've been "at it" for 4 days. Lest you believed me when I said I was going Biggest Loser on my ass, let me tell you what I HAVE NOT done. I have NOT run every day. Nope. Did not. Didn't run the past two days. I have been eating better, and being more active throughout the day, running stairs and using babies as props. The 28 lb one works really well!!!! My abs are sore from using non existent muscles.
So- I have done virtually nothing, but I look and feel better already. I actually look skinnier. It's just ME. It's probably always just me. We're all on crack.
ONE WEEK. In one week from now, I get to bring my kids to the airport, which is one of my all time favorite places to be! I get to bring them on an airplane and watch their sweet faces as the plane goes faster and faster and faster and then whooooshhhh! Into the air we go. i can hear them exclaiming already. I can see the people who hear my excited babies grinning ear to ear at how cute they are.
I get to show them the Philly airport for a minute. They can say they've been there. Then, the old pros get to get on another plane and when they get off, they get to see how cool it is to leave the plane and feel warmth. The forecast is looking good for us in Tampa! Lows in the 50's and highs in the 70's. PERFECT. DREAMY. White sandy beaches, impossibly aqua ocean--my nephew's mom is there right now, and hit me up to say that it's been chilly for them but it hasn't stopped the kids from playing in the ocean, which means that WE will have it MADE. 5 pools, mini golf, ginormous slide on the beach, kids clubs...I CAN'T WAIT! I CAN'T WAIT! I CAN'T WAIT! They deserve this so much. And i LOVE flying, and so does Cullen. It's like a whole other world up there. It doesn't matter if it's cloudy out when you leave, you'll be in the sun soon. and when there are no clouds, to see how symmetrical and beautiful our world actually is when you get a little ways off the ground...WOW. I love seeing all the people buzzing here and there and remembering how SMALL we are, and how we make such a big deal out of things that AREN'T a big deal and we get so focused on ourselves, like we are THE most important thing out there. OH how I love to fly!!!! It's like scuba diving, but opposite. it's so good to get out of your life for awhile.
Today I have Payten all day long. Tonight Chelle is going to hang with the kids and we're going to go out to eat and shopping for some cute spring clothes for Florida. Because we can. WHOOO HOOOOO!!!!!!!! I can't wait! Can you tell????
Have I told you how much I love the people in the kidney chain lately? It's been so awesome getting to know all of them. This is so cool. In April the National Kidney Foundation has a thing here in Minneapolis, and they contacted the coordinator in Fargo to see if they can share the story during the event. Which means that I might get to see Shannon and his sister and maybe the whole chain again! YIPPPEEEE!!!!
BTW, Ethan is upright more than not now. SO much fun to see these developments. Thank GOD I don't have to go into work anymore! I'm so proud of me for having the guts to trust that it was going to work out. Go, daring Nicki!
I need to make a list for 2011. I don't know what to dream up next. Okay, I do. I'll share it later.
Happy almost new year!
Wanna know what the weird thing about losing weight is? It isn't even weird, it's just true...it's all in your head. You LOOK better the instant you FEEL better. That's why the show "How To Look Good Naked" was so brilliant. People didn't lose weight. They found out that they were beautiful RIGHT THEN, no matter what their body shape. So I've been "at it" for 4 days. Lest you believed me when I said I was going Biggest Loser on my ass, let me tell you what I HAVE NOT done. I have NOT run every day. Nope. Did not. Didn't run the past two days. I have been eating better, and being more active throughout the day, running stairs and using babies as props. The 28 lb one works really well!!!! My abs are sore from using non existent muscles.
So- I have done virtually nothing, but I look and feel better already. I actually look skinnier. It's just ME. It's probably always just me. We're all on crack.
ONE WEEK. In one week from now, I get to bring my kids to the airport, which is one of my all time favorite places to be! I get to bring them on an airplane and watch their sweet faces as the plane goes faster and faster and faster and then whooooshhhh! Into the air we go. i can hear them exclaiming already. I can see the people who hear my excited babies grinning ear to ear at how cute they are.
I get to show them the Philly airport for a minute. They can say they've been there. Then, the old pros get to get on another plane and when they get off, they get to see how cool it is to leave the plane and feel warmth. The forecast is looking good for us in Tampa! Lows in the 50's and highs in the 70's. PERFECT. DREAMY. White sandy beaches, impossibly aqua ocean--my nephew's mom is there right now, and hit me up to say that it's been chilly for them but it hasn't stopped the kids from playing in the ocean, which means that WE will have it MADE. 5 pools, mini golf, ginormous slide on the beach, kids clubs...I CAN'T WAIT! I CAN'T WAIT! I CAN'T WAIT! They deserve this so much. And i LOVE flying, and so does Cullen. It's like a whole other world up there. It doesn't matter if it's cloudy out when you leave, you'll be in the sun soon. and when there are no clouds, to see how symmetrical and beautiful our world actually is when you get a little ways off the ground...WOW. I love seeing all the people buzzing here and there and remembering how SMALL we are, and how we make such a big deal out of things that AREN'T a big deal and we get so focused on ourselves, like we are THE most important thing out there. OH how I love to fly!!!! It's like scuba diving, but opposite. it's so good to get out of your life for awhile.
Today I have Payten all day long. Tonight Chelle is going to hang with the kids and we're going to go out to eat and shopping for some cute spring clothes for Florida. Because we can. WHOOO HOOOOO!!!!!!!! I can't wait! Can you tell????
Have I told you how much I love the people in the kidney chain lately? It's been so awesome getting to know all of them. This is so cool. In April the National Kidney Foundation has a thing here in Minneapolis, and they contacted the coordinator in Fargo to see if they can share the story during the event. Which means that I might get to see Shannon and his sister and maybe the whole chain again! YIPPPEEEE!!!!
BTW, Ethan is upright more than not now. SO much fun to see these developments. Thank GOD I don't have to go into work anymore! I'm so proud of me for having the guts to trust that it was going to work out. Go, daring Nicki!
I need to make a list for 2011. I don't know what to dream up next. Okay, I do. I'll share it later.
Happy almost new year!
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Willow rocks!
I think that my precious spider and I communicated today. I got 10 steps closer to actually holding her even!
First of all, I look over and she's on the glass near the roof of her cage. Usually she's sleeping at this time of day, so I took the top off and she crawled back down. I figured she's had enough of her bedding, which doesn't get dirty, but it does get dry. It only needs to be changed once every 3-4 months (I tell you- BEST pet EVER!). So I went ahead and scooped out the old and put in some new. Usually she dislikes this to...I figured out I have to pat it down and she won't freak. Did you know they smell with their feet? Anyway, the loose bedding would get stuck on her paws (hehe) and it's damper (they need moisture) and she usually hangs out on her log til it dries some. Not this time. I patted it down and she went around checking out her pad.
Right after lunch, Josh exclaims "MOM! Willow's in her dish, drinking water!" WHAT? Can you even imagine? I should have taken a picture but of course I didn't. I just stood there dumbfounded and a little panicked that she had drowned. So- brave me! I tipped her dish up slightly to "help" her get out to see if that's what she needed. She did pull up and back out. I put the dish back down, she waited for me to leave and SHE CLIMBED BACK IN. WHAT?! When she was done, she got out just fine without my helpful help.
That does it. She's the coolest thing EVER.
First of all, I look over and she's on the glass near the roof of her cage. Usually she's sleeping at this time of day, so I took the top off and she crawled back down. I figured she's had enough of her bedding, which doesn't get dirty, but it does get dry. It only needs to be changed once every 3-4 months (I tell you- BEST pet EVER!). So I went ahead and scooped out the old and put in some new. Usually she dislikes this to...I figured out I have to pat it down and she won't freak. Did you know they smell with their feet? Anyway, the loose bedding would get stuck on her paws (hehe) and it's damper (they need moisture) and she usually hangs out on her log til it dries some. Not this time. I patted it down and she went around checking out her pad.
Right after lunch, Josh exclaims "MOM! Willow's in her dish, drinking water!" WHAT? Can you even imagine? I should have taken a picture but of course I didn't. I just stood there dumbfounded and a little panicked that she had drowned. So- brave me! I tipped her dish up slightly to "help" her get out to see if that's what she needed. She did pull up and back out. I put the dish back down, she waited for me to leave and SHE CLIMBED BACK IN. WHAT?! When she was done, she got out just fine without my helpful help.
That does it. She's the coolest thing EVER.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Annnddd...I made it.
Of course I made it, but today wasn't fun. It's done now. I've eaten, my kids have eaten and I'm about to go get my butt on the treadmill and work off the truffles and monkey bread I ate to get through the day. :)
Tomorrow- a new day.
We'll try this thing again!
Please enjoy some peace and quiet for me tonight. I'm storing it up for tomorrow justincase.
Tomorrow- a new day.
We'll try this thing again!
Please enjoy some peace and quiet for me tonight. I'm storing it up for tomorrow justincase.
Oh, save me, blog.
I'm done. Over it. I'm so done with today that i have no words. There are a few things that I require to survive the day with my four children running in and out, 2 infants and a 1 year old. And one of them is some sort of a break.
Today, as you can tell, I'm stealing my breaks. I just stop trying to get one of the babies to stop crying and I blog for a second.
Caiden is teething and he hates life. He's inconsolable and loud. Adalane drank some boob juice that had something bad in it and she seriously---screams. Another inconsolable child. Julia has an ear infection and has been crying off and on and I try to put drops in her ears and ibuprofrin and an hour later she's in tears again.
I'm DONE. I want ALL OF them TO go away. ALL OF THEM. I want peace and quiet and and for no one to be crying.
Hate today!
Today, as you can tell, I'm stealing my breaks. I just stop trying to get one of the babies to stop crying and I blog for a second.
Caiden is teething and he hates life. He's inconsolable and loud. Adalane drank some boob juice that had something bad in it and she seriously---screams. Another inconsolable child. Julia has an ear infection and has been crying off and on and I try to put drops in her ears and ibuprofrin and an hour later she's in tears again.
I'm DONE. I want ALL OF them TO go away. ALL OF THEM. I want peace and quiet and and for no one to be crying.
Hate today!
First Serious Parental Freak Out Ever
I was feeding Adalane. I hear a sledding "noise" outside behind me, where the big ole pile of snow is...and I turned around to see what it was. Josh is out there by himself. I didn't see him so I continued feeding Adalane. I have two VERY VERY fussy babies today. VERY. One is teething and the other is the gassiest baby ever. I feel so bad for both of them because I can't do anything to make their pain go away, and I feel bad for me because I have had to do everything today with at LEAST one child screaming their head off. I get one calmed down and the next one starts. My kids all left the house because they are all tired of the screaming. :(
Anyway, so Adalane starts just playing with her bottle, and I'm still thinking about that noise. I stand up and start looking around to see if I can see Josh anywhere. I can't. Then over *there* I see his boot...and follow it up and there is, laying with his leg cocked this way, his head cocked the other way in an unnatural position. I watch to see if he's going to move and he isn't moving.
I put Adalane down so fast, and I flew out the back door and out into the snow in my socks, screaming "JOSH! JOSH!!!! JOSH!!!!!!" like a terrifed Mom, tears already streaming down my face, thinking that this day of crazy babies would be the day my baby gets seriously hurt.
He looked up, popped up, and said "What? I'm just waiting for Julia, bored. She said she'd be out in a few minutes." I was just crying then, because I was still so scared of what looked like an unconscious Josh.
And only just now has my heart rate returned to normal, and my focus and irritation to the baby who must be getting something in the boobjuice that makes her the gassiest, screamiest baby you've ever heard. The poor thing!
Anyway, so Adalane starts just playing with her bottle, and I'm still thinking about that noise. I stand up and start looking around to see if I can see Josh anywhere. I can't. Then over *there* I see his boot...and follow it up and there is, laying with his leg cocked this way, his head cocked the other way in an unnatural position. I watch to see if he's going to move and he isn't moving.
I put Adalane down so fast, and I flew out the back door and out into the snow in my socks, screaming "JOSH! JOSH!!!! JOSH!!!!!!" like a terrifed Mom, tears already streaming down my face, thinking that this day of crazy babies would be the day my baby gets seriously hurt.
He looked up, popped up, and said "What? I'm just waiting for Julia, bored. She said she'd be out in a few minutes." I was just crying then, because I was still so scared of what looked like an unconscious Josh.
And only just now has my heart rate returned to normal, and my focus and irritation to the baby who must be getting something in the boobjuice that makes her the gassiest, screamiest baby you've ever heard. The poor thing!
How To Stop Being Mad
I'm sure this doesn't work for everyone, and I'm even more sure that there are better ways out there, but I have to say...I'm learning!
I woke Cullen up before going to Suzanne's. I snapped "Do you remember last night?" this is mean of me because I know it scares him and makes him unsure. "I think so" is all he can say. Then I said "Then you know you were a stupid, drunk asshole and won't be surprised that I totally dislike you today."
and i left.
That's nice, right? :P
When I came back, he came over to touch me and said "I'm so sorry." and I snapped (see a pattern?) "Again. You're sorry, again." and I let loose, going over every transgression that came from him, starting with talking over everyone and not letting anyone finish a sentence to saying rude, ugly things to me when I would try to stop him from bulldozing anyone who had anything to say. I told him i'm NOT going over to Rick and Tina's for New Years Eve night because he can't figure out how to control himself when he's around them. (so he's not drinking New Years Eve- YAY! That will get me to R+T's for a little while). I spat out how sick and tired I am of morning afters full of I'm sorry's and how he's grown up and how disgusting it is to me that he has no control over how much he drinks and how THAT was the VERY LAST TIME that I will sit there and take it. I WILL leave my own house to get away from him when he gets like that. And to make a point (and because he brings up that it's not even a weekly occurance, or monthly) I thanked him profusely for not making me deal with it every day, or every week because it's a deal breaker for me.
Then I took down Christmas (left up Winter), and cleaned everything up really good. Mom called to invite us over for dinner and all day long he would come in (he has a massive hill outside for the kids he was adding to, and he cleaned off our roof) to touch me. I know he loves me to pieces, but man. Alcohol.
Joshy used his new "sled"...it's really a death ride contraption ---this thing is more slippery than ice!...and went off of a jump and did a complete sommersault! He landed on his back and was fine (we'll see when he wakes up)...but that was at 8pm last night. Cullen took all 4 sledding and wore em all out good! Then he brought them to McDonalds for hot cocoa. Isn't he cute? They had the best night.
Vacation= 8 days! WHOOO HOOO!! I ran 3 miles and worked out yesterday. My goal today is 3-4 miles. And doing stairs.
I woke Cullen up before going to Suzanne's. I snapped "Do you remember last night?" this is mean of me because I know it scares him and makes him unsure. "I think so" is all he can say. Then I said "Then you know you were a stupid, drunk asshole and won't be surprised that I totally dislike you today."
and i left.
That's nice, right? :P
When I came back, he came over to touch me and said "I'm so sorry." and I snapped (see a pattern?) "Again. You're sorry, again." and I let loose, going over every transgression that came from him, starting with talking over everyone and not letting anyone finish a sentence to saying rude, ugly things to me when I would try to stop him from bulldozing anyone who had anything to say. I told him i'm NOT going over to Rick and Tina's for New Years Eve night because he can't figure out how to control himself when he's around them. (so he's not drinking New Years Eve- YAY! That will get me to R+T's for a little while). I spat out how sick and tired I am of morning afters full of I'm sorry's and how he's grown up and how disgusting it is to me that he has no control over how much he drinks and how THAT was the VERY LAST TIME that I will sit there and take it. I WILL leave my own house to get away from him when he gets like that. And to make a point (and because he brings up that it's not even a weekly occurance, or monthly) I thanked him profusely for not making me deal with it every day, or every week because it's a deal breaker for me.
Then I took down Christmas (left up Winter), and cleaned everything up really good. Mom called to invite us over for dinner and all day long he would come in (he has a massive hill outside for the kids he was adding to, and he cleaned off our roof) to touch me. I know he loves me to pieces, but man. Alcohol.
Joshy used his new "sled"...it's really a death ride contraption ---this thing is more slippery than ice!...and went off of a jump and did a complete sommersault! He landed on his back and was fine (we'll see when he wakes up)...but that was at 8pm last night. Cullen took all 4 sledding and wore em all out good! Then he brought them to McDonalds for hot cocoa. Isn't he cute? They had the best night.
Vacation= 8 days! WHOOO HOOO!! I ran 3 miles and worked out yesterday. My goal today is 3-4 miles. And doing stairs.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
YAY! NAY!
Before I get to complaining, I'll tell you all the good things about yesterday. It was the best . I LOVE the age of the kids. They are precious and excited and thankful and expressive and it was fantastic fun. I had happy tears 3 times, watching them open gifts and listen to the exclamations. Beautiful!
I got a nook, which I love so far. I'm not a gadget person, and I hope he isn't disappointed if I'm not attached to it. I just laughed at me because he thinks it's disgusting how people have to stay so connected to Other People instead of focusing on their families, so it was silly of me to worry that I'll put it down and he'd feel bad. It's a sweet deal- I can borrow books to and from friends with a nook, as well as check out books at the library and they will download right to my nook. I've already bought a book, and I LOVE that it can go anywhere with me.. Pretty fun. I'll have good reading on the airplane!
Then we went to Cullen's mom's- who, first of all MADE IT. She somehow made it through the crazy night that Christmas Eve was--GOD there were a lot of people in her house, it was a million degrees and she'd felt poorly all day. She looked bad when we got there and just sweat and sweat, and finally went and laid down in the middle of the party for a little while. I don't know how she got back up, but she did! So it was a relief that she felt better for Christmas day. I missed our normal Christmas there but it's okay- we were staggered all day, so not many people were there at any one point. We got their first, which I loved. We ate caramel rolls and hung out. Then Shawn and the kids showed up and we left. We gave her the book before we went. She was SO cute. She called me every couple of hours as she would read a few more, to tell me again how much she was loving the book. I almost stopped having a complex about it. (more on that later. Now my complex is even worse than it was)
Then my mom's which was great. Great food, and it's like being at home, so what's not to like. I snoozed and we came home.
Then.
Then Cullen invited Rick and Tina over.
Do you remember the problem there? The problem that Cullen has when Rick is around? The problem that he can't stop himself from drinking until he is drunk, and how disgusting he is when he's drunk? He's loud, obnoxious, interrupts, told me to fuck off and shut up over and over when I would try to quiet him down...it's ugly and gross and I dislike him today. He's still sleeping, of course. I went to bed at 1:30 and he stayed up, and I wished he just would have slept out here. The Book came up while they were here, and Tina is my polar opposite on just about everything. I love her DEARLY, it's just that she's very conservative and mouthy about issues, where I don't like talking about politics, she's extremely private, and I am (no pun intended) an open book. She's in disbelief that we read the letters people wrote (many people asked me to to see if it was what I was looking for, and I also decorated each page. Yeah, I read them. All of them.). She feels like those are private things not to be shared and she was slightly horrifed that the book was just laying out there on the table for everyone to read and see. I tried explaining that it was for everyone, now and later after she passes and that if Jane feels it's private, she'll put it away, and I don't know why I even bothered. She's STRONG about her feelings, so talking about anything she disagrees with is pointless, and she loves LOVES to argue.
At some point Rick stopped drinking so she could get drunk (these people are GROWN UPS!!!)...Cullen couldn't stop rehashing Travis's bachelor party, where they were loaded and the stupid things they did. I guess I am still grossed out by adults who still act like they are in their 20's. Guess what? We're going over there for New Years Eve. Fantastic. It's sad that we don't hang out with them so much, but now I remember why. My husband has no control over himself. It's disgusting. I'm just thankful it's been months since the last Rick Encounter That Went South. Gross.
So...I'm going Biggest Loser on myself. I have 9 days (just to get to Florida, plenty of time after that) to knock off the madness of what has become my eating habits. :) Ready, set, GO! You watch me shake off these 5 lbs in a few days.
I got a nook, which I love so far. I'm not a gadget person, and I hope he isn't disappointed if I'm not attached to it. I just laughed at me because he thinks it's disgusting how people have to stay so connected to Other People instead of focusing on their families, so it was silly of me to worry that I'll put it down and he'd feel bad. It's a sweet deal- I can borrow books to and from friends with a nook, as well as check out books at the library and they will download right to my nook. I've already bought a book, and I LOVE that it can go anywhere with me.. Pretty fun. I'll have good reading on the airplane!
Then we went to Cullen's mom's- who, first of all MADE IT. She somehow made it through the crazy night that Christmas Eve was--GOD there were a lot of people in her house, it was a million degrees and she'd felt poorly all day. She looked bad when we got there and just sweat and sweat, and finally went and laid down in the middle of the party for a little while. I don't know how she got back up, but she did! So it was a relief that she felt better for Christmas day. I missed our normal Christmas there but it's okay- we were staggered all day, so not many people were there at any one point. We got their first, which I loved. We ate caramel rolls and hung out. Then Shawn and the kids showed up and we left. We gave her the book before we went. She was SO cute. She called me every couple of hours as she would read a few more, to tell me again how much she was loving the book. I almost stopped having a complex about it. (more on that later. Now my complex is even worse than it was)
Then my mom's which was great. Great food, and it's like being at home, so what's not to like. I snoozed and we came home.
Then.
Then Cullen invited Rick and Tina over.
Do you remember the problem there? The problem that Cullen has when Rick is around? The problem that he can't stop himself from drinking until he is drunk, and how disgusting he is when he's drunk? He's loud, obnoxious, interrupts, told me to fuck off and shut up over and over when I would try to quiet him down...it's ugly and gross and I dislike him today. He's still sleeping, of course. I went to bed at 1:30 and he stayed up, and I wished he just would have slept out here. The Book came up while they were here, and Tina is my polar opposite on just about everything. I love her DEARLY, it's just that she's very conservative and mouthy about issues, where I don't like talking about politics, she's extremely private, and I am (no pun intended) an open book. She's in disbelief that we read the letters people wrote (many people asked me to to see if it was what I was looking for, and I also decorated each page. Yeah, I read them. All of them.). She feels like those are private things not to be shared and she was slightly horrifed that the book was just laying out there on the table for everyone to read and see. I tried explaining that it was for everyone, now and later after she passes and that if Jane feels it's private, she'll put it away, and I don't know why I even bothered. She's STRONG about her feelings, so talking about anything she disagrees with is pointless, and she loves LOVES to argue.
At some point Rick stopped drinking so she could get drunk (these people are GROWN UPS!!!)...Cullen couldn't stop rehashing Travis's bachelor party, where they were loaded and the stupid things they did. I guess I am still grossed out by adults who still act like they are in their 20's. Guess what? We're going over there for New Years Eve. Fantastic. It's sad that we don't hang out with them so much, but now I remember why. My husband has no control over himself. It's disgusting. I'm just thankful it's been months since the last Rick Encounter That Went South. Gross.
So...I'm going Biggest Loser on myself. I have 9 days (just to get to Florida, plenty of time after that) to knock off the madness of what has become my eating habits. :) Ready, set, GO! You watch me shake off these 5 lbs in a few days.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Anddd...
for the record, sometimes it's positively exhausting being the "weird" one. If i hear about how strange I am one more time, I'm going to scream. And Cullen wonders why I don't tell anyone the things I do when no one is looking. The things that I do that I think are nice, other people think are just bizarre and don't understand why in the world I do the things i do.
Last night, after a nice full round of "OMG, you are the weirdest person ever!" Cullen and Danny went to go get my sister some medicine. Danny felt the need to tell me as we were playing cards that he just couldn't stop when they were out...he had to tell Cullen again that I'm the most bizarre person he's ever known.
I know he loves me. They come over and they laugh and play, they hug and kiss me, they love my children. I KNOW they love me.
But it still made me cry when i was by myself.
Last night, after a nice full round of "OMG, you are the weirdest person ever!" Cullen and Danny went to go get my sister some medicine. Danny felt the need to tell me as we were playing cards that he just couldn't stop when they were out...he had to tell Cullen again that I'm the most bizarre person he's ever known.
I know he loves me. They come over and they laugh and play, they hug and kiss me, they love my children. I KNOW they love me.
But it still made me cry when i was by myself.
Perfection
I had one of those moments. The kind that actually make you cry with their perfection. It was awesome. I'll take you there.
I went outside to the van to get my dad's gift to wrap. I ran out in yoga pants, tennies and a sweatshirt. It's not cold out. It's WARM compared to 15 below. Anyway, I turned around and...magic.
The sun was shining through the snow that is falling. I was stopped, frozen. There was no noise, just snow falling softly on an already blanketed world. I heard one bird sing. There was no one out, no one moving, just this precious, beautiful landscape of houses covered in snow, trees covered in snow, and the sun illuminating everything in a soft glow. I stood there for eternity-in-a-minute trying to hold it, with tears on my cheeks.
This world rocks!
I went outside to the van to get my dad's gift to wrap. I ran out in yoga pants, tennies and a sweatshirt. It's not cold out. It's WARM compared to 15 below. Anyway, I turned around and...magic.
The sun was shining through the snow that is falling. I was stopped, frozen. There was no noise, just snow falling softly on an already blanketed world. I heard one bird sing. There was no one out, no one moving, just this precious, beautiful landscape of houses covered in snow, trees covered in snow, and the sun illuminating everything in a soft glow. I stood there for eternity-in-a-minute trying to hold it, with tears on my cheeks.
This world rocks!
Thursday, December 23, 2010
YES!
Jane's book is kicking butt! I am so excited to give it to her when we're leaving tomorrow night! And even more excited that not only is she still here, she doesn't seem as on the brink as she did a week ago. Rally or whatever it is, this is the BEST!
But what is really, really sad is seeing Cullen's face. Every time I read a new love note to him, tears pour down his face. And if you could see the way he looks at me...it reminds me of when we were in Mexico and we miscarried our 14 weeker. The heartbreak, his soul reaching out to hold and be held...he just looks at me and I can almost physically feel it. We are so blessed that when heartbreaking things happen we magnetize instead of shut down and push away.
I'm starving.
All 3 babies are sleeping. I should be snoozing or doing laundry or calling my mom to see if she'll come bring me some packing tape since mine has disappeared and GO FIGURE, my gifts need to get sent to Arkansas YESTERDAY. UGH!
Tonight Danny and Deb are coming over to play and do our mini Christmas. I love them! Cullen has a cold and doesn't feel good, but he'll make it through, because he's gotta! He's going to go get all the stocking stuffers for everyone- flip flops, sunglasses, sunscreen, coloring books and crayons and other things to do on the plane. Won't that be fun? I can't wait to watch my sweet babies open their gifts! I just love giving to people. It's the best ever!
Speaking of The Best Ever...I have it made. I was feeding Adalane and watching her tiny little cheeks as she sucked down some boob juice, and her little screw on hand was laying on mine, and her little eyes were intently focused on me, and I thought "BEST. EVER!" How can you beat that? Watching Ethan take his first steps...I am so blessed! I get to watch all these milestones again, and see the miracle of children learning...*dreamy sigh*
Okay, I'm sure there's some zillion calorie bullshit sitting around here waiting for me to eat it. :) YUM!
Cheers!
But what is really, really sad is seeing Cullen's face. Every time I read a new love note to him, tears pour down his face. And if you could see the way he looks at me...it reminds me of when we were in Mexico and we miscarried our 14 weeker. The heartbreak, his soul reaching out to hold and be held...he just looks at me and I can almost physically feel it. We are so blessed that when heartbreaking things happen we magnetize instead of shut down and push away.
I'm starving.
All 3 babies are sleeping. I should be snoozing or doing laundry or calling my mom to see if she'll come bring me some packing tape since mine has disappeared and GO FIGURE, my gifts need to get sent to Arkansas YESTERDAY. UGH!
Tonight Danny and Deb are coming over to play and do our mini Christmas. I love them! Cullen has a cold and doesn't feel good, but he'll make it through, because he's gotta! He's going to go get all the stocking stuffers for everyone- flip flops, sunglasses, sunscreen, coloring books and crayons and other things to do on the plane. Won't that be fun? I can't wait to watch my sweet babies open their gifts! I just love giving to people. It's the best ever!
Speaking of The Best Ever...I have it made. I was feeding Adalane and watching her tiny little cheeks as she sucked down some boob juice, and her little screw on hand was laying on mine, and her little eyes were intently focused on me, and I thought "BEST. EVER!" How can you beat that? Watching Ethan take his first steps...I am so blessed! I get to watch all these milestones again, and see the miracle of children learning...*dreamy sigh*
Okay, I'm sure there's some zillion calorie bullshit sitting around here waiting for me to eat it. :) YUM!
Cheers!
More proof that we're all connected.
First off, no name calling! I got enough of it last night about how weird and not normal I am, to last me well into February.
The people who used to live here left no forwarding addresses- well, many of them didn't anyway because we continue to get important mail for them (like traffic violations etc). We've been here over a year now.
In the mail the other day came a Christmas card, for Michelle (who used to live here). I felt too bad just throwing it away and I don't have a whole pile to return to the p.o. (so they can just throw it away) right now. I decided that I would open it and send whoever it was a note that Michelle doesn't live here anymore. The return address is in New Hope.
I opened it and there are 3 adorable little girls on the front, all very young. Indeed they are! They are 3, 23 months and 5 months. That sounded so familiar to me. So I sat down and typed out a little note saying telling them that Michelle no longer lives here, and that I felt too bad throwing away their card, so I opened it. I told them how adorable their babies are, and that when my youngest was born, my oldest was still 4 and that seeing their sweeties reminded me of that time (This is part 1 where Cullen laughs at me...because it never occurred to me to just send their card back to them. Didn't even enter my mind!). That went out in the mail a couple of days ago.
Last night we did our bi-weekly dinner with Kimmy, Travis, Brian and Em. Em picks THAT card out of all the other ones hanging on the wall to ask about. I was embarrassed because I have to tell her the whole story in order for it to make any sense (??) at all (part 2 that Cullen laughs at me about, I hung their card up. He says I'm a stalker and that they would get a restraining order if they knew it's hanging up. I can't THROW AWAY their BABIES!!!!). So I give it to her. She giggled at me and got up to get a closer look at the cuties.
And whirls around and exclaims "OH MY GOD! I WORK WITH HIM! I ACTUALLY JUST TALKED TO HIM ON THE PHONE TODAY!"
They live in NEW HOPE. It isn't like they live in Bloomington with us. What are the chances of THAT?!?
The people who used to live here left no forwarding addresses- well, many of them didn't anyway because we continue to get important mail for them (like traffic violations etc). We've been here over a year now.
In the mail the other day came a Christmas card, for Michelle (who used to live here). I felt too bad just throwing it away and I don't have a whole pile to return to the p.o. (so they can just throw it away) right now. I decided that I would open it and send whoever it was a note that Michelle doesn't live here anymore. The return address is in New Hope.
I opened it and there are 3 adorable little girls on the front, all very young. Indeed they are! They are 3, 23 months and 5 months. That sounded so familiar to me. So I sat down and typed out a little note saying telling them that Michelle no longer lives here, and that I felt too bad throwing away their card, so I opened it. I told them how adorable their babies are, and that when my youngest was born, my oldest was still 4 and that seeing their sweeties reminded me of that time (This is part 1 where Cullen laughs at me...because it never occurred to me to just send their card back to them. Didn't even enter my mind!). That went out in the mail a couple of days ago.
Last night we did our bi-weekly dinner with Kimmy, Travis, Brian and Em. Em picks THAT card out of all the other ones hanging on the wall to ask about. I was embarrassed because I have to tell her the whole story in order for it to make any sense (??) at all (part 2 that Cullen laughs at me about, I hung their card up. He says I'm a stalker and that they would get a restraining order if they knew it's hanging up. I can't THROW AWAY their BABIES!!!!). So I give it to her. She giggled at me and got up to get a closer look at the cuties.
And whirls around and exclaims "OH MY GOD! I WORK WITH HIM! I ACTUALLY JUST TALKED TO HIM ON THE PHONE TODAY!"
They live in NEW HOPE. It isn't like they live in Bloomington with us. What are the chances of THAT?!?
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Love
Know what else I love? NO matter how frustrated or tired I might be in any given moment, getting an email from Shannon makes it all better. I love it. I love getting to know him.
Gotta pee.
The end.
Gotta pee.
The end.
Another glimpse...
Have you ever had it happen when heaven gives you a little glimpse of the Full Picture? Sometimes things hit me and I can SEE, just a little bit, but much more than I had seen before.
That happened to me before meeting Shannon and the rest of the chain. When I cried it wasn't because i was NERVOUS necessarily, it was because I knew that it was a BIG THING I was showing up for. I was going to be present and receive a bigger present than anyone knew, or even I knew.
So I was just putting together more love notes for Jane (MFN- you ROCK! THANK YOU!!!!)...one of her own children finally found the courage and the way to try to express their love and gratitude...can you imagine how hard that must be???? Brian did it! I am so, so , so proud of him. I know if he tried to articulate it all it would be bigger than the bible, but his love and gratitude SHINE through.
Anyway, as I was decorating MFN and Brian's pages, heaven gave me a little peek. Of course I have cried reading these, and writing mine. But mostly I can keep it at bay....mostly I can stay *back here* from it, from what I'm doing. From what we are all doing. The time must have been right because I got to see, for one second, what this is going to do for her. I got to see how REALLY TRULY BIG it is, and instantly the love tears came. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be able to handle her thank you for it. If you could see how beautiful this book is, and how much love is in it....that idea that "came" to me from "nowhere" is allowing people to say I Love You, Thank You and Goodbye to her before she goes!!! OMFG. And on the same par is the fact that she gets to HEAR IT, FEEL IT, KNOW IT before she goes!!! O! M! F! G! I've said it in notes over and over and over to people "I hate how we wait til people pass and then sit around telling eachother how great they were" but I got to see how BIG this will be for her soul.....
I love every single person who has contributed, and poured out their hearts! People are beautiful, aren't they just beautiful? If you could read this book....people are beautiful.
So....should I give it to her on Christmas Eve, when we are all dispersing? Or on Christmas for her to read after the house quiets down again? We won't be there late on Christmas Eve, as she tires very very easily. I think we are experiencing The Rally ....another STELLAR day for her yesterday....and it would be just like her to rally Christmas week, make it through Christmas and then go before the New Year starts.
Oh, the missing...
That happened to me before meeting Shannon and the rest of the chain. When I cried it wasn't because i was NERVOUS necessarily, it was because I knew that it was a BIG THING I was showing up for. I was going to be present and receive a bigger present than anyone knew, or even I knew.
So I was just putting together more love notes for Jane (MFN- you ROCK! THANK YOU!!!!)...one of her own children finally found the courage and the way to try to express their love and gratitude...can you imagine how hard that must be???? Brian did it! I am so, so , so proud of him. I know if he tried to articulate it all it would be bigger than the bible, but his love and gratitude SHINE through.
Anyway, as I was decorating MFN and Brian's pages, heaven gave me a little peek. Of course I have cried reading these, and writing mine. But mostly I can keep it at bay....mostly I can stay *back here* from it, from what I'm doing. From what we are all doing. The time must have been right because I got to see, for one second, what this is going to do for her. I got to see how REALLY TRULY BIG it is, and instantly the love tears came. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be able to handle her thank you for it. If you could see how beautiful this book is, and how much love is in it....that idea that "came" to me from "nowhere" is allowing people to say I Love You, Thank You and Goodbye to her before she goes!!! OMFG. And on the same par is the fact that she gets to HEAR IT, FEEL IT, KNOW IT before she goes!!! O! M! F! G! I've said it in notes over and over and over to people "I hate how we wait til people pass and then sit around telling eachother how great they were" but I got to see how BIG this will be for her soul.....
I love every single person who has contributed, and poured out their hearts! People are beautiful, aren't they just beautiful? If you could read this book....people are beautiful.
So....should I give it to her on Christmas Eve, when we are all dispersing? Or on Christmas for her to read after the house quiets down again? We won't be there late on Christmas Eve, as she tires very very easily. I think we are experiencing The Rally ....another STELLAR day for her yesterday....and it would be just like her to rally Christmas week, make it through Christmas and then go before the New Year starts.
Oh, the missing...
Monday, December 20, 2010
Chatty Nicki
YAY! Ethan is sleeping in the crib without a bottle! WHOO HOOO!!! Kids are so moldable. I'm so proud of him!
Tonight Cullen works overnight. And tomorrow night, and Wed night. Tonight I think Kimmy and Travis will be here for a while because traffic is going to blow- or maybe they will want to blow outta here right away to try to not get as stuck in it? Dunno. And then MFN will be here after the kids go to bed. Then I can wrap more gifts til I need to pass out.
Cullen is so good. Man, I got a good one. All on his own, he says to the kids "why don't you make Bev some pictures and we'll go bring them to her?" Bev does daycare and watched my babies for a few months while I had to go into the office. That's going to completely surprise her and make her day. The last time we did that, she sent Julia a thank you card. I love my sweet husband! What a great guy to give to someone out of no where. LOVE IT! LOVE IT! LOVE IT!
I should be getting into some "real" clothes now, or at least putting my hair up. I'll do it in a sec. I swear. :D
It's Christmas week! Janie is having a good day- she says the last couple days have been better than normal. It makes me worry that it's the rally that hospice talks about- where they suddenly feel SUPER GOOD and everyone thinks "Oh, good, turning a corner, passing isn't near after all!" and then whoosh...but the timing of a rally would be perfect. Rally for Christmas, and then GO. Wouldn't that be nice for her? I'm just so relieved that she is getting a break from the struggle to breathe and do anything. Cullen was debating about going over and taking her out. She mentioned on the phone that she's dying to get out of the house, but she has a guard dog (mike). Then she giggled like I haven't heard her do in a long time. It was adorable. We'll see.
Okay, off to make myself look presentable while the house is quiet. 3 sleeping babies, Hubby and kids out and about.....tater tot hotdish for dinner...YAY!
Tonight Cullen works overnight. And tomorrow night, and Wed night. Tonight I think Kimmy and Travis will be here for a while because traffic is going to blow- or maybe they will want to blow outta here right away to try to not get as stuck in it? Dunno. And then MFN will be here after the kids go to bed. Then I can wrap more gifts til I need to pass out.
Cullen is so good. Man, I got a good one. All on his own, he says to the kids "why don't you make Bev some pictures and we'll go bring them to her?" Bev does daycare and watched my babies for a few months while I had to go into the office. That's going to completely surprise her and make her day. The last time we did that, she sent Julia a thank you card. I love my sweet husband! What a great guy to give to someone out of no where. LOVE IT! LOVE IT! LOVE IT!
I should be getting into some "real" clothes now, or at least putting my hair up. I'll do it in a sec. I swear. :D
It's Christmas week! Janie is having a good day- she says the last couple days have been better than normal. It makes me worry that it's the rally that hospice talks about- where they suddenly feel SUPER GOOD and everyone thinks "Oh, good, turning a corner, passing isn't near after all!" and then whoosh...but the timing of a rally would be perfect. Rally for Christmas, and then GO. Wouldn't that be nice for her? I'm just so relieved that she is getting a break from the struggle to breathe and do anything. Cullen was debating about going over and taking her out. She mentioned on the phone that she's dying to get out of the house, but she has a guard dog (mike). Then she giggled like I haven't heard her do in a long time. It was adorable. We'll see.
Okay, off to make myself look presentable while the house is quiet. 3 sleeping babies, Hubby and kids out and about.....tater tot hotdish for dinner...YAY!
When I feel the best...
I absolutely feel my life purpose and feel my best when I'm doing something loving.
Jane's book is coming along beautifully. JK- thank you AGAIN for contributing. I swear that when I saw your note to her, it opened my mind to the idea that people *were* going to contribute and they started flooding in. Yours touches me because you only met her one time- THANK YOU AGAIN AND AGAIN!
Anyway...I'm sure it's the same for everyone, too. Unless you feel you're being taken advantage of, that is...then it isn't so fun to give, but otherwise, the gift is in the giving! It's the secret of all of life, I believe it! Because there is only One of us, so if we do unto others as we'd have done to us, the magic happens- we're actually doing it for "ourselves". We receive the gift in more ways than one. It's magic and I love it.
Her book is turning out beautifully. Michelle's is slower coming and will be her Valentine's Day present.
I am so HAPPY. I can't wait for her to see it. I dared give it to Kimmy to read this morning, and of course, she couldn't get through the first page without crying, so she'll read it tonight when she comes to get Caiden.
And...Ethan is walking. I love it! His mom is going to freak when she comes to get him tonight and he walks to her, if I can get him to do it!GO SMART BABIES GO!
Jane's book is coming along beautifully. JK- thank you AGAIN for contributing. I swear that when I saw your note to her, it opened my mind to the idea that people *were* going to contribute and they started flooding in. Yours touches me because you only met her one time- THANK YOU AGAIN AND AGAIN!
Anyway...I'm sure it's the same for everyone, too. Unless you feel you're being taken advantage of, that is...then it isn't so fun to give, but otherwise, the gift is in the giving! It's the secret of all of life, I believe it! Because there is only One of us, so if we do unto others as we'd have done to us, the magic happens- we're actually doing it for "ourselves". We receive the gift in more ways than one. It's magic and I love it.
Her book is turning out beautifully. Michelle's is slower coming and will be her Valentine's Day present.
I am so HAPPY. I can't wait for her to see it. I dared give it to Kimmy to read this morning, and of course, she couldn't get through the first page without crying, so she'll read it tonight when she comes to get Caiden.
And...Ethan is walking. I love it! His mom is going to freak when she comes to get him tonight and he walks to her, if I can get him to do it!GO SMART BABIES GO!
Sunday, December 19, 2010
The tail wagging the dog
First of all, I know how this happens. I'm a parent, and I have a very firm grasp on how it happens when we let our kids dictate any one thing or another because it's easier. Bedtimes are often like this for people. We'll do whatever the kids demand we do to make it go smoother and without crying. We had to boot camp Julia to get her to sleep without me rocking her. We took Joshy's paci away at the ripe ole age of 6 months because Cullen got sick of replugging him. I get this, and I understand it.
Ethan is 14 months old and he requires a bottle in order to go to sleep. The sad part of when some things happen is that we parents - not meaning to, of course- make our kids think that they actually can NOT go to sleep without this, that or the other. And wouldn't that suck? Wouldn't that really suck if you yourself could NOT sleep unless you had _______________, and then ________________ happen? It would totally suck, especially since we have everything we need right inside of ourselves to put ourselves to sleep.
So- I made a decision. I decided that I was going to teach Ethan that he does not need a bottle to go to sleep. His naps weren't so fantastic anymore, and when I'd go in he'd be playing with his bottle.
Usually it takes 2 days for anything to stick with kids. This much I remember. You have to gear yourself for a very long 1st day of whatever it is, a less long day the second day and by the 3rd day normally it's much, much better. I thought I was ready.
For the first time since having daycare, I had a day when I was just ready to throw myself out the window. :) It was very hard to not cave in. He was horrified that I wasn't giving him the bottle. He didn't know what to do with himself. He was pretty upset. I ended up putting him on the couch, and it took another hour for him to pass out from exhaustion- this child is ready for a nap at 11am, and he finally fell asleep at 1:30pm. He stayed asleep only for an hour, but I was proud anyway, that he did actually fall asleep without his bottle.
The next day was long also. I started with him on the couch, and it took 45 minutes (only!...felt longer at the time) to get him to go to sleep. I pet his face and played with his hair and laid him back down 150 times, but he did it. That was a 2 hour nap that would have lasted longer if he hadn't rolled off the couch. :) Poor kid. He wasn't hurt, just a little WTF just happened, as you'd expect.
Friday. He was tired by 10am. I was very hopeful for him. He didn't ask for a ba-ba at all during the morning, and he actually said CUP when he was thirsty- YAY! Anyway, after lunch I got his pillow and blanket and got him set on the couch. Without any petting from me AT ALL, he went to sleep.
He slept for 3.5 hours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He even woke up 2 times, and went right back to sleep!!! I am SO PROUD OF HIM!!! I don't know how much a 14 month old understands, but for the past few days I said to him "You are so amazing- you have everything you need to sleep. You don't need a bottle! Big boy! " I am so proud of him. He rocks!!!!!!
Tomorrow I will put him back into the crib in the bedroom now that he realizes that it's okay to go to sleep without a bottle. I am so proud of him! Can you tell?
Ethan is 14 months old and he requires a bottle in order to go to sleep. The sad part of when some things happen is that we parents - not meaning to, of course- make our kids think that they actually can NOT go to sleep without this, that or the other. And wouldn't that suck? Wouldn't that really suck if you yourself could NOT sleep unless you had _______________, and then ________________ happen? It would totally suck, especially since we have everything we need right inside of ourselves to put ourselves to sleep.
So- I made a decision. I decided that I was going to teach Ethan that he does not need a bottle to go to sleep. His naps weren't so fantastic anymore, and when I'd go in he'd be playing with his bottle.
Usually it takes 2 days for anything to stick with kids. This much I remember. You have to gear yourself for a very long 1st day of whatever it is, a less long day the second day and by the 3rd day normally it's much, much better. I thought I was ready.
For the first time since having daycare, I had a day when I was just ready to throw myself out the window. :) It was very hard to not cave in. He was horrified that I wasn't giving him the bottle. He didn't know what to do with himself. He was pretty upset. I ended up putting him on the couch, and it took another hour for him to pass out from exhaustion- this child is ready for a nap at 11am, and he finally fell asleep at 1:30pm. He stayed asleep only for an hour, but I was proud anyway, that he did actually fall asleep without his bottle.
The next day was long also. I started with him on the couch, and it took 45 minutes (only!...felt longer at the time) to get him to go to sleep. I pet his face and played with his hair and laid him back down 150 times, but he did it. That was a 2 hour nap that would have lasted longer if he hadn't rolled off the couch. :) Poor kid. He wasn't hurt, just a little WTF just happened, as you'd expect.
Friday. He was tired by 10am. I was very hopeful for him. He didn't ask for a ba-ba at all during the morning, and he actually said CUP when he was thirsty- YAY! Anyway, after lunch I got his pillow and blanket and got him set on the couch. Without any petting from me AT ALL, he went to sleep.
He slept for 3.5 hours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He even woke up 2 times, and went right back to sleep!!! I am SO PROUD OF HIM!!! I don't know how much a 14 month old understands, but for the past few days I said to him "You are so amazing- you have everything you need to sleep. You don't need a bottle! Big boy! " I am so proud of him. He rocks!!!!!!
Tomorrow I will put him back into the crib in the bedroom now that he realizes that it's okay to go to sleep without a bottle. I am so proud of him! Can you tell?
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Dirty!
I don't feel good. I have a little cold. That's all it is. Everyone around me has been sick and I haven't gotten it, thanks to my most amazing immune system. I don't think this cold is going to get any worse either, and I'm thankful.
However, because I don't that good, little things are irritating the SHIT out of me. I'm letting them.
I know you're dying to know what's pissing me off, but don't worry- I'm going to tell you!
First of all- Cullen was home yesterday. We got a note that our mail is on hold til our mailbox is shovelled out. Cullen had time to run and lift yesterday. He didn't find time to shovel it out. He asked me to CALL MY DAD today to shovel it. **** that. I went out. I saw it. I decided we aren't getting our mail today either. I'll tape an I'M SORRY note to the mailbox for the mailman.
What a load of shit. Thanks for taking care of yourself.
Mind you, he did go get me soup last night when this started hitting me.
See? He's still good.
This morning he came in with his boots on, of course, and tracked wet, dirty snow all through the carpet and floor. I was cleaning it up right behind him as he went. He apologized, but didn't stop walking through with his boots on. No worries, I have nothing better to do anyway. <---brat. This morning he fed me my thyroid pill at 4am so I could wake up and take dayquil right away, and he had the coffee made for me when I woke up at 6. See? Still good. He still wins.
I have presents to wrap, and I just don't feel like it. My kids need haircuts. I don't feel like it. HEY! Cullen did get all 4 kids clean last night, too. We went shopping for gifts but only spent $50. I just didn't feel good and it was rubbing off on him, he just wasn't "feeling it". And we drove all the hell out to Fleet Farm, too. Oh well. Try, try again. The opportunity to shop without kids comes up ALL THE TIME, right? HA!
I'm tired of kid stuff all over my house. I'm even tired of the Christmas stuff all over the place. Vacation is going to be really, really, REALLY good for me.
REALLY. Even with my kiddos there. ESPECIALLY with my kiddos there.
Okay...time to go power up with some veggies. Go, amazing body, Go!
However, because I don't that good, little things are irritating the SHIT out of me. I'm letting them.
I know you're dying to know what's pissing me off, but don't worry- I'm going to tell you!
First of all- Cullen was home yesterday. We got a note that our mail is on hold til our mailbox is shovelled out. Cullen had time to run and lift yesterday. He didn't find time to shovel it out. He asked me to CALL MY DAD today to shovel it. **** that. I went out. I saw it. I decided we aren't getting our mail today either. I'll tape an I'M SORRY note to the mailbox for the mailman.
What a load of shit. Thanks for taking care of yourself.
Mind you, he did go get me soup last night when this started hitting me.
See? He's still good.
This morning he came in with his boots on, of course, and tracked wet, dirty snow all through the carpet and floor. I was cleaning it up right behind him as he went. He apologized, but didn't stop walking through with his boots on. No worries, I have nothing better to do anyway. <---brat. This morning he fed me my thyroid pill at 4am so I could wake up and take dayquil right away, and he had the coffee made for me when I woke up at 6. See? Still good. He still wins.
I have presents to wrap, and I just don't feel like it. My kids need haircuts. I don't feel like it. HEY! Cullen did get all 4 kids clean last night, too. We went shopping for gifts but only spent $50. I just didn't feel good and it was rubbing off on him, he just wasn't "feeling it". And we drove all the hell out to Fleet Farm, too. Oh well. Try, try again. The opportunity to shop without kids comes up ALL THE TIME, right? HA!
I'm tired of kid stuff all over my house. I'm even tired of the Christmas stuff all over the place. Vacation is going to be really, really, REALLY good for me.
REALLY. Even with my kiddos there. ESPECIALLY with my kiddos there.
Okay...time to go power up with some veggies. Go, amazing body, Go!
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Happy
I'm just happy.
Oatmeal chocolate chip cookies are in the oven. Cullen is off of work today, and having lunch with his boys. All 3 babies are sleeping, and Julia and I are waiting to throw batch #2 in the oven. I have Christmas shopping plans tonight. The world is good. There's so much good.
LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE
Oatmeal chocolate chip cookies are in the oven. Cullen is off of work today, and having lunch with his boys. All 3 babies are sleeping, and Julia and I are waiting to throw batch #2 in the oven. I have Christmas shopping plans tonight. The world is good. There's so much good.
LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE
Monday, December 13, 2010
Perma Monday
Ever have a weekend that doesn't really feel like a weekend? Of course, I know full well that my very own attitude makes all the difference in the world.
I find that I look forward to weekends. Who doesn't, right? I look the most forward to the QUIET TIME. I enjoy having my own four kids around to talk to, do learning time and homework with, play with. During the day it's kinda hectic- I am reminding someone to make their lunch, eat their breakfast, brush their teeth, while chasing around the 14 month old or getting a bottle for one of the itty bitties. The kids LOVE the babies- which rocks and helps, except when they are suposed to be getting jackets on, or what have you. Julia is laying under the baby thing with Caiden as I type. Anyway- when they come home, all the babies are still here, and I'm trying to get dinner going. We used to eat dinner together, and we would if I would just hold off on dinner til after Kimmy and Travis leave, but the kids are so hungry after school, and unless I want to give them a BIG snack, it's just mean to make kids wait forever to eat. So we eat at 5, when we are all hungry and have plenty of time to use some of those calories before we go to bed.
So- weekends are nice. Just the 6 of us, and of course sometimes other kids or neighbors come over and it's fine.
But last weekend- well....
Kylie stayed over Friday night because Zach, CJ and Josh were sleeping over at Nicks to help him celebrate his A in Reading. Zach and Kylie were both staying in Bloomington. Their dad left one of his vehicles in Bloomington, went to a party in Bloomington, and even though there was a blizzard coming, decided to go back to Hudson early Friday night. On his precious weekend with his kids.
That irritated us.
His kids are good, but that was 6 kids in here all day Saturday. He had to be out shovelling and snow blowing, which left me not getting any kind of break at all. And he didn't either, I realize. He didn't get to sleep because a neighbor needed help, and he got up and stayed up to help him. I did get him a nap later, but it was just constant. And I got really bitchy the more I heard about how his brother "missed" his kids. Whatever. I don't buy it. If they forecast a blizzard for a week straight, there's probably going to be a blizzard. Try planning for that. But it was a nice weekend for him and his girlfriend, who didn't have her daughter that night either. Good for them.
Yesterday I did cookies all day, which was very nice, and very relaxing, if somewhat heartbreaking to see my mother in law struggle so much.
This morning my babies gave me a run for my money, but I'm getting used to that. Sometimes I like when they aren't on the same schedule. It helps to be staggered- constantly busy but it's not the screaming at the same time then, and that helps A LOT.
Here we are. It's Monday again. Or is it still? Did it stop being Monday at some point? Another weekend will appear soon enough, and maybe it will be filled with less children this time. I still have Christmas shopping to do, classes to cancel and a savings account to figure out. A turkey ham to bake, and in a few minutes a baby to feed. One is perfectly happy on the floor, and the other will be waking us soon.
Guess what? I didn't have to get ready to leave my house this morning. I didn't have to get dressed up to go to work. I don't have to answer to anyone cept me. I don't need to do any stupid reports or figure anything out. I get to stay in my cozy warm house that smells like Christmas with all these precious kids. A run for my money or not- this is the best (for me, of course. Probably not you, or you'd be doing daycare in your own warm house, not answering to anyone cept you!) .
One last thing- CJ gave me a the intent form for school for next year. He said "Am I going next year?" talk about point blank. UMMM...I told him that I'm going to fill it out like he's going, and if it works out this summer with the curriculum I'm getting and we do fine and he likes it, he doesn't ahve to go. I'll withdraw him and fill out the homeschool paperwork. :D Yowsa.
I find that I look forward to weekends. Who doesn't, right? I look the most forward to the QUIET TIME. I enjoy having my own four kids around to talk to, do learning time and homework with, play with. During the day it's kinda hectic- I am reminding someone to make their lunch, eat their breakfast, brush their teeth, while chasing around the 14 month old or getting a bottle for one of the itty bitties. The kids LOVE the babies- which rocks and helps, except when they are suposed to be getting jackets on, or what have you. Julia is laying under the baby thing with Caiden as I type. Anyway- when they come home, all the babies are still here, and I'm trying to get dinner going. We used to eat dinner together, and we would if I would just hold off on dinner til after Kimmy and Travis leave, but the kids are so hungry after school, and unless I want to give them a BIG snack, it's just mean to make kids wait forever to eat. So we eat at 5, when we are all hungry and have plenty of time to use some of those calories before we go to bed.
So- weekends are nice. Just the 6 of us, and of course sometimes other kids or neighbors come over and it's fine.
But last weekend- well....
Kylie stayed over Friday night because Zach, CJ and Josh were sleeping over at Nicks to help him celebrate his A in Reading. Zach and Kylie were both staying in Bloomington. Their dad left one of his vehicles in Bloomington, went to a party in Bloomington, and even though there was a blizzard coming, decided to go back to Hudson early Friday night. On his precious weekend with his kids.
That irritated us.
His kids are good, but that was 6 kids in here all day Saturday. He had to be out shovelling and snow blowing, which left me not getting any kind of break at all. And he didn't either, I realize. He didn't get to sleep because a neighbor needed help, and he got up and stayed up to help him. I did get him a nap later, but it was just constant. And I got really bitchy the more I heard about how his brother "missed" his kids. Whatever. I don't buy it. If they forecast a blizzard for a week straight, there's probably going to be a blizzard. Try planning for that. But it was a nice weekend for him and his girlfriend, who didn't have her daughter that night either. Good for them.
Yesterday I did cookies all day, which was very nice, and very relaxing, if somewhat heartbreaking to see my mother in law struggle so much.
This morning my babies gave me a run for my money, but I'm getting used to that. Sometimes I like when they aren't on the same schedule. It helps to be staggered- constantly busy but it's not the screaming at the same time then, and that helps A LOT.
Here we are. It's Monday again. Or is it still? Did it stop being Monday at some point? Another weekend will appear soon enough, and maybe it will be filled with less children this time. I still have Christmas shopping to do, classes to cancel and a savings account to figure out. A turkey ham to bake, and in a few minutes a baby to feed. One is perfectly happy on the floor, and the other will be waking us soon.
Guess what? I didn't have to get ready to leave my house this morning. I didn't have to get dressed up to go to work. I don't have to answer to anyone cept me. I don't need to do any stupid reports or figure anything out. I get to stay in my cozy warm house that smells like Christmas with all these precious kids. A run for my money or not- this is the best (for me, of course. Probably not you, or you'd be doing daycare in your own warm house, not answering to anyone cept you!) .
One last thing- CJ gave me a the intent form for school for next year. He said "Am I going next year?" talk about point blank. UMMM...I told him that I'm going to fill it out like he's going, and if it works out this summer with the curriculum I'm getting and we do fine and he likes it, he doesn't ahve to go. I'll withdraw him and fill out the homeschool paperwork. :D Yowsa.
Heart Hurts
So yesterday Kimmy, Erin and I went to Jane's to make cookies. She was going to (and did some) roll the dough for us and nap as needed.
I don't know if it was because we were there- she always seems to do worse when there's activity going on, but she wasn't good. She just went down hill all day. She was up for a couple of hours and went to nap and woke up even worse- she couldn't breathe, she had one of her blackouts....she was GRAY. I've never seen her GRAY- going purple from lack of O2. I got her oxygen on her, but she was so so so out of it. :( I left shortly after that, and Kimmy said it was even worse later. She and Mike had to carry Jane to bed, she was absolutely purple by then. they got her in bed and a few minutes later Kimmy went back in to see how she was and Jane says "Oh, hi! I didn't know you were here..." We'd been there all day.
My heart hurts, hurts, hurts.
I want it to be over. We're all terrified that it will happen in January, when 3/4's of us are on vacation.
Mike is on leave from work until February.
I don't know if it was because we were there- she always seems to do worse when there's activity going on, but she wasn't good. She just went down hill all day. She was up for a couple of hours and went to nap and woke up even worse- she couldn't breathe, she had one of her blackouts....she was GRAY. I've never seen her GRAY- going purple from lack of O2. I got her oxygen on her, but she was so so so out of it. :( I left shortly after that, and Kimmy said it was even worse later. She and Mike had to carry Jane to bed, she was absolutely purple by then. they got her in bed and a few minutes later Kimmy went back in to see how she was and Jane says "Oh, hi! I didn't know you were here..." We'd been there all day.
My heart hurts, hurts, hurts.
I want it to be over. We're all terrified that it will happen in January, when 3/4's of us are on vacation.
Mike is on leave from work until February.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
The good...
I love, love, love Cullen and I love, love, love the gift of generosity.
Here my poor darling husband came home from working out in this crazy weather and tried to lay down. Kylie is here and the kids were playing. I tried to keep them quiet so Cullen could get some much needed and deserved sleep, but it didn't work so well. Then the neighbor came over. His son in law is up at the cabin, and he couldn't get the snow blower to work and wondered if Cullen could help.
So I went in. I felt horrible for waking him up, but how many times has Cullen gone to do the driveway only to find it's been done? Or gone to mow and Other Chuck comes over with his rider? I went in and whisper asked him if he'd mind terribly getting up and helping D get the snow blower going.
The next thing I know, I see him over the blowing their driveway for them. D and O were out there shovelling, and in no time at all, it was taken care of. I felt so proud seeing him do that. I just love it.
I say it all the time, but in this crazy society we have set up where we all break off into these teeny, tiny families and try to "make it" on our own (which doesn't work!! It doesn't! Our kids shouldn't go away 6 weeks after they are born! Everything in us tells us it's wrong! We shouldn't be "forced" to work to maintain our extravagant lives!), where more people than not live by TO EACH THEIR OWN and SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST...well, it's just good to have landed in a space where we have good neighbors.
And I love nothing more than seeing people think of others instead of themselves. Guess what my precious babies got to do? 2 nights ago Cullen took CJ and Josh to the store with him to pick up a couple of things. The bell ringer called out to them, and they stopped to put money in. He asked if CJ and Josh would like to ring the bells with him, and pulled out 2 bells! They were so happy to help. Cullen went in and shopped and my sweet babies rang the bell and a steady stream of givers stopped by to contribute. Isn't that the BEST?!?!?!?! What a sweetheart that bell ringer was. And my darling husband bought him a $10 subway gift card for volunteering his time and helping us in teaching the kids about doing and giving and the difference they can make.
I'm pretty sure at some point after Christmas I am going to tell the kids The Truth about Christmas. It feels horrible lying to them and so many things don't make sense. Our kids trust us to tell them the truth about stuff and I really dislike the lying. So at some point after Christmas I am going to talk to CJ and Josh, and we're going to have a discussion about Santa and how we are Santa's to so many people in so many ways. It's not about buying a ton of shit. It's about giving from the heart. Coloring pictures for Bob. Cleaning someone's car off for them. The way they hug me when I whimper when I'm being tag teamed to death. How freakin SWEET they are as they sit around making eachother gifts. We can research Santa and St. Nicholas and learn all about who St. Nick was, and how the idea of Santa came to be. We will talk about Jesus and why we make such a big deal about his birth and how we can continue to act like Jesus and Santa, and Buddah, and Allah, and Krishna and all of the people we "look up" to. How we can share love, especially with those whose lives are not like ours. There are kids suffering right now, people being beat by spouses right now, people outside in this horrible weather right now. There are also people who opened up their hearts and houses to someone who would otherwise be outside right now, and someone else is feeding someone who'd be hungry....there is so much good going on. Did you see the HALO awards? Freaking AWESOME! Helping And Leading Others--- Nick Cannon hosted and these people are TEENAGERS and they are doing AMAZING THINGS. GOD, it was just the best to watch. It made me cheer so loudly and cry happy tears. Good things ARE happening. Not everyone is wrapped up in their own lives. It's awesome. LOVE IT!
Here my poor darling husband came home from working out in this crazy weather and tried to lay down. Kylie is here and the kids were playing. I tried to keep them quiet so Cullen could get some much needed and deserved sleep, but it didn't work so well. Then the neighbor came over. His son in law is up at the cabin, and he couldn't get the snow blower to work and wondered if Cullen could help.
So I went in. I felt horrible for waking him up, but how many times has Cullen gone to do the driveway only to find it's been done? Or gone to mow and Other Chuck comes over with his rider? I went in and whisper asked him if he'd mind terribly getting up and helping D get the snow blower going.
The next thing I know, I see him over the blowing their driveway for them. D and O were out there shovelling, and in no time at all, it was taken care of. I felt so proud seeing him do that. I just love it.
I say it all the time, but in this crazy society we have set up where we all break off into these teeny, tiny families and try to "make it" on our own (which doesn't work!! It doesn't! Our kids shouldn't go away 6 weeks after they are born! Everything in us tells us it's wrong! We shouldn't be "forced" to work to maintain our extravagant lives!), where more people than not live by TO EACH THEIR OWN and SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST...well, it's just good to have landed in a space where we have good neighbors.
And I love nothing more than seeing people think of others instead of themselves. Guess what my precious babies got to do? 2 nights ago Cullen took CJ and Josh to the store with him to pick up a couple of things. The bell ringer called out to them, and they stopped to put money in. He asked if CJ and Josh would like to ring the bells with him, and pulled out 2 bells! They were so happy to help. Cullen went in and shopped and my sweet babies rang the bell and a steady stream of givers stopped by to contribute. Isn't that the BEST?!?!?!?! What a sweetheart that bell ringer was. And my darling husband bought him a $10 subway gift card for volunteering his time and helping us in teaching the kids about doing and giving and the difference they can make.
I'm pretty sure at some point after Christmas I am going to tell the kids The Truth about Christmas. It feels horrible lying to them and so many things don't make sense. Our kids trust us to tell them the truth about stuff and I really dislike the lying. So at some point after Christmas I am going to talk to CJ and Josh, and we're going to have a discussion about Santa and how we are Santa's to so many people in so many ways. It's not about buying a ton of shit. It's about giving from the heart. Coloring pictures for Bob. Cleaning someone's car off for them. The way they hug me when I whimper when I'm being tag teamed to death. How freakin SWEET they are as they sit around making eachother gifts. We can research Santa and St. Nicholas and learn all about who St. Nick was, and how the idea of Santa came to be. We will talk about Jesus and why we make such a big deal about his birth and how we can continue to act like Jesus and Santa, and Buddah, and Allah, and Krishna and all of the people we "look up" to. How we can share love, especially with those whose lives are not like ours. There are kids suffering right now, people being beat by spouses right now, people outside in this horrible weather right now. There are also people who opened up their hearts and houses to someone who would otherwise be outside right now, and someone else is feeding someone who'd be hungry....there is so much good going on. Did you see the HALO awards? Freaking AWESOME! Helping And Leading Others--- Nick Cannon hosted and these people are TEENAGERS and they are doing AMAZING THINGS. GOD, it was just the best to watch. It made me cheer so loudly and cry happy tears. Good things ARE happening. Not everyone is wrapped up in their own lives. It's awesome. LOVE IT!
Love you forever
I don't know why I did it to myself. I read it. I can barely THINK about it at any given time without crying, so I don't know WHY I read it. I didn't even read the WHOLE THING and now I can't stop.
Have you read it? It's horrible. So I'm giving it to my sister in law as a gift. :) It speaks to all mothers everywhere about the horrible pain that comes as our babies grow and go away. As it is, most people's babies "go away" too soon anyway so their mommy's can work. It's HORRIBLE. I miss my babies! I love who they are becoming so much and I want them all home RIGHT NOW so I can hug them.
Have you read it? It's horrible. So I'm giving it to my sister in law as a gift. :) It speaks to all mothers everywhere about the horrible pain that comes as our babies grow and go away. As it is, most people's babies "go away" too soon anyway so their mommy's can work. It's HORRIBLE. I miss my babies! I love who they are becoming so much and I want them all home RIGHT NOW so I can hug them.
Friday, December 10, 2010
I love...
wrapping gifts for people when it's something I know they will really like.
Julia in her Christmas dresses on a Friday for no good reason besides that she can.
Phil and Justine's engagement pictures.
catching up with Phil.
candy cane hershey kisses.
Adalane's sweet snore.
snowstorms when we don't have to go anywhere.
going to Dakota County's Christmas Heritage Village. It's the best EVER! All the old houses are all decked out and everyone is dressed for the era. Mrs. Santa is in the post office helping send letters to Santa (he sends one back, too!), and you can send mail to our soldiers also. We stop in at the Drug Store for hot cocoa and visit with a woman who works there. Her son committed suicide years ago. I sent her a book, anonymously (of course) and it's good to see her and get caught up without her knowing that I have such a concern for her.
going there with Dan and Deb and my parents. Gosh I love all of them so much.
clean laundry.
knowing that I can do anything I want to.
Julia's hysterical sense of humor.
Friday afternoons.
baking Christmas cookies with Kimmy, Erin and Momma Hayes.
my Peaches. I miss them.
warm socks.
a fire in the fireplace on a Sunday morning.
Pillsbury Cinnabon cinnamon rolls.
cream cheese frosting.
running miles at night to make up for what I ate during the day.
long hair.
knowing who I am.
seeing Em and Kim every day.
making yummy dinners for all of my family to enjoy.
that Shannon is working part time. Not strong enough for full time yet, but part time! That's HUGE! GO SHANNON GO!
my friend Judy in Iowa. She's a full time firefighter (and has been for 22 years!) on a squadron of 122 men. She's a kidney donor. She had FOUR organs removed in TEN months. She beat me by one appendix and one month. :D I love who she is.
sending Bob pictures the kids drew for him.
feeding hungry babies.
clean houses.
Julia in her Christmas dresses on a Friday for no good reason besides that she can.
Phil and Justine's engagement pictures.
catching up with Phil.
candy cane hershey kisses.
Adalane's sweet snore.
snowstorms when we don't have to go anywhere.
going to Dakota County's Christmas Heritage Village. It's the best EVER! All the old houses are all decked out and everyone is dressed for the era. Mrs. Santa is in the post office helping send letters to Santa (he sends one back, too!), and you can send mail to our soldiers also. We stop in at the Drug Store for hot cocoa and visit with a woman who works there. Her son committed suicide years ago. I sent her a book, anonymously (of course) and it's good to see her and get caught up without her knowing that I have such a concern for her.
going there with Dan and Deb and my parents. Gosh I love all of them so much.
clean laundry.
knowing that I can do anything I want to.
Julia's hysterical sense of humor.
Friday afternoons.
baking Christmas cookies with Kimmy, Erin and Momma Hayes.
my Peaches. I miss them.
warm socks.
a fire in the fireplace on a Sunday morning.
Pillsbury Cinnabon cinnamon rolls.
cream cheese frosting.
running miles at night to make up for what I ate during the day.
long hair.
knowing who I am.
seeing Em and Kim every day.
making yummy dinners for all of my family to enjoy.
that Shannon is working part time. Not strong enough for full time yet, but part time! That's HUGE! GO SHANNON GO!
my friend Judy in Iowa. She's a full time firefighter (and has been for 22 years!) on a squadron of 122 men. She's a kidney donor. She had FOUR organs removed in TEN months. She beat me by one appendix and one month. :D I love who she is.
sending Bob pictures the kids drew for him.
feeding hungry babies.
clean houses.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Homeschooling
I love this article. Of course, you can go find one talking about parents who really wrecked their kids by homeschooling, but he really talks about all the reasons that I really dream of doing it.
http://www.homeeducator.com/FamilyTimes/articles/10-3article1.htm
Minus the religious parts, of course. ;)
http://www.homeeducator.com/FamilyTimes/articles/10-3article1.htm
Minus the religious parts, of course. ;)
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Happiness is...
Warm spaces. Not just heat wise, but places that aren't cold, white, uninviting.
Babies cooing, pooing, snoozing.
My babies loving babies I didn't give birth to.
Good neighbors on both sides and across the street.
Being grateful.
Being brave enough to do what I want and have everything I dream of.
Sleeping next to my heater husband in my fantastic bed.
Good morning hugs from said heater husband when he gets home from Fed Ex in the morning.
Feeling like I have a pretty good grip on everything I'm doing.
Feeding my family, and then having time to hang out and play before bedtime.
Working out with my kids.
Getting to be the main influence in my kids' lives for their first 5 years.
Getting to be the main influence in other people's babies lives for their first years.
Believing in myself.
Watching Julia be so cute with the babies that I have to stop and tackle her right now!
Seeing Ethan's first steps.
Getting to see Emily and Kim at least 4 days of the week. Nothing makes me happier than when they come in and plop down for awhile.
Ho Ho Mochas with an extra shot of espresso.
Watching babies learn new things.
Not having to get up and get "ready" to go into work.
seeing that other kids and parents actually LIKE having my kids around.
mom's kick ass speghetti. Man, it's sooooo good. Want MORE.
Adalane weighing 12 lbs. It's her mom's boob juice, and me feeding it to her.
Christmas smells in my house.
Tampa, FL on Jan 5th-9th.
Babies cooing, pooing, snoozing.
My babies loving babies I didn't give birth to.
Good neighbors on both sides and across the street.
Being grateful.
Being brave enough to do what I want and have everything I dream of.
Sleeping next to my heater husband in my fantastic bed.
Good morning hugs from said heater husband when he gets home from Fed Ex in the morning.
Feeling like I have a pretty good grip on everything I'm doing.
Feeding my family, and then having time to hang out and play before bedtime.
Working out with my kids.
Getting to be the main influence in my kids' lives for their first 5 years.
Getting to be the main influence in other people's babies lives for their first years.
Believing in myself.
Watching Julia be so cute with the babies that I have to stop and tackle her right now!
Seeing Ethan's first steps.
Getting to see Emily and Kim at least 4 days of the week. Nothing makes me happier than when they come in and plop down for awhile.
Ho Ho Mochas with an extra shot of espresso.
Watching babies learn new things.
Not having to get up and get "ready" to go into work.
seeing that other kids and parents actually LIKE having my kids around.
mom's kick ass speghetti. Man, it's sooooo good. Want MORE.
Adalane weighing 12 lbs. It's her mom's boob juice, and me feeding it to her.
Christmas smells in my house.
Tampa, FL on Jan 5th-9th.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Baby Magic
Here's when you know you're a baby fiend- if having 4 of your own and then taking on a 13 month old, 4 month old and 3 month old weren't a clue enough.
Let's say you have a wild morning. One baby is pretty upset, the 13 month old wants to keep helping, you're feed both infants at the same time, with the one screaming through most of it. You get them burped, one still screaming. It goes on so long that the other one gets tired and has to go back to sleep. The 13 month old has been a CHAMP through it.
When both babies are sleeping, your insides are still going (imagine how your insides are going by this time). You have a great snuggle with the 13 month old, who tries to fall asleep on you.
You feed him, plus 2 of your own kids, and finally let him go take a nap.
And...both infants wake up. You're getting used to this now, and because you suspected this might happen, you've warmed up both bottles. Tandem feeding. Same one that was fussy before is still having a time of it.
Eventually you get her back to sleep, and you walk by the fridge, which has this poem posted on it. :
Babies Don’t Keepby Ruth Hulburt Hamilton
Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing,
make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.
Oh, I’ve grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,
Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo
Look! Aren’t his eyes the most wonderful hue?
Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.
The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I’m rocking my baby
...and babies don’t keep.
burst right into happy love tears and I'm SO THANKFUL I get these two babies. Baby FIEND.
Let's say you have a wild morning. One baby is pretty upset, the 13 month old wants to keep helping, you're feed both infants at the same time, with the one screaming through most of it. You get them burped, one still screaming. It goes on so long that the other one gets tired and has to go back to sleep. The 13 month old has been a CHAMP through it.
When both babies are sleeping, your insides are still going (imagine how your insides are going by this time). You have a great snuggle with the 13 month old, who tries to fall asleep on you.
You feed him, plus 2 of your own kids, and finally let him go take a nap.
And...both infants wake up. You're getting used to this now, and because you suspected this might happen, you've warmed up both bottles. Tandem feeding. Same one that was fussy before is still having a time of it.
Eventually you get her back to sleep, and you walk by the fridge, which has this poem posted on it. :
Babies Don’t Keepby Ruth Hulburt Hamilton
Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing,
make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.
Oh, I’ve grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,
Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo
Look! Aren’t his eyes the most wonderful hue?
Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.
The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I’m rocking my baby
...and babies don’t keep.
burst right into happy love tears and I'm SO THANKFUL I get these two babies. Baby FIEND.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
It's working! It's working! It's working!
You know how kids emulate what they see? It's WORKING!!!!!!!
Today on the way to the store to buy CJ's friend a gift to celebrate her birth, out of nowhere he says "I can't believe his family doesn't come visit him."
He was talking about Bob. Bob is a disabled vet who lives up north. His family is within blocks but has nothing to do with him. I don't know the backstory there, and I don't think I want to. All I know is that at Thanksgiving, the kids all drew him Thanksgiving pictures and we went to give them to him and he cried. CRIED. While we were standing there, cried happy love tears.
My aunt wanted to make sure they understood how important that was to him, how very, very big that "little" thing was.
That has stuck with the kids.
So we adopted him and sent him one of our holiday cards, warning him that he'd been adopted.
I got a note from my aunt telling me that she'd received a phone call from him with more happy love tears.
I told the kids it worked.
We were at the store buying Kate a gift and we chatted about how Bob probably doesn't get many presents at Christmas if his own family doesn't come visit him. He lives in a retirement building, and I'm sure he has tons of friends there, but since we're his new adopted family....we decided to buy him a couple of presents. But here is the part that I really, really like...CJ says "Mom, you guys are always so generous with everyone."
DID YOU HEAR THAT????? Part of me was "worried" that all these things we do will seem so "normal" to the kids that they might not understand that it's a gift to give to people. The flip side of that would be that they grow up giving because they are used to seeing that. But instead, CJ at least, has noticed how we roll and acknowledged it. I told him "You are generous, too." He asked how. I reminded him about helping serve the homeless, and how he'll be doing that again. The way that he offered me his gloves this morning and I accepted and he found another pair to wear. How he takes care of his siblings and friends. How he dared to borrow his football out even though it wasn't returned to him. How he supported the donation and helped take care of me and by his support, it was his donation too, as it was everyone's who supported it. The way he lets kids go ahead of him in lines and celebrates others' moments.
He gets it! He gets it! Actions speak louder than words, and our actions are sinking in!!! YIPPPEEE!!!!!
Today on the way to the store to buy CJ's friend a gift to celebrate her birth, out of nowhere he says "I can't believe his family doesn't come visit him."
He was talking about Bob. Bob is a disabled vet who lives up north. His family is within blocks but has nothing to do with him. I don't know the backstory there, and I don't think I want to. All I know is that at Thanksgiving, the kids all drew him Thanksgiving pictures and we went to give them to him and he cried. CRIED. While we were standing there, cried happy love tears.
My aunt wanted to make sure they understood how important that was to him, how very, very big that "little" thing was.
That has stuck with the kids.
So we adopted him and sent him one of our holiday cards, warning him that he'd been adopted.
I got a note from my aunt telling me that she'd received a phone call from him with more happy love tears.
I told the kids it worked.
We were at the store buying Kate a gift and we chatted about how Bob probably doesn't get many presents at Christmas if his own family doesn't come visit him. He lives in a retirement building, and I'm sure he has tons of friends there, but since we're his new adopted family....we decided to buy him a couple of presents. But here is the part that I really, really like...CJ says "Mom, you guys are always so generous with everyone."
DID YOU HEAR THAT????? Part of me was "worried" that all these things we do will seem so "normal" to the kids that they might not understand that it's a gift to give to people. The flip side of that would be that they grow up giving because they are used to seeing that. But instead, CJ at least, has noticed how we roll and acknowledged it. I told him "You are generous, too." He asked how. I reminded him about helping serve the homeless, and how he'll be doing that again. The way that he offered me his gloves this morning and I accepted and he found another pair to wear. How he takes care of his siblings and friends. How he dared to borrow his football out even though it wasn't returned to him. How he supported the donation and helped take care of me and by his support, it was his donation too, as it was everyone's who supported it. The way he lets kids go ahead of him in lines and celebrates others' moments.
He gets it! He gets it! Actions speak louder than words, and our actions are sinking in!!! YIPPPEEE!!!!!
Friday, December 3, 2010
I'm heartbroken and you're going to hear all about it.
I don't know if you remember (or care- it's okay, don't feel bad!) back last year....I was in the process of the donation but not matched yet. I received an email from a highschool friend whose step mother is in need of a kidney. She taught in our school system for EVER. My older sister had her even. We still have the globe the Mrs. Johnson gave to Rose, and that was a million years ago. I didn't know I'd react so strongly to the email, but I did. I burst into tears and it took a LONG time to get a grip again. I felt horrible because I was already in a program, and our blood types don't match anyway, but knowing that someone I know needs a kidney really, really hurt deep inside. Replying to the email...ugh. I don't know how the people in the transplant clinics do it when they have to make a decision. I respect what they do even more- it feels a little like playing God and the waiting list is so obnoxiously long....
So last night at the kids' concert, there she sat. And she doesn't look well and you can tell she doesn't feel well. I spent the rest of the night sniffling and blinking tears away. When we got home I cried it out as much as I could but it doesn't go away, as you can tell from the tears all over this.
I'm frustrated because most people aren't brave enough to do it and I'm not supposed to judge anyone for that, except to know how different it would be if THEY knew someone who needed a kidney. Isn't that rude of me? it is. But I'm so frustrated. I can't help! I can't donate my other kidney. I would if I could. Cullen and I started talking about him getting tested. My beautiful husband isn't afraid- but he just started his new job and isn't sure that he wants to ask for 2 weeks off. He says "i'd go back to work the day after coming home." That irritated me for more reasons than I have words for. I am NOT a wimp. I have a HIGH pain tolerance. I had 2 major surgeries and 1 minor surgery in 11 months. He has NO IDEA what it feels like coming out of it, which is why he said such a stupid thing. He can THINK he'd go back to work, but he couldn't. No doctor would even clear it. That was frustrating to hear him say that he wouldn't try to take care of himself. It's okay- when the time is right, he can donate if he wants to- I think he was trying to get me to stop freaking out.
Anyway- it's so taboo to ask people for their body parts, but SURELY there are more people out there who aren't afraid? If she dies needing a kidney I'm going to really have a hard time with it, especially because her darling daughter reached out and I know that wasn't easy for her. It breaks my heart to think that she might have had a little hope when she emailed me....
the whole thing sucks.
Pooks is right though- it doesn't take a big thing to make a difference and I need to look at those little things and gather them up. And I can remember the CNN Heros, the people out there doing amazing things that I haven't even considered. And I'll feed the homeless again Dec 30th and buy jammies for the jammie drive at school and I can do what I can in other ways but GOD- I'm NOT AFRAID and I wish i could donate MORE since too many people *are*.
SUCKS ASS.
Rant off.
So last night at the kids' concert, there she sat. And she doesn't look well and you can tell she doesn't feel well. I spent the rest of the night sniffling and blinking tears away. When we got home I cried it out as much as I could but it doesn't go away, as you can tell from the tears all over this.
I'm frustrated because most people aren't brave enough to do it and I'm not supposed to judge anyone for that, except to know how different it would be if THEY knew someone who needed a kidney. Isn't that rude of me? it is. But I'm so frustrated. I can't help! I can't donate my other kidney. I would if I could. Cullen and I started talking about him getting tested. My beautiful husband isn't afraid- but he just started his new job and isn't sure that he wants to ask for 2 weeks off. He says "i'd go back to work the day after coming home." That irritated me for more reasons than I have words for. I am NOT a wimp. I have a HIGH pain tolerance. I had 2 major surgeries and 1 minor surgery in 11 months. He has NO IDEA what it feels like coming out of it, which is why he said such a stupid thing. He can THINK he'd go back to work, but he couldn't. No doctor would even clear it. That was frustrating to hear him say that he wouldn't try to take care of himself. It's okay- when the time is right, he can donate if he wants to- I think he was trying to get me to stop freaking out.
Anyway- it's so taboo to ask people for their body parts, but SURELY there are more people out there who aren't afraid? If she dies needing a kidney I'm going to really have a hard time with it, especially because her darling daughter reached out and I know that wasn't easy for her. It breaks my heart to think that she might have had a little hope when she emailed me....
the whole thing sucks.
Pooks is right though- it doesn't take a big thing to make a difference and I need to look at those little things and gather them up. And I can remember the CNN Heros, the people out there doing amazing things that I haven't even considered. And I'll feed the homeless again Dec 30th and buy jammies for the jammie drive at school and I can do what I can in other ways but GOD- I'm NOT AFRAID and I wish i could donate MORE since too many people *are*.
SUCKS ASS.
Rant off.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
I always speak too soon...
Letters are coming in! Letters are coming in! Slowly, but surely. YAY! And thank you to JLK SO MUCH! I love your heart and she will be touched by yours!
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Bummer
I'm really disappointed. I thought I had such a great idea when I thought up the love notes for Chelle and Jane, but do you know what? People haven't responded. They all said they would, then they didn't. Because they feel like they need to take a big amount of time to do it? Because it tugs on heart strings? are people really that freakin afraid of "going there" for a minute? What is so hard about it? I'm finding myself WAY disappointed in people in general, cept for the few that have done it.
SO that's bummer number one. People are wimps. Sometimes. And only some people.
Bummer number 2- Jane is just way not good. I really don't know that she'll make it to Christmas and it pisses me off. I don't know what to do. Should we move Christmas up? Would she let us? She wants her hair cut, also. I think we're going to go over tonight to do it. Sans kids. If she can handle it. She didn't even want Kim to go over the other night. She went anyway. And Jane, while she loves her daughter, son in law, and grandson, still preferred to be alone.
How do we do this? What are we to do?
However- there is good news. I have finally gotten the email addresses of the others in the chain and I love that. I love getting to know the other people better. That's the BEST and will save the day, any day, no matter what.
What random act of kindness should I do today? Maybe I'll send someone flowers anonymously. I think I'm going to.
One more thing is minorly irritating me but I really have to let it go. It's a little irritating when people who have not grown 4 children question me on a thing. But since it's THEIR kid, I really can't let it bother me, you know? They can be as paranoid and as anal as they want, because it's their baby. Sometimes. :)
SO that's bummer number one. People are wimps. Sometimes. And only some people.
Bummer number 2- Jane is just way not good. I really don't know that she'll make it to Christmas and it pisses me off. I don't know what to do. Should we move Christmas up? Would she let us? She wants her hair cut, also. I think we're going to go over tonight to do it. Sans kids. If she can handle it. She didn't even want Kim to go over the other night. She went anyway. And Jane, while she loves her daughter, son in law, and grandson, still preferred to be alone.
How do we do this? What are we to do?
However- there is good news. I have finally gotten the email addresses of the others in the chain and I love that. I love getting to know the other people better. That's the BEST and will save the day, any day, no matter what.
What random act of kindness should I do today? Maybe I'll send someone flowers anonymously. I think I'm going to.
One more thing is minorly irritating me but I really have to let it go. It's a little irritating when people who have not grown 4 children question me on a thing. But since it's THEIR kid, I really can't let it bother me, you know? They can be as paranoid and as anal as they want, because it's their baby. Sometimes. :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)