You know how kids emulate what they see? It's WORKING!!!!!!!
Today on the way to the store to buy CJ's friend a gift to celebrate her birth, out of nowhere he says "I can't believe his family doesn't come visit him."
He was talking about Bob. Bob is a disabled vet who lives up north. His family is within blocks but has nothing to do with him. I don't know the backstory there, and I don't think I want to. All I know is that at Thanksgiving, the kids all drew him Thanksgiving pictures and we went to give them to him and he cried. CRIED. While we were standing there, cried happy love tears.
My aunt wanted to make sure they understood how important that was to him, how very, very big that "little" thing was.
That has stuck with the kids.
So we adopted him and sent him one of our holiday cards, warning him that he'd been adopted.
I got a note from my aunt telling me that she'd received a phone call from him with more happy love tears.
I told the kids it worked.
We were at the store buying Kate a gift and we chatted about how Bob probably doesn't get many presents at Christmas if his own family doesn't come visit him. He lives in a retirement building, and I'm sure he has tons of friends there, but since we're his new adopted family....we decided to buy him a couple of presents. But here is the part that I really, really like...CJ says "Mom, you guys are always so generous with everyone."
DID YOU HEAR THAT????? Part of me was "worried" that all these things we do will seem so "normal" to the kids that they might not understand that it's a gift to give to people. The flip side of that would be that they grow up giving because they are used to seeing that. But instead, CJ at least, has noticed how we roll and acknowledged it. I told him "You are generous, too." He asked how. I reminded him about helping serve the homeless, and how he'll be doing that again. The way that he offered me his gloves this morning and I accepted and he found another pair to wear. How he takes care of his siblings and friends. How he dared to borrow his football out even though it wasn't returned to him. How he supported the donation and helped take care of me and by his support, it was his donation too, as it was everyone's who supported it. The way he lets kids go ahead of him in lines and celebrates others' moments.
He gets it! He gets it! Actions speak louder than words, and our actions are sinking in!!! YIPPPEEE!!!!!
There are so many reasons it could be that Bob's family doesn't talk to him. Because I am currently in a situation, I will give you one reason that he could be going through.
ReplyDeleteI grew up as a Jehovah's Witness. When I was 27 I started having doubts and at 28 I stopped attending their church and I do not consider myself part of that religion. Because I admit that I don't believe they are God's true people I have been branded an apostate. I was never kicked out. My husband was. Our family does not spend time with us. His parents just sent us an anniversary card and $300 because my husband lost his job. Very nice. They mean well but it is wrong. We used to go visit them 3 hours away every couple months. They don't invite us now. My parents live closer. They talk to me mostly because my daughter goes there very 4-6 weeks for a night. Once she is older, I feel they will have much more limited contact with me. They will also try very hard to convert her, probably before she is even 18. If they were to succeed, she would not be able to talk to us either.
Anyway, that is what their religion does. The appear nice but there are secrets that they don't even realize because they are brainwashes, which hey would never even realize either. Maybe Bob used to be a JW.
Wow, R! I'm so sorry about your family. Isn't it bizarre how some religions have rules that break the Ultimate Love rule?!?!?!?!?! it's mind blowing. I was just speaking with a Catholic Deacon who wanted to know about the donation, and he asked about a religious affiliation and I said that although we are very, very spiritual and love God, we aren't religious and he said "I absolutely understand what a turn off organized religion can be." Wow! A Catholic Deacon gets that?
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I'm very sorry, very much, for the rift in your family and you are very right- it could come down to religion.
Love!