Today is the first day my niece came for daycare. She's 3 months. Caiden is 4 months. Ethan is 1. Nicki is silly!
They are all good babies- that's the good news! Oh sure, there's some crying, but I expect that for the first week as everyone adjusts to another child being put in the mix. Jordan bailed at 11:30 for the neighbors house. He'd had just about enough of my no Wii and no cartoons rule. :) I let him only because he was just a huge help all morning. "Jordan! can you go give Adalaine her paci? Jordan! Will you hold Caiden's bottle just like this while I go get Addy's?" I made sure to reward him and give him snuggles and learning time too.
I see short posts in my future. I'm being called for....
Monday, November 29, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
It's gonna be awhile...
Yup, it's going to be awhile before I'm done talking about. So sorry. Not really. :P
I just got an email from Shannon- he's being interviewed and it's going to air tomorrow for Thanksgiving. PERFECT. I'm so excited for him! His story and his journey should be shouted from the rooftops! I'm so happy for him.
It's a very strange feeling to instantly love someone. Well, okay, it's not. That's pretty common for me. It's a very strange feeling to get to be a part of someone's journey in such a big way. I wish I could accurately explain to everyone how I don't feel like this is about ME. It's about THEM! It's about the people who were in need and the way, the path that led to this happening. Their willing donors who love and care for them so much. I am just so happy for them. And for Shannon. I hope that all the goodness surrounding all of this makes even more magic happen for him.
It was also on the news in CALIFORNIA! Isn't that weird? And what are the chances that my great aunt would just happen to catch it when it was on?
Wild, wild life.
I just got an email from Shannon- he's being interviewed and it's going to air tomorrow for Thanksgiving. PERFECT. I'm so excited for him! His story and his journey should be shouted from the rooftops! I'm so happy for him.
It's a very strange feeling to instantly love someone. Well, okay, it's not. That's pretty common for me. It's a very strange feeling to get to be a part of someone's journey in such a big way. I wish I could accurately explain to everyone how I don't feel like this is about ME. It's about THEM! It's about the people who were in need and the way, the path that led to this happening. Their willing donors who love and care for them so much. I am just so happy for them. And for Shannon. I hope that all the goodness surrounding all of this makes even more magic happen for him.
It was also on the news in CALIFORNIA! Isn't that weird? And what are the chances that my great aunt would just happen to catch it when it was on?
Wild, wild life.
The Most Fantastic Day Ever!
Are you more excited to hear about it, or that I might stop talking about it soon? :P
I was a nervous wreck yesterday, of course. I think I almost squeezed Cullen's fingers off on the way once we got to the hospital and were walking to the board room. I was a ball of NERVES!!! THANK GOD we were the first ones there- that was PERFECT. I much wanted that instead of walking into a room full of people. I got to say hi to the transplant team before it got crazy, which was really nice.
Kare 11 was already there, and Renee came and said hi and then asked if she could interview me afterward. Then she realized that we were the first ones there and said maybe they'd do it then instead. So we went for it. She'd ask something and I'd answer. Suddenly, JA from the U comes over and says "Your recipient is here! Come and meet him!" and there he was, with roses for me, and tears in his eyes. I don't remember much of what I did or said but it gave me tears and I got to HUG HIM....and I know he was thanking me over and over and crying. His name is Shannon, he lives in Minot and he is a CHAMPION. I understand why he calls me his hero, but talk about heros- this man has been through more than most of us ever will. He is the epitome of strength. His health was not good. He didn't have much longer. He is normally 170 pounds when healthy. His brother died of kidney failure in 2003 and he was sure he was next. He had been wheelchair bound for 6 months before surgery- he hadn't walked in SIX MONTHS!!!!!!! He was 101 pounds the day of surgery. !!!! He is up and walking, and 130 and gaining!!!! I have NO WORDS. I just love him to pieces already. Meeting him was an honor that I have no words for.
There were cameras flashing like crazy and microphones hoovering nearby non stop. Shannon's sister, who donated in his honor, came over. Cullen and I met everyone in the chain. It was just incredible! So many people live right around here! It's crazy! I hope we have some new friends we get to keep. Matt, who was the last recipient in the chain, has 3 kids 3 and under. That sounds so familiar, hehe! The stories are AWESOME! Prescilla, who was told she would likely not ever be matched because of her antibodies, got a 6 out of 6- a PERFECT MATCH. The surgeon said the don't see that in identical twins often! Talk about MIRACLES. It went way too fast, I didn't get to talk to everyone and hear their stories, but I think I'll get to because most of us will keep in touch now.
I don't feel like I had surgery so it was strange to see Shannon and know that a part that was in my body is now in his. He told me about getting the phone call- he had given up when he found out his sister couldn't donate to him but she wasn't going to- it was she that found out about paired donation and signed them up. They were matched THE NEXT WEEK!!!! Timing is everything and to see such a big love touches me deeply. I asked him what the last dialysis treatment was like- he said he was so happy to be done, that dialysis is so harsh but sometimes he felt so sick that he actually looked forward to it. He was on it for 1.5 years. When my kidney was in the air, they got him hooked up for the last time. They let him say HI to his new kidney before surgery- wheeled him right over to it so he could see it! Is that the coolest thing EVER?! He has pictures of getting out of bed and walking for the first time in 6 months. Can my head even HOLD that *I* had any part of that? How wild IS THAT! He has 2 kids, 21 and 23. I wish they were closer so we could see them NOW. The kids are so excited to meet him.
The connection I feel with everyone that was there somehow is bigger than kidneys. It's more about an understanding - having a love so big that there just are no boundries.
I really just love everyone there. The U did such a great job, Abbott was amazing and I can't wait to see all the pictures that they all got! The pioneer press's article is my favorite so far because Chris links all the people together so you can see just how it went down- he did a great job! SO MUCH FUN!
I was a nervous wreck yesterday, of course. I think I almost squeezed Cullen's fingers off on the way once we got to the hospital and were walking to the board room. I was a ball of NERVES!!! THANK GOD we were the first ones there- that was PERFECT. I much wanted that instead of walking into a room full of people. I got to say hi to the transplant team before it got crazy, which was really nice.
Kare 11 was already there, and Renee came and said hi and then asked if she could interview me afterward. Then she realized that we were the first ones there and said maybe they'd do it then instead. So we went for it. She'd ask something and I'd answer. Suddenly, JA from the U comes over and says "Your recipient is here! Come and meet him!" and there he was, with roses for me, and tears in his eyes. I don't remember much of what I did or said but it gave me tears and I got to HUG HIM....and I know he was thanking me over and over and crying. His name is Shannon, he lives in Minot and he is a CHAMPION. I understand why he calls me his hero, but talk about heros- this man has been through more than most of us ever will. He is the epitome of strength. His health was not good. He didn't have much longer. He is normally 170 pounds when healthy. His brother died of kidney failure in 2003 and he was sure he was next. He had been wheelchair bound for 6 months before surgery- he hadn't walked in SIX MONTHS!!!!!!! He was 101 pounds the day of surgery. !!!! He is up and walking, and 130 and gaining!!!! I have NO WORDS. I just love him to pieces already. Meeting him was an honor that I have no words for.
There were cameras flashing like crazy and microphones hoovering nearby non stop. Shannon's sister, who donated in his honor, came over. Cullen and I met everyone in the chain. It was just incredible! So many people live right around here! It's crazy! I hope we have some new friends we get to keep. Matt, who was the last recipient in the chain, has 3 kids 3 and under. That sounds so familiar, hehe! The stories are AWESOME! Prescilla, who was told she would likely not ever be matched because of her antibodies, got a 6 out of 6- a PERFECT MATCH. The surgeon said the don't see that in identical twins often! Talk about MIRACLES. It went way too fast, I didn't get to talk to everyone and hear their stories, but I think I'll get to because most of us will keep in touch now.
I don't feel like I had surgery so it was strange to see Shannon and know that a part that was in my body is now in his. He told me about getting the phone call- he had given up when he found out his sister couldn't donate to him but she wasn't going to- it was she that found out about paired donation and signed them up. They were matched THE NEXT WEEK!!!! Timing is everything and to see such a big love touches me deeply. I asked him what the last dialysis treatment was like- he said he was so happy to be done, that dialysis is so harsh but sometimes he felt so sick that he actually looked forward to it. He was on it for 1.5 years. When my kidney was in the air, they got him hooked up for the last time. They let him say HI to his new kidney before surgery- wheeled him right over to it so he could see it! Is that the coolest thing EVER?! He has pictures of getting out of bed and walking for the first time in 6 months. Can my head even HOLD that *I* had any part of that? How wild IS THAT! He has 2 kids, 21 and 23. I wish they were closer so we could see them NOW. The kids are so excited to meet him.
The connection I feel with everyone that was there somehow is bigger than kidneys. It's more about an understanding - having a love so big that there just are no boundries.
I really just love everyone there. The U did such a great job, Abbott was amazing and I can't wait to see all the pictures that they all got! The pioneer press's article is my favorite so far because Chris links all the people together so you can see just how it went down- he did a great job! SO MUCH FUN!
Monday, November 22, 2010
Does the COACH win the game?
Okay- first of all, you should know that I hate football. HATE IT. Violently. I think it stems from an abusive relationship in highschool, and he was a football player and he was a HUGE jackass- and losing a game just wrecked everything for the night and sometimes into the next day. Football is STUPID and I think we waste a TON of money on players. So- now you know where I'm standing when I blog this.
I'm not surprised that the (stupid, pathetic) Minnesota Vikings coach got fired. They suck.
But isn't that just the thing? THEY suck? How is a new coach going to keep BF from throwing another interception? Is a new coach going to get them some touchdowns and better defense? People all seem to think so. Can a president make us or break us? Don't WE kind of make or break ourselves? Sure, all those "big guys" spend money we don't have, blah blah blah, but shrink it down- we stupid wittle peons do the same thing with credit cards, right? We spend money we don't have, and many people can't pay it back. If we want change, if we want something to happen, isn't it up to ME? YOU? The players? If we had a really shitty horrible president who was doing horrible things to the people and we decided we'd had enough, we'd stop him.
So how is a new coach going to make the Vikings stop sucking?
Football is stupid.
:D
I'm not surprised that the (stupid, pathetic) Minnesota Vikings coach got fired. They suck.
But isn't that just the thing? THEY suck? How is a new coach going to keep BF from throwing another interception? Is a new coach going to get them some touchdowns and better defense? People all seem to think so. Can a president make us or break us? Don't WE kind of make or break ourselves? Sure, all those "big guys" spend money we don't have, blah blah blah, but shrink it down- we stupid wittle peons do the same thing with credit cards, right? We spend money we don't have, and many people can't pay it back. If we want change, if we want something to happen, isn't it up to ME? YOU? The players? If we had a really shitty horrible president who was doing horrible things to the people and we decided we'd had enough, we'd stop him.
So how is a new coach going to make the Vikings stop sucking?
Football is stupid.
:D
Well, gee.
If what just occurred is any indication at all, I'm not going to remember anything about tomorrow.
I just had an interview with the Pioneer Press. And I have no idea what I said. Somehow the kids got fed lunch during it (magic!) and Ethan got the last bit of Kim's boob juice from the bottle. You'd think I would have been paying attention to what I was saying, but I wasn't because I was NERVOUS! WHAT DID I TELL HIM?
He asked me what other things we do as a family, and he asked me if surgery was painful, and how long recovery was, and why I decided to do it anonymously. Okay, okay. Some of it is there. I can remember some things.
UGH. I wasn't nervous today but now I am. I was hungry and now I'm not. I think I'm going to have a nervous poop soon.
I just had an interview with the Pioneer Press. And I have no idea what I said. Somehow the kids got fed lunch during it (magic!) and Ethan got the last bit of Kim's boob juice from the bottle. You'd think I would have been paying attention to what I was saying, but I wasn't because I was NERVOUS! WHAT DID I TELL HIM?
He asked me what other things we do as a family, and he asked me if surgery was painful, and how long recovery was, and why I decided to do it anonymously. Okay, okay. Some of it is there. I can remember some things.
UGH. I wasn't nervous today but now I am. I was hungry and now I'm not. I think I'm going to have a nervous poop soon.
Friday, November 19, 2010
omigosh, what am I going to wear Tuesday?
Right now, right this very very second, I got VERY VERY NERVOUS. What am I going to wear on Tuesday??? Holy crap.
Holy CRAP.
Why am I crying right now????
UGH.
It's very weird to me because I'm normally your very typical Leo - LOOKIT ME, LOOKIT ME, LOOKIT ME! but in regard to this I feel like "don't look at me! don't look at me!" Isn't that weird?
Let's examine.
These are some big feelings and I'm so sorry that you have to keep hearing about it but I don't want to be the person that no one wants to talk to because this is all she talks about, you know?
Okay- here we go, journey into crazy land. Hold my hand.
I feel nervous for everyone there, I think. I feel nervous for my recipient, for all the recipients there- because I am assuming that they feel some amount of nervousness too. I don't require any thank you's , because I already know they are grateful. Do you know what I mean? I also know that it's a gift to them from me to accept their gratitude. Have you ever thanked someone for something and they brush it off and it ...well, it's RUDE. It's rude to say "oh, it was nothing." NO, whatever it was was SOMETHING, and it's gracious and a gift to the person who is saying thank you to accept their thankfulness. Do I sound completely nuts? it's the caffeine in that big ole peppermint mocha, good LORD! Okay- so I feel nervous for them because honestly, when I put myself in their shoes I just about fall apart. Not that that is how they are feeling, but I doubt they took the news of someone anonymous donating their kidney to them like it was no big deal. I haven't had to look at this part of it, I haven't had anything to do with this part of it. THIS is the part that made me think that I couldn't have donated to someone I know because of the emotional weight of it. It's BIG. My GOD, it's big! Donating wasn't a big deal to me, it was something I could do. I know it's big but it actually gets PERSONAL when you meet the person you donated to! I'm VERY excited about it, but I'm very nervous!
What will I wear??????? *vomit*
What will I say????
What is it like meeting the person you gave an organ to because you love the world?
Will they want to stay in touch? I was told that they want to see pics of the kids. Will I have new friends for life? A new extended family? Will WE, I should say...the kids want to meet them too. And will all the other donors and recipients think I'm out of my mind when I'm crying and thanking them for doing what they did? Will I even be able to talk? One of the donors is from GEORGIA!
OHMYGOD. It's 4 days away.
I've been dreaming about this, and I need to try to enjoy the anticipation because it will be over so fast and there will only be ONE TIME that I get to walk into a room full of the people who helped make this kidney chain happen, and it's going to be a BLAST.
I just don't know what to wear.
AR reminded me that I won't be the only emotional person in there, thank GOD. I keep googling and reading and watching videos of anonymous donors meeting their recipients for the first time, trying to prepare, and I still think there's nothing that can prepare me.
I wonder if all my imaginings are anywhere near what he's like, if it is a HE. I've always imagined him to be older, and very, very, very funny, and I love him INSTANTLY. Fast and furious and for keeps, his whole family, and he ours.
Watch it be a very serious woman instead. HAHAHAHAHAH!
Oh holy moly.
WHAT WILL I WEAR!
Holy CRAP.
Why am I crying right now????
UGH.
It's very weird to me because I'm normally your very typical Leo - LOOKIT ME, LOOKIT ME, LOOKIT ME! but in regard to this I feel like "don't look at me! don't look at me!" Isn't that weird?
Let's examine.
These are some big feelings and I'm so sorry that you have to keep hearing about it but I don't want to be the person that no one wants to talk to because this is all she talks about, you know?
Okay- here we go, journey into crazy land. Hold my hand.
I feel nervous for everyone there, I think. I feel nervous for my recipient, for all the recipients there- because I am assuming that they feel some amount of nervousness too. I don't require any thank you's , because I already know they are grateful. Do you know what I mean? I also know that it's a gift to them from me to accept their gratitude. Have you ever thanked someone for something and they brush it off and it ...well, it's RUDE. It's rude to say "oh, it was nothing." NO, whatever it was was SOMETHING, and it's gracious and a gift to the person who is saying thank you to accept their thankfulness. Do I sound completely nuts? it's the caffeine in that big ole peppermint mocha, good LORD! Okay- so I feel nervous for them because honestly, when I put myself in their shoes I just about fall apart. Not that that is how they are feeling, but I doubt they took the news of someone anonymous donating their kidney to them like it was no big deal. I haven't had to look at this part of it, I haven't had anything to do with this part of it. THIS is the part that made me think that I couldn't have donated to someone I know because of the emotional weight of it. It's BIG. My GOD, it's big! Donating wasn't a big deal to me, it was something I could do. I know it's big but it actually gets PERSONAL when you meet the person you donated to! I'm VERY excited about it, but I'm very nervous!
What will I wear??????? *vomit*
What will I say????
What is it like meeting the person you gave an organ to because you love the world?
Will they want to stay in touch? I was told that they want to see pics of the kids. Will I have new friends for life? A new extended family? Will WE, I should say...the kids want to meet them too. And will all the other donors and recipients think I'm out of my mind when I'm crying and thanking them for doing what they did? Will I even be able to talk? One of the donors is from GEORGIA!
OHMYGOD. It's 4 days away.
I've been dreaming about this, and I need to try to enjoy the anticipation because it will be over so fast and there will only be ONE TIME that I get to walk into a room full of the people who helped make this kidney chain happen, and it's going to be a BLAST.
I just don't know what to wear.
AR reminded me that I won't be the only emotional person in there, thank GOD. I keep googling and reading and watching videos of anonymous donors meeting their recipients for the first time, trying to prepare, and I still think there's nothing that can prepare me.
I wonder if all my imaginings are anywhere near what he's like, if it is a HE. I've always imagined him to be older, and very, very, very funny, and I love him INSTANTLY. Fast and furious and for keeps, his whole family, and he ours.
Watch it be a very serious woman instead. HAHAHAHAHAH!
Oh holy moly.
WHAT WILL I WEAR!
I LOVE TODAY!
I have some friends out there who might not be loving today so much. So I invite them to latch onto my energy and let my love of the day seep into them.
I am sipping on the most fabulous peppermint mocha EVER created. NUM!!!! My ipod is charging which is the best ever because my most fave songs are on there. We have our outfits ready for tomorrows family pics, Ang is coming over for lunch, and I'm not nearly as big as the people on biggest loser= GREAT DAY!!!!!!
I've lit candles- more to scare the smell of a mapled up dead pig out of the house than anything. I don't have Caiden or Ethan here today, so it's Jordan and I and we went shopping and now we're home and I'm about to clean up real good. My breakfast nook is in the house and we now have a LOT more room in the entry way. I HATE to admit it, but it's a little small- I wish the table part were bigger but it's okay. If we lived in a 3 bedroom (those rooms were HUGE!) townhouse for a year, surely we can sit at a smaller table for a little while. I LOVE the nook and I'm SO HAPPY it's in the house!
Now I'm going to address, without them asking, so really it's dishing out, some thoughts regarding some of the sadnesses in my darling friends' lives that they are going through. I'm not saying that what i'm about to say is How It Really Is, but it's what I use in my head so that I can even stay on this earth when there's so much craziness going on.
Ready? Take what works, scrap the rest- hell, scrap it all if you hate it.
I pretend in my head that before we came to earth again, we all made "deals" with eachother, and as we live out our lives, minus the remembering part, our wishes are all fulfilled with and through eachother. Maybe N's mom decided she was going to be The Strongest Woman In The World, and she wanted to show everyone in her life, and even those she doesn't know (like ME!) what it looks like to be that, and to do that. Not that ANY of it has been fun at all, but if dancing with cancer for the 3rd time (right? THIRD TIME!!!?) doesn't scream "I'm so strong, cancer hasn't gotten me yet!" I don't know what is. I'm sorry she had to have surgery(ies), I'm so sorry that she has to go through treatments, I'm so sorry for her tears, and everyone around her's tears. It makes no sense at all, which is why I fall back on my crazy theory that there is a bigger story here.
I hope BJ's biopsy comes back with positive news, and she clearly loves everyone for wanting to not scare and upset everyone for as long as she could. Please let me know as soon as you hear something!
As for Cullen's mom- she's a walking miracle. There just is nothing to be sad about. It SUCKS watching her go, little by little, but in a way it will be a relief to know that she's whole again. She can't do anything but sleep, and eat sometimes and it irritates her and frustrates her and it's terrible to know that. I want her to be all better. She has shown us what determination is. She's made it DOUBLE past what they said she would! MIRACLES!!!!!!!! She is loved and supported by so many. She's been a gift to us, and she will continue to be even after she leaves her body. That's when the love is really going to pour out! MAGIC!
Okay. For real. My hair smells like a pig rolled in syrup and I have to shower. Irritating. I hate getting clean. HAHAH! I'm just kidding. I don't, it just sounded like it so I went with it.
Ride on my energy, I have enough to share. I'll carry you through with love!
I am sipping on the most fabulous peppermint mocha EVER created. NUM!!!! My ipod is charging which is the best ever because my most fave songs are on there. We have our outfits ready for tomorrows family pics, Ang is coming over for lunch, and I'm not nearly as big as the people on biggest loser= GREAT DAY!!!!!!
I've lit candles- more to scare the smell of a mapled up dead pig out of the house than anything. I don't have Caiden or Ethan here today, so it's Jordan and I and we went shopping and now we're home and I'm about to clean up real good. My breakfast nook is in the house and we now have a LOT more room in the entry way. I HATE to admit it, but it's a little small- I wish the table part were bigger but it's okay. If we lived in a 3 bedroom (those rooms were HUGE!) townhouse for a year, surely we can sit at a smaller table for a little while. I LOVE the nook and I'm SO HAPPY it's in the house!
Now I'm going to address, without them asking, so really it's dishing out, some thoughts regarding some of the sadnesses in my darling friends' lives that they are going through. I'm not saying that what i'm about to say is How It Really Is, but it's what I use in my head so that I can even stay on this earth when there's so much craziness going on.
Ready? Take what works, scrap the rest- hell, scrap it all if you hate it.
I pretend in my head that before we came to earth again, we all made "deals" with eachother, and as we live out our lives, minus the remembering part, our wishes are all fulfilled with and through eachother. Maybe N's mom decided she was going to be The Strongest Woman In The World, and she wanted to show everyone in her life, and even those she doesn't know (like ME!) what it looks like to be that, and to do that. Not that ANY of it has been fun at all, but if dancing with cancer for the 3rd time (right? THIRD TIME!!!?) doesn't scream "I'm so strong, cancer hasn't gotten me yet!" I don't know what is. I'm sorry she had to have surgery(ies), I'm so sorry that she has to go through treatments, I'm so sorry for her tears, and everyone around her's tears. It makes no sense at all, which is why I fall back on my crazy theory that there is a bigger story here.
I hope BJ's biopsy comes back with positive news, and she clearly loves everyone for wanting to not scare and upset everyone for as long as she could. Please let me know as soon as you hear something!
As for Cullen's mom- she's a walking miracle. There just is nothing to be sad about. It SUCKS watching her go, little by little, but in a way it will be a relief to know that she's whole again. She can't do anything but sleep, and eat sometimes and it irritates her and frustrates her and it's terrible to know that. I want her to be all better. She has shown us what determination is. She's made it DOUBLE past what they said she would! MIRACLES!!!!!!!! She is loved and supported by so many. She's been a gift to us, and she will continue to be even after she leaves her body. That's when the love is really going to pour out! MAGIC!
Okay. For real. My hair smells like a pig rolled in syrup and I have to shower. Irritating. I hate getting clean. HAHAH! I'm just kidding. I don't, it just sounded like it so I went with it.
Ride on my energy, I have enough to share. I'll carry you through with love!
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Snip snip!
It just occurred to me that at some point, a male who is not an infant has been circumsized. And that male (those males) had had sex beforehand. How else could they know that sex isn't as good afterwards as it was beforehand.
That sucks.
I wonder why they would have decided to get circumsized?
That sucks.
I wonder why they would have decided to get circumsized?
Maybe I'm not alone afterall!
It's kinda funny that I've been married for almost 14 years and I have the view of marriage that I have, but it turns out that I'm not the only one noticing that marriage as it is set up now doesn't work all that well. (also funny that I have this view and both my parents as well as Cullen's are still married, huh?) There is a poll out there - and as it goes, polls are unofficial- but it says that 4 out of 10 people have the same view that Crazy Nicki does!
Yeah, baby!
I'm not completely crazy! WHO KNEW?!
I also found some folks online who believe in homeschooling- but I differ with them mostly on the God point- many of them do it because "God" told them they should while others do it because they think that the ACTUAL PARENT to the children should be THE MOST IMPORTANT and RESPONSIBLE for that child, and not a teacher or school. Of course, there are kids who just will succeed no matter WHERE they go- my niece Kalene comes to mind. She loves to learn, period, and she wants to do whatever it takes to get "out of there" --- meaning home, or so she said to me at one time. Straight A's. Brilliant. Self motivated, counts on no one except herself and she's getting it done. She could go to a "crappy" school and still succeed, you know? And her self esteem has stayed in tact. If only so many more could make it through that way!
But mostly it turns out that I should be amish. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!! I would likely go nuts after awhile, because I do like my ipod or any music in general, and need it to survive. But I should live out in the woods (with the rest of the world not TOO far away- a mile?) with my children and husband where WE and the WORLD are teachers to our kiddos, who will not be dependent on iphone or wii's or tv for entertainment, but the outside world will be discovered and their own interests can grow and flourish. See? Amish. And completely foreign in this current world. Kindles are cool, but do you know what? Books, real, live, actual books are cooler. For kids, anyway- I want them to love the smell of the library and all the books and the feel of pages as they turn. And so far, I'm growing kids who love to read. They spend a good 30-45 minutes reading before bed each night, and they love it. When they are home during the day we have quiet reading time after lunch and it just ROCKS! I supose for adults who have already done the "book" thing for years and years, kindles are very cool, but drop me off at a Barnes and Noble and let me sit there amongst all those yummy, yummy books. Let me curl up on the couch with a blankie and something inspiring that i can open and close.
AMISH!!!!!
We went to Farmington last night and then to Fleet Farm, and it reminded me of why I loved it out there. The dirt roads and farms call to me! I can absolutely see my farm house all decked out for the winter, warm and inviting, off of a dirt road. You can see the glow from a couple of blocks away. Fire in the fireplace, stew on the stove, popovers in the oven, hot chocolate with marshmallows waiting for the kids. I can see it in the spring when I throw the windows open and put fresh flowers out. I can see it in the summer, with a pitcher of lemonade and iced tea waiting for the neighbors and children. I can see the kids taking care of the horses- and complaining about all the work until they get to ride after feeding and grooming them. I can see Jordan's face light up when we go collect eggs from the chickens the first time, and the joy of watching fertilized eggs hatch. And lets not forget the way they'd need to mop up my tears when an animal dies. HA!
Yup, that's me! Out and away, where life slows down, permanently. What would start out as a "little" garden will grow and we'll sell what we grow in the farmers markets and the neighborhood supermarket, and give baskets of fresh veggies to our neighbors. But I need somewhere to go when I need the business and the retail madness, so I'll need a SuperWalmart, a Michaels and a strip mall nearby- a couple of miles. :)
NERDY NICKI!!!!!!
Know what never gets old? When a child learns something new for the first time. Ethan just came to tell me what a dog says. He and Jordan are playing with a see n say, which is also very cute- Jordan in the big kid role.
Tonight a photographer from the Star Trib is coming over to take pics of Cullen working out. He's not excited, and he's going to hate me when I go post it on facebook. But I've weighed it out, and it's worth it. :D Don't tell him.
Yeah, baby!
I'm not completely crazy! WHO KNEW?!
I also found some folks online who believe in homeschooling- but I differ with them mostly on the God point- many of them do it because "God" told them they should while others do it because they think that the ACTUAL PARENT to the children should be THE MOST IMPORTANT and RESPONSIBLE for that child, and not a teacher or school. Of course, there are kids who just will succeed no matter WHERE they go- my niece Kalene comes to mind. She loves to learn, period, and she wants to do whatever it takes to get "out of there" --- meaning home, or so she said to me at one time. Straight A's. Brilliant. Self motivated, counts on no one except herself and she's getting it done. She could go to a "crappy" school and still succeed, you know? And her self esteem has stayed in tact. If only so many more could make it through that way!
But mostly it turns out that I should be amish. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!! I would likely go nuts after awhile, because I do like my ipod or any music in general, and need it to survive. But I should live out in the woods (with the rest of the world not TOO far away- a mile?) with my children and husband where WE and the WORLD are teachers to our kiddos, who will not be dependent on iphone or wii's or tv for entertainment, but the outside world will be discovered and their own interests can grow and flourish. See? Amish. And completely foreign in this current world. Kindles are cool, but do you know what? Books, real, live, actual books are cooler. For kids, anyway- I want them to love the smell of the library and all the books and the feel of pages as they turn. And so far, I'm growing kids who love to read. They spend a good 30-45 minutes reading before bed each night, and they love it. When they are home during the day we have quiet reading time after lunch and it just ROCKS! I supose for adults who have already done the "book" thing for years and years, kindles are very cool, but drop me off at a Barnes and Noble and let me sit there amongst all those yummy, yummy books. Let me curl up on the couch with a blankie and something inspiring that i can open and close.
AMISH!!!!!
We went to Farmington last night and then to Fleet Farm, and it reminded me of why I loved it out there. The dirt roads and farms call to me! I can absolutely see my farm house all decked out for the winter, warm and inviting, off of a dirt road. You can see the glow from a couple of blocks away. Fire in the fireplace, stew on the stove, popovers in the oven, hot chocolate with marshmallows waiting for the kids. I can see it in the spring when I throw the windows open and put fresh flowers out. I can see it in the summer, with a pitcher of lemonade and iced tea waiting for the neighbors and children. I can see the kids taking care of the horses- and complaining about all the work until they get to ride after feeding and grooming them. I can see Jordan's face light up when we go collect eggs from the chickens the first time, and the joy of watching fertilized eggs hatch. And lets not forget the way they'd need to mop up my tears when an animal dies. HA!
Yup, that's me! Out and away, where life slows down, permanently. What would start out as a "little" garden will grow and we'll sell what we grow in the farmers markets and the neighborhood supermarket, and give baskets of fresh veggies to our neighbors. But I need somewhere to go when I need the business and the retail madness, so I'll need a SuperWalmart, a Michaels and a strip mall nearby- a couple of miles. :)
NERDY NICKI!!!!!!
Know what never gets old? When a child learns something new for the first time. Ethan just came to tell me what a dog says. He and Jordan are playing with a see n say, which is also very cute- Jordan in the big kid role.
Tonight a photographer from the Star Trib is coming over to take pics of Cullen working out. He's not excited, and he's going to hate me when I go post it on facebook. But I've weighed it out, and it's worth it. :D Don't tell him.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
OH! I'm not anonymous anymore then.
That's a double edged sword. Kinda.
Okay- thought vomit coming. DUCK!
I will NOT be bothered by any people/person out there that thinks that I like this for the attention. I don't know if anyone even thinks that, other than one person who MIGHT but I won't give that too much attention. I don't care about that.
What I DO care about is what if someone sees it or hears it and feels inspired to give in some way? WHAT IF?
JA asked me if I'd be interested in contacting MPR about doing a commentary regarding the donation/giving/gratitude etc as a kind of Thanksgiving....thing.
!
!
! So I did. I'm sure E had no idea that minutes before I called him, I was sobbing happy tears and I would have been bouncing had my feet been on the ground. Since I'm permanently floating now, that is no longer possible. :) I think I get an A for containing myself. DO YOU HEAR ALL THIS???????
I GET TO MEET THE KIDNEY CHAIN!!!!!!! MY BABIES! I feel like they are my babies and I want to hug them and smooch them and tell them thank you and good job. I LOVE THIS.
LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!
I LOVE IT!!! ARE YOU GETTING THAT?
There. Back to wanting to hug the world. In fact, I think I am.
Okay- thought vomit coming. DUCK!
I will NOT be bothered by any people/person out there that thinks that I like this for the attention. I don't know if anyone even thinks that, other than one person who MIGHT but I won't give that too much attention. I don't care about that.
What I DO care about is what if someone sees it or hears it and feels inspired to give in some way? WHAT IF?
JA asked me if I'd be interested in contacting MPR about doing a commentary regarding the donation/giving/gratitude etc as a kind of Thanksgiving....thing.
!
!
! So I did. I'm sure E had no idea that minutes before I called him, I was sobbing happy tears and I would have been bouncing had my feet been on the ground. Since I'm permanently floating now, that is no longer possible. :) I think I get an A for containing myself. DO YOU HEAR ALL THIS???????
I GET TO MEET THE KIDNEY CHAIN!!!!!!! MY BABIES! I feel like they are my babies and I want to hug them and smooch them and tell them thank you and good job. I LOVE THIS.
LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!
I LOVE IT!!! ARE YOU GETTING THAT?
There. Back to wanting to hug the world. In fact, I think I am.
Well talk about timeliness!
Just when I thought the world was stupid and it sucks and there's no hope because too many people are crazy, I got an email from JA - the media girl at the U of M.
There is a get together on Tuesday the 23rd at Abbott- FOR THE WHOLE CHAIN!!!! THE WHOLE CHAIN!! THE WHOLE CHAIN!!!!!!
i just now stopped crying. THE WHOLE CHAIN! CAN YOU IMAGINE?! The media will be there which is freaking me out- I'm a mess NOW.
THE WHOLE CHAIN!!!!! I GET TO MEET THE WHOLE MAGICAL CHAIN FULL OF PEOPLE WHO WERE BRAVE ENOUGH TO GIVE THEIR KIDNEY'S TO SOMEONE THEY DON'T KNOW!!!! THEY ALL DID IT! I AM SO PROUD OF ALL OF THEM! I CAN'T WAIT!!
Is that THIS Tuesday? As in less than a week away?
I take it back. The world doesn't suck. There are people in it who make choices that I will not and would not make, and people whose interests are in things that I don't understand and I see kids being raised in ways that don't make any sense to me, but I almost forgot. I am connected to 4 other people who care so much that they gave their kidneys to people they didn't know. Now, if that isn't COOL, I don't know what the hell is.
TUESDAY!
There is a get together on Tuesday the 23rd at Abbott- FOR THE WHOLE CHAIN!!!! THE WHOLE CHAIN!! THE WHOLE CHAIN!!!!!!
i just now stopped crying. THE WHOLE CHAIN! CAN YOU IMAGINE?! The media will be there which is freaking me out- I'm a mess NOW.
THE WHOLE CHAIN!!!!! I GET TO MEET THE WHOLE MAGICAL CHAIN FULL OF PEOPLE WHO WERE BRAVE ENOUGH TO GIVE THEIR KIDNEY'S TO SOMEONE THEY DON'T KNOW!!!! THEY ALL DID IT! I AM SO PROUD OF ALL OF THEM! I CAN'T WAIT!!
Is that THIS Tuesday? As in less than a week away?
I take it back. The world doesn't suck. There are people in it who make choices that I will not and would not make, and people whose interests are in things that I don't understand and I see kids being raised in ways that don't make any sense to me, but I almost forgot. I am connected to 4 other people who care so much that they gave their kidneys to people they didn't know. Now, if that isn't COOL, I don't know what the hell is.
TUESDAY!
I don't really want to be here.
Okay- first of all, I'm sure this feeling will pass. It always does. But this world is so stupid, sometimes I don't want to be a part of it anymore. I know that it's all just a "contextual field" in which I can make decisions about what *I* want to change/see, and I get to choose how I see things and what things and what people I affect, but God. It started bad last night, and got worse. And there's TMI in here, so you've been warned.
I could not give a bigger crap LESS about Prince William getting married. But it was on for 30 seconds and I watched it. Then I just got FURIOUS. A 17 year old killed 2 people, and PW got as much air time. I want to know more about this 17 year old. What was that home life like? And was it different now? What do his parents do? Is there a dad? Anyway- PW's fiancee said something about how she can't wait to "help".
SCREW THAT. You need to marry ROYALTY before you can help? NO, you don't. And I'm sure she's a giving, loving person anyway. But do you know what does suck ass? Because we are so STUPID that we care SO MUCH about ROYALTY and other famous people, she WILL be able to help in BIGGER ways because of who she "is" now. Wouldn't it be nice if *I* could show up somewhere and do something for a HUGE amount of people just because I married royalty? And suddenly have all the funds to do it? Cept she will be in the spot light and EXPECTED to be that way, I guess, whereas the rest of us peons do it because we want to, regardless if the world knows what we are doing or not.
Somehow we have BILLIONS of dollars to spend on SPORTS PEOPLE- we pay obscene amounts of money for baseball players, football players- I don't even know where to start there. We put a PRICE on someone's WORTH and that's OKAY with everyone. Then to top it off, we SUPPORT that idea and pay LOTS OF MONEY to watch those people play. Yet we can't find a way to get people off the streets because MORE PEOPLE agree with putting a price on someone's head and watching them play for us, and MORE PEOPLE agree that TO EACH THEIR OWN and SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST. We can't find a way to get food from the haves to the have nots or housing for that matter, or stop the abuse. Stupid world. Thank GOD Prince William is getting married finally so SOMEONE CAN DO SOMETHING about EVERYTHING. Gee, I wonder what she'll wear and what kind of shoes she'll have on. I guarantee you that we are so pathetic that we will have that information. STUPID!.
So- that's what I went to bed with.
See? I don't feel this way all the time. Just sometimes. Normally I love the world so much that Cullen feels like he can't compete with the world (and it's not even a competition!). Normally I want to hug the world and I love snuggling Cullen and everything is outstanding.
But today I want to be somewhere where things make sense. I can't figure the world out today. There's too much crazy and not enough GOOD that I can see.
And it's only 9:05am. The good news is that I have all day long to smooch babies and tickle tummies and cuddle children and maybe I'll remember why this is worth it at all. I'll also drink my yummy coffee and eat my nummy bread and cereal and teach Jordan more letters and get the laundry done and make another yummy dinner and maybe by the end of the day I will feel better. We can only hope.
I could not give a bigger crap LESS about Prince William getting married. But it was on for 30 seconds and I watched it. Then I just got FURIOUS. A 17 year old killed 2 people, and PW got as much air time. I want to know more about this 17 year old. What was that home life like? And was it different now? What do his parents do? Is there a dad? Anyway- PW's fiancee said something about how she can't wait to "help".
SCREW THAT. You need to marry ROYALTY before you can help? NO, you don't. And I'm sure she's a giving, loving person anyway. But do you know what does suck ass? Because we are so STUPID that we care SO MUCH about ROYALTY and other famous people, she WILL be able to help in BIGGER ways because of who she "is" now. Wouldn't it be nice if *I* could show up somewhere and do something for a HUGE amount of people just because I married royalty? And suddenly have all the funds to do it? Cept she will be in the spot light and EXPECTED to be that way, I guess, whereas the rest of us peons do it because we want to, regardless if the world knows what we are doing or not.
Somehow we have BILLIONS of dollars to spend on SPORTS PEOPLE- we pay obscene amounts of money for baseball players, football players- I don't even know where to start there. We put a PRICE on someone's WORTH and that's OKAY with everyone. Then to top it off, we SUPPORT that idea and pay LOTS OF MONEY to watch those people play. Yet we can't find a way to get people off the streets because MORE PEOPLE agree with putting a price on someone's head and watching them play for us, and MORE PEOPLE agree that TO EACH THEIR OWN and SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST. We can't find a way to get food from the haves to the have nots or housing for that matter, or stop the abuse. Stupid world. Thank GOD Prince William is getting married finally so SOMEONE CAN DO SOMETHING about EVERYTHING. Gee, I wonder what she'll wear and what kind of shoes she'll have on. I guarantee you that we are so pathetic that we will have that information. STUPID!.
So- that's what I went to bed with.
See? I don't feel this way all the time. Just sometimes. Normally I love the world so much that Cullen feels like he can't compete with the world (and it's not even a competition!). Normally I want to hug the world and I love snuggling Cullen and everything is outstanding.
But today I want to be somewhere where things make sense. I can't figure the world out today. There's too much crazy and not enough GOOD that I can see.
And it's only 9:05am. The good news is that I have all day long to smooch babies and tickle tummies and cuddle children and maybe I'll remember why this is worth it at all. I'll also drink my yummy coffee and eat my nummy bread and cereal and teach Jordan more letters and get the laundry done and make another yummy dinner and maybe by the end of the day I will feel better. We can only hope.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Kinda funny
So yesterday our phones pooped out.
Mind you, we do NOT have iphones. We don't believe in them. HAHAHA! If I didn't have a computer, I'd have an iphone, but very slowly but surely, we're watching iphones cause all kinds of issues around us. Wives get upset because the husband can't put it down. Husbands and wives are in the same house, not connecting, but playing on their phones. Extra curricular and maybe not all that appropriate relationships and conversations are being had all freakin day and night long. God forbid we put the phones down!
I don't feel as strongly about it as Cullen does. He thinks that technology will be the end of us, and do you know what? He's probably not completely wrong. We'll get too far ahead of ourselves. We're still so barbaric as we are, and nimrods who create things that are smarter than they are are asking for trouble. Hopefully I'll be far gone by time we get to THAT place though.
Anyway- so yesterday, our ANCIENT phones that ONLY text and call people were out. There's always a slight panic about that because of his mom, but it just feels WEIRD to not be able to reach out to anyone at any time, or to be reached. So after realizing that they were not going to work until today---we put them away and GEE, it felt nice. It felt like we were hiding from the world. No one could get a hold of us. We could do whatever we wanted and not have to take anyone else into consideration! It was actually RELAXING. That was so funny to me that even though we have these stupid pathetic phones (it's really tempting to go back to not having a cell phone!), we still rely on them so much and they still add another dimension to life. And it was nice to be one dimension down and have one less thing to think about during the day and night. Isn't that silly?!
I was thinking about this because a few weeks ago A mentioned that she turned her phone off for a night and she and the hubby actually hung out with their kids and played games and how much FUN it was. That's ONE family, and you KNOW that thousands of kids all across the *great* USA know far too much about the phones their parents are addicted to. They get ignored or have to learn how to play what we're playing so that they aren't blown off. We're such a silly people. It's in this aspect that I am with Cullen. Less is more. Get's the focus back where it should be. There's a fine line between the kids learning about technology and having no option to because it's always in our hand. Give me 5 more minutes and I'll talk myself out of the phone, puter and TV.
OHHHH that's my ultimate goal, TV less! I dream of it. Maybe this summer Cullen will let us go completely TV less for the summer?
Mind you, we do NOT have iphones. We don't believe in them. HAHAHA! If I didn't have a computer, I'd have an iphone, but very slowly but surely, we're watching iphones cause all kinds of issues around us. Wives get upset because the husband can't put it down. Husbands and wives are in the same house, not connecting, but playing on their phones. Extra curricular and maybe not all that appropriate relationships and conversations are being had all freakin day and night long. God forbid we put the phones down!
I don't feel as strongly about it as Cullen does. He thinks that technology will be the end of us, and do you know what? He's probably not completely wrong. We'll get too far ahead of ourselves. We're still so barbaric as we are, and nimrods who create things that are smarter than they are are asking for trouble. Hopefully I'll be far gone by time we get to THAT place though.
Anyway- so yesterday, our ANCIENT phones that ONLY text and call people were out. There's always a slight panic about that because of his mom, but it just feels WEIRD to not be able to reach out to anyone at any time, or to be reached. So after realizing that they were not going to work until today---we put them away and GEE, it felt nice. It felt like we were hiding from the world. No one could get a hold of us. We could do whatever we wanted and not have to take anyone else into consideration! It was actually RELAXING. That was so funny to me that even though we have these stupid pathetic phones (it's really tempting to go back to not having a cell phone!), we still rely on them so much and they still add another dimension to life. And it was nice to be one dimension down and have one less thing to think about during the day and night. Isn't that silly?!
I was thinking about this because a few weeks ago A mentioned that she turned her phone off for a night and she and the hubby actually hung out with their kids and played games and how much FUN it was. That's ONE family, and you KNOW that thousands of kids all across the *great* USA know far too much about the phones their parents are addicted to. They get ignored or have to learn how to play what we're playing so that they aren't blown off. We're such a silly people. It's in this aspect that I am with Cullen. Less is more. Get's the focus back where it should be. There's a fine line between the kids learning about technology and having no option to because it's always in our hand. Give me 5 more minutes and I'll talk myself out of the phone, puter and TV.
OHHHH that's my ultimate goal, TV less! I dream of it. Maybe this summer Cullen will let us go completely TV less for the summer?
Breakfast nooks and I love Cullen
I GOT A BREAKFAST NOOK! WHOOO HOOOOOO!!!!!! We found one at Fleet Farm! SCORE! They are a HUGE pain in the butt to put together though so it isn't up yet. :) Did I tell you about the creepy guy at Sears?
That sounded like I have ADD but really it's relevant, and interesting (to me) how things go on that we don't see but we FEEL.
Here goes- went in to see if they had any of their nooks on display and they didn't. So I found a guy who knew stuff and asked him. Immediately, it was uncomfortable. He wasn't attractive- slicked back hair, thinning on top, but that wasn't it. It was something about the way he looked at me. He didn't look me up and down, but whatever it was felt ICKY. Jordan and I were with him for a whole 5 minutes. In that time I learned he lives in Bloomington also, married with 6 kids, they moved. His ex neighbor just took down his breakfast nook which was custom made and he offereed to check with him to see if he'd sell it to me. He gave me his card. I wanted to throw up when we walked away, the feeling was so gross.
Now, the situation which happened immediately after was comepletely different. We weren't even out of the store yet and another associate, a male -much better looking even, but that doesn't actually matter- called out "Hey! Did you see THE deal of the day?" I wasn't going to buy whatever it was, but I really just wanted to have a normal feeling after such a gross one, and this guy wasn't giving off GROSS vibes. Isn't that WEIRD? I chatted with him for a few minutes about the wicker thing that came in, he showed me that it's normall $120 but since the box it's in is damaged, it's $20. I still dont' have room for it so I didn't buy it, but it was a COMPLETELY different experience. The first guy didn't do ANYTHING outwardly icky, but there was something very icky there, and the second guy didn't do anything different than the first, but there was no ICK there. And it really didn't have anything to do with their appearances (I was just telling you where they ranked on Nicki's scale so that you knew it wasn't some hot guy and I was just nervous around him). Isn't that crazy?
And when we were feeding the homeless, I will bet anything at all that there was a (at the very least) wanna be child molester there. He even talked to the kids, but since he can't touch them we were all safe, but when I served him, the way he looked at me, I thought it right then "Thank God he's in here and these are the only kids around, and they are with ME." I could be wrong- that is pretty damned judgemental, isn't it? Or did I pick up on something? Who knows what we can't see?
I can't wait til my nook is up!
You know how I feel about marriage, in general. But even if I wasn't married to Cullen, and we were "just" dating, for all this time, there is something so awesome and amazingly comforting about having someone who you know so well and who knows you so well, isn't there? Is there anything better than being completely connected to the person you are with? I love that feeling so much. It's like the feeling of climbing into bed and feeling their warm body, but it happens during the day, when you're laying your head in their lap watching the game, or going out to eat with your darling and well behaved children (Thank God). Or shopping. Or letting the kids help decorate the house and you catch him looking at you. *dreamy sigh*
Suzanne is home from the hospital as of yesterday. She's high risk for a stroke. Her tear isn't growing but it isn't shrinking yet, her INR is where it should be for now, and hopefully it will start healing. She's still doing daycare, but with help. NO SEX. NO DRIVING. NO EXCITEMENT. It's huge that her blood pressure doesn't increase at all. Thank God she's okay but I'm still scared. Cleaning was hard without her there, and Rich teared up talking about how her headache just hurts here and there's nothing they can do for that. And how scared he is that she'll have a stroke and how he doesn't know what he'd do without her. :(
Happy Winter! I love the sun and the snow.
I can't decide if I should book us- as a family- a vacation in Florida for February or not.
XO
That sounded like I have ADD but really it's relevant, and interesting (to me) how things go on that we don't see but we FEEL.
Here goes- went in to see if they had any of their nooks on display and they didn't. So I found a guy who knew stuff and asked him. Immediately, it was uncomfortable. He wasn't attractive- slicked back hair, thinning on top, but that wasn't it. It was something about the way he looked at me. He didn't look me up and down, but whatever it was felt ICKY. Jordan and I were with him for a whole 5 minutes. In that time I learned he lives in Bloomington also, married with 6 kids, they moved. His ex neighbor just took down his breakfast nook which was custom made and he offereed to check with him to see if he'd sell it to me. He gave me his card. I wanted to throw up when we walked away, the feeling was so gross.
Now, the situation which happened immediately after was comepletely different. We weren't even out of the store yet and another associate, a male -much better looking even, but that doesn't actually matter- called out "Hey! Did you see THE deal of the day?" I wasn't going to buy whatever it was, but I really just wanted to have a normal feeling after such a gross one, and this guy wasn't giving off GROSS vibes. Isn't that WEIRD? I chatted with him for a few minutes about the wicker thing that came in, he showed me that it's normall $120 but since the box it's in is damaged, it's $20. I still dont' have room for it so I didn't buy it, but it was a COMPLETELY different experience. The first guy didn't do ANYTHING outwardly icky, but there was something very icky there, and the second guy didn't do anything different than the first, but there was no ICK there. And it really didn't have anything to do with their appearances (I was just telling you where they ranked on Nicki's scale so that you knew it wasn't some hot guy and I was just nervous around him). Isn't that crazy?
And when we were feeding the homeless, I will bet anything at all that there was a (at the very least) wanna be child molester there. He even talked to the kids, but since he can't touch them we were all safe, but when I served him, the way he looked at me, I thought it right then "Thank God he's in here and these are the only kids around, and they are with ME." I could be wrong- that is pretty damned judgemental, isn't it? Or did I pick up on something? Who knows what we can't see?
I can't wait til my nook is up!
You know how I feel about marriage, in general. But even if I wasn't married to Cullen, and we were "just" dating, for all this time, there is something so awesome and amazingly comforting about having someone who you know so well and who knows you so well, isn't there? Is there anything better than being completely connected to the person you are with? I love that feeling so much. It's like the feeling of climbing into bed and feeling their warm body, but it happens during the day, when you're laying your head in their lap watching the game, or going out to eat with your darling and well behaved children (Thank God). Or shopping. Or letting the kids help decorate the house and you catch him looking at you. *dreamy sigh*
Suzanne is home from the hospital as of yesterday. She's high risk for a stroke. Her tear isn't growing but it isn't shrinking yet, her INR is where it should be for now, and hopefully it will start healing. She's still doing daycare, but with help. NO SEX. NO DRIVING. NO EXCITEMENT. It's huge that her blood pressure doesn't increase at all. Thank God she's okay but I'm still scared. Cleaning was hard without her there, and Rich teared up talking about how her headache just hurts here and there's nothing they can do for that. And how scared he is that she'll have a stroke and how he doesn't know what he'd do without her. :(
Happy Winter! I love the sun and the snow.
I can't decide if I should book us- as a family- a vacation in Florida for February or not.
XO
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Feeding the homeless
Have you been to your local homeless shelter lately? I highly (9:25am, first kid in for good from outside) (NOT WORTH IT!!!!) (WET SHIT EVERYWHERE!!!! THE CARPET, OH THE HUMANITY!!!) recommend you go and check it out, just for "fun".
We got a tour this time- when we served breakfast before, we didn't. The room that the 22 ladies sleep in is just that- a very small room with nothing in it but those little mats on the floor for them to sleep on. They each get sheets and a blanket and pillow for a week, which are kept in plastic garbage bags at night. They can have a locker to keep their personal things in so they don't have to haul them around during the day. This shelter serves breakfast, and gives them a bag lunch to take with during the day- they are not allowed in the shelter during the day, after breakfast. Everyone out by 8am. Some people do work, some don't have anywhere to go cept for outside. They are allowed back in at 6pm, and dinner is served at 7pm.
The men's side, which holds 44 men, is the same. We saw their donation room- the first things people run out of and need the fastest is socks and underwear. Didn't occur to me. They can't keep those things in stock. They keep feminine products for the ladies- did that occur to you? It didn't me. Of course they need those and where would they get them? They no longer keep clothes for them because there is just no room to store them all. NO ROOM.
Volunteers make the meals. This shelter doesn't have a food shelf. People come in and give their time by making meals, like we did last night. Home made meals. Other people but together sandwhiches for the lunches. There is a staff, but it's not run by them- it's "run" by the volunteers. There are 2 overnight volunteers who take 4 hour shifts each, to help people because they get scared sleeping in a room full of other men or women that they don't know. Of course, some of them do know one another by now. And they open breakfast and dinner to former shelter guests who are now in housing but can't afford to feed themselves because they are paying for a roof over their heads.
It reminded me of the food shelf that we toured after the food drive we did. It seemed like there was a lot of food, but then you see how much they go through in one day- IN ONE DAY...the need is so great that if they don't constantly solicit for donations, it's over. Isn't it sad that places have to beg for help? Here we are. You're reading this sitting in a warm place. You're probably not hungry and if you are, you'll eat. We take SO MUCH for granted. And now, it's snowing. Right now there are people out on the street because there is no where to go, and they are just thankful that in another 9 hours they will get to go into the shelter again to have a hot dinner.
Go. Call and ask for a tour, it takes 10 minutes for a tour- maybe 15 if it's a SUPER SHELTER. I haven't seen the local family shelter, I'm going to.
And we're going to gather up all the blankets we have sitting around here and wash em, and bring em to the shelter. 9:45am- child #5 shows up at the house. What's one more set of wet nasty clothes and boots in the entry way that's already overflowing. Child #6 9:45:39. But at least they are all IN now. And I'd rather them be here than their house, where the Wii rules.
Anyway, last night was great. We went through all the chili we made, and it was perfect. Some people had 2nds, even 3rds and that made me the happiest- FULL BELLIES!!!! Many were very excited that it was home made chili. CJ and Josh were ROCKSTARS- they helped set up and serve. Many guests thanked them for helping, and both said they enjoyed it. Which is good because we're going to do it again December 30th. At first I was scared to death that we'd run out of food. Every time I looked up the line wasn't getting any shorter, but it turns out that we did PERFECT. I'm SO thankful to all of our friends who helped out by making food or helping serve (CHUCK! ROCKSTAR!!!!!!!!). I loved it, and I want to do whatever I can to help the shelter. We take it for granted that the shelters are up and running and that "those" people have somewhere to go, but do you know what? They aren't running by themselves, and there's a constant need for items and help there. THANK GOD other people are helping them, right? I'm not there helping right now, and neither are you, and I'm grateful others are stepping up, much more often than we are, but we're going to do our part.
One of the men said "Some people are out trying to get lucky on a Friday night. Others (meaning us) are out trying to help someone who's down on their luck."
Josh is helping me plan the next meal. :) I think I smell a new family tradition.
We got a tour this time- when we served breakfast before, we didn't. The room that the 22 ladies sleep in is just that- a very small room with nothing in it but those little mats on the floor for them to sleep on. They each get sheets and a blanket and pillow for a week, which are kept in plastic garbage bags at night. They can have a locker to keep their personal things in so they don't have to haul them around during the day. This shelter serves breakfast, and gives them a bag lunch to take with during the day- they are not allowed in the shelter during the day, after breakfast. Everyone out by 8am. Some people do work, some don't have anywhere to go cept for outside. They are allowed back in at 6pm, and dinner is served at 7pm.
The men's side, which holds 44 men, is the same. We saw their donation room- the first things people run out of and need the fastest is socks and underwear. Didn't occur to me. They can't keep those things in stock. They keep feminine products for the ladies- did that occur to you? It didn't me. Of course they need those and where would they get them? They no longer keep clothes for them because there is just no room to store them all. NO ROOM.
Volunteers make the meals. This shelter doesn't have a food shelf. People come in and give their time by making meals, like we did last night. Home made meals. Other people but together sandwhiches for the lunches. There is a staff, but it's not run by them- it's "run" by the volunteers. There are 2 overnight volunteers who take 4 hour shifts each, to help people because they get scared sleeping in a room full of other men or women that they don't know. Of course, some of them do know one another by now. And they open breakfast and dinner to former shelter guests who are now in housing but can't afford to feed themselves because they are paying for a roof over their heads.
It reminded me of the food shelf that we toured after the food drive we did. It seemed like there was a lot of food, but then you see how much they go through in one day- IN ONE DAY...the need is so great that if they don't constantly solicit for donations, it's over. Isn't it sad that places have to beg for help? Here we are. You're reading this sitting in a warm place. You're probably not hungry and if you are, you'll eat. We take SO MUCH for granted. And now, it's snowing. Right now there are people out on the street because there is no where to go, and they are just thankful that in another 9 hours they will get to go into the shelter again to have a hot dinner.
Go. Call and ask for a tour, it takes 10 minutes for a tour- maybe 15 if it's a SUPER SHELTER. I haven't seen the local family shelter, I'm going to.
And we're going to gather up all the blankets we have sitting around here and wash em, and bring em to the shelter. 9:45am- child #5 shows up at the house. What's one more set of wet nasty clothes and boots in the entry way that's already overflowing. Child #6 9:45:39. But at least they are all IN now. And I'd rather them be here than their house, where the Wii rules.
Anyway, last night was great. We went through all the chili we made, and it was perfect. Some people had 2nds, even 3rds and that made me the happiest- FULL BELLIES!!!! Many were very excited that it was home made chili. CJ and Josh were ROCKSTARS- they helped set up and serve. Many guests thanked them for helping, and both said they enjoyed it. Which is good because we're going to do it again December 30th. At first I was scared to death that we'd run out of food. Every time I looked up the line wasn't getting any shorter, but it turns out that we did PERFECT. I'm SO thankful to all of our friends who helped out by making food or helping serve (CHUCK! ROCKSTAR!!!!!!!!). I loved it, and I want to do whatever I can to help the shelter. We take it for granted that the shelters are up and running and that "those" people have somewhere to go, but do you know what? They aren't running by themselves, and there's a constant need for items and help there. THANK GOD other people are helping them, right? I'm not there helping right now, and neither are you, and I'm grateful others are stepping up, much more often than we are, but we're going to do our part.
One of the men said "Some people are out trying to get lucky on a Friday night. Others (meaning us) are out trying to help someone who's down on their luck."
Josh is helping me plan the next meal. :) I think I smell a new family tradition.
It's 9:10am and...
I've already uttered under my breath "Goddammit, it's not worth it!" in regards to bundling up 4 children (which took 25 minutes...had to find snowpants that fit, missing a boot, someone's strap isn't tight enough, Julia's jacket went missing...) to play out in the beautiful snow (which made me giddy when I woke up)...only to have one come back in with wet gloves (doesn't want mittens that they can't control though), another crying because his chin is cold (here, have a scarf!)....and it's been 2 full minutes now with them all outside. They are cute FOR SURE. Absolutely. Now I'm horrified thinking about the entry way. It's THISBIG and there's NO ROOM for wet nasty snowpants, jackets, boots, mittens. So I'll make some hot cocoa and tea for them when they come in- this idea is compliments of their father (who is working today-BOOOO!), who happened to call in the middle of a mini meltdown. : )
And when I woke up, for the record, I was cheering, and I came RUNNING out to the kids, far more excited about the snow than they were- cept they wanna play in it and I don't. CJ just threw a snowball at me! Anyway- it's ME! I love the first snow! It's awesome! In fact, I love the snow right up til the middle of January- I think the longest I've lasted is Feb. 9:19, first child all the way in the house, but he's back out, he needed his hood put back on. Anyway- ESPECIALLY now, and the buildup til Christmas, I LOVE. I LOVE LOVE LOVE. I can't even express the warm fuzzy feeling I have. I just have to get over the fact that the kids have a 3 x 3 space to come in and get out of all their nasty wet clothes. All 4 of them. 6 of them. HAHA. I need to resign myself to the fact that it's going to be a horrid mess and there's no room to store anything. And that we went all spring, summer and fall without making that better.
My vision is a breakfast nook that seats at least 8, then we can get rid of the big table, and I can open up the entry way so they can come in and all have room to take their stuff off.
Okay- I'm going to be okay. Time to warm up some drinks and store all these extra snowpants. I have Christmas music on. :) Shut up, it's getting me through. :)
And when I woke up, for the record, I was cheering, and I came RUNNING out to the kids, far more excited about the snow than they were- cept they wanna play in it and I don't. CJ just threw a snowball at me! Anyway- it's ME! I love the first snow! It's awesome! In fact, I love the snow right up til the middle of January- I think the longest I've lasted is Feb. 9:19, first child all the way in the house, but he's back out, he needed his hood put back on. Anyway- ESPECIALLY now, and the buildup til Christmas, I LOVE. I LOVE LOVE LOVE. I can't even express the warm fuzzy feeling I have. I just have to get over the fact that the kids have a 3 x 3 space to come in and get out of all their nasty wet clothes. All 4 of them. 6 of them. HAHA. I need to resign myself to the fact that it's going to be a horrid mess and there's no room to store anything. And that we went all spring, summer and fall without making that better.
My vision is a breakfast nook that seats at least 8, then we can get rid of the big table, and I can open up the entry way so they can come in and all have room to take their stuff off.
Okay- I'm going to be okay. Time to warm up some drinks and store all these extra snowpants. I have Christmas music on. :) Shut up, it's getting me through. :)
Thursday, November 11, 2010
I bet I'd be menstrating now. YAY!
And suddenly, the cloud of "Why Is Everyone So Stupid???" has lifted and I'm back to feeling more like TO EACH, THEIR OWN and not feeling like it's a personal attack each time someone speaks in Jackass. YIPPEE!!
Cullen is sick. He so rarely gets sick- he takes SUCH good care of his body by running and lifting and eating well and not over eating. I attribute his downfall with this virus to his lack of sleep. He's at work today and hopefully will get to come home early so I can put him to bed for awhile. I'm minorly concerned with him not being able to help tomorrow at the shelter. Not that I just want him well for that, but I do have a very heavy 18 quart thing and another crockpot, blah blah blah. That was selfish of me. :)
Today I just have Ethan and he's napping now. It's sunny out, a little brisk and I'm sipping on some Cold Stone Creamery hot cocoa. :) Life is so very, very good. Thanks world, for everything. You rock!
Cullen is sick. He so rarely gets sick- he takes SUCH good care of his body by running and lifting and eating well and not over eating. I attribute his downfall with this virus to his lack of sleep. He's at work today and hopefully will get to come home early so I can put him to bed for awhile. I'm minorly concerned with him not being able to help tomorrow at the shelter. Not that I just want him well for that, but I do have a very heavy 18 quart thing and another crockpot, blah blah blah. That was selfish of me. :)
Today I just have Ethan and he's napping now. It's sunny out, a little brisk and I'm sipping on some Cold Stone Creamery hot cocoa. :) Life is so very, very good. Thanks world, for everything. You rock!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Because we can, that's why!
I don't think my sister reads this....but if she does *wave* I'm posting about you! Not because I'm being a snob (which I've found is fairly common lately, must be the changes in my schedule that I'm adjusting to) but because it was a really good thinking thing...
We were discussing dinner at the shelter Friday night, and going through the list of things that we need to get. I mentioned that besides the 7 gallons of beverage that we (I) bring for dinner, we (I) need to bring 5 gallons of milk for the next morning. I also mentioned that instead of trying to make 13 pans of applecrisp, we're going to buy what we need. She said "WHAT? Why do YOU have to supply milk for the morning? Why are YOU buying all the desserts? You're doing THEM the favor already!" I thought about that. Why? And why haven't I asked everyone to chip in on those things? Do you know why? It's because I worry everyone would feel to some degree the same way.Maybe that's not fair! Maybe the lesson is in the continuing to ask things of people who are already giving. But I worry that this little endeavor stops being so sweet when you're doling out your own money when you're "already" doing them a "favor" (I don't think making a sustaining meal is doing them a favor in so much as it's doing unto others as you'd have done to you/We Are All One)...and besides that, we're RICH right now. ROLLING IN THE DOUGH. ;) HAHAHA In the end, I revert back to the fact that I have a roof over my head all day and all night, every single day of the year. In fact, I've never NOT had a roof over my head. I've never had to worry about where I'm going to sleep at night. I have a KICK ASS mattress that is all mine, and I have blankets that I bought and I love, and I can eat anything I want right now. Anything. If it's not in the house, I'll have it delivered. If it's undeliverable, guess what we're doing for dinner, you know? I do not have to depend on someone else to feed me. i know that isn't fun. That can't be fun! I bet it brings you to a whole new level of grateful though? Thankfulness? Hope? In a world where our own little pathetic problems are THE BIGGEST DEAL to us, we're either at work worrying about it, or in our own warm, cozy houses. So ...there. We are doing it because we can, and because we are all thankful and no, to the 2 of you who might read this that are participating, I really DON'T need anything else done. We're covered, cross my heart. I love all of my very, very generous giving friends who are taking time out to help cook food! And I'm sorry to everyone who won't read this that I've prejudged the reaction to being asked to give more. However- I did turn down a cash offer, so I mean it when I say that we're covered and it's all good!
But I couldn't stop thinking about it because I think that that's a very common feeling. Just in general..."What? You have to provide THE WHOLE MEAL for ALL THOSE PEOPLE?!" Well, someone has to/ is going to, and it might as well be us. Isn't there too much of every man for himself already? Cullen had a GREAT example of this--- there was a woman ahead of him at subway, who had forgotten her wallet. She ran to get it, and didn't have it, but had a check book. Now she's behind Cullen and asks if they take checks, and guess what. They don't. Cullen told her he'd buy her sandwhich for her. After 30 seconds of "arguing", she thanked him and left. He went to pay for them and found out that there were no more $$ on his gift card, and he only had $4.oo cash. He was short $2. There is a line of people behind him, and I know at LEAST one person heard this going on. No one stepped up. It's TWO DOLLARS, PEOPLE. No one. Cullen went out to the truck and scrounged up change (good thing he keeps it all!) and got it covered, but I was so shocked that no one helped. Woulda been faster for everyone too, but oh well. Cullen gets all the points for that one. Thank God I don't have a lazy husband! Thank God I have such a sweet giving husband. Whatever issues he has, those are NOT two of them!!!!
Anyway----I can't WAIT to dive into the chili...Beth brought over here black bean turkey chili, Beck is dropping hers off tomorrow, and I'll be starting my grand chili making tonight. Guin is making some, Jamie is making some, mom and Chelle are making some, and everyone should be able to have as much chili as their tummies can hold, us included! Chili w or w/o fritos, french bread, sour cream, cheese, onion options, pies and ...what should I do for beverages? Decaf coffee and milk? Will that be good?
My house is going to perma stink after tomorrows cook fest.
I love when Jordan and Samantha ask for hand sanitizer... they call it hanitizer. :)
PS- I love me some Delphin and Ophelia! They are picking up Julia for me from school. We brought flowers over to Marybell because we're glutton for punishment and because she had to work so hard to get her citizenship and it's a big deal! One of these days she'll stop disliking us because she will run out of reasons, right? If Cullen and Other Chuck are such good buds, and Dephin, Ophelia and I seem to get along well, Marybell will eventually stop thinking we're horrible. Or not. Whatevs. We can be nice anyway.
And Chelle is getting all the french bread (after all the balking about why we have to buy anything). :) Atta girl!
We were discussing dinner at the shelter Friday night, and going through the list of things that we need to get. I mentioned that besides the 7 gallons of beverage that we (I) bring for dinner, we (I) need to bring 5 gallons of milk for the next morning. I also mentioned that instead of trying to make 13 pans of applecrisp, we're going to buy what we need. She said "WHAT? Why do YOU have to supply milk for the morning? Why are YOU buying all the desserts? You're doing THEM the favor already!" I thought about that. Why? And why haven't I asked everyone to chip in on those things? Do you know why? It's because I worry everyone would feel to some degree the same way.Maybe that's not fair! Maybe the lesson is in the continuing to ask things of people who are already giving. But I worry that this little endeavor stops being so sweet when you're doling out your own money when you're "already" doing them a "favor" (I don't think making a sustaining meal is doing them a favor in so much as it's doing unto others as you'd have done to you/We Are All One)...and besides that, we're RICH right now. ROLLING IN THE DOUGH. ;) HAHAHA In the end, I revert back to the fact that I have a roof over my head all day and all night, every single day of the year. In fact, I've never NOT had a roof over my head. I've never had to worry about where I'm going to sleep at night. I have a KICK ASS mattress that is all mine, and I have blankets that I bought and I love, and I can eat anything I want right now. Anything. If it's not in the house, I'll have it delivered. If it's undeliverable, guess what we're doing for dinner, you know? I do not have to depend on someone else to feed me. i know that isn't fun. That can't be fun! I bet it brings you to a whole new level of grateful though? Thankfulness? Hope? In a world where our own little pathetic problems are THE BIGGEST DEAL to us, we're either at work worrying about it, or in our own warm, cozy houses. So ...there. We are doing it because we can, and because we are all thankful and no, to the 2 of you who might read this that are participating, I really DON'T need anything else done. We're covered, cross my heart. I love all of my very, very generous giving friends who are taking time out to help cook food! And I'm sorry to everyone who won't read this that I've prejudged the reaction to being asked to give more. However- I did turn down a cash offer, so I mean it when I say that we're covered and it's all good!
But I couldn't stop thinking about it because I think that that's a very common feeling. Just in general..."What? You have to provide THE WHOLE MEAL for ALL THOSE PEOPLE?!" Well, someone has to/ is going to, and it might as well be us. Isn't there too much of every man for himself already? Cullen had a GREAT example of this--- there was a woman ahead of him at subway, who had forgotten her wallet. She ran to get it, and didn't have it, but had a check book. Now she's behind Cullen and asks if they take checks, and guess what. They don't. Cullen told her he'd buy her sandwhich for her. After 30 seconds of "arguing", she thanked him and left. He went to pay for them and found out that there were no more $$ on his gift card, and he only had $4.oo cash. He was short $2. There is a line of people behind him, and I know at LEAST one person heard this going on. No one stepped up. It's TWO DOLLARS, PEOPLE. No one. Cullen went out to the truck and scrounged up change (good thing he keeps it all!) and got it covered, but I was so shocked that no one helped. Woulda been faster for everyone too, but oh well. Cullen gets all the points for that one. Thank God I don't have a lazy husband! Thank God I have such a sweet giving husband. Whatever issues he has, those are NOT two of them!!!!
Anyway----I can't WAIT to dive into the chili...Beth brought over here black bean turkey chili, Beck is dropping hers off tomorrow, and I'll be starting my grand chili making tonight. Guin is making some, Jamie is making some, mom and Chelle are making some, and everyone should be able to have as much chili as their tummies can hold, us included! Chili w or w/o fritos, french bread, sour cream, cheese, onion options, pies and ...what should I do for beverages? Decaf coffee and milk? Will that be good?
My house is going to perma stink after tomorrows cook fest.
I love when Jordan and Samantha ask for hand sanitizer... they call it hanitizer. :)
PS- I love me some Delphin and Ophelia! They are picking up Julia for me from school. We brought flowers over to Marybell because we're glutton for punishment and because she had to work so hard to get her citizenship and it's a big deal! One of these days she'll stop disliking us because she will run out of reasons, right? If Cullen and Other Chuck are such good buds, and Dephin, Ophelia and I seem to get along well, Marybell will eventually stop thinking we're horrible. Or not. Whatevs. We can be nice anyway.
And Chelle is getting all the french bread (after all the balking about why we have to buy anything). :) Atta girl!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Things that bother me sometimes
Because that's always fun to read, right?
1. How unequal it is in regards to our "nights"---Cullen would FREAK OUT if 3 nights out of the week (at least) I stayed outside drinking and would just stop in to "check" on him and keep him "happy" by giving him drumsticks and lottery tickets. Then his sidekick "helped" and bought me some garlic cheese bread. They know my weakspots, but I still think they are idiots. Especially mine, because he'd be FREAKING OUT about this. It "should" be okay that it's not the same flipped around, I'm sure I have something that is not the same that way too, but I can't think of it. So this morning he was all "wanna play canasta tonight?" and of course I do, but I know that he's making that special effort because of last night.
2. Alcoholics. Do I mention that enough? If something is that big of a weakness, I fully expect you to be STRONGER than that- and I am and will be disappointed when you choose that over your family...or even your wife, if she really prefers you to not drink. I mean- if someone says that "something" is a problem, it becomes a problem. Anyways...
3. Men who don't find giving their hard working wives a nap a smart, beautiful, loving thing to do. Mine does. Thank God. Men who get irritated when their hard working wives work...well, it's not very nice and doesn't say a good thing about you.
4. People who complain about being broke and go out shopping for unnecessaries. But that's just my thing because we have been literally broke (borrow money for gas and diapers) before. I realize that OUR "broke" is CLEARLY not other people's "broke".
YAY! That's all I have.
What I LOVE are babies who smell good. My new baby who is a snuggler. When babies poop. Cleaning up when the kids are eating. Having rest time when they are napping. Or getting some good alone time with lil guy in the event that he's awake. That my kids think doing things for other people is normal. Knowing somewhere in North Dakota, someone's life is hopefully easier, and I got to help with that. Today. It rocks outside. Julia is having a playdate at her friends house and she has been WAITING for this day FOREVER! And I love that I have a new friend in her friends Mommy. I love my friend Guin. I love Cullen out with Jordan giving him some one on one time. I love the magazine "Critical Thinking" and I want to buy EVERYTHING in it. I love Five In A Row for homeschooling and it almost has me convinced to give it a go. I love reading CJ's composition notebook. I love thumbsuckers. I love that we get to have dinner with Kim and Travis tonight. I love that even though it's only day 2 (and I'm not "officially" dressed yet) I'm totally loving having these two boys here. I love that Suzanne is going to be okay (in hospital til Thursday at least, cuminin (SP!) for 3 months and there's a 70% chance the tear will heal itself. FYI- it's ALMOST COMMON for people in their mid 50's to get a tear in an artery from a fall, which she has done TWICE in the past 2 weeks- neither time hitting her head but they said that does not matter. The fact that she regularly has migraines may contribute to her arteries being more prone to tears). I love feeding babies. I especially love when they belch and keep all the num num's in the tum tums. I love the All State commercials, and the Jimmy Dean commercial with the sun..."You're ALL awesome..." (youtube it).
Okay, I'm off to snuggle a baby. And he smells so yummy today.
1. How unequal it is in regards to our "nights"---Cullen would FREAK OUT if 3 nights out of the week (at least) I stayed outside drinking and would just stop in to "check" on him and keep him "happy" by giving him drumsticks and lottery tickets. Then his sidekick "helped" and bought me some garlic cheese bread. They know my weakspots, but I still think they are idiots. Especially mine, because he'd be FREAKING OUT about this. It "should" be okay that it's not the same flipped around, I'm sure I have something that is not the same that way too, but I can't think of it. So this morning he was all "wanna play canasta tonight?" and of course I do, but I know that he's making that special effort because of last night.
2. Alcoholics. Do I mention that enough? If something is that big of a weakness, I fully expect you to be STRONGER than that- and I am and will be disappointed when you choose that over your family...or even your wife, if she really prefers you to not drink. I mean- if someone says that "something" is a problem, it becomes a problem. Anyways...
3. Men who don't find giving their hard working wives a nap a smart, beautiful, loving thing to do. Mine does. Thank God. Men who get irritated when their hard working wives work...well, it's not very nice and doesn't say a good thing about you.
4. People who complain about being broke and go out shopping for unnecessaries. But that's just my thing because we have been literally broke (borrow money for gas and diapers) before. I realize that OUR "broke" is CLEARLY not other people's "broke".
YAY! That's all I have.
What I LOVE are babies who smell good. My new baby who is a snuggler. When babies poop. Cleaning up when the kids are eating. Having rest time when they are napping. Or getting some good alone time with lil guy in the event that he's awake. That my kids think doing things for other people is normal. Knowing somewhere in North Dakota, someone's life is hopefully easier, and I got to help with that. Today. It rocks outside. Julia is having a playdate at her friends house and she has been WAITING for this day FOREVER! And I love that I have a new friend in her friends Mommy. I love my friend Guin. I love Cullen out with Jordan giving him some one on one time. I love the magazine "Critical Thinking" and I want to buy EVERYTHING in it. I love Five In A Row for homeschooling and it almost has me convinced to give it a go. I love reading CJ's composition notebook. I love thumbsuckers. I love that we get to have dinner with Kim and Travis tonight. I love that even though it's only day 2 (and I'm not "officially" dressed yet) I'm totally loving having these two boys here. I love that Suzanne is going to be okay (in hospital til Thursday at least, cuminin (SP!) for 3 months and there's a 70% chance the tear will heal itself. FYI- it's ALMOST COMMON for people in their mid 50's to get a tear in an artery from a fall, which she has done TWICE in the past 2 weeks- neither time hitting her head but they said that does not matter. The fact that she regularly has migraines may contribute to her arteries being more prone to tears). I love feeding babies. I especially love when they belch and keep all the num num's in the tum tums. I love the All State commercials, and the Jimmy Dean commercial with the sun..."You're ALL awesome..." (youtube it).
Okay, I'm off to snuggle a baby. And he smells so yummy today.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Josh
Oh, my second child, how I love you so.
Joshy would much rather play by himself. It's not that he's anti-social- I mean, he has 3 siblings, lots of cousins, friends at school...but this kid is an engineer in the making. He would rather have a box of Legos with some diagrams of different things to build than go play football with CJ. This child hears everything also, because he will shadow me (us), and just quietly be in the room, not bothering anyone, but absorbing everything being said. He's mature beyond his years. One of the things that he has always done, as long as I can remember is this: when I am beginning to get that stressed out sound in my voice (as I remind them frequently, I don't START OUT yelly, but I will get that way if I have to repeat the same thing over and over and over), he will often just slide up next to me, and wrap his arms around me. He's magic!
Anyway, this morning my darling son was crying about going to school. WHAT?! My 7 year old, crying about GOING TO SCHOOL? It started when I looked over his homework, which is triple digit subtracting with renaming and regrouping. He likes to do it all in his head. Yes, I said that. He does not like to write it down and do the work. He likes to figure it out in his head. He also is a whiz at suduko. Anyway, there was one problem that he couldn't get right. I mentioned to him that it's very okay to figure it out by writing it down and actually doing the work. "I don't like homework and i don't want to go to school!" and tears! I asked him what was going on. "I don't like having to be somewhere in the mornings, and having to get ready, and I don't like having to do homework after being in school all day long."
But homework is important- it keeps parents involved. I agree about having to go somewhere every day, but they will have to do that when they are working also, right? So why shouldn't they have to do it from 5 years old on? Might as well know what real life is like.
hehe.
Part of me completely agrees with him, I think it sucks. I hate the morning routine of getting ready for school. It blows. I esp hate when it's cold out. I'm going to have to ask Delphin (my new friend) if he will pick Julia up when he gets Chuckie soon. When it's too cold to walk, I'm going to have to enlist help with getting the boys home from school. There are some things that would be easier if they were just here.
However- looking at one of CJ's tests on prepositions...holy cow. He's never had an issue with them before that I have noticed, but this test, YIKES! That scares me. I can see that he needs some more direction with it- and one on one would definitely help him. I'm going to print out some pages and hopefully I will be able to help him out without him disintegrating into tears.
I keep telling them that IF I ever home educate, there will still be LOTS of work to be done. They won't be escaping work. There are things that will be very different than the traditional school setting, but work will be done and they WILL have to take SOME direction from me. I want to raise independent learners, but in the beginning and when new concepts arise, they will need direction.
SIGH. We'll see what happens.
Sweet Josh.
Joshy would much rather play by himself. It's not that he's anti-social- I mean, he has 3 siblings, lots of cousins, friends at school...but this kid is an engineer in the making. He would rather have a box of Legos with some diagrams of different things to build than go play football with CJ. This child hears everything also, because he will shadow me (us), and just quietly be in the room, not bothering anyone, but absorbing everything being said. He's mature beyond his years. One of the things that he has always done, as long as I can remember is this: when I am beginning to get that stressed out sound in my voice (as I remind them frequently, I don't START OUT yelly, but I will get that way if I have to repeat the same thing over and over and over), he will often just slide up next to me, and wrap his arms around me. He's magic!
Anyway, this morning my darling son was crying about going to school. WHAT?! My 7 year old, crying about GOING TO SCHOOL? It started when I looked over his homework, which is triple digit subtracting with renaming and regrouping. He likes to do it all in his head. Yes, I said that. He does not like to write it down and do the work. He likes to figure it out in his head. He also is a whiz at suduko. Anyway, there was one problem that he couldn't get right. I mentioned to him that it's very okay to figure it out by writing it down and actually doing the work. "I don't like homework and i don't want to go to school!" and tears! I asked him what was going on. "I don't like having to be somewhere in the mornings, and having to get ready, and I don't like having to do homework after being in school all day long."
But homework is important- it keeps parents involved. I agree about having to go somewhere every day, but they will have to do that when they are working also, right? So why shouldn't they have to do it from 5 years old on? Might as well know what real life is like.
hehe.
Part of me completely agrees with him, I think it sucks. I hate the morning routine of getting ready for school. It blows. I esp hate when it's cold out. I'm going to have to ask Delphin (my new friend) if he will pick Julia up when he gets Chuckie soon. When it's too cold to walk, I'm going to have to enlist help with getting the boys home from school. There are some things that would be easier if they were just here.
However- looking at one of CJ's tests on prepositions...holy cow. He's never had an issue with them before that I have noticed, but this test, YIKES! That scares me. I can see that he needs some more direction with it- and one on one would definitely help him. I'm going to print out some pages and hopefully I will be able to help him out without him disintegrating into tears.
I keep telling them that IF I ever home educate, there will still be LOTS of work to be done. They won't be escaping work. There are things that will be very different than the traditional school setting, but work will be done and they WILL have to take SOME direction from me. I want to raise independent learners, but in the beginning and when new concepts arise, they will need direction.
SIGH. We'll see what happens.
Sweet Josh.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Is I'm Sorry that hard to say?
I want to know- is it really that hard to say?
Some people don't have a hard time saying it when it's appropriate.
BUT for other people, to say "I'm sorry" would be admitting to a "wrong" doing, it would be acknowledging that our (their) actions affect others and that they hadn't considered the others when acting, and no sirreee! NOT APOLOGIZING. Can't go *there*!
Why is that?
My husband grew up in a fairly severe alcoholic family. They weren't abusive. Maybe not nearly as attentive to their children, but not abusive. Loving even. For the most part. Every kid has a story of how his parents let him down, right?
The alcoholism extends further than just his parents- his paternal grandparents, great aunts, etc. And I see it in his siblings too. I have no idea if it's a choice or if it's in our blood, but it's a thing, and it's real.
My husband can't NOT drink. Oh, sure, he will go 2 weeks to prove it to me that he can "stop" drinking, but that's about it. My dad and the other Chuck drink also and he loves to have drinks with them. This is for more than just the "taste", of course. I'm sure it "relaxes" him, in a way that he clearly can't "relax" by himself. Buzzes are fun! I know that. Everyone knows that, but what does it mean when you NEED it? Why isn't family important enough to stop drinking for?? And honestly- is endangering your life and the people around you's lives THAT important? Clearly that is not at the top of the list of important things or people would stop being stupid and thinking they can drive after 4 or 6 drinks. or 3, for that matter. 3 would lay me out flat.
I don't get it.
I don't CARE about a couple of drinks, a couple times a week. I care when it's every night. I'm NOT STUPID- which is the other irritating thing...when I'm treated like I'm stupid. Like I don't know he's had a good amount to drink. Like I don't know that half the fun of sitting out in the man cave is the drinking aspect. I'm not STUPID, so don't act like I'm stupid. I don't make a big deal out of it when IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.
Why can't people be accountable for their actions? If we want the people around us to be accountable and responsible for things, why don't we extend them the same courtesy by owning our own shit? When's the last time you said "I admit that *this* is a problem and I need to work on it and may need help working on it." ?
So, in that spirit, I'm digging down to find my "problems". In GENERAL, I don't believe these cause anyone around me, cept for me, grief- but I don't want to be the pot calling the kettle black, you know?
Nicki's List Of Shit To Fix Or At Least Make Better:
1. I still feel really strongly about certain things, and I need to be able to find a way to let others believe how they want to without making them "wrong".
2. I get over things pretty darn quickly, but I wish I could do it even faster.
3. Sometimes I probably hurt other people's feelings without meaning to, because I'm a mouthy Lion. ?
4. I suck with a budget.
5. I don't vote. And I have no need to fix this perceived problem, which is the problem. The USA tells me that I should vote, that it's an honor to vote (and I can see that in some aspects), but I don't believe anyone, ever, and I can't vote for what I don't believe. I believe everyone has good intentions, and no one person has the ability to actually do the things they say they will. Someone else has the power to thwart things they DON'T want passed, and....i can't vote on someone's good intentions when I feel like the system is too broken. AND furthermore, has anyone else noticed that politics and religion are closely entwined also? Not voting. I'm willing to LISTEN though- do I get points for that? Until I hear from someone that I actually believe...not happening. This problem isn't likely going to be fixed. What's going to be interesting though is teaching the kids the process. I'm going to give them every opportunity to get involved and find it fascinating and believe in the system if they so choose.
6. I'm a bitchy PMS-er. This is for sure. I've done all I can nutritionally to help myself (all of us) out, and it's been pretty good, but I still feel it on the inside. MFN got a good look at PMS girl reaching the end of her rope with Halloween on Sunday. I was ready to send them all packin' and stay home in the peace and quiet. And not hand out teeth destroying candy. HAHAHAHAH! I'm SUCH A POOP!
7. Is that a problem? I'm a total Halloween poop, Valentine's day poop, tooth fairy poop, Christmas poop. I mean- I wish I'd never started the tooth fairy bullshit, or the Santa bullshit. If I could do it all over again, I would definitely tell them the TRUTH, and then tell them the story and we could participate that way, which would still be fun without the disappointment of the realization that you've been lied to and the whole country is in on it. Stupid. See? Problem! I'm not normal.
8. Maybe that's my biggest problem! I'm not normal! I don't buy most of the shit that's out there about anything....and I have these kids and I'm suposed to be doing certain things and supporting certain mistruths "for fun". I don't buy it! I'm not normal! *sigh* and there's no changing it....I think I need to go shopping at Michael's and get inspired.
OH! I wrote Jes Lee, who is an artist a thank you note, for his work. I saw it at the Bloomington Center for the Arts and some of it really struck me. You know that feeling you get when something actually reaches out and touches you? I felt a lot of his work. I left there feeling...well, touched, so I told him. He responded, and was quite appreciative. Compliments don't pay the bills, of course, but the intangibles count in some way, don't they?
Speaking of art, I bought some today. Aren't I all sorts of off track today? I went to Target and was UNINSPIRED. I even got pissed and tried to call Cullen to complain that not only was my run on the treadmill a bust, but I couldn't SHOP....so I went to Kohl's...they have a piece that I do like quite a bit, but it's $99. It's buy one get one, but the other piece that I wanted with it was gone. No go. Still pissy, but looked at christmas decorations and that helped quite a bit. Then I went back to Hancock Fabrics...they had a picture there that I loved when I was there a few days ago. It's a picture of a house, lit up and warm looking, with a brook behind it, and wild flowers. The only thing missing is my willow tree, but the colors were perfect and ..I don't know, it was one of those scenes that you FEEL. I felt it. So I went in, and I took it. It was on sale for $49.99. Not bad! She rung it up and said "Well! Look at that! A sale on a sale! Your total is $21.99!"
DID YOU HEAR THAT? I get to look at my pretty scene, I get to disappear into that house, I get to go sit on the bench that no one can see behind the house, by the brook, whenever I want to! Maybe my baby willow tree is back there growing too. YAY ME!
Definitely menstrual, huh? :)
Some people don't have a hard time saying it when it's appropriate.
BUT for other people, to say "I'm sorry" would be admitting to a "wrong" doing, it would be acknowledging that our (their) actions affect others and that they hadn't considered the others when acting, and no sirreee! NOT APOLOGIZING. Can't go *there*!
Why is that?
My husband grew up in a fairly severe alcoholic family. They weren't abusive. Maybe not nearly as attentive to their children, but not abusive. Loving even. For the most part. Every kid has a story of how his parents let him down, right?
The alcoholism extends further than just his parents- his paternal grandparents, great aunts, etc. And I see it in his siblings too. I have no idea if it's a choice or if it's in our blood, but it's a thing, and it's real.
My husband can't NOT drink. Oh, sure, he will go 2 weeks to prove it to me that he can "stop" drinking, but that's about it. My dad and the other Chuck drink also and he loves to have drinks with them. This is for more than just the "taste", of course. I'm sure it "relaxes" him, in a way that he clearly can't "relax" by himself. Buzzes are fun! I know that. Everyone knows that, but what does it mean when you NEED it? Why isn't family important enough to stop drinking for?? And honestly- is endangering your life and the people around you's lives THAT important? Clearly that is not at the top of the list of important things or people would stop being stupid and thinking they can drive after 4 or 6 drinks. or 3, for that matter. 3 would lay me out flat.
I don't get it.
I don't CARE about a couple of drinks, a couple times a week. I care when it's every night. I'm NOT STUPID- which is the other irritating thing...when I'm treated like I'm stupid. Like I don't know he's had a good amount to drink. Like I don't know that half the fun of sitting out in the man cave is the drinking aspect. I'm not STUPID, so don't act like I'm stupid. I don't make a big deal out of it when IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.
Why can't people be accountable for their actions? If we want the people around us to be accountable and responsible for things, why don't we extend them the same courtesy by owning our own shit? When's the last time you said "I admit that *this* is a problem and I need to work on it and may need help working on it." ?
So, in that spirit, I'm digging down to find my "problems". In GENERAL, I don't believe these cause anyone around me, cept for me, grief- but I don't want to be the pot calling the kettle black, you know?
Nicki's List Of Shit To Fix Or At Least Make Better:
1. I still feel really strongly about certain things, and I need to be able to find a way to let others believe how they want to without making them "wrong".
2. I get over things pretty darn quickly, but I wish I could do it even faster.
3. Sometimes I probably hurt other people's feelings without meaning to, because I'm a mouthy Lion. ?
4. I suck with a budget.
5. I don't vote. And I have no need to fix this perceived problem, which is the problem. The USA tells me that I should vote, that it's an honor to vote (and I can see that in some aspects), but I don't believe anyone, ever, and I can't vote for what I don't believe. I believe everyone has good intentions, and no one person has the ability to actually do the things they say they will. Someone else has the power to thwart things they DON'T want passed, and....i can't vote on someone's good intentions when I feel like the system is too broken. AND furthermore, has anyone else noticed that politics and religion are closely entwined also? Not voting. I'm willing to LISTEN though- do I get points for that? Until I hear from someone that I actually believe...not happening. This problem isn't likely going to be fixed. What's going to be interesting though is teaching the kids the process. I'm going to give them every opportunity to get involved and find it fascinating and believe in the system if they so choose.
6. I'm a bitchy PMS-er. This is for sure. I've done all I can nutritionally to help myself (all of us) out, and it's been pretty good, but I still feel it on the inside. MFN got a good look at PMS girl reaching the end of her rope with Halloween on Sunday. I was ready to send them all packin' and stay home in the peace and quiet. And not hand out teeth destroying candy. HAHAHAHAH! I'm SUCH A POOP!
7. Is that a problem? I'm a total Halloween poop, Valentine's day poop, tooth fairy poop, Christmas poop. I mean- I wish I'd never started the tooth fairy bullshit, or the Santa bullshit. If I could do it all over again, I would definitely tell them the TRUTH, and then tell them the story and we could participate that way, which would still be fun without the disappointment of the realization that you've been lied to and the whole country is in on it. Stupid. See? Problem! I'm not normal.
8. Maybe that's my biggest problem! I'm not normal! I don't buy most of the shit that's out there about anything....and I have these kids and I'm suposed to be doing certain things and supporting certain mistruths "for fun". I don't buy it! I'm not normal! *sigh* and there's no changing it....I think I need to go shopping at Michael's and get inspired.
OH! I wrote Jes Lee, who is an artist a thank you note, for his work. I saw it at the Bloomington Center for the Arts and some of it really struck me. You know that feeling you get when something actually reaches out and touches you? I felt a lot of his work. I left there feeling...well, touched, so I told him. He responded, and was quite appreciative. Compliments don't pay the bills, of course, but the intangibles count in some way, don't they?
Speaking of art, I bought some today. Aren't I all sorts of off track today? I went to Target and was UNINSPIRED. I even got pissed and tried to call Cullen to complain that not only was my run on the treadmill a bust, but I couldn't SHOP....so I went to Kohl's...they have a piece that I do like quite a bit, but it's $99. It's buy one get one, but the other piece that I wanted with it was gone. No go. Still pissy, but looked at christmas decorations and that helped quite a bit. Then I went back to Hancock Fabrics...they had a picture there that I loved when I was there a few days ago. It's a picture of a house, lit up and warm looking, with a brook behind it, and wild flowers. The only thing missing is my willow tree, but the colors were perfect and ..I don't know, it was one of those scenes that you FEEL. I felt it. So I went in, and I took it. It was on sale for $49.99. Not bad! She rung it up and said "Well! Look at that! A sale on a sale! Your total is $21.99!"
DID YOU HEAR THAT? I get to look at my pretty scene, I get to disappear into that house, I get to go sit on the bench that no one can see behind the house, by the brook, whenever I want to! Maybe my baby willow tree is back there growing too. YAY ME!
Definitely menstrual, huh? :)
Monday, November 1, 2010
Taking on the church....ie. my father in law
Wow, I'm all backed up like I ate a brick of cheese, cept it's a blogging clog.
1. I dislike Halloween intensely and I'm happy it's over. Thank God the kids have Cullen or else I'd make them skip it.
2. Another anonymous donor friend got a letter from her recipient, and I LOVE IT! It actually makes me feel like I got a letter when I read it, it fills me up so. I love it and it's just what I need to read and be reminded of.
3. I got to skip the baptism, which made me happy for a lot of reasons. One, I don't believe in it. Two, it was a 2.5 hour long service. Three- doing that with 4 kids is CRAZY and THANK GOD I didn't have to try to keep 4 kids quiet throughout that. Cullen had to participate though, poor baby. I don't get what they did, or what it means. Cullen and Shawn are BOTH God fathers to Nick, Rick is Godfather to Nick, Kim is God mother to Nick, and Em's sis is God mother to Adalaine. So...? Brian and Em are the ONLY practicing Catholics in the family now- so if these people are suposed to support the kids in the God-ness--- GOOD LUCK. And if Brian, Em and Heidi (Nick's mom) all kick at the same time...we'll have a load of custody battles on our hands. I don't get it, and it's so silly to me. SIGH.
So..at some point...how in the world did it come up? I was at Jane and Mikes yesterday and at some point he said.."Well, you're PROLIFE, right?" and he nodded and was going to continue. I didn't let it slide this time. I said "Well, actually, I'm not." And there we went. I said I just don't feel that it's my place to decide what's right or wrong for anyone other than me, and that I don't know if I believe in right or wrong at all anyway. So on and on it went. He called me new-agey, and I don't care. One of the things we discussed was how I don't feel like I can fault anyone in a war- most wars are religious based and people are doing what they are told is the "right" thing to do....and who am I to say "no, YOU are wrong, but YOU are right"? Especially since my own ideas of what's wrong and right continue to change? How scared are those suicide bombers before blowing themselves up?
Mike's question to me was what IF my daughter became Muslim, married Muslim and was beaten and eventually stoned to death for one of the many offenses that women are stoned for in that religion (becausee GOD said to do that...not MY God, but apparently enough people believe that ANY God would say to do something like that). He said "So you'd just be okay with that, because they thought they were doing the right thing?"
First of all- let's admit that without ever being in that situation, it's impossible to guage how I would truly react. I'd be utterly devasted by the loss of my daughter, but chances are good that I would have mourned the "loss" of her in other ways before that- I'm pretty sure that our relationship would be very different from how it is now by that point anyway.
BUT- could I forgive the men who stoned her to death?
Watched her bleed and scream for help and cry and beg them to stop? Could I?
I don't know. Even if they were doing what they believe is right....
However- IF I COULD, would I not then be even more Christ like? It wouldn't be giving them a free pass, it would be acknowledging that there is much I don't understand about their ideas and beliefs. If I could stay in that space and not be burdened by hatred for them for the rest of my life...isn't that what Jesus would have done? And he was trying to make me "wrong" for that- my Catholic father in law...
So, now he's going to try to save me, and he'll pray for me even harder now. What a shock it must have been to him to find that the girl he loves so much doesn't believe Jesus is her sole ticket back to where she came from.
Last night Cullen hung out in the garage with Other Chuck til past 10. He had said he was going to hang out til 9, but he must have been having fun. He always comes in to check on me, and he bought me a lottery ticket to keep me "happy" (that's not what makes me happy, but A for Effort, I supose). He did that last week also. This is fine, in all reality. I can read and entertain myself just fine. But- BUT- I'd prefer him to be honest with me about his intentions, for one, and two, let's be honest. If I did that 2 times in a week, my needy husband would make me pay for at least 2 days. He'd be offstanding and I'd hear "Are you SURE you love me?" So that irritates me A LOT, and I did tell him that I'm bothered by the double standard. Plus he drinks a lot more when he's hanging out outside, and we all know how I feel about taking a seat to stupid alcohol.
Caiden is laying here cheesin away at Jordan, happy as can be. He is SO CUTE!!!!
Time to play with him before he goes back to sleep, and hit the laundry.
1. I dislike Halloween intensely and I'm happy it's over. Thank God the kids have Cullen or else I'd make them skip it.
2. Another anonymous donor friend got a letter from her recipient, and I LOVE IT! It actually makes me feel like I got a letter when I read it, it fills me up so. I love it and it's just what I need to read and be reminded of.
3. I got to skip the baptism, which made me happy for a lot of reasons. One, I don't believe in it. Two, it was a 2.5 hour long service. Three- doing that with 4 kids is CRAZY and THANK GOD I didn't have to try to keep 4 kids quiet throughout that. Cullen had to participate though, poor baby. I don't get what they did, or what it means. Cullen and Shawn are BOTH God fathers to Nick, Rick is Godfather to Nick, Kim is God mother to Nick, and Em's sis is God mother to Adalaine. So...? Brian and Em are the ONLY practicing Catholics in the family now- so if these people are suposed to support the kids in the God-ness--- GOOD LUCK. And if Brian, Em and Heidi (Nick's mom) all kick at the same time...we'll have a load of custody battles on our hands. I don't get it, and it's so silly to me. SIGH.
So..at some point...how in the world did it come up? I was at Jane and Mikes yesterday and at some point he said.."Well, you're PROLIFE, right?" and he nodded and was going to continue. I didn't let it slide this time. I said "Well, actually, I'm not." And there we went. I said I just don't feel that it's my place to decide what's right or wrong for anyone other than me, and that I don't know if I believe in right or wrong at all anyway. So on and on it went. He called me new-agey, and I don't care. One of the things we discussed was how I don't feel like I can fault anyone in a war- most wars are religious based and people are doing what they are told is the "right" thing to do....and who am I to say "no, YOU are wrong, but YOU are right"? Especially since my own ideas of what's wrong and right continue to change? How scared are those suicide bombers before blowing themselves up?
Mike's question to me was what IF my daughter became Muslim, married Muslim and was beaten and eventually stoned to death for one of the many offenses that women are stoned for in that religion (becausee GOD said to do that...not MY God, but apparently enough people believe that ANY God would say to do something like that). He said "So you'd just be okay with that, because they thought they were doing the right thing?"
First of all- let's admit that without ever being in that situation, it's impossible to guage how I would truly react. I'd be utterly devasted by the loss of my daughter, but chances are good that I would have mourned the "loss" of her in other ways before that- I'm pretty sure that our relationship would be very different from how it is now by that point anyway.
BUT- could I forgive the men who stoned her to death?
Watched her bleed and scream for help and cry and beg them to stop? Could I?
I don't know. Even if they were doing what they believe is right....
However- IF I COULD, would I not then be even more Christ like? It wouldn't be giving them a free pass, it would be acknowledging that there is much I don't understand about their ideas and beliefs. If I could stay in that space and not be burdened by hatred for them for the rest of my life...isn't that what Jesus would have done? And he was trying to make me "wrong" for that- my Catholic father in law...
So, now he's going to try to save me, and he'll pray for me even harder now. What a shock it must have been to him to find that the girl he loves so much doesn't believe Jesus is her sole ticket back to where she came from.
Last night Cullen hung out in the garage with Other Chuck til past 10. He had said he was going to hang out til 9, but he must have been having fun. He always comes in to check on me, and he bought me a lottery ticket to keep me "happy" (that's not what makes me happy, but A for Effort, I supose). He did that last week also. This is fine, in all reality. I can read and entertain myself just fine. But- BUT- I'd prefer him to be honest with me about his intentions, for one, and two, let's be honest. If I did that 2 times in a week, my needy husband would make me pay for at least 2 days. He'd be offstanding and I'd hear "Are you SURE you love me?" So that irritates me A LOT, and I did tell him that I'm bothered by the double standard. Plus he drinks a lot more when he's hanging out outside, and we all know how I feel about taking a seat to stupid alcohol.
Caiden is laying here cheesin away at Jordan, happy as can be. He is SO CUTE!!!!
Time to play with him before he goes back to sleep, and hit the laundry.
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