So Jordan and I went out this morning, for a field trip. We hit the Bloomington Art Center (VERY COOL!) and the MOA.
As we were walking, I was looking at Lee's Art Gallery- this dude can DRAW. It's a gift. He asked if he could draw Jordan. While normally my hackles would have gone up because he's trying to make some money, I looked at his work again and asked how much.
Of COURSE we get a discount for being the first customers, because more people come when they are watching him work. $25.00 for a big ole picture of Jordan. That's IT. For THAT TALENT.
Anyway, he took a pic of Jordan because my shy guy doesn't like people he doesn't know very much, and we came back later to watch him, and HOLY CRAP. It's just such a gift. So I love him a little bit- okay, a lot. Can you imagine what the world looks like through HIS eyes? To see things in shades, in depth, to see what's REALLY there that we are all missing? Jordan's eyes sparkle in the picture just as much as they do in real life. It's gorgeous. I might need him to do all the kids- THAT is worth paying money for. Beautiful. What a soul. I wonder if he FEELS it or if it's just something he does? I wonder if I'll ask him if he feels what he does or if he just does it. I have to admit, I'm going to be disappointed if he tells me that he just does it and he doesn't take it in every time, but I am betting that he does feel every inch of it. In fact, while the finished product is astounding, the real true beauty is in watching him work. It's BEAUTIFUL, what he sees and how he interprets it.
*LOVE*
Friday, October 29, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
This baby is too easy!
He's making this so very easy for me! I got all the winter crap out, went through everything, even threw away all the unmatched mitts and stuff. And while I was out there doing that, Neighbor Randy came out with some clothes for me to drop off (since I had just put other stuff in the van and he saw). Yes, this is Randy that is very UNATTRACTIVE but I trust him because he wears a sweatshirt, jeans and glasses. I've traced this trust thing definitely back to my dad, and my friend Heidi's dad too-so THERE!
Anyway, he's out of a job and considering moving in with his girlfriend, and wondered if we'd be interested in moving into his house in the spring. It'd be cheaper for us and I told him we'd be interested and to keep us in the loop, but of course, there's no tellin anything, esp with Cullen's mom how she is now.
More hurry up and wait and don't make any concrete decisions.
Awesome.
Anyway, he's out of a job and considering moving in with his girlfriend, and wondered if we'd be interested in moving into his house in the spring. It'd be cheaper for us and I told him we'd be interested and to keep us in the loop, but of course, there's no tellin anything, esp with Cullen's mom how she is now.
More hurry up and wait and don't make any concrete decisions.
Awesome.
...and hospice ROCKS!
So last night I went to go see my Janie. She was in bed, so I hung out with my Mike for awhile, and he went over what I missed and we talked about Corey, and dying and stuff. While I was there Jane's long time doctor called, primary, just to say hi. It was 7:30pm, and she'd heard she was in the hospital and wanted to check in. Wasn't that nice? It was very refreshing to hear Mike talking to her, because there is so much that goes on that we don't see. Then hospice called. She was in a lot of pain last night due to her feet and whatever was happening with them. It hurt her to walk even. They delivered the good TO HER! That is so awesome. No running out to pick up a rx, no, it comes to you. That is BRILLIANT! It was very good to be there. I love them.
Yesterday was a rough ride for all the Hayes kiddos, but it ended up good.
In other kinda funny news, last night I got a call from my other sister in law. She was asking if her almost 13 year old could walk home with the boys today, and I said yes. She said "She also wants to talk to you about boys. Are you ready to go down this road with me again?" ....AHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHHAHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you remember? Do you? Do you remember what happened?! Before? With Kalene? It's what made me delete my old blog! Because I got scared they might find a way to read it. Kalene had (and still has, by the way) a boyfriend and they were sneaking out all the time (no matter what I told her to do) to make out. She was considering having sex. I told her that it wasn't a good idea and that she'd be in so much trouble if the parents found out, but she wasn't going to talk to them about it. I told her if she couldn't be stopped, that I'd buy her condoms to make sure she was safe. I have no idea if it was right or wrong but when I put myself in her shoes, that's what I needed from an adult I trusted.
They got caught- suposedly did not have sex, but got caught having fallen asleep in the boyfriends dad's van.
And shit hit the fan when she told her parents that she had talked to me and that I was going to buy them condoms. They were FURIOUS that I hadn't told them about my conversation with her. The calmest of all of Cullen's brothers came over and YELLED- Y.E.L.L.E.D. at me. I yelled back, and cried and reminded him that I'm not acting as a blind person, what I did I did because I remember what that time felt like, and I love Kalene.
It took Tina a while to soften up, but she did. You don't understand what she's like when she's mad- she's FOR REAL. It's a big deal, and even bigger when you're a sensitive girl like me. Anyway, things have changed in their lives. They MIGHT understand where I'm coming from a little bit better now- maybe. MAYBE. Anyway, I'm not nervous about whatever it is that their youngest wants to discuss. She probably just has things that she's heard about and wants to know what's what. And that's fine. Hopefully my ears won't hear anything that I'll need to decide what to tell and what not to- to the parents.
Wish me luck.
HAH!
I got out all of the winter stuff today. That sucks. Boots, hats, mittens, scarves. I have more gloves and mitts that don't have matches, so I'll do what I did last year- put them in the closet and wait for the other one to show up. Stupid. I should just throw them away. Maybe I'll wait til Caiden wakes up, and is crying (rare), and then do it when I'm not really "thinking" about it. :)
Yesterday was a rough ride for all the Hayes kiddos, but it ended up good.
In other kinda funny news, last night I got a call from my other sister in law. She was asking if her almost 13 year old could walk home with the boys today, and I said yes. She said "She also wants to talk to you about boys. Are you ready to go down this road with me again?" ....AHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHHAHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you remember? Do you? Do you remember what happened?! Before? With Kalene? It's what made me delete my old blog! Because I got scared they might find a way to read it. Kalene had (and still has, by the way) a boyfriend and they were sneaking out all the time (no matter what I told her to do) to make out. She was considering having sex. I told her that it wasn't a good idea and that she'd be in so much trouble if the parents found out, but she wasn't going to talk to them about it. I told her if she couldn't be stopped, that I'd buy her condoms to make sure she was safe. I have no idea if it was right or wrong but when I put myself in her shoes, that's what I needed from an adult I trusted.
They got caught- suposedly did not have sex, but got caught having fallen asleep in the boyfriends dad's van.
And shit hit the fan when she told her parents that she had talked to me and that I was going to buy them condoms. They were FURIOUS that I hadn't told them about my conversation with her. The calmest of all of Cullen's brothers came over and YELLED- Y.E.L.L.E.D. at me. I yelled back, and cried and reminded him that I'm not acting as a blind person, what I did I did because I remember what that time felt like, and I love Kalene.
It took Tina a while to soften up, but she did. You don't understand what she's like when she's mad- she's FOR REAL. It's a big deal, and even bigger when you're a sensitive girl like me. Anyway, things have changed in their lives. They MIGHT understand where I'm coming from a little bit better now- maybe. MAYBE. Anyway, I'm not nervous about whatever it is that their youngest wants to discuss. She probably just has things that she's heard about and wants to know what's what. And that's fine. Hopefully my ears won't hear anything that I'll need to decide what to tell and what not to- to the parents.
Wish me luck.
HAH!
I got out all of the winter stuff today. That sucks. Boots, hats, mittens, scarves. I have more gloves and mitts that don't have matches, so I'll do what I did last year- put them in the closet and wait for the other one to show up. Stupid. I should just throw them away. Maybe I'll wait til Caiden wakes up, and is crying (rare), and then do it when I'm not really "thinking" about it. :)
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Letting Go...some more
Have you ever decided to get on, say, the Power Tower (that ride is my thing..)...you watch people do it, and you see that they get through it, and you think that you can do it too, and maybe even do it better...so you do it. You get on the ride. And as soon as you're sitting there, you think "Hm. Okay, I take it back. I can live without this experience. I want to get off." But, you can't get off. It's already begun. It lifts you up and up and up...and while part of you is thinking "I hate this!" the other part of you is seeing some really beautiful things...like the view from way the hell up there. Your stomach is in knots because you know what's coming, but because you're screwed already and on the ride, you try to see some of the good things.
Then you get to the top and it stops.
And you know what's coming. And you REALLY wish you didn't have to go through with this, because even though you'll survive, and you'll find a way to laugh, you know you're going to be screaming your head off in 10 short seconds and there's no way you can "get ready" for what you go through when you drop.
That's what this feels like. Jane now has hospice care.
Hospice is for end of life care.
We KNEW, and we KNOW this is coming. This is happening. But it's happening FASTER now. She rarely doesn't have her oxygen on. She struggles all the time and is extremely tired all the time. She makes plans and bails most of the time.
And she's done going to the hospital and to the doctor. There is nothing else they can do for her.
Hospice is WONDERFUL- the services they provide are a blessing. Massage, baths, whatever she wants or needs. If Mike needs a break from making her medicine for her catheter thing, they will come do it. They will talk with her about death and what to expect if she wants. They'll talk about why dogs lick their butts if she wants to. This is WONDERFUL for her. And a reminder to us, that she will not be in her body much longer- which will be a HUGE HAPPY for her and a HUGE OUCH for us.
I'm not ready.
None of us are ready. Are we ever really ready? Even when they are so sick and in pain, how is it that we would choose for them to stay in their body? We're nicer to animals.
What will it feel like when she's not in her body? What will it feel like?????????????? What will it feel like when I can't call her? When she doesn't call me? What will Christmas feel like? Easter? Spring? Summer? Fall? I don't like it. THANK GOD we're such a close family, because every time I think about one of those things, I picture all of us together, and that feels good. I get to see Kimmy and Travis and Caiden every day- THANK GOD! I'm not ready. How will ..how can I help Cullen through this?
On the upside, the brother who barely exists even showed up for the hospice meeting.
What am I going to do? See how selfish this is? HOW ARE WE GOING TO DO THIS????
We are the 2nd call on the list, after Mike (father in law). Because I'm always home or not far from home and available at any time. Do you know what else this means? I have to answer whenever they call now. Sometimes, I don't. Wanna know why? Because sometimes I'm nervous about what the call might be about. So it takes a few minutes to gather myself and then call back to make sure she doesn't need anything.
I CAN'T DO THIS. She won't be sitting in her chair anymore.
She already doesn't do most of what she used to be able to. The little letting go's have picked up, picked up, picked up.
WHAT WILL I DO? How much is it going to hurt when I want to call her to tell her something and she isn't there? I know I can still tell her, and I will, but just to hear her voice....
HATE THIS RIDE.
But- BUT! I am determined to do this the best I can. What that means is that I intend to feel every single inch of this, because I know with the pain and the missing, I WILL be happy she's out of her body and free again. And because the Universe ROCKS, I know that in the pain will also be the most beautiful things, like the outpouring of love (Please, God, let me get those love notes done before it's time...) that will surround Mike, their kids, me, friends and family....I know that. We'll all shine, in love with and for her. And, she isn't gone yet- so we get to keep celebrating her while she IS here (come ON love notes! Get here!), and we can laugh with her and visit her and be glad for her company yet. We can hold eachother closer and tell the people that we love how we feel, remembering to celebrate them NOW.
Yes, there's only one way to do this, and it's to do it all the way, but ...
it sucks a little.
Then you get to the top and it stops.
And you know what's coming. And you REALLY wish you didn't have to go through with this, because even though you'll survive, and you'll find a way to laugh, you know you're going to be screaming your head off in 10 short seconds and there's no way you can "get ready" for what you go through when you drop.
That's what this feels like. Jane now has hospice care.
Hospice is for end of life care.
We KNEW, and we KNOW this is coming. This is happening. But it's happening FASTER now. She rarely doesn't have her oxygen on. She struggles all the time and is extremely tired all the time. She makes plans and bails most of the time.
And she's done going to the hospital and to the doctor. There is nothing else they can do for her.
Hospice is WONDERFUL- the services they provide are a blessing. Massage, baths, whatever she wants or needs. If Mike needs a break from making her medicine for her catheter thing, they will come do it. They will talk with her about death and what to expect if she wants. They'll talk about why dogs lick their butts if she wants to. This is WONDERFUL for her. And a reminder to us, that she will not be in her body much longer- which will be a HUGE HAPPY for her and a HUGE OUCH for us.
I'm not ready.
None of us are ready. Are we ever really ready? Even when they are so sick and in pain, how is it that we would choose for them to stay in their body? We're nicer to animals.
What will it feel like when she's not in her body? What will it feel like?????????????? What will it feel like when I can't call her? When she doesn't call me? What will Christmas feel like? Easter? Spring? Summer? Fall? I don't like it. THANK GOD we're such a close family, because every time I think about one of those things, I picture all of us together, and that feels good. I get to see Kimmy and Travis and Caiden every day- THANK GOD! I'm not ready. How will ..how can I help Cullen through this?
On the upside, the brother who barely exists even showed up for the hospice meeting.
What am I going to do? See how selfish this is? HOW ARE WE GOING TO DO THIS????
We are the 2nd call on the list, after Mike (father in law). Because I'm always home or not far from home and available at any time. Do you know what else this means? I have to answer whenever they call now. Sometimes, I don't. Wanna know why? Because sometimes I'm nervous about what the call might be about. So it takes a few minutes to gather myself and then call back to make sure she doesn't need anything.
I CAN'T DO THIS. She won't be sitting in her chair anymore.
She already doesn't do most of what she used to be able to. The little letting go's have picked up, picked up, picked up.
WHAT WILL I DO? How much is it going to hurt when I want to call her to tell her something and she isn't there? I know I can still tell her, and I will, but just to hear her voice....
HATE THIS RIDE.
But- BUT! I am determined to do this the best I can. What that means is that I intend to feel every single inch of this, because I know with the pain and the missing, I WILL be happy she's out of her body and free again. And because the Universe ROCKS, I know that in the pain will also be the most beautiful things, like the outpouring of love (Please, God, let me get those love notes done before it's time...) that will surround Mike, their kids, me, friends and family....I know that. We'll all shine, in love with and for her. And, she isn't gone yet- so we get to keep celebrating her while she IS here (come ON love notes! Get here!), and we can laugh with her and visit her and be glad for her company yet. We can hold eachother closer and tell the people that we love how we feel, remembering to celebrate them NOW.
Yes, there's only one way to do this, and it's to do it all the way, but ...
it sucks a little.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
If I knew then what I know now...
If I were going to do our wedding over again, knowing what I know now, what would I do different?
What would I do...what would I do....
Hm.
Okay, I think I got it.
First of all, I'd spare my sister and Cullen's brother from having to participate. Michelle, I'm sorry I made you buy a dress you would never wear again. That's so SUCK ASS. I hate doing it, and I'm sorry I made you do it too. I would also skip over buying a wedding dress. It's a one time deal, and for all that money? Screw that. I would, however, find the prettiest, flowiest, yummiest whatever I wanted (skirt, dress, whatevs) and buy that. Cullen would wear whatever he wanted to, too. And I think that probably in late spring- before bugs, but when it's heavenly out and you have your windows open all the time, we'd go underneath a willow tree somewhere pretty, and we'd get married. We'd read our own vows to eachother. We know NOW that marriage is HARD SHIT TO GET THROUGH, and NO ONE can prepare you for how hard it will be sometimes, like trying to get pregnant, deciding when to be done, raising the babies, letting babies cry, disciplining, money, parents...no one can tell you. DRINKING. The list goes on and on. HARD SHIT. We would write our own vows, and do you know what? There isn't a priest there. Or a judge. Because we don't need one. Legally, I supose you do, but when it comes to soul to soul, there is nothing a priest can do that we don't do, AND it's more honest coming from us anyway. If we wanted "witnesses" I supose we could include them- you know how us parents kinda like to see that kind of thing.
After we recommit to one another, we'd have a light lunch with those who came to be with us, and then it's nap time in the hammock.
Yup, that's what I'd do now.
Not that I didn't love how our wedding was the first time, but there were so many things that I did just because that's what "we" *do* and that's STUPID to me and I don't know why we do that.
Okay, the end.
What would I do...what would I do....
Hm.
Okay, I think I got it.
First of all, I'd spare my sister and Cullen's brother from having to participate. Michelle, I'm sorry I made you buy a dress you would never wear again. That's so SUCK ASS. I hate doing it, and I'm sorry I made you do it too. I would also skip over buying a wedding dress. It's a one time deal, and for all that money? Screw that. I would, however, find the prettiest, flowiest, yummiest whatever I wanted (skirt, dress, whatevs) and buy that. Cullen would wear whatever he wanted to, too. And I think that probably in late spring- before bugs, but when it's heavenly out and you have your windows open all the time, we'd go underneath a willow tree somewhere pretty, and we'd get married. We'd read our own vows to eachother. We know NOW that marriage is HARD SHIT TO GET THROUGH, and NO ONE can prepare you for how hard it will be sometimes, like trying to get pregnant, deciding when to be done, raising the babies, letting babies cry, disciplining, money, parents...no one can tell you. DRINKING. The list goes on and on. HARD SHIT. We would write our own vows, and do you know what? There isn't a priest there. Or a judge. Because we don't need one. Legally, I supose you do, but when it comes to soul to soul, there is nothing a priest can do that we don't do, AND it's more honest coming from us anyway. If we wanted "witnesses" I supose we could include them- you know how us parents kinda like to see that kind of thing.
After we recommit to one another, we'd have a light lunch with those who came to be with us, and then it's nap time in the hammock.
Yup, that's what I'd do now.
Not that I didn't love how our wedding was the first time, but there were so many things that I did just because that's what "we" *do* and that's STUPID to me and I don't know why we do that.
Okay, the end.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Kids are cooler than adults.
Delphin, Samantha and Chuckie's grandpa, who is from the Phillipenes. He is learning English quite well, but normally it takes me a minute to understand him. He asked me about the game last night earlier, and it took him 3 times to get me to understand. Once I understood, I of course, should have gotten it a lot sooner than I did- just like with kids when they start talking.
Anyway, he came over just not to get Samantha. It's almost time to go get Julia (and Chuckie) from school. He came in and said something, which I didn't catch. But Jordan did. "Can I go eat some rice with Samantha too?" and Delphin had been saying "Sam come eat rice, Jordan come too?" and Jordan understood him just fine the first time.
Kids seriously rock!
Anyway, he came over just not to get Samantha. It's almost time to go get Julia (and Chuckie) from school. He came in and said something, which I didn't catch. But Jordan did. "Can I go eat some rice with Samantha too?" and Delphin had been saying "Sam come eat rice, Jordan come too?" and Jordan understood him just fine the first time.
Kids seriously rock!
The fuzzy robe
Over a week ago, I realized that what I'd really like to have is a robe. A nice warm fuzzy robe. TMI- but I do NOT sleep naked at night. For many reasons---one is that you never know when a kid is going to wake up and not be able to find the toilet...or have a dream or whatever. I rarely hear from a kid, but you know that the night I sleep naked all 4 will probably find me for some reason, right? Also, I have naked dreams when I sleep naked and I HATE those. I HATE dreaming I'm working in a store, naked. Or walking down the street, or in SCHOOL. HATE THEM. I'm a warm jammies and warm blankies kind of girl. However- that being said, I'd like a robe to throw on if I have to get out of bed, or if I just don't want to get dressed just yet, or what have you.
All week long Cullen would ask "Did you go to Kohl's and get you a robe?" (he has high hopes of some naked snuggling if I got a robe). And I'd tell him "No." But I still wanted one, I just didn't feel like making the trip just for a robe. I dreamed of getting out of my warm shower, and getting into a warm fuzzy robe and snuggling on the couch. Rolling out of my warm bed, into the cooler air, and throwing on my warm robe.
And do you know what happened? I manifested it! Or, you could say, God gave it to me. My sister in law came over with bags of clothes for the kids and a couple of her clothes that she doesn't fit/wear/want anymore. We have different tastes, but I should NOT have been surprised when I saw it....I felt it first, soft, warm, fuzzy...and there it was. A warm, fuzzy robe that fits me just right.
Isn't that the best? I supose some people wouldn't want someone else's robe, but it's just Em, and I LOVE IT. YAY FOR ME!
I wore it the next morning, when I woke up and made food for the kids, and fed Caiden and put him back to sleep.
The robe and Caiden both reminded me of when my brother in law said that stupid, stupid thing to me, about dressing up for Cullen. Remember that? Here I was working from home and up to my eyeballs in little kids. I had 4 children in 5 years- that is not a record, but it is a LOT of work. Unless you're a Duggar, and you let your oldest take care of your youngest, but even then, my not quite yet 5 year old wouldn't have been good at that. I clearly remember now WHY I didn't get dressed past yoga pants and a sweat or tshirt for years on end, and I got myself all ready to go to battle over it again that night. Caiden was hungry and crying and I had him in my left arm as I was dishing out the food for the other 4 kids...I couldn't hear them over Caiden, and I was getting the milk warmed up for him...and I remembered. I was ready to call him and bitch him out over it again. HAHAHAH! I was thinking "do NOT tell me that my priority is to dress up for CULLEN when i have all these kids depending on me!" His point at the time was that it would be nice for CULLEN to see me dress up for HIM-----and I am happy for him that he and his wife only had 2 kids and then divorced, thus causing him to not have his kids very often----because he would have HATED to have ME for a mother of his children if he expected to make it on my list of MUST DO'S for those very, very busy years. It's SO much easier now that Jordan is 4. I DO get dressed every day. I DO throw some make up on, and manage my wild hair. I have TIME for that now! *I* knew I'd have time for that again. What's so funny to me is that Cullen, even back then, was getting more lovin' than his brother was or is, and that was all during the time that I wasn't dressing up for him. UGH. It still gets me. What a lack of honor....someday he'll know that just because some jackass put it in the Bible that wives are to honor their men, does not mean that GOD would say that, or mean that or expect that. Any woman, especially any MOTHER knows the secret to all of life in a way that our darling counterparts just cannot know. God knows this, as well. I tried to explain to him, at the time, that even after Cullen would come home, what sounded nice and relaxing to me was not GETTING DOLLED UP AND GOING OUT. My GOD- that's more WORK. No, a nice book, bath, or sitting alone in a room not being needed was what I wanted or needed and what i was given, by my very, very smart husband who DOES honor me, and DID understand that the kids were not keeping themselves clean, fed, dressed...they weren't teaching themselves the abc's, or how to count, or how to use manners. GOD BLESS CULLEN! Smart man. Smart men get lots of sex. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Smart men who make their wives feel not alone, and understood, and realize how much work taking care of a house, children and holding down a full time job at the same time is get lots of lovin'. Tried and true!
Anyway, enough of that. Bonehead.
11:19am. Caiden still sleeping. YAY GROWING, SLEEPING, HAPPY BABIES!
All week long Cullen would ask "Did you go to Kohl's and get you a robe?" (he has high hopes of some naked snuggling if I got a robe). And I'd tell him "No." But I still wanted one, I just didn't feel like making the trip just for a robe. I dreamed of getting out of my warm shower, and getting into a warm fuzzy robe and snuggling on the couch. Rolling out of my warm bed, into the cooler air, and throwing on my warm robe.
And do you know what happened? I manifested it! Or, you could say, God gave it to me. My sister in law came over with bags of clothes for the kids and a couple of her clothes that she doesn't fit/wear/want anymore. We have different tastes, but I should NOT have been surprised when I saw it....I felt it first, soft, warm, fuzzy...and there it was. A warm, fuzzy robe that fits me just right.
Isn't that the best? I supose some people wouldn't want someone else's robe, but it's just Em, and I LOVE IT. YAY FOR ME!
I wore it the next morning, when I woke up and made food for the kids, and fed Caiden and put him back to sleep.
The robe and Caiden both reminded me of when my brother in law said that stupid, stupid thing to me, about dressing up for Cullen. Remember that? Here I was working from home and up to my eyeballs in little kids. I had 4 children in 5 years- that is not a record, but it is a LOT of work. Unless you're a Duggar, and you let your oldest take care of your youngest, but even then, my not quite yet 5 year old wouldn't have been good at that. I clearly remember now WHY I didn't get dressed past yoga pants and a sweat or tshirt for years on end, and I got myself all ready to go to battle over it again that night. Caiden was hungry and crying and I had him in my left arm as I was dishing out the food for the other 4 kids...I couldn't hear them over Caiden, and I was getting the milk warmed up for him...and I remembered. I was ready to call him and bitch him out over it again. HAHAHAH! I was thinking "do NOT tell me that my priority is to dress up for CULLEN when i have all these kids depending on me!" His point at the time was that it would be nice for CULLEN to see me dress up for HIM-----and I am happy for him that he and his wife only had 2 kids and then divorced, thus causing him to not have his kids very often----because he would have HATED to have ME for a mother of his children if he expected to make it on my list of MUST DO'S for those very, very busy years. It's SO much easier now that Jordan is 4. I DO get dressed every day. I DO throw some make up on, and manage my wild hair. I have TIME for that now! *I* knew I'd have time for that again. What's so funny to me is that Cullen, even back then, was getting more lovin' than his brother was or is, and that was all during the time that I wasn't dressing up for him. UGH. It still gets me. What a lack of honor....someday he'll know that just because some jackass put it in the Bible that wives are to honor their men, does not mean that GOD would say that, or mean that or expect that. Any woman, especially any MOTHER knows the secret to all of life in a way that our darling counterparts just cannot know. God knows this, as well. I tried to explain to him, at the time, that even after Cullen would come home, what sounded nice and relaxing to me was not GETTING DOLLED UP AND GOING OUT. My GOD- that's more WORK. No, a nice book, bath, or sitting alone in a room not being needed was what I wanted or needed and what i was given, by my very, very smart husband who DOES honor me, and DID understand that the kids were not keeping themselves clean, fed, dressed...they weren't teaching themselves the abc's, or how to count, or how to use manners. GOD BLESS CULLEN! Smart man. Smart men get lots of sex. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Smart men who make their wives feel not alone, and understood, and realize how much work taking care of a house, children and holding down a full time job at the same time is get lots of lovin'. Tried and true!
Anyway, enough of that. Bonehead.
11:19am. Caiden still sleeping. YAY GROWING, SLEEPING, HAPPY BABIES!
Back into babydom!
Oh how I've missed having a baby around! And oh, how I've forgotten about babies. And OH! How I've remembered about babies!!!!!
Caiden stayed overnight on Saturday and for the first time in his life, he slept through the night! That's especially funny because JORDAN was up 2 times that night til I put him in his own bed (he was downstairs will all 3 of the other kids). Caiden slept from 10:30pm til 7:15 am, ate 4 oz and went back to sleep til his momma woke him up at 9:15 or so.
Today he got here around 8am, and was still snoozy. He woke up and we brought the kids to school at 8:45, he had 2 oz and was just not real happy- then it occurred to me that he might be tired. The kid is a side sleeper and he zonked at 9:15ish, and is still sleeping, almost 2 hours later. Joshy was a side sleeper! And he loved to have a blanket next to his face, just like Caiden.
Kimmy's ped told her that babies shouldn't be allowed to "just cry" until they are at least 6 months old, that they don't the psychological effects of it. I'm so irritated by that. I bet that ped doesn't have any children. If he/she did, they would NEVER SAY THAT to a mom, much less a first time mom. There are times when babies cry, and they have been changed and fed, and they don't want to nurse, and they don't want the paci, and maybe they are over tired. There are times that they cry so long and so hard that you might start feeling like pulling your hair out. It is so unfair to make that mom feel bad if she needs a few minutes to collect herself! That is just not right!!! And when they are teething, they will scream their heads off also- and if you don't want to give them Tylenol or ibuprofrin, there isn't a whole lot you can do for them. They might like chewing on a frozen carrot or frozen washcloth, but they will probably still cry. And it's OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!
This week my goal is to watch Caiden and get his schedule down. Looks like he might arrive still sleepy in the mornings. When it gets too cold out to walk the kids to school, our fantastic neighbor offered to give them a ride (he gives his own kid a ride everyday anyway). That will help me alot! As this is going, the morning nap is timed well, and I'm guessing he'll wake up in a half hour or so, eat, we'll go get Julia from school, play for awhile, and then it will be nap time again around 1, 1:30. Just my guess. That nap should last another good at LEAST hour, maybe more...and then he'll wake up around 3, 3:30? We'll see. By the end of the week, I'll have him and he'll have me figured out and a schedule will show! I wonder if it is hard as a first time mom to watch someone else get their baby on a schedule? I'm not sure how much to tell her or not tell her. When he was here Saturday, his naps (on his back) were full of crying, and then a nap for 20 minutes MAX. He slept a total of 1.5 hours from 12pm- 10:30pm (when he finally zonked all night long)- and I'm guessing that if he sleeps on his side, he'll sleep better and for longer. I remember how scary and hard it was the first time, not knowing if what I was doing was "right" or not- and having books to support me or make me feel scared. Our ped was good though, she helped me feel better about doing whatever worked for each kiddo. But YIKES! The first time is hard.
I don't want to make her feel bad. And I don't want her to feel left out. Guess I'll figure this part out as we go.
My friend who had FOUR body parts removed in 10 months (I only did 3 in 11 months) heard from her recipient!!! It was short and very sweet, and I'm so happy for her! God bless everyone in our chain, I hope everyone is recovered well and feeling healthy!!!!
I love this silly, silly world!
Caiden stayed overnight on Saturday and for the first time in his life, he slept through the night! That's especially funny because JORDAN was up 2 times that night til I put him in his own bed (he was downstairs will all 3 of the other kids). Caiden slept from 10:30pm til 7:15 am, ate 4 oz and went back to sleep til his momma woke him up at 9:15 or so.
Today he got here around 8am, and was still snoozy. He woke up and we brought the kids to school at 8:45, he had 2 oz and was just not real happy- then it occurred to me that he might be tired. The kid is a side sleeper and he zonked at 9:15ish, and is still sleeping, almost 2 hours later. Joshy was a side sleeper! And he loved to have a blanket next to his face, just like Caiden.
Kimmy's ped told her that babies shouldn't be allowed to "just cry" until they are at least 6 months old, that they don't the psychological effects of it. I'm so irritated by that. I bet that ped doesn't have any children. If he/she did, they would NEVER SAY THAT to a mom, much less a first time mom. There are times when babies cry, and they have been changed and fed, and they don't want to nurse, and they don't want the paci, and maybe they are over tired. There are times that they cry so long and so hard that you might start feeling like pulling your hair out. It is so unfair to make that mom feel bad if she needs a few minutes to collect herself! That is just not right!!! And when they are teething, they will scream their heads off also- and if you don't want to give them Tylenol or ibuprofrin, there isn't a whole lot you can do for them. They might like chewing on a frozen carrot or frozen washcloth, but they will probably still cry. And it's OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!
This week my goal is to watch Caiden and get his schedule down. Looks like he might arrive still sleepy in the mornings. When it gets too cold out to walk the kids to school, our fantastic neighbor offered to give them a ride (he gives his own kid a ride everyday anyway). That will help me alot! As this is going, the morning nap is timed well, and I'm guessing he'll wake up in a half hour or so, eat, we'll go get Julia from school, play for awhile, and then it will be nap time again around 1, 1:30. Just my guess. That nap should last another good at LEAST hour, maybe more...and then he'll wake up around 3, 3:30? We'll see. By the end of the week, I'll have him and he'll have me figured out and a schedule will show! I wonder if it is hard as a first time mom to watch someone else get their baby on a schedule? I'm not sure how much to tell her or not tell her. When he was here Saturday, his naps (on his back) were full of crying, and then a nap for 20 minutes MAX. He slept a total of 1.5 hours from 12pm- 10:30pm (when he finally zonked all night long)- and I'm guessing that if he sleeps on his side, he'll sleep better and for longer. I remember how scary and hard it was the first time, not knowing if what I was doing was "right" or not- and having books to support me or make me feel scared. Our ped was good though, she helped me feel better about doing whatever worked for each kiddo. But YIKES! The first time is hard.
I don't want to make her feel bad. And I don't want her to feel left out. Guess I'll figure this part out as we go.
My friend who had FOUR body parts removed in 10 months (I only did 3 in 11 months) heard from her recipient!!! It was short and very sweet, and I'm so happy for her! God bless everyone in our chain, I hope everyone is recovered well and feeling healthy!!!!
I love this silly, silly world!
Friday, October 22, 2010
Walking the walk
Have you ever just watched people WALK? Sounds pretty boring, but it's pretty fun. Either that, or I REALLY need to get out more.
I was noticing the different ways people walk. There are men who walk like they know where they are going, and with purpose. There are men who walk bowlegged. There are women who walk like men. There are women who saunter without meaning to. There are bowlegged women. Some people have their feet out, some straight ahead. Quick steps, long steps, dude-struts. I wonder how much a walk tells about a person? I've seen women dressed up who walk like men, and men who dress up and saunter like a woman- do people pay attention to how they walk? Do we walk the way we FEEL? When we feel like we look good, do we walk different? When we know we're being watched? How do we walk when no one is looking and we don't care? I should start a vid journal of people's walks and we can analyze. OR I can get a....life! :)
I was noticing the different ways people walk. There are men who walk like they know where they are going, and with purpose. There are men who walk bowlegged. There are women who walk like men. There are women who saunter without meaning to. There are bowlegged women. Some people have their feet out, some straight ahead. Quick steps, long steps, dude-struts. I wonder how much a walk tells about a person? I've seen women dressed up who walk like men, and men who dress up and saunter like a woman- do people pay attention to how they walk? Do we walk the way we FEEL? When we feel like we look good, do we walk different? When we know we're being watched? How do we walk when no one is looking and we don't care? I should start a vid journal of people's walks and we can analyze. OR I can get a....life! :)
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Suck Up was RIGHT!
I have judged someone somewhere- I call him Suck Up. It's because he is. He is the customer service manager at Sam's Club. His name is David. He's nice enough, and he certainly reaches out to connect with customers. It's almost fun to just watch him....there was an older gentleman who said "David, can I use you for a minute?" and David says "Get over here, you!" I really thought he was going to hug him. Anyway- can you hear how he is? "Sir, go to tobacco and there's no waiting there!" blah blah blah- he's the store Suck Up. But he's fun so it's okay.
"Miss? Are you ready to check out? I'm going to open over there on 4, come on down!" and he's dragging my cart away. CJ took Jordan to the restroom and came back.
This whole silly post is to get to this point. The Suck Up said the Exact Right and True thing when CJ and Jordan came back from the potty- all four kids were with me- he stopped what he was doing, and he looked at all of them and said "Well, gosh! Don't you have GQ number 1,2 and 3?" Then, of course, the comments about how I'll need them and all their friends to protect Julia and then how THAT probably won't work because their friends will be the ones going after her.
I thought to myself: Ah! A nugget of truth from The Suck Up. :) They ARE super cute. Even if I AM the mom saying it.
"Miss? Are you ready to check out? I'm going to open over there on 4, come on down!" and he's dragging my cart away. CJ took Jordan to the restroom and came back.
This whole silly post is to get to this point. The Suck Up said the Exact Right and True thing when CJ and Jordan came back from the potty- all four kids were with me- he stopped what he was doing, and he looked at all of them and said "Well, gosh! Don't you have GQ number 1,2 and 3?" Then, of course, the comments about how I'll need them and all their friends to protect Julia and then how THAT probably won't work because their friends will be the ones going after her.
I thought to myself: Ah! A nugget of truth from The Suck Up. :) They ARE super cute. Even if I AM the mom saying it.
The U of M rocks my socks
For real. There are a LOT of donors out there that have had less than stellar experiences- they feel shafted by the medical team and like they don't matter after their donation. NOT ME! Nope. I just got a call from the U, which always gets me a little excited. That small little part of me hoping that it's in regard to the recipient or the chain and some sort of get together or something- which I TRULY AM OKAY with it never happening, but when THEY call ME, that's what runs through my mind.
Anyway- they were calling me to check on me. That's all. My coordinator calling to see if I was still having any left over incision pain and how I'm doing in general. My creatinine is a little high (1.3) but that was down from 1.5 right after surgery, so she said she's happy- it's probably continuing to go down, and the most important part will be that wherever it lands, that it stays there. YAY RIGHTY!!!!!!!! And YAY U OF MN!! What kind of wonderful treatment is that?
Since I had her on the phone, I asked her if she could get an update on the recipient. I told her it's okay if he doesn't want me to have an update or even if it isn't a GOOD update, I'll be okay. So she's doing that. How nice of them to remember me and think to call. LIKE!
Anyway- they were calling me to check on me. That's all. My coordinator calling to see if I was still having any left over incision pain and how I'm doing in general. My creatinine is a little high (1.3) but that was down from 1.5 right after surgery, so she said she's happy- it's probably continuing to go down, and the most important part will be that wherever it lands, that it stays there. YAY RIGHTY!!!!!!!! And YAY U OF MN!! What kind of wonderful treatment is that?
Since I had her on the phone, I asked her if she could get an update on the recipient. I told her it's okay if he doesn't want me to have an update or even if it isn't a GOOD update, I'll be okay. So she's doing that. How nice of them to remember me and think to call. LIKE!
Why ?
Why is it that all the home school networks I find are CHRISTIAN based ones? I mean, I get what the Bible tells people- and when people take it literally, men have instructed us to teach our own children and they've said that God Said So, so ...there you go. They are doing it. And it's fine but I'M NOT CHRISTIAN and I want to find some support or someone I can talk to about it who isn't going to GOD ME because GOD is involved in this in a DIFFERENT WAY. And Jesus has nothing to do with this decision for me.
But every which way I turn, Christian this and Christian that, and I have no intentions what so ever of introducing the kids to the idea that they were born sinners and need to be saved. Not doing it. So that is minorly frustrating. I'm also not doing it because God Said So. "GOD" says a lot of CRAZY ASS THINGS in the Bible/All other HOLY books that there is no way MY GOD actually said. My God would never say to kill anyone, over anything, or that I have to do any one thing or set of things in order to make Him Happy. MY GOD is Allmighty and therefore needs NOTHING. Not for me to worship Him (as IF She's needy!!!) and certainly not that i HAVE to homeschool.
ANYWAYS. I need a new post for this next one.
XOXO
But every which way I turn, Christian this and Christian that, and I have no intentions what so ever of introducing the kids to the idea that they were born sinners and need to be saved. Not doing it. So that is minorly frustrating. I'm also not doing it because God Said So. "GOD" says a lot of CRAZY ASS THINGS in the Bible/All other HOLY books that there is no way MY GOD actually said. My God would never say to kill anyone, over anything, or that I have to do any one thing or set of things in order to make Him Happy. MY GOD is Allmighty and therefore needs NOTHING. Not for me to worship Him (as IF She's needy!!!) and certainly not that i HAVE to homeschool.
ANYWAYS. I need a new post for this next one.
XOXO
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Michelle
Omigosh, it is SO MUCH FUN!!!! I'm doing the love letters for my sister too, and the people who are responding are so excited- this is going to be a BLAST!!!!! I feel so lifted up just thinking about what this will be like for them to read!
And in Other We Are All Connected news: I was just talking to Carolyn, the owner of our house. We get along for many reasons. One of which is that she's very, very easy to get along with. The other is that we share a lot of the same world views. We believe in the goodness in the world, that love is what matters, and that family is so important. Anyway- I called her about one thing, and in the conversation she said "I just have to tell you how much it helped us when you paid for 3 months of rent. To be honest, we were in a bad spot right then because some other tenants are late with their payments, and we didn't know what we were going to do. We prayed, and then your check showed up." Isn't that fun? I love how connected we all are, even when we don't know it. Remember that- you (WE) cannot and do not get to see the Whole Picture *most* of the time. Sometimes we get a glimpse, but most of the time, we do not know the full effect of our actions for the better or worse. Remember that- we are affecting people all the time, with our thoughts, words and actions. We can't see the ripple effect.
LOVE!
And in Other We Are All Connected news: I was just talking to Carolyn, the owner of our house. We get along for many reasons. One of which is that she's very, very easy to get along with. The other is that we share a lot of the same world views. We believe in the goodness in the world, that love is what matters, and that family is so important. Anyway- I called her about one thing, and in the conversation she said "I just have to tell you how much it helped us when you paid for 3 months of rent. To be honest, we were in a bad spot right then because some other tenants are late with their payments, and we didn't know what we were going to do. We prayed, and then your check showed up." Isn't that fun? I love how connected we all are, even when we don't know it. Remember that- you (WE) cannot and do not get to see the Whole Picture *most* of the time. Sometimes we get a glimpse, but most of the time, we do not know the full effect of our actions for the better or worse. Remember that- we are affecting people all the time, with our thoughts, words and actions. We can't see the ripple effect.
LOVE!
Love Letters for Jane
For Christmas, I am collecting love letters for my Janie. I've sent out emails and messages on facebook- and they are starting to come in. I'm going to collect love letters and I am going to put them in a book for Jane and give it to her for Christmas. I think it's stupid how mostly we don't celebrate anyone until it's too late. I mean- we say I LOVE YOU to the people we love, and that's awesome, but after someone passes away, people get together and talk about how wonderful they were and what they loved about them so much. Why wait? I hope it turns out as wonderfully as I'm imagining it will. I have more people to contact still. I can't wait to see how it goes! I think I might do it for a couple of other people in my life that I think could really use it too. Won't that be super duper fun????
Cullen in the paper!!!!!
My poor, poor hubby! He HATES attention! HATES IT! I cannot possibly express how much he does not enjoy attention.
So what did I do? There was an article in the paper last Sunday called "How I Got This Body" and it featured a story about how someone became inspired and ran with it and how has a fab body. It invited emails regarding others' stories- and I couldn't resist. Cullen is a ROCK STAR. I mean, seriously. Not only did he lose 80 pounds (give or take a few), he has a ROCKIN BOD. I mean, for real. You should see his muscles. I will still claim to never have been one for muscley bodies, but it is so much fun to dress him up and then watch people look at him. Men check him out just as much as women do. It's a riot. And it's been a blast for him, after having been overweight for a good chunk of time.
So I emailed them the story, then to be fair to Cullen, I told him. HAHAH! I received a reply right away and today they called him. They want to do an interview and a photoshoot. HA! A PHOTOSHOOT. He's even more horrified that his pic will be in there, but when he called me to say "I am completely NOT on board with this" I told him that he OWES IT to anyone who will read that and be inspired. He owes it to anyone who is depressed as he was, overweight, drinking too much, not working, feeling like a letdown to themselves and their family, to see that it can be done. Not many people get to tell their story, you know? Wouldn't it be fun to tell YOUR story? To more than just the people in your own little world? It'd be a blast. EVERYONE has a story. Cullen's is about overcoming his learning disability and childhood trauma that stemmed from that, overcoming HIMSELF to be better than ever. For himself, his family, and everyone around him. And I am SO PROUD! I can't wait to see how this goes!
YAY CULLEN!!!!! Yay meow-y, muscley, inspiring, wonderful Cullen.
So what did I do? There was an article in the paper last Sunday called "How I Got This Body" and it featured a story about how someone became inspired and ran with it and how has a fab body. It invited emails regarding others' stories- and I couldn't resist. Cullen is a ROCK STAR. I mean, seriously. Not only did he lose 80 pounds (give or take a few), he has a ROCKIN BOD. I mean, for real. You should see his muscles. I will still claim to never have been one for muscley bodies, but it is so much fun to dress him up and then watch people look at him. Men check him out just as much as women do. It's a riot. And it's been a blast for him, after having been overweight for a good chunk of time.
So I emailed them the story, then to be fair to Cullen, I told him. HAHAH! I received a reply right away and today they called him. They want to do an interview and a photoshoot. HA! A PHOTOSHOOT. He's even more horrified that his pic will be in there, but when he called me to say "I am completely NOT on board with this" I told him that he OWES IT to anyone who will read that and be inspired. He owes it to anyone who is depressed as he was, overweight, drinking too much, not working, feeling like a letdown to themselves and their family, to see that it can be done. Not many people get to tell their story, you know? Wouldn't it be fun to tell YOUR story? To more than just the people in your own little world? It'd be a blast. EVERYONE has a story. Cullen's is about overcoming his learning disability and childhood trauma that stemmed from that, overcoming HIMSELF to be better than ever. For himself, his family, and everyone around him. And I am SO PROUD! I can't wait to see how this goes!
YAY CULLEN!!!!! Yay meow-y, muscley, inspiring, wonderful Cullen.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
For real- you gotta try it!
Butternut Squash and Cinnamon Soup
Ingredients
- 2 tablespoons olive oil
- 1 1/2 pounds peeled and seeded butternut squash , cut into 1-inch chunks
- 1 large onion, cut into large dice
- 1 tablespoon butter
- 1 pinch sugar
- 3 large garlic cloves, thickly sliced
- 1 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon
- 1 teaspoon ground ginger
- 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
- 1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper
- 3 cups chicken broth, homemade or from a carton or can
- 1 1/2 cups half-and-half (or whole milk)
- Salt and freshly ground pepper, to taste
- Garnish: store-bought apple chips
Directions
- Heat oil over medium-high heat in a large, deep saute pan until shimmering.
- Add butternut squash, then onion; saute, stirring very little at first, then more frequently, until squash start to turn golden brown, 7 to 8 minutes.
- Reduce heat to low and add butter, sugar and garlic; continue cooking until all vegetables are a rich spotty caramel color, about 10 minutes longer.
- Add cinnamon, ginger, cloves, and cayenne pepper; continue to saute until fragrant, 30 seconds to 1 minute longer.
- Add broth; bring to a simmer over medium-high heat. Reduce heat to low and simmer, partially covered, until squash is tender, about 10 minutes.
- Using an immersion blender or traditional blender, puree until very smooth, 30 seconds to 1 minute. (If using a traditional blender, vent it either by removing the lid's pop-out center or by lifting one edge of the lid. Drape the blender canister with a kitchen towel. To 'clean' the canister, pour in a little half-and-half, blend briefly, then add to the soup.)
- Return to pan (or a soup pot); add enough half-and-half so the mixture is souplike, yet thick enough to float garnish. Taste, and add salt and pepper if needed. Heat through, ladle into bowls, garnish and serve.
I love fall, I love cooking, I LOVE my NDW books, I LOVE LOVE LOVE the understandings I feel in regards to life, love, God, and just what we're doing here. I love all the endless possibilities in the world for us, I love the idea of homeschooling and using unit studies to do it, I love how absolutely sweet CJ and Josh are when they come home from school, and how clear it is when I'm on the right path with them by how they act (and I don't mean buy them something cool so they are happy, I mean having a homeschooling discussion and listening to their feedback, and then them thanking me for asking. Nice, huh?) . I love HGTV and the food channel. I love Cullen, and I LOVED laying in his lap last night while he played with my hair and I fell fast asleep. Apparently I was sleeping harder than I knew, also because he said I twitch like a crazy banshee when I'm sleeping. I had no idea. I LOVE fall, I LOVE fall smells, I LOVE raking, I LOVE that I get to see Allyssa tonight, I LOVE when it feels like all is right in the world. I LOVE that ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!!
I LOVE LOVE LOVE that I'm going to do daycare. I am actually going to help raise other people's babies, and I'm going to get to love them, and help them to know how loved they are by the world and how powerful they are. I can't wait!
Don't you just feel all the good that is coming? It's all coming! THANK YOU WORLD!!!!
Set up!
Do you think that that last post could lead a very, very bad man to pose as someone I trust in order to "lure" me into his lair where he will pull out all my hair and beat me silly with a row boat paddle?
LIKE!
I don't know why I inherently trust a man with glasses, jeans, a sweatshirt and a cup of coffee, but I do. Maybe it reminds me of my dad on chilly fall mornings? I don't know why.
In case you are wondering where this came from, no, there aren't 20 random men with glasses and sweatshirts on milling around my front yard, however, Randy, across the street, is dressed like this often, and I inherently trust him. It was slightly sketchy at first even though he had already won MFN's trust- but I didn't know him and so..you know! Had to get to know him. Since then, I'd say I've gotten a pretty good feel for who he is and what he's like, and he passes. Pretty much. :) Anyway, in the morning when we are leaving, and he's out doing something with the massive trailer he has with him, and he's got his glasses on, and jeans, and sweatshirt, and cup of coffee, it helps!
And NO, he is NOT hot, not good looking, his physical appearance actually has nothing to do with this. Maybe it's actually a morning thing? I like it when men are ready for the day in the morning? I don't know what it is. For SURE it's not that Randy is physically attractive to me because he just isn't- if there were 20 random men milling around the yard in such a get up, yes, I would stupidly trust them. All of them.
:)
Dorkness never dies!
In case you are wondering where this came from, no, there aren't 20 random men with glasses and sweatshirts on milling around my front yard, however, Randy, across the street, is dressed like this often, and I inherently trust him. It was slightly sketchy at first even though he had already won MFN's trust- but I didn't know him and so..you know! Had to get to know him. Since then, I'd say I've gotten a pretty good feel for who he is and what he's like, and he passes. Pretty much. :) Anyway, in the morning when we are leaving, and he's out doing something with the massive trailer he has with him, and he's got his glasses on, and jeans, and sweatshirt, and cup of coffee, it helps!
And NO, he is NOT hot, not good looking, his physical appearance actually has nothing to do with this. Maybe it's actually a morning thing? I like it when men are ready for the day in the morning? I don't know what it is. For SURE it's not that Randy is physically attractive to me because he just isn't- if there were 20 random men milling around the yard in such a get up, yes, I would stupidly trust them. All of them.
:)
Dorkness never dies!
Monday, October 18, 2010
Noticings
I notice things sometimes. I've probably mentioned some of these before, sorry!
Have you ever been in a place that was empty and you loved the place, wherever it was, and suddenly found people were filling it up? Say you're in line for a philly cheese steak and no one else is in line and you're loving the smells of the onions and peppers and meat cooking, just standing there, smelling it, feeling it, and anticipating being one with it, and suddenly there's a line 12 people deep behind you? Isn't that cool? I think that they (we) feel the love, the good energy that a person is putting out and it draws us to it.
Have you noticed that Masters don't generally marry? Pick a spiritual master from the past, and they are usually not married. Isn't that interesting? It isn't that they didn't have love, or lovers, but they chose not to marry. Smart. I am NOT saying that I wish to not be married, but I'm sure you get my idea about how screwed up we've made this thing- rightfully called an institution. And until the divorce rate and rate of affairs goes down to say only 20% (and that's still A LOT!) will I reevaluate my current ideas on it. We've got it all wrong somehow, mostly.
Has it ever happened to you that you think of someone, maybe someone you don't see or hear from often and then you run into them or they call? Is that just a coincidence or do you think that our thoughts are actually energy and that maybe they reach who we are thinking of and if that person is a "feeler" they feel it, think of us, and reach out? Or maybe they don't, and someday we come across them and say "HEY! I've been thinking about you!" and they say "STRANGE! I've been thinking about YOU!"
Okay, enough on here. So fun to have some time to blab. Have a beautiful day!
Have you ever been in a place that was empty and you loved the place, wherever it was, and suddenly found people were filling it up? Say you're in line for a philly cheese steak and no one else is in line and you're loving the smells of the onions and peppers and meat cooking, just standing there, smelling it, feeling it, and anticipating being one with it, and suddenly there's a line 12 people deep behind you? Isn't that cool? I think that they (we) feel the love, the good energy that a person is putting out and it draws us to it.
Have you noticed that Masters don't generally marry? Pick a spiritual master from the past, and they are usually not married. Isn't that interesting? It isn't that they didn't have love, or lovers, but they chose not to marry. Smart. I am NOT saying that I wish to not be married, but I'm sure you get my idea about how screwed up we've made this thing- rightfully called an institution. And until the divorce rate and rate of affairs goes down to say only 20% (and that's still A LOT!) will I reevaluate my current ideas on it. We've got it all wrong somehow, mostly.
Has it ever happened to you that you think of someone, maybe someone you don't see or hear from often and then you run into them or they call? Is that just a coincidence or do you think that our thoughts are actually energy and that maybe they reach who we are thinking of and if that person is a "feeler" they feel it, think of us, and reach out? Or maybe they don't, and someday we come across them and say "HEY! I've been thinking about you!" and they say "STRANGE! I've been thinking about YOU!"
Okay, enough on here. So fun to have some time to blab. Have a beautiful day!
To have the past looking at you...
Mom went through the attic this weekend and she found SO MUCH fun stuff. She also came across Rose, Michelle and my school stuff.
She brought over a big pile of stuff. My long hair after my first big haircut (BEAUTIFUL, I might add!)....and then report cards, papers I'd written....and it broke my heart. Broke it, broke it, broke it.
Here's why- I was SUCH a good student. I was a good kid. I was shy, so I didn't cause lots of problems and I loved doing well. Painfully shy, even, but whatever. That gave way to ...hell. My hell. And you can see it in EVERYTHING. It shows in my grades, in the teachers comments, in the way that I don't recall most of the teachers who are on my report cards, in the classes I took an I in because I couldn't go, and all the trauma surrounding all of those classes. An abusive boyfriend, a mean eating disorder, and horrible way of getting attention from boys, having to make decisions that alter everything one way or another. A nightmare. Watching all that potential disappear under a black cloud of self hatred. Could anyone have reached me? COULD THEY? Could any adult have reached in and saved me? Would I have trusted anyone? Would I have let anyone in and believed that they wouldn't tell me how horrible the things I'd done were, the way I heard over and over from other adults that I was suposed to trust? Church said I was a sinner to begin with, and God help the teenager who knew on the inside how GOOD of a person she actually was, but the things I was doing! If I could know NOW what I knew then...and the thing is that I DO NOT BELIEVE that I HAD to go through that to get where I am now. No. The good in me has always been there. I think I did what I could with what I had.
Anyway- so part of seeing that was really, really, really hard.
Then Cullen saved me, again. How many times has he saved me? We were having a different discussion about a book I'm reading called The New Revelations- and how the problem with so many organized religions is that they do just the opposite of what they mean to do- they exclude people. If you don't believe a certain thing, you are wrong and you are excluded. You have to believe a certain thing, a certain way, and show it a certain way in order to be a part of it. And how then the people who obey the rules that are pushed on them then become "right" and therefore "better" than others. I don't buy any of the rules of any religion out there. To me, if you're a Muslim or a Christian or a Jew, you are going right back to God where we came from. And not because you didn't "know better" that your religion wasn't the ACTUAL "right" one, but because the God that I know LOVES everyone and is not an angry, vengeful God that has requirements from people. God is NOT like humans. Anyhow- this feeling in me has always been here, and while I quested throughout my teenage years to find out how God could POSSIBLY love me, I began dismissing ideas that don't feel right at all to me. And yet, religions still said I was bad, that I was "lucky" that God loved me, and if I'd only "see" that Jesus saved me, I could be worthy of that love. And it all ties into the horrible things I was doing at the time.
I hate feeling like some people feel like they are "right" and "better". Enter Cullen, who said "Let them feel like they are right. Let them feel like they are better. I see you and I and our family doing so much good in the world, and it is coming from the LOVE that grows so big in you that you have to share it. You are one with God and it shows in what you say and do and it doesn't matter at all what anyone else says or thinks. " Brilliant! He is brilliant! And he's right!
If I focus on finding ways to share the love I carry with me, nothing else matters! I can call God God, or call God Life or call God Love and it's all the very same thing. I don't have to worry about it. It's a done deal. What happened when I was way back there doesn't even exist anymore. It's gone, it's over and it doesn't matter. It does not shape me, it does not need to affect me ever again. I made it through and that's all. I can honor myself for making it through. I can honor others as they make it through their stuff by being the person who helps. By being the person not afraid to get their hands dirty and then help them clean their own hands off. By going where people don't WANT to go because it's a different space. I receive more than I give, all the time. I have more abundance than I can give away, so I can keep giving it away. I can give in a hundred different ways all the time.
And I LOVE IT!!!!
She brought over a big pile of stuff. My long hair after my first big haircut (BEAUTIFUL, I might add!)....and then report cards, papers I'd written....and it broke my heart. Broke it, broke it, broke it.
Here's why- I was SUCH a good student. I was a good kid. I was shy, so I didn't cause lots of problems and I loved doing well. Painfully shy, even, but whatever. That gave way to ...hell. My hell. And you can see it in EVERYTHING. It shows in my grades, in the teachers comments, in the way that I don't recall most of the teachers who are on my report cards, in the classes I took an I in because I couldn't go, and all the trauma surrounding all of those classes. An abusive boyfriend, a mean eating disorder, and horrible way of getting attention from boys, having to make decisions that alter everything one way or another. A nightmare. Watching all that potential disappear under a black cloud of self hatred. Could anyone have reached me? COULD THEY? Could any adult have reached in and saved me? Would I have trusted anyone? Would I have let anyone in and believed that they wouldn't tell me how horrible the things I'd done were, the way I heard over and over from other adults that I was suposed to trust? Church said I was a sinner to begin with, and God help the teenager who knew on the inside how GOOD of a person she actually was, but the things I was doing! If I could know NOW what I knew then...and the thing is that I DO NOT BELIEVE that I HAD to go through that to get where I am now. No. The good in me has always been there. I think I did what I could with what I had.
Anyway- so part of seeing that was really, really, really hard.
Then Cullen saved me, again. How many times has he saved me? We were having a different discussion about a book I'm reading called The New Revelations- and how the problem with so many organized religions is that they do just the opposite of what they mean to do- they exclude people. If you don't believe a certain thing, you are wrong and you are excluded. You have to believe a certain thing, a certain way, and show it a certain way in order to be a part of it. And how then the people who obey the rules that are pushed on them then become "right" and therefore "better" than others. I don't buy any of the rules of any religion out there. To me, if you're a Muslim or a Christian or a Jew, you are going right back to God where we came from. And not because you didn't "know better" that your religion wasn't the ACTUAL "right" one, but because the God that I know LOVES everyone and is not an angry, vengeful God that has requirements from people. God is NOT like humans. Anyhow- this feeling in me has always been here, and while I quested throughout my teenage years to find out how God could POSSIBLY love me, I began dismissing ideas that don't feel right at all to me. And yet, religions still said I was bad, that I was "lucky" that God loved me, and if I'd only "see" that Jesus saved me, I could be worthy of that love. And it all ties into the horrible things I was doing at the time.
I hate feeling like some people feel like they are "right" and "better". Enter Cullen, who said "Let them feel like they are right. Let them feel like they are better. I see you and I and our family doing so much good in the world, and it is coming from the LOVE that grows so big in you that you have to share it. You are one with God and it shows in what you say and do and it doesn't matter at all what anyone else says or thinks. " Brilliant! He is brilliant! And he's right!
If I focus on finding ways to share the love I carry with me, nothing else matters! I can call God God, or call God Life or call God Love and it's all the very same thing. I don't have to worry about it. It's a done deal. What happened when I was way back there doesn't even exist anymore. It's gone, it's over and it doesn't matter. It does not shape me, it does not need to affect me ever again. I made it through and that's all. I can honor myself for making it through. I can honor others as they make it through their stuff by being the person who helps. By being the person not afraid to get their hands dirty and then help them clean their own hands off. By going where people don't WANT to go because it's a different space. I receive more than I give, all the time. I have more abundance than I can give away, so I can keep giving it away. I can give in a hundred different ways all the time.
And I LOVE IT!!!!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
More things I love
The kids jumping in the pile of leaves and peals of laughter as they do it.
Watching someone eat something they love- when they are taking their time and completely in their own world, not even knowing that I'm watching.
It's even better when it's something I've cooked.
Guacamole.
When CJ snuggles me. It rarely happens anymore, but last night I was sitting between he and Josh, watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition, and my darling 9 year old SNUGGLED ME ON HIS OWN, without my doing. It was the best ever. It all goes away far too fast.
Autumn days. Right now, it's green and yellow and orange and blue and breezy outside and I LOVE IT.
My dad. The van's intake manifold is cracked. And he, of course, wanted to look it up to see how much it'll be for him and Cullen do it on their own. I got to see Dad 2 times today. Good stuff. AND he ate one of my more rice than meat mixture stuffed green peppers.
The way that real italians say mozzerella.
Okay- switch up- THINGS I HATE:
Not being able to live on chocolate alone.
The missing part of losing someone.
Not being able to talk to Cullen because I left his phone up at Kimmy's.
Opening Cullen's protein shake container and having the killer smell of rotten milk come assault my nose. Barf.
My music channels are gone. WHERE ARE THEY?! I can't even call to find out because I'm phoneless. Suckass. I miss them.
Okay. I guess that's all. The kids have been outside all day. Does it show?
Watching someone eat something they love- when they are taking their time and completely in their own world, not even knowing that I'm watching.
It's even better when it's something I've cooked.
Guacamole.
When CJ snuggles me. It rarely happens anymore, but last night I was sitting between he and Josh, watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition, and my darling 9 year old SNUGGLED ME ON HIS OWN, without my doing. It was the best ever. It all goes away far too fast.
Autumn days. Right now, it's green and yellow and orange and blue and breezy outside and I LOVE IT.
My dad. The van's intake manifold is cracked. And he, of course, wanted to look it up to see how much it'll be for him and Cullen do it on their own. I got to see Dad 2 times today. Good stuff. AND he ate one of my more rice than meat mixture stuffed green peppers.
The way that real italians say mozzerella.
Okay- switch up- THINGS I HATE:
Not being able to live on chocolate alone.
The missing part of losing someone.
Not being able to talk to Cullen because I left his phone up at Kimmy's.
Opening Cullen's protein shake container and having the killer smell of rotten milk come assault my nose. Barf.
My music channels are gone. WHERE ARE THEY?! I can't even call to find out because I'm phoneless. Suckass. I miss them.
Okay. I guess that's all. The kids have been outside all day. Does it show?
Yeah baby!
First of all- I made THE best coffee this morning. It rocks. I'm glad I only made a couple cups worth or I'd have a pot of it and I really don't want that for me or anyone that will be in my path today.
Next first of all- EVERYONE should let a superdy duperdy DUPER cute 4 year old teach them how to make spit bubbles and then transfer original spit bubble onto the tongue. It is THE funniest thing/cutest thing EVER.
Have I told you lately how GRATEFUL I am to have this time with them? I almost pity the people who don't even have a clue on how much they are missing out on. I shouldn't, because that is not nice, and everyone is allowed to walk their own path, and I for sure am probably "missing out" on something else because I'm focusing on the kids instead of myself or a career or whatever.
Also- for any of you who are book keeping inclined, if you have any recommendations on good books I should get or any helpful hints, I'm open to hearing them. I'm doing a ton of research online already and I have a tax guy but I'm NEW to this. So, bring it.
I love almost nothing more than watching my pretty spider eat a cricket. The other night (yes, another riveting Willow Story coming up- I know you can't get enough!) I dumped a couple of smallish crickets in there, and my goofy spider was twitching all silly like. Like she was trying to dance a jig or something. Spidey Twitch! I couldn't figure out what the hell was wrong with her til one cricket was unaccounted for- and I finally saw it on Willow's back. And it was NOT moving. It was scared to death and not moving. I've never seen a cricket look so scared. And yes, they do look scared- it's in their little beady eyes. When Willow wasn't eating, there was a LARGE cricket in there, and she (Willow) gathered her up to measure her- and decided she didn't want her. But she didn't move (Willow) and Willow's non meal didn't dare move either. Fear was RADIATING off of her. She WALKED away from Willow instead of Cricket Hopping away. See? Anyway...of course when the cricket on Willows' back jumped off, my super cool tarantula clobbered her.
Thank you world, for the yummy fall smells that pour into our room at night when we open the window. Thank you for letting me be with my children watching them learn and grow. Thank you for my super cool babies who ate TOFU last night without even WHINING about it- and to top it off even Jordan who has been known to take up to 2 hours to eat, ATE IT PRONTO. And even MORE amazing was that the tofu was in the BROCCOLI CASSEROLE- which I love but the kids are having to acquire a taste for. AMAZING! They are amazing and I'm so happy that they are eating so well! Biggest Loser completely inspires me to keep feeding them veggies and real whole foods.
Okay I think I'm done now. Morning "poop" over.
Next first of all- EVERYONE should let a superdy duperdy DUPER cute 4 year old teach them how to make spit bubbles and then transfer original spit bubble onto the tongue. It is THE funniest thing/cutest thing EVER.
Have I told you lately how GRATEFUL I am to have this time with them? I almost pity the people who don't even have a clue on how much they are missing out on. I shouldn't, because that is not nice, and everyone is allowed to walk their own path, and I for sure am probably "missing out" on something else because I'm focusing on the kids instead of myself or a career or whatever.
Also- for any of you who are book keeping inclined, if you have any recommendations on good books I should get or any helpful hints, I'm open to hearing them. I'm doing a ton of research online already and I have a tax guy but I'm NEW to this. So, bring it.
I love almost nothing more than watching my pretty spider eat a cricket. The other night (yes, another riveting Willow Story coming up- I know you can't get enough!) I dumped a couple of smallish crickets in there, and my goofy spider was twitching all silly like. Like she was trying to dance a jig or something. Spidey Twitch! I couldn't figure out what the hell was wrong with her til one cricket was unaccounted for- and I finally saw it on Willow's back. And it was NOT moving. It was scared to death and not moving. I've never seen a cricket look so scared. And yes, they do look scared- it's in their little beady eyes. When Willow wasn't eating, there was a LARGE cricket in there, and she (Willow) gathered her up to measure her- and decided she didn't want her. But she didn't move (Willow) and Willow's non meal didn't dare move either. Fear was RADIATING off of her. She WALKED away from Willow instead of Cricket Hopping away. See? Anyway...of course when the cricket on Willows' back jumped off, my super cool tarantula clobbered her.
Thank you world, for the yummy fall smells that pour into our room at night when we open the window. Thank you for letting me be with my children watching them learn and grow. Thank you for my super cool babies who ate TOFU last night without even WHINING about it- and to top it off even Jordan who has been known to take up to 2 hours to eat, ATE IT PRONTO. And even MORE amazing was that the tofu was in the BROCCOLI CASSEROLE- which I love but the kids are having to acquire a taste for. AMAZING! They are amazing and I'm so happy that they are eating so well! Biggest Loser completely inspires me to keep feeding them veggies and real whole foods.
Okay I think I'm done now. Morning "poop" over.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Kissing
Isn't making out the all time funnest thing EVER?! (when you want to, that is.) In fact, I think that if everyone made out - and I mean MAKE OUT, not just a peck on your way out the door, with their other half EVERY SINGLE DAY, they would find out that their entire lives would be better. I'm convinced.
Who doesn't love a nice, tender, melty smooch with their adored other half? Maybe we should even say that that particular smooch should be in the morning, to start the day off right? And I wonder how often a perfectly innocent smooch, if it lasts any amount of time at all, won't turn into something more?
Know what my favorite thing is? That the kids don't even blink anymore, when we're making out in front of them. Which I think is so important for them to see. Just as important as it is for them to hear a nice, heated argument between us, then see us kiss, make up and sit down to dinner together.
Yes indeed, the world needs to make out more. There. I solved all of the problems with one fell swoop. Shut up and kiss.
:)
Who doesn't love a nice, tender, melty smooch with their adored other half? Maybe we should even say that that particular smooch should be in the morning, to start the day off right? And I wonder how often a perfectly innocent smooch, if it lasts any amount of time at all, won't turn into something more?
Know what my favorite thing is? That the kids don't even blink anymore, when we're making out in front of them. Which I think is so important for them to see. Just as important as it is for them to hear a nice, heated argument between us, then see us kiss, make up and sit down to dinner together.
Yes indeed, the world needs to make out more. There. I solved all of the problems with one fell swoop. Shut up and kiss.
:)
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
OHHHH maybe maybe!
I might get 2 more daycare kiddos!!! YIPPEEEEE!!! And if I do, and Kimmy and Em's babies are here too, I will be making almost as much as I was when I was working "full time" cept I'll be at home eating up adorable children! YAY!
I hope I hope I hope I hope! That would be WONDERFUL! And I KNOW that I'm less expensive than just about anyone so hopefully that will work for me too! Giddyup baby!
I'm printing out my contract, is that the funnest thing EVER?! It is, silly enough. YIPPEEE!
But now, friends, the leaves are calling me. Not because raking will make a difference. Not in the yard. The kids play and spread them all out again and that is just fine with me. It's great exercise. Hopefully it will make a difference in ME!
I also have an appt tomorrow to have my thyroid checked. it's been a couple of years and I'm feeling a little sluggish. Normally I'm so full of energy I need to find ways to get it out safely (haha)- so we'll see.
Off to play in the leaves! Tally ho!
I hope I hope I hope I hope! That would be WONDERFUL! And I KNOW that I'm less expensive than just about anyone so hopefully that will work for me too! Giddyup baby!
I'm printing out my contract, is that the funnest thing EVER?! It is, silly enough. YIPPEEE!
But now, friends, the leaves are calling me. Not because raking will make a difference. Not in the yard. The kids play and spread them all out again and that is just fine with me. It's great exercise. Hopefully it will make a difference in ME!
I also have an appt tomorrow to have my thyroid checked. it's been a couple of years and I'm feeling a little sluggish. Normally I'm so full of energy I need to find ways to get it out safely (haha)- so we'll see.
Off to play in the leaves! Tally ho!
Monday, October 11, 2010
Need some list help from my darlings please!
Okay- I want to make a list- and the kids and Cullen will help make it too, especially since they will be participating in what the list lists!
I want to make a list of "easy" ways we can help with different "problems/issues" in our little world.
Like we're feeding the homeless November 12th, and the kids get to be there (well, the ones that don't require constant supervision do anyway. I think Jordan and maybe Julia will have to sit this one out).
There are a TRILLION opportunities, all the time. I mean, take your PICK! We can donate blankets to the homeless shelter, make WELCOME HOME baskets for the newly un homeless, we can volunteer to walk the pets in a shelter, we can rake an elderly person's yard for them (or a lazy person's yard, I guess- haha). We can collect canned goods in our neighborhood for a food shelf, we can collect dollars from neighbors to give to whatever cause we want. We can focus on issues right here, or focus on huge issues elsewhere. We can do one of the things where we help pack boxes for Haiti ...I mean- a TRILLION ways! We can donate books to the local (itty bitty) library to help them grow. We can visit a retirement home.
But I want a HUGE list, and maybe every week I'll let one kid pick which one we do that week? Won't that be the funnest ever???
So, whatcha got?
It's amazing how much better the world is when you aren't being so focused on yourself. YAY!
I want to make a list of "easy" ways we can help with different "problems/issues" in our little world.
Like we're feeding the homeless November 12th, and the kids get to be there (well, the ones that don't require constant supervision do anyway. I think Jordan and maybe Julia will have to sit this one out).
There are a TRILLION opportunities, all the time. I mean, take your PICK! We can donate blankets to the homeless shelter, make WELCOME HOME baskets for the newly un homeless, we can volunteer to walk the pets in a shelter, we can rake an elderly person's yard for them (or a lazy person's yard, I guess- haha). We can collect canned goods in our neighborhood for a food shelf, we can collect dollars from neighbors to give to whatever cause we want. We can focus on issues right here, or focus on huge issues elsewhere. We can do one of the things where we help pack boxes for Haiti ...I mean- a TRILLION ways! We can donate books to the local (itty bitty) library to help them grow. We can visit a retirement home.
But I want a HUGE list, and maybe every week I'll let one kid pick which one we do that week? Won't that be the funnest ever???
So, whatcha got?
It's amazing how much better the world is when you aren't being so focused on yourself. YAY!
Here I am!
AHHHHH back to LIFE! Kinda. We bought a new laptop so I don't need to be in the dungeon on the VEWY VEWY SLOW puter if I want to do ANYTHING. You might hear from me more often now. We'll see.
I've been having a TON of fun being with the kids. This time is soooo fleeting and sooooo precious so I'm eating it up as much as possible. I love the feel of Jordan's little hand in mine. I love seeing Julia's hair flying behind her on her way into school, and I LOVE how her face lights up at 12 when I come to get her. They are just so much fun, and it's over way too soon. AK- I KNOW you are reading this and thinking how happy you are that you get another one to do it all with! :) I'm thinking the same thing about my niece and nephew babies that will be here soon enough.
I'm so tired of people judging other people when they are not in the position to judge. Seriously. That's all I have for that. Everyone should just leave well enough alone. Just because we haven't actually DONE the same thing we're judging, chances are really good that we've been at least halfway there before, and just because we haven't done it YET doesn't mean that we WON'T EVER. Let people walk their path. Stop judging. You are no better. Or worse. I of course have a hard time with it also. But sometimes the trap I get stuck in is if I've already been somewhere and I'm trying to stop someone else from going down the same path and they won't listen. This, however, is the entire road of parenting, so I better get used to it.
Too much time on here. Time to get play with Jordan. Party time!
I've been having a TON of fun being with the kids. This time is soooo fleeting and sooooo precious so I'm eating it up as much as possible. I love the feel of Jordan's little hand in mine. I love seeing Julia's hair flying behind her on her way into school, and I LOVE how her face lights up at 12 when I come to get her. They are just so much fun, and it's over way too soon. AK- I KNOW you are reading this and thinking how happy you are that you get another one to do it all with! :) I'm thinking the same thing about my niece and nephew babies that will be here soon enough.
I'm so tired of people judging other people when they are not in the position to judge. Seriously. That's all I have for that. Everyone should just leave well enough alone. Just because we haven't actually DONE the same thing we're judging, chances are really good that we've been at least halfway there before, and just because we haven't done it YET doesn't mean that we WON'T EVER. Let people walk their path. Stop judging. You are no better. Or worse. I of course have a hard time with it also. But sometimes the trap I get stuck in is if I've already been somewhere and I'm trying to stop someone else from going down the same path and they won't listen. This, however, is the entire road of parenting, so I better get used to it.
Too much time on here. Time to get play with Jordan. Party time!
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