So sorry to all 3 of you. HA! If you start missing the smell of Nicki puke, you know where to find me and I'll send you back to head puke land in it's new home. :)
Much love!
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Make Up
"Mommy, can me and Lyla and Samantha put make up on?"
Where does it COME from?
Do you like make up?
I know 2 people who don't even look like themselves without it. I don't like that.
But I remember loving the stuff as a kid.
And I know I can be downright HOT when I'm all done up & decked out.
But that isn't how I really LOOK.
Ya know?
Where do girls get it from?
It isn't like Julia sees me putting on make up all the time. And it's minimal when I do it. But I guess that she loves purses and all girlie things and it isn't like I wear jewelry or have purses all over the place either.
So the make up thing is fun for them right now, but it's going to be a problem when she's 12.
GAH.
Sometimes I can feel IT happening. The IT that happens when your kids do all the things you wish they didn't do, they want the things you wish they didn't want, and they love all the things that you have a complete disregard for. We were talking about credit cards the other day and mom was here, and CJ said he didn't know what a credit card was. I explained check cards and how that money comes out right now, and that credit cards are different, shop all you want now, pay later, and I must have sounded snotty about it because mom called me on it right away. What kid doesn't love credit cards? I loved it when I got my first ones. Fuck. It's all going to happen no matter what and they will have to walk their own path.
UGH.
Where does it COME from?
Do you like make up?
I know 2 people who don't even look like themselves without it. I don't like that.
But I remember loving the stuff as a kid.
And I know I can be downright HOT when I'm all done up & decked out.
But that isn't how I really LOOK.
Ya know?
Where do girls get it from?
It isn't like Julia sees me putting on make up all the time. And it's minimal when I do it. But I guess that she loves purses and all girlie things and it isn't like I wear jewelry or have purses all over the place either.
So the make up thing is fun for them right now, but it's going to be a problem when she's 12.
GAH.
Sometimes I can feel IT happening. The IT that happens when your kids do all the things you wish they didn't do, they want the things you wish they didn't want, and they love all the things that you have a complete disregard for. We were talking about credit cards the other day and mom was here, and CJ said he didn't know what a credit card was. I explained check cards and how that money comes out right now, and that credit cards are different, shop all you want now, pay later, and I must have sounded snotty about it because mom called me on it right away. What kid doesn't love credit cards? I loved it when I got my first ones. Fuck. It's all going to happen no matter what and they will have to walk their own path.
UGH.
What I don't need
Here are things that I do not require in order to be happy and have all that I want. I know, you didn't ask, but I was looking around and noticing things...
1. I do not need fame. I do not need a big audience.
2. I do not need you to "listen" to me. Or "follow" me. I would never say "FOLLOW ME!" I don't mind saying "Here, I'll go first!" but if you follow or not...that's just plain ole up to you. That's YOUR journey.
3. I really, truly do not need a man telling me things about women. ;)
4. I don't need people to retweet or repost anything, but see #1 and #2. :) And here you thought I wanted ATTENTION. Your attention is fine. I don't need theirs.
5. And even if I didn't have your attention, I'd still be okay. I only feel like I'm dying when I get ignored. If that were true, I've already died a thousand deaths and I'll keep dying. But I'm fine.
6. I don't HAVE to do ANYTHING. I can gather lots of material things around me if I want. I can eat nothing but chocolate if I wish. I can go running if I want. I can get a corporate job, or a service job, or make one up. I'm FREE. Totally and completely free.
7. There are people who seriously irritate me. I don't need to be around them. If sometimes I get stuck with them, I can put up my energy shield so they don't suck the life out of me.
8. I don't need to watch the news or fox or anything to know that a) there's a recession (it's a common theme), b) the housing market is in the tank and c) someone is unhappy with something our political leaders are doing.
9. I just don't need to take on anyone else's drama. This is probably the same as #7, but oh well. In fact, I believe that it's okay for me to end relationships that are far too draining and hard. Or at least say my piece, and if they choose to discontinue---win/win.
All done! Back to rearranging the living room again and getting rid of more crap. I'm going to rally to get rid of the entertainment center and TV in that room because we don't use it. Ever. YAY!
There. That's all.
1. I do not need fame. I do not need a big audience.
2. I do not need you to "listen" to me. Or "follow" me. I would never say "FOLLOW ME!" I don't mind saying "Here, I'll go first!" but if you follow or not...that's just plain ole up to you. That's YOUR journey.
3. I really, truly do not need a man telling me things about women. ;)
4. I don't need people to retweet or repost anything, but see #1 and #2. :) And here you thought I wanted ATTENTION. Your attention is fine. I don't need theirs.
5. And even if I didn't have your attention, I'd still be okay. I only feel like I'm dying when I get ignored. If that were true, I've already died a thousand deaths and I'll keep dying. But I'm fine.
6. I don't HAVE to do ANYTHING. I can gather lots of material things around me if I want. I can eat nothing but chocolate if I wish. I can go running if I want. I can get a corporate job, or a service job, or make one up. I'm FREE. Totally and completely free.
7. There are people who seriously irritate me. I don't need to be around them. If sometimes I get stuck with them, I can put up my energy shield so they don't suck the life out of me.
8. I don't need to watch the news or fox or anything to know that a) there's a recession (it's a common theme), b) the housing market is in the tank and c) someone is unhappy with something our political leaders are doing.
9. I just don't need to take on anyone else's drama. This is probably the same as #7, but oh well. In fact, I believe that it's okay for me to end relationships that are far too draining and hard. Or at least say my piece, and if they choose to discontinue---win/win.
All done! Back to rearranging the living room again and getting rid of more crap. I'm going to rally to get rid of the entertainment center and TV in that room because we don't use it. Ever. YAY!
There. That's all.
Summer
Just think of all the half dressed people who will be out today. They will be everywhere, the sun making everyone more alive. We don't just LOVE IT, we feel it, all the way through. It begs to be expressed physically, and it will be. It's impossible to BE the green, to BE the warm air, to BE the breeze, to BE the birds song, but I know something that helps, even if it's temporary, and can't possibly help enough. It won't stop all of us from trying to touch it all, through one another. Can't be touched enough, deep enough, thoroughly enough, but won't we all try.
And until then, I think I'm going to have to take me some cute babies and go for a little stroll around a lake and check on my already full grown willow trees. My life ROCKS!
And until then, I think I'm going to have to take me some cute babies and go for a little stroll around a lake and check on my already full grown willow trees. My life ROCKS!
The problem with lucid dreaming/blankets, paci's and thumbs, OH MY!
is that you wake up actually as enthusiastic or with as large of an emotional hangover as if you actually just had that experience.
I'm so emotionally hung over I've already cried twice this morning.
Cullen got it once in the form of *bursts into sad tears* "you didn't SNUGGLE ME LAST NIGHT."
How effing pathetic is that? But we'll get to last night in a minute. Fucking security objects. Anyway. Then I gave my secret to my beautiful willow tree. The secret of the dream and why I was crying and why I love her and need her to weep for me. She promised she will do it all with so much beauty that I might cry all over again. She's so happy, you should see her. Every day she changes. She grows EIGHT INCHES A MONTH. How freaking cool is she???
So, my dream. I'll give you what didn't hurt first. There was a big storm coming, we were somewhere near an ocean, and it was gonna be hardcore. We had a half hour to get everything ready and to hunker down. Unfortunately, the storm shelters were in a sandstone cave and I didn't feel very safe. Jillian Michaels was there helping board things up and keeping us going. Weird. I also made DDF materialize. I was very happy at first. But he wasn't there to play with me or have fun or even talk, no. He was there ignoring me. Kind of. Okay, he didn't insist that I ignore HIM, so I actually sat on his lap and he carried on as if I didn't. Here's what sucks about the whole thing. When someone is a part of you, literally, and they are what might be the BEST part of you, and you can't get them to even TALK to you, you start feeling really, really sad. DDF, just like fucking always, was talking to me in my head instead of out loud, so while he was ignoring me sitting on him he was trying to decide what to do for the rest of the day, in my head he was telling me "this is how it has to be and you know that. It's okay. Don't pay attention to what you see." and out loud he carried on with plans which did nothing but illicit more sadness knowing he was just going to keep going and doing things, with no regard to me. Can a girl be any more pathetic? And then he got up to go.
I couldn't find my phone anywhere and Michelle and the other girls were being snobs about it, and at some point, I got it.. again. I understood, again, that even though being ignored was personal, if I can just keep it from feeling too personal, I'll see that it's all good and it's okay and he lives in my head anyway.
HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH Just so you know, as I type...right this very very second, do you know what happened? I can see both remotes across the room from me, but the TV just turned on. It's true. Many people would be screaming about what just happened, but me? Nope, I'm the crazy bitch with a broken heart over DDF, and my TV just turned on.
Back to my dream.
I needed to tell DDF that I understood and that I got it, and now I was crying anyway because ...well, because the whole things feels really SUCKY. Then I found my gift, from Cullen, which was a new phone and camera and I knew why they were all being so coy. So I got to tell him that I get it.
And then I woke up, with an emotional hangover big enough to cover all of us. But my weeping willow understands.
Okay, on to security objects. Any of your kids have them? Jordan does. A green blanket. No other blanket will do. This child...UGH.
What's nice about them is they go to bed right away, usually, if they have one. Or if they have a paci or thumb, they can plug themselves (most of the time) once they are old enough, and don't need you.
Jordan is four.
His blanket has been at my mom's house for 2 days now. Last night he was up every 5 minutes for EVER. The problem was that he couldn't suck his damned thumb without the damned blanket. Granted, it was only a half hour of him whining before I stuck his thumb in his mouth and he passed right back out.
What do I do? It's been two days, and in my experience, it takes about 2 days for a kid to get over a thing. I promised him to get him to shut it last night, that him, Caiden, Adalane and I would go get his F*CKING blankie from my mom's house. Wouldn't now be a good time to talk to him about giving it all up? I've always been a fan of thumb sucking, but that shits hard as HELL to break. With pacis, you take it away and know you're in for 2 days of hell, and then it's over, but how do you cut a thumb off? We did it with CJ but he had such a hard time. I don't know what to do.
So we were making out last night and Jordan's doing this. And Julia was coughing NON STOP, every few minutes. I don't know how he wasn't completely distracted, but I was. I know that's irritating. I did my best, but finally I just begged off. I'm not a complete ahole, I told him to go ahead and ...attack, but he was crabby because he likes it better when I'm not distracted and asking him to just get it over with. I dont' blame him, but then he was crabby and would NOT get it over with, so he rolled over, and didn't touch me, didn't snuggle me. Lucky for him (HA!) I have DDF in my head who even though he can be a butt sometimes, more often than not he says and does just exactly what I'm needing. This time he was a bird, and was snug in the nest, and he lifted one of his wings and I scampered in and got close to the soft feathers on the underneath of his wing, next to his body, and went to sleep. Until I woke up this morning and still had to let the sad of the night out one way or another.
Honestly! I KNOW I shouldn't talk out loud.
Bring on some freakin heat.
I'm so emotionally hung over I've already cried twice this morning.
Cullen got it once in the form of *bursts into sad tears* "you didn't SNUGGLE ME LAST NIGHT."
How effing pathetic is that? But we'll get to last night in a minute. Fucking security objects. Anyway. Then I gave my secret to my beautiful willow tree. The secret of the dream and why I was crying and why I love her and need her to weep for me. She promised she will do it all with so much beauty that I might cry all over again. She's so happy, you should see her. Every day she changes. She grows EIGHT INCHES A MONTH. How freaking cool is she???
So, my dream. I'll give you what didn't hurt first. There was a big storm coming, we were somewhere near an ocean, and it was gonna be hardcore. We had a half hour to get everything ready and to hunker down. Unfortunately, the storm shelters were in a sandstone cave and I didn't feel very safe. Jillian Michaels was there helping board things up and keeping us going. Weird. I also made DDF materialize. I was very happy at first. But he wasn't there to play with me or have fun or even talk, no. He was there ignoring me. Kind of. Okay, he didn't insist that I ignore HIM, so I actually sat on his lap and he carried on as if I didn't. Here's what sucks about the whole thing. When someone is a part of you, literally, and they are what might be the BEST part of you, and you can't get them to even TALK to you, you start feeling really, really sad. DDF, just like fucking always, was talking to me in my head instead of out loud, so while he was ignoring me sitting on him he was trying to decide what to do for the rest of the day, in my head he was telling me "this is how it has to be and you know that. It's okay. Don't pay attention to what you see." and out loud he carried on with plans which did nothing but illicit more sadness knowing he was just going to keep going and doing things, with no regard to me. Can a girl be any more pathetic? And then he got up to go.
I couldn't find my phone anywhere and Michelle and the other girls were being snobs about it, and at some point, I got it.. again. I understood, again, that even though being ignored was personal, if I can just keep it from feeling too personal, I'll see that it's all good and it's okay and he lives in my head anyway.
HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH Just so you know, as I type...right this very very second, do you know what happened? I can see both remotes across the room from me, but the TV just turned on. It's true. Many people would be screaming about what just happened, but me? Nope, I'm the crazy bitch with a broken heart over DDF, and my TV just turned on.
Back to my dream.
I needed to tell DDF that I understood and that I got it, and now I was crying anyway because ...well, because the whole things feels really SUCKY. Then I found my gift, from Cullen, which was a new phone and camera and I knew why they were all being so coy. So I got to tell him that I get it.
And then I woke up, with an emotional hangover big enough to cover all of us. But my weeping willow understands.
Okay, on to security objects. Any of your kids have them? Jordan does. A green blanket. No other blanket will do. This child...UGH.
What's nice about them is they go to bed right away, usually, if they have one. Or if they have a paci or thumb, they can plug themselves (most of the time) once they are old enough, and don't need you.
Jordan is four.
His blanket has been at my mom's house for 2 days now. Last night he was up every 5 minutes for EVER. The problem was that he couldn't suck his damned thumb without the damned blanket. Granted, it was only a half hour of him whining before I stuck his thumb in his mouth and he passed right back out.
What do I do? It's been two days, and in my experience, it takes about 2 days for a kid to get over a thing. I promised him to get him to shut it last night, that him, Caiden, Adalane and I would go get his F*CKING blankie from my mom's house. Wouldn't now be a good time to talk to him about giving it all up? I've always been a fan of thumb sucking, but that shits hard as HELL to break. With pacis, you take it away and know you're in for 2 days of hell, and then it's over, but how do you cut a thumb off? We did it with CJ but he had such a hard time. I don't know what to do.
So we were making out last night and Jordan's doing this. And Julia was coughing NON STOP, every few minutes. I don't know how he wasn't completely distracted, but I was. I know that's irritating. I did my best, but finally I just begged off. I'm not a complete ahole, I told him to go ahead and ...attack, but he was crabby because he likes it better when I'm not distracted and asking him to just get it over with. I dont' blame him, but then he was crabby and would NOT get it over with, so he rolled over, and didn't touch me, didn't snuggle me. Lucky for him (HA!) I have DDF in my head who even though he can be a butt sometimes, more often than not he says and does just exactly what I'm needing. This time he was a bird, and was snug in the nest, and he lifted one of his wings and I scampered in and got close to the soft feathers on the underneath of his wing, next to his body, and went to sleep. Until I woke up this morning and still had to let the sad of the night out one way or another.
Honestly! I KNOW I shouldn't talk out loud.
Bring on some freakin heat.
Monday, May 9, 2011
The Good Job
From one very brilliant Chris (go check out http://chrisguillebeau.com/articles/ for more. He ROCKS!) :
I visited a large company to give a talk about non-conformity and adventure. From all appearances, it was a well-run company doing good things.
Many of the employees came up to me afterwards to chat, and I asked each of them, “How are things at _____?” Most of them said that things were good, and I had no reason to doubt them.
Others had a different response, and either from what they said or how they acted, it was obvious that they weren’t happy. Several of them talked with me confidentially and said variations of the following:
It’s not a bad job, but my creativity is very limited.
I find myself constantly daydreaming of [something else].
I liked it here at first, but now I feel stifled.
These statements were invariably followed by something like: “I shouldn’t complain, because everyone tells me how good I have it. Lots of other people have been laid off or can’t find a job in the first place. Besides, I have good benefits here.”
Hmmm. Yes, it’s good to be grateful for what you have. Lots of people do have it hard these days, and that’s unfortunate.
But here’s the thing: it can be a good job at a good company, but that doesn’t mean it’s good for you. In fact, if you’re constantly daydreaming of something else, having a good job can be dangerous. A good job can keep you from a big life.
Sometimes what makes sense during one season doesn’t make sense in another; a commitment that was fulfilling at one time loses its allure. In these situations, pretending all is well is usually the wrong answer. If you’re discontented, it’s up to you to make a change. And if it really is a good company or organization that has treated you well, you’re not serving it well in return by giving it less than your best.
Aside from remaining stagnant and trudging along, when you find yourself in a good job that no longer meets your needs, there are only two options:
1) Find a way to bring the joy back to the good job.
2) Find a way to say goodbye to the good job.
You might think that leaving is hard. Of course it’s hard—it would be much easier if it were a bad job. Then the situation would become urgent and you’d do everything you could to get out as soon as possible. But because it’s good enough, you stick around.
That’s why, one way or another, something has to change.
Told ya. Just do it.
HEY YOU! GET OFFA MY CLOUD!
1. Um...is it a little sad that Cullen would pay $700 for SOMEONE ELSE to go with me? Could he really NOT want to go THAT badly? I guess so. I guess it isn't for everyone. :( Do you think maybe he said I can go because he knew that it'd be hard to find someone to go with me? Maybe not since he offered to pay for someone else. :(
2. Can anything else be scheduled on Thursday? And all of it is stuff that is fairly important, but I don't know how to be more places than one all at the same time. Where's my cape?
3. Oh what can it mean to a daydream believer and a homecoming queen?
4. Maybe she's just looking for someone to dance with.
5. Maybe I'll just keep quoting songs and you can get bored and go away or see if you can get the song.
6. Devastation at last, finally we meet.
7. Lovin would be easy if your colors were like my dreams. (I never said they'd been GOOD songs)
8. Just because I'm sorry doesn't mean I didn't enjoy it at the time.
9. Show me how you do it, and I'll run away with you, I'll run away with you.
10. These streets turn me inside out; everything shines but leaves me empty still
11. in a room without a door, a kiss is not enough
12. Take my hand in the meantime, let's walk into the sunshine
13. Just tell me what you've got to say to me, I've been waiting for so long to hear the truth
14. How could she say to me love will find a way, gather round all you clowns, let me hear you say.....
15. Do not turn away my friend, like a willow I can bend, no man calls my name, no man came.
16. Okay I am bored first. You win. :P
What if I book my weekend at the Ele house? What happens then? Do I get into trouble with Cullen? I mean COME ON! It's a weekend at an elephant retreat. It isn't like I'm going off with a bunch of girlfriends to some wild party for the whole weekend where he'd never ever know what I was actually doing. ELEPHANTS. Surely murderer wannabes aren't hanging out there waiting for the some elephant fanatic to show up so they can butcher them to teach their mom a lesson for the time 35 years ago when she spanked him for "no good reason", right? ELEPHANTS. I don't care if I am there by myself. It would be GOOD for me to be by myself. Then I don't need to entertain anyone at all except me, and that's plenty big a job anyway, thanks much. I don't have to care what anyone else is doing, or when they are doing it. I can make NEW FRIENDS! New friends who won't think I'm stupid for wanting to go pet elephants so badly. Or baldly, which is what I typed first.
What's a girl to do?
I think I need a good push on the tire swing, high enough to tickle my tummy and get me out of my own head.
2. Can anything else be scheduled on Thursday? And all of it is stuff that is fairly important, but I don't know how to be more places than one all at the same time. Where's my cape?
3. Oh what can it mean to a daydream believer and a homecoming queen?
4. Maybe she's just looking for someone to dance with.
5. Maybe I'll just keep quoting songs and you can get bored and go away or see if you can get the song.
6. Devastation at last, finally we meet.
7. Lovin would be easy if your colors were like my dreams. (I never said they'd been GOOD songs)
8. Just because I'm sorry doesn't mean I didn't enjoy it at the time.
9. Show me how you do it, and I'll run away with you, I'll run away with you.
10. These streets turn me inside out; everything shines but leaves me empty still
11. in a room without a door, a kiss is not enough
12. Take my hand in the meantime, let's walk into the sunshine
13. Just tell me what you've got to say to me, I've been waiting for so long to hear the truth
14. How could she say to me love will find a way, gather round all you clowns, let me hear you say.....
15. Do not turn away my friend, like a willow I can bend, no man calls my name, no man came.
16. Okay I am bored first. You win. :P
What if I book my weekend at the Ele house? What happens then? Do I get into trouble with Cullen? I mean COME ON! It's a weekend at an elephant retreat. It isn't like I'm going off with a bunch of girlfriends to some wild party for the whole weekend where he'd never ever know what I was actually doing. ELEPHANTS. Surely murderer wannabes aren't hanging out there waiting for the some elephant fanatic to show up so they can butcher them to teach their mom a lesson for the time 35 years ago when she spanked him for "no good reason", right? ELEPHANTS. I don't care if I am there by myself. It would be GOOD for me to be by myself. Then I don't need to entertain anyone at all except me, and that's plenty big a job anyway, thanks much. I don't have to care what anyone else is doing, or when they are doing it. I can make NEW FRIENDS! New friends who won't think I'm stupid for wanting to go pet elephants so badly. Or baldly, which is what I typed first.
What's a girl to do?
I think I need a good push on the tire swing, high enough to tickle my tummy and get me out of my own head.
Proof that i'm insane. Just what we all need more of.
So--- here's your proof.
1. I guarantee that someone made out with me or danced with me to this song. Not in this lifetime. (WHICH part of me thinking those two things makes me insane? I'm not sure either.)
2. I can almost see/remember what I was wearing.
Really. I know. I should stop talking. Forever. I know.
Things that are good
1. The thunder. My willow tree LOVES and NEEDS that and now SUPER MAGIC is happening in places I can't see. GROW, BABY! Momma needs somewhere to hide. NOW.
2. French Vanilla Coffee and Hazelnut Creamer. I'm so far off the wagon I can't even see the wagon. I'll get back on. But not today.
3. Cullen totally okayed my going to sleep with elephants in November. The only condition is that I can't go alone. Anyone want to go with me? I'm sure to as irritating as you've ever seen me. I cry watching the dolphin, puppy and elephant give birth on the NGEO channel show- which was on again last night. You can imagine how I'll be when I get to TOUCH an elephant. It's $700, sorry. Cullen very kindly said to me, as we were in the garage sitting in the hottub (yes) "I'll pay for someone to go with you..." but I'm insisting that he doesn't do THAT. Good God. And something about "You can have whatever you want." Which isn't true, but he only has so much power to give also. ;) Anyway- I have a couple of people who did say they would love to go so maybe I'll see if they really REALLY want to go, in November, and then I'll set it up. Maybe loving on an elephant will feel as good as....it seems like it will? I mean, maybe an elephant is big enough to hold ...me and my feelings? I just can't wait.
4. The people around me who do what is good and right and it all keeps me safe whether or not it's what I want. At least I know that what's good for the goose is good for the gander and I'm fully aware that I need to save my tantrums and just say Thank You. Have some more fucking thunder and rain. :D (I'm giggling and that made DDF even giggle too!) (that's a win for me, even though he says he likes to make me laugh.)
5. Josh just requested a foot rub. Brilliant. He got it. Julia wanted to help. Watching her rub her brothers feet grows something in me...it's a relationship that I can't touch, one that I don't have access too, and I LOVE IT. Siblings. Awesome.
6. The bracelet that Josh made me has a little bell on it, and it tinkles when I move. It's colorful and delicate and he worked on it FOREVER yesterday.
7. My 9 year old did not die after falling off of an ATV without a helmet.
8. I am fully prepared for this week to be really full of ME and not "enough" of Cullen and I'm READY. I will not be as crabby about it this week because I have my game face on.
9. I was forgiven for my hissy fit last week.
10. Adalane is about to crawl. This is the last golden week, where they aren't moving that much.
11. Napping babies are almost as cute as awake babies.
12. Cheering on the Race for the Cure was AWESOME. It is sooooo much fun, and puts everything in perspective.
13. I am unstoppable.
14. The blueberry raspberry vanilla smoothie I'm about to make is going to rock my socks!
15. One of my biggest problems is being able to decide what thing I'd like to do/have/be first. What a great issue! Do we want to buy the cabin next to my parents? Buy an RV? A new van? I love it. How about if I do all of them? Good idea. :)
16. My ipod. THANK GOD FOR MUSIC.
17. The video for "No Rain"---remember her? The sweet bumble bee? GOD I love that song and that video. Miss you, SH. And Michael- caught an oldschool INXS vid this morning bright and early this morning too. I'm not into long hair, but MH was freaking HOT plain and simple. Lenny and MH--- those might be my only 2 celebs on my "list". That list is getting really short, isn't it?
18. MY WILLOW TREE, DAMMIT!!!!!! I wonder what her name is. I wonder what it means that people ask me what her name is. Maybe people normally name trees and it's not that I'm that big of a dork that they know I'm trying to find her name.
The end. Happy Monday.
2. French Vanilla Coffee and Hazelnut Creamer. I'm so far off the wagon I can't even see the wagon. I'll get back on. But not today.
3. Cullen totally okayed my going to sleep with elephants in November. The only condition is that I can't go alone. Anyone want to go with me? I'm sure to as irritating as you've ever seen me. I cry watching the dolphin, puppy and elephant give birth on the NGEO channel show- which was on again last night. You can imagine how I'll be when I get to TOUCH an elephant. It's $700, sorry. Cullen very kindly said to me, as we were in the garage sitting in the hottub (yes) "I'll pay for someone to go with you..." but I'm insisting that he doesn't do THAT. Good God. And something about "You can have whatever you want." Which isn't true, but he only has so much power to give also. ;) Anyway- I have a couple of people who did say they would love to go so maybe I'll see if they really REALLY want to go, in November, and then I'll set it up. Maybe loving on an elephant will feel as good as....it seems like it will? I mean, maybe an elephant is big enough to hold ...me and my feelings? I just can't wait.
4. The people around me who do what is good and right and it all keeps me safe whether or not it's what I want. At least I know that what's good for the goose is good for the gander and I'm fully aware that I need to save my tantrums and just say Thank You. Have some more fucking thunder and rain. :D (I'm giggling and that made DDF even giggle too!) (that's a win for me, even though he says he likes to make me laugh.)
5. Josh just requested a foot rub. Brilliant. He got it. Julia wanted to help. Watching her rub her brothers feet grows something in me...it's a relationship that I can't touch, one that I don't have access too, and I LOVE IT. Siblings. Awesome.
6. The bracelet that Josh made me has a little bell on it, and it tinkles when I move. It's colorful and delicate and he worked on it FOREVER yesterday.
7. My 9 year old did not die after falling off of an ATV without a helmet.
8. I am fully prepared for this week to be really full of ME and not "enough" of Cullen and I'm READY. I will not be as crabby about it this week because I have my game face on.
9. I was forgiven for my hissy fit last week.
10. Adalane is about to crawl. This is the last golden week, where they aren't moving that much.
11. Napping babies are almost as cute as awake babies.
12. Cheering on the Race for the Cure was AWESOME. It is sooooo much fun, and puts everything in perspective.
13. I am unstoppable.
14. The blueberry raspberry vanilla smoothie I'm about to make is going to rock my socks!
15. One of my biggest problems is being able to decide what thing I'd like to do/have/be first. What a great issue! Do we want to buy the cabin next to my parents? Buy an RV? A new van? I love it. How about if I do all of them? Good idea. :)
16. My ipod. THANK GOD FOR MUSIC.
17. The video for "No Rain"---remember her? The sweet bumble bee? GOD I love that song and that video. Miss you, SH. And Michael- caught an oldschool INXS vid this morning bright and early this morning too. I'm not into long hair, but MH was freaking HOT plain and simple. Lenny and MH--- those might be my only 2 celebs on my "list". That list is getting really short, isn't it?
18. MY WILLOW TREE, DAMMIT!!!!!! I wonder what her name is. I wonder what it means that people ask me what her name is. Maybe people normally name trees and it's not that I'm that big of a dork that they know I'm trying to find her name.
The end. Happy Monday.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
OPP (Other People's Parenting)
Okay, so check it.
On CJ's baseball team is a family and ...UGH. I heard the 8 year old (7?) tell his mom to SHUT UP two times. I also heard her give him empty threats over and over and over. He was bothering his friend. There was no help from the mom, the kid was on his own.
What would you do in this instance?
My sister says it's not my place to get involved. But do you know what? My kids were watching him and heard him tell his mother to SHUT UP. They watched him completely disrespect her- which is her fault as much as it is his.
This is my plan. On Tuesday when this scene plays out again- and sadly, it will because it always does (Cullen didn't want CJ to play once he found out who was on the team again, it was pretty rough going with the son that's on the team, the brother to the kid I'm talking about). When he inevitably lips off to his mom and is rude and disrespectful and I can't take it anymore, I am going to ask her if she minds if I talk to my little friend. Then I'm going to call him over and tell him that his mom is my friend, and I just heard him be disrespectful to my friend. Then I'm going to tell him that it makes me sad to hear him be rude to her, and that I bet it makes her feel sad to. Then I am going to ask the child to apologize to his mother for being rude. He can say no to me, but I bet he will apologize. If he doesn't, all I can say is "Well, I tried." But just maybe he will see someone sticking up for her since she won't stick up for herself. It isn't going to change anything for them, but fuck. I'm sick and tired of watching those kids run their parents. They aren't easy kids anyway, but the no follow through shit doesn't help at all.
She also said she didn't know why she had kids. I would never say that. Why do people say that? Don't they understand how many people DO want kids, like really truly want children?
Do you know what the funnest part of tomorrow is going to be? I am going to be standing among a gigantic group of SERIOUSLY kick ass people. We'll go cheer on the Race For The Cure people. People in the middle of their battle, people who have beat the battle, people who have lost someone to the battle. They are all so awesome. Then I am going to nap. I've been on single fucking parent duty all week long and I'm SO sick and tired of it. I can do this shit if I have time to be mentally prepared for it. And if I do it for one more week I will be fully back into single parent operating mode. But don't TELL ME that you're going to be around and then switch it up at the last minute so I'm doing every last bit of everything.
And then what happens? He needs to get "everything else" done that he didn't get to. Last on the list. Plus, you know he needs to drink in order to relax, so he needs to be sitting out by the fire with the neighbors while I go to bed at 10.
He had a really, really good run for quite a long time. It's okay for me to be irritated. I hated this shit last year and the year before and before when he worked 2nd shift and I got to do it all, too. Baseball is 3 times a week (including today) and birthday parties abound. Hats off to the moms out there who have their kids in tons of shit so they don't have free time. I don't know how you do it. I need to be at home relaxing.
So with that little crab out of my system, I'll tell you that I dragged Chelle and the 5 kids down to the bass ponds and today goes down in the history books as the Best Day EVER! ;) I have lots of them. I wish there were words. It felt so good that my feelings almost became physical. I don't even know what they would have looked like, but ...oh....it was good.
Happy Mother's Day Tomorrow!
On CJ's baseball team is a family and ...UGH. I heard the 8 year old (7?) tell his mom to SHUT UP two times. I also heard her give him empty threats over and over and over. He was bothering his friend. There was no help from the mom, the kid was on his own.
What would you do in this instance?
My sister says it's not my place to get involved. But do you know what? My kids were watching him and heard him tell his mother to SHUT UP. They watched him completely disrespect her- which is her fault as much as it is his.
This is my plan. On Tuesday when this scene plays out again- and sadly, it will because it always does (Cullen didn't want CJ to play once he found out who was on the team again, it was pretty rough going with the son that's on the team, the brother to the kid I'm talking about). When he inevitably lips off to his mom and is rude and disrespectful and I can't take it anymore, I am going to ask her if she minds if I talk to my little friend. Then I'm going to call him over and tell him that his mom is my friend, and I just heard him be disrespectful to my friend. Then I'm going to tell him that it makes me sad to hear him be rude to her, and that I bet it makes her feel sad to. Then I am going to ask the child to apologize to his mother for being rude. He can say no to me, but I bet he will apologize. If he doesn't, all I can say is "Well, I tried." But just maybe he will see someone sticking up for her since she won't stick up for herself. It isn't going to change anything for them, but fuck. I'm sick and tired of watching those kids run their parents. They aren't easy kids anyway, but the no follow through shit doesn't help at all.
She also said she didn't know why she had kids. I would never say that. Why do people say that? Don't they understand how many people DO want kids, like really truly want children?
Do you know what the funnest part of tomorrow is going to be? I am going to be standing among a gigantic group of SERIOUSLY kick ass people. We'll go cheer on the Race For The Cure people. People in the middle of their battle, people who have beat the battle, people who have lost someone to the battle. They are all so awesome. Then I am going to nap. I've been on single fucking parent duty all week long and I'm SO sick and tired of it. I can do this shit if I have time to be mentally prepared for it. And if I do it for one more week I will be fully back into single parent operating mode. But don't TELL ME that you're going to be around and then switch it up at the last minute so I'm doing every last bit of everything.
And then what happens? He needs to get "everything else" done that he didn't get to. Last on the list. Plus, you know he needs to drink in order to relax, so he needs to be sitting out by the fire with the neighbors while I go to bed at 10.
He had a really, really good run for quite a long time. It's okay for me to be irritated. I hated this shit last year and the year before and before when he worked 2nd shift and I got to do it all, too. Baseball is 3 times a week (including today) and birthday parties abound. Hats off to the moms out there who have their kids in tons of shit so they don't have free time. I don't know how you do it. I need to be at home relaxing.
So with that little crab out of my system, I'll tell you that I dragged Chelle and the 5 kids down to the bass ponds and today goes down in the history books as the Best Day EVER! ;) I have lots of them. I wish there were words. It felt so good that my feelings almost became physical. I don't even know what they would have looked like, but ...oh....it was good.
Happy Mother's Day Tomorrow!
Friday, May 6, 2011
Mother's Day
]of all, I am sorry for every person who has lost a baby, who has had to try so hard to become a mother, or is trying. I'm sorry for every time the test has been negative, your period shows up or the telling cramps set in. I'm sorry for the hormone hell that the drugs cause. I am so very sorry. From the bottom of my heart. I'm also sorry for the people whose time has not come quite yet to become a mom and has the longing deep inside for it to happen. Mother's Day hurts many.
Now that I've said that...
Sunday is Mother's Day.
I am now a Mother.
And do you know what? It's sexy.
That's right, sexy.
I look at these precious souls who came here through me, and it's sexy. Even the parts, ESPECIALLY the parts of my body that I don't overly care for- SEXY. Life came through me. Grew in me-I grew HUMANS, and birthed them through this body. SEXY!!!! It just is. No one can take that away from me ever. Every single time I'm with all four of my kids I feel it. The power of what this is- being a mother.
It's bigger than anything.
Happy Mother's Day weekend.
Now that I've said that...
Sunday is Mother's Day.
I am now a Mother.
And do you know what? It's sexy.
That's right, sexy.
I look at these precious souls who came here through me, and it's sexy. Even the parts, ESPECIALLY the parts of my body that I don't overly care for- SEXY. Life came through me. Grew in me-I grew HUMANS, and birthed them through this body. SEXY!!!! It just is. No one can take that away from me ever. Every single time I'm with all four of my kids I feel it. The power of what this is- being a mother.
It's bigger than anything.
Happy Mother's Day weekend.
Green, Green, Green
Woodlake. Is Green, Green, Green. It's delicious and fantastic and I wanted to eat it up. It smells good, it felt good, the birds were everywhere. Eastern bluebird! Beautiful. The kids were eating it up too. And we visited the blanding turtle that we brought it when it was just an itty bitty- remember that? Little bit bigger than a quarter, with one leg missing. It's the biggest turtle in the aquarium now. :) And he came over to say hi when we all hunkered down to peek at him. He knows. :) Josh said that he's sure glad we did what we did, but I told him that we think we did the right thing, but how do we know? Maybe the turtle feels trapped and wishes for nothing more than freedom. Maybe we interrupted what was going to be nature's way? Or maybe that cage is all he (cage?) remembers and he's fine being in it. We don't know, all we can do is do what we feel is right, and then hope for the best.
Don't you get tired of your own ideas sometimes? I stay pretty inspired by the things I read and look at and write, but sometimes I feel so hungry to hear a different point of view on things. I miss my friend.
Wendy's spicy chipotle jr cheeseburger is pretty freaking good.
Know what else is going to be good? The nap I'm going to take with the windows wide open.
Nighty night.
Don't you get tired of your own ideas sometimes? I stay pretty inspired by the things I read and look at and write, but sometimes I feel so hungry to hear a different point of view on things. I miss my friend.
Wendy's spicy chipotle jr cheeseburger is pretty freaking good.
Know what else is going to be good? The nap I'm going to take with the windows wide open.
Nighty night.
Celebrating differences.
I really admire people who go to a different country where they don't speak the language and finding a way to make it. That would feel so isolating, maybe- or freeing, I suppose, depending on how you at it.
There was a time when travel didn't sound good to me at all. In general, it would still be very taxing on me emotionally. I'm a wuss. I bloom where I'm planted, and do best planted somewhere familiar. That's why travelling by RV will be SUCH a growing time for me. I'll probably have a harder time than anyone else.
Anyway- People do it all the time.
My neighbors across the street left a completely normal to them culture. Can you imagine living in the Phillipenes? I can't spell that either, looks like. Anyway- everything is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO different there. Everything, different. And to come live here where we're rich, but completely different- WOW. Raising kids is different, ...well, everything is. The cultural differences are so vast, not to mention the language.
Delphin and Ophelia have learned so much in a year. When we first moved in it was very, very broken english. They could understand more than they could speak, and they couldn't speak much of it. It was adorable because the kids - MY kids- could understand what they were trying to say. Kids ROCK- the way that they just roll with it instead of freaking out, trying to understand, you know?
Delphin just came over to ask me if I wanted him to pick Julia up from school, because he did it yesterday. She and Josh are staying home today, because I'm FUN MOM today and offered them the option. We won't discuss what it means that CJ decided he better go to school. ;) I gave him a starburst for a good choice, and the rest of us are going to woodlake to eat up this day. Anyway, Delphin came over and used his nice calm deep voice and we had an entire conversation about why the kids weren't going to school and that he'd be happy to pick up Julia on Monday and going forward for me.
How awesome for....all of us. It must feel good to be able to actually communicate with others around. When I imagine being in another country and being able to mostly effortlessly communicate- AWESOME! SOOOOO many people come here, not being able to speak the language. I'm in awe and proud of them.
Someone I know and love gets frustrated with the people who come here and don't speak English. They will be able to. It's not cool to think that every country in the world should learn THIS language anymore than a particular way of believing be forced on everyone. "They should have to speak English before taking a job here." That would be easier on US, but they are the ones struggling to understand us and answer us. There's only one way to learn and that's to do it. Maybe we should be happy we aren't fleeing our country in search of "better" which sometimes would land us in a strange land where a language is spoken that we can't understand. I'm so thankful I don't have to start at zero and try to figure it out.
Anyway- YAY for all the brave souls who have done it, either on vacation, a years stay, or permanently move somewhere completely different where "foreign" barely scratches the surface.
There was a time when travel didn't sound good to me at all. In general, it would still be very taxing on me emotionally. I'm a wuss. I bloom where I'm planted, and do best planted somewhere familiar. That's why travelling by RV will be SUCH a growing time for me. I'll probably have a harder time than anyone else.
Anyway- People do it all the time.
My neighbors across the street left a completely normal to them culture. Can you imagine living in the Phillipenes? I can't spell that either, looks like. Anyway- everything is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO different there. Everything, different. And to come live here where we're rich, but completely different- WOW. Raising kids is different, ...well, everything is. The cultural differences are so vast, not to mention the language.
Delphin and Ophelia have learned so much in a year. When we first moved in it was very, very broken english. They could understand more than they could speak, and they couldn't speak much of it. It was adorable because the kids - MY kids- could understand what they were trying to say. Kids ROCK- the way that they just roll with it instead of freaking out, trying to understand, you know?
Delphin just came over to ask me if I wanted him to pick Julia up from school, because he did it yesterday. She and Josh are staying home today, because I'm FUN MOM today and offered them the option. We won't discuss what it means that CJ decided he better go to school. ;) I gave him a starburst for a good choice, and the rest of us are going to woodlake to eat up this day. Anyway, Delphin came over and used his nice calm deep voice and we had an entire conversation about why the kids weren't going to school and that he'd be happy to pick up Julia on Monday and going forward for me.
How awesome for....all of us. It must feel good to be able to actually communicate with others around. When I imagine being in another country and being able to mostly effortlessly communicate- AWESOME! SOOOOO many people come here, not being able to speak the language. I'm in awe and proud of them.
Someone I know and love gets frustrated with the people who come here and don't speak English. They will be able to. It's not cool to think that every country in the world should learn THIS language anymore than a particular way of believing be forced on everyone. "They should have to speak English before taking a job here." That would be easier on US, but they are the ones struggling to understand us and answer us. There's only one way to learn and that's to do it. Maybe we should be happy we aren't fleeing our country in search of "better" which sometimes would land us in a strange land where a language is spoken that we can't understand. I'm so thankful I don't have to start at zero and try to figure it out.
Anyway- YAY for all the brave souls who have done it, either on vacation, a years stay, or permanently move somewhere completely different where "foreign" barely scratches the surface.
I have no idea.
That's all. :) I have no idea. I think I should put on a permanent disclaimer to this here vomit blog that says "These are things that are true for ME. Not you. If you happen to read something that resonates with you, *I* am the lucky one. This is about me, not you. Nickiland. As not alone as I am, it's lonely and I do enjoy company, but as you already know, my ideas change about my truths all the time, so don't expect the scenary to stay the same."
Good enough?
GUESS WHAT!!! Guess what I have in my own front yard???? I am the proud new momma to a beautiful baby willow tree. She's a prairie cascade, and she is planted and loved more than she knows. Is it silly to love a tree so much? If she weren't right there in the front side yard, I'd be sitting out there meditating right now. I'm not lying. I would hug and kiss her ever single day and I might have to anyway. MY WILLOW TREE!!!!!!!!
The kids were so excited that the woke up to take a peek, and this morning CJ brought Julia out to see it. She will weep as she grows older. More, I should say. I honestly cannot tell you how in love I am. Eric brought it last night and held back a chuckle when I clapped. I couldn't help it.
I'm SO HAPPY!!!!!
Today is going to be the best day ever!!!! It's going to be sunny and perfect and I'm going to load up my Jordan and my Adalane and go walk Woodlake Nature Center. AND I LOVE IT TO PIECES ALREADY.
Sometimes I really wish I could hug the world.
Good enough?
GUESS WHAT!!! Guess what I have in my own front yard???? I am the proud new momma to a beautiful baby willow tree. She's a prairie cascade, and she is planted and loved more than she knows. Is it silly to love a tree so much? If she weren't right there in the front side yard, I'd be sitting out there meditating right now. I'm not lying. I would hug and kiss her ever single day and I might have to anyway. MY WILLOW TREE!!!!!!!!
The kids were so excited that the woke up to take a peek, and this morning CJ brought Julia out to see it. She will weep as she grows older. More, I should say. I honestly cannot tell you how in love I am. Eric brought it last night and held back a chuckle when I clapped. I couldn't help it.
I'm SO HAPPY!!!!!
Today is going to be the best day ever!!!! It's going to be sunny and perfect and I'm going to load up my Jordan and my Adalane and go walk Woodlake Nature Center. AND I LOVE IT TO PIECES ALREADY.
Sometimes I really wish I could hug the world.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Like!
I know just how to whisper
and I know just how to cry
I know just where to find the answers
and I know just how to lie
I know just how to fake it
and I know just how to scheme
I know just when to face the truth
and then I know just when to dream
And I know just where to touch you
and I know just what to prove
I know when to pull you closer
and I know when to let you loose
And I know the night is fading
and I know that time's gonna fly
And I'm never gonna tell you
ev'rything I've got to tell you
But I know I've got to give it a try
And I know the roads to riches
and I know the ways to fame
I know all the rules and then
I know how to break them
and I always know the name of the game
But I don't know how to leave you
and I'll never let you fall
And I don't know how you do it
Making love out of nothing at all
(Making love) out of nothing at all
(Making love) out of nothing at all
(Making love) out of nothing at all
(Making love) out of nothing at all
(Making love) out of nothing at all
(Making love) out of nothing at all
Ev'ry time I see you all the rays of the sun
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/a/air-supply-lyrics/making-love-out-of-nothing-at-all-lyrics.html ]
Are streaming through the waves in your hair
And ev'ry star in the sky is
taking aim at your eyes like a spotlight
The beating of my heart is a drum
and it's lost and it's looking for a rhythm like you
You can take the darkness from the pit of the night
and turn into a beacon burning endlessly bright
I've got to follow it
'cause ev'rything I know
Well it's nothing till I give it to you
I can make the run or stumble
I can make the final block
And I can make every tackle
at the sound of the whistle
I can make all the stadiums rock
I can make tonight forever
Or I can make it disappear by the dawn
And I can make you every promise
That has ever been made
and I can make all your demons be gone
But I'm never gonna make it without you
Do you really want to see me crawl?
And I never gonna make it like you do
Making love out of nothing at all
(Making love) out of nothing at all
(Making love) out of nothing at all
(Making love) out of nothing at all
(Making love) out of nothing at all
(Making love) out of nothing at all
(Making love) out of nothing at all....
and I know just how to cry
I know just where to find the answers
and I know just how to lie
I know just how to fake it
and I know just how to scheme
I know just when to face the truth
and then I know just when to dream
And I know just where to touch you
and I know just what to prove
I know when to pull you closer
and I know when to let you loose
And I know the night is fading
and I know that time's gonna fly
And I'm never gonna tell you
ev'rything I've got to tell you
But I know I've got to give it a try
And I know the roads to riches
and I know the ways to fame
I know all the rules and then
I know how to break them
and I always know the name of the game
But I don't know how to leave you
and I'll never let you fall
And I don't know how you do it
Making love out of nothing at all
(Making love) out of nothing at all
(Making love) out of nothing at all
(Making love) out of nothing at all
(Making love) out of nothing at all
(Making love) out of nothing at all
(Making love) out of nothing at all
Ev'ry time I see you all the rays of the sun
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/a/air-supply-lyrics/making-love-out-of-nothing-at-all-lyrics.html ]
Are streaming through the waves in your hair
And ev'ry star in the sky is
taking aim at your eyes like a spotlight
The beating of my heart is a drum
and it's lost and it's looking for a rhythm like you
You can take the darkness from the pit of the night
and turn into a beacon burning endlessly bright
I've got to follow it
'cause ev'rything I know
Well it's nothing till I give it to you
I can make the run or stumble
I can make the final block
And I can make every tackle
at the sound of the whistle
I can make all the stadiums rock
I can make tonight forever
Or I can make it disappear by the dawn
And I can make you every promise
That has ever been made
and I can make all your demons be gone
But I'm never gonna make it without you
Do you really want to see me crawl?
And I never gonna make it like you do
Making love out of nothing at all
(Making love) out of nothing at all
(Making love) out of nothing at all
(Making love) out of nothing at all
(Making love) out of nothing at all
(Making love) out of nothing at all
(Making love) out of nothing at all....
I get it tonight!
This is a HUGE indicator of how much I want this tree. I CALLED THE PLACE MYSELF. I don't ever do this. Okay, I so very rarely do this. I can barely call for pizza now and I think that sometimes I still beg off and make Cullen or MFN or my sister do it. I called the Bloomington Garden Center and I have a new friend named Barb, whose husband Eric happens to be at their wholesaler right this MINUTE picking me out a prairie cascade weeping willow tree. He swears that I will like this much better than the naobi willow- said this one is just plain ole better all around. Looks better, grows better, sheds *slightly* less.
I get my baby tonight!!!!!
CJ has baseball practice at 5:30 and we're supposed to celebrate Shawn's birthday at Cullen's moms house. Maybe I can ask my momma to bring my folder of stuff over? What should I put it in so it doesn't deteriorate immediately? And I should probably wait for Carolyn to say "Yes, Nicki! You can plant a pain in the ass weeping willow tree in the yard!" Do you like how I just plow ahead? No one else does either really.
Okay, here goes. I'll call my Momma. Hold my hand.
The Beginning Of Time
Okay, so I've been thinking- STILL. Does my 4 cups of coffee show at all? Huh? Does it? I'm typing so fast there is smoke coming from the keyboard and little flames shooting out of my fingers. :D
One of the biggest arguments between scientists and religious folks is in regards to the Beginning. Where did the dinosaurs go? Where did man come from? Did God wave his magic wand and POOF there were people? Well, that's exactly what the Bible says, and Lord Knows that we are all taught that what the Bible says is How It Really Is.
Do you know what I think?
Right, right, you can rest assured that I will tell you (that was complements- NOT compliments of DFF, who wishes I would shut it for the rest of the day).
I think that maybe the great big flood happened. Or maybe it was a hella earthquake. NO ONE WAS THERE. Except for "God", or "life" or "energy". So the dinos didn't make it, but some of them clearly did, because we have some really kick ass birds all these millions of years later, who share some startling traits with the giant lizards/dinos. But life didn't stop. It never stops. EVER. Not you, not me, not the life that was alive back then. Didn't you hear the Black Eyed Peas? The Energy Never Dies. EVER.
So life sprung anew. And continued. And what made that catastrophe grew and evolved as WE ALL DO, ALWAYS and in ALL WAYS. That's what we're all doing here. Evolving. Our animals are doing it. Our children are doing it. Adapting. Nature is doing it. It is How It Is. When we stop growing, it's game over. I just don't buy the "God created man from nothing" thing because it also "quotes" God as saying crabby, angry, justice seeking things, and the Life that I adore isn't anything like a human at all. Pure Love only. So it's easier for me to chuck chunks out the window that I don't agree with, because I firmly believe in the Good and the Love and the Light.
LALALALALALALALAALLAALALALA <--- that was for DFF, who gets irritated easily with me.
HEY I found my 5 HTP, does it show? 5HTP and caffeine= WHAT PMS???? Except even today, the coffee didn't smell that good to me. Maybe I'll have coffee as a part time lover. :)
Let's talk about where I'm going to plant the willow tree. I think it's going to go near the firepit, so we'll have to move the firepit a bit. Cullen is more than happy to willow tree shop with me. He doesn't know why yet, but he will soon. :) I wonder if that little nursery that's down the big hill that goes down to the bass ponds has them?
I'm gonna go find out! HAPPY!
One of the biggest arguments between scientists and religious folks is in regards to the Beginning. Where did the dinosaurs go? Where did man come from? Did God wave his magic wand and POOF there were people? Well, that's exactly what the Bible says, and Lord Knows that we are all taught that what the Bible says is How It Really Is.
Do you know what I think?
Right, right, you can rest assured that I will tell you (that was complements- NOT compliments of DFF, who wishes I would shut it for the rest of the day).
I think that maybe the great big flood happened. Or maybe it was a hella earthquake. NO ONE WAS THERE. Except for "God", or "life" or "energy". So the dinos didn't make it, but some of them clearly did, because we have some really kick ass birds all these millions of years later, who share some startling traits with the giant lizards/dinos. But life didn't stop. It never stops. EVER. Not you, not me, not the life that was alive back then. Didn't you hear the Black Eyed Peas? The Energy Never Dies. EVER.
So life sprung anew. And continued. And what made that catastrophe grew and evolved as WE ALL DO, ALWAYS and in ALL WAYS. That's what we're all doing here. Evolving. Our animals are doing it. Our children are doing it. Adapting. Nature is doing it. It is How It Is. When we stop growing, it's game over. I just don't buy the "God created man from nothing" thing because it also "quotes" God as saying crabby, angry, justice seeking things, and the Life that I adore isn't anything like a human at all. Pure Love only. So it's easier for me to chuck chunks out the window that I don't agree with, because I firmly believe in the Good and the Love and the Light.
LALALALALALALALAALLAALALALA <--- that was for DFF, who gets irritated easily with me.
HEY I found my 5 HTP, does it show? 5HTP and caffeine= WHAT PMS???? Except even today, the coffee didn't smell that good to me. Maybe I'll have coffee as a part time lover. :)
Let's talk about where I'm going to plant the willow tree. I think it's going to go near the firepit, so we'll have to move the firepit a bit. Cullen is more than happy to willow tree shop with me. He doesn't know why yet, but he will soon. :) I wonder if that little nursery that's down the big hill that goes down to the bass ponds has them?
I'm gonna go find out! HAPPY!
Compliments
Here is a semi- sad story, but it's full of love. And we can all see ourselves in it, which is why I decided I would share it.
Yesterday in my crazy Get Rid Of Fest, I came across a knick knack that I really cherish. It's a Willow Tree figurine, who is holding a heart. I love her. But she's a dust collector. I decided to let her go, but I can't put her in the garage sale or give her to Savers. I love her too much for that. I went through my mind, looking for someone's energy who resonated with this piece.
I found her!
While I was still visiting her energy, I wrote her a card, explaining that I hadn't gone out to buy this, but that I was releasing it, and it reminded me of her. That I see how much she goes out of her way for everyone, and how much she does all the time for the people around her. She really does. She's very, very considerate. It isn't easy on her, sometimes. But she does it. She is so gracious and she can't guess at how she's affected some people that I really love for the better. It's immeasurable.
She sent me a message later to say thank you. Then it happened. She said: I don't believe it about myself, but it was so sweet. I totally just paraphrased there, except that she said she doesn't believe it.
:(
Isn't that sad?
It's sad all the way around. It's a gift back to the giver to accept the compliment. Does that make sense? It is. You know how it feels when you say something nice to someone and they brush it off? It's kinda frustrating. It's a gift to just say "Thank you." if you can't find anything else to say. But it's even sadder that what she said is probably true for her. Did she let any of that sink in??? There is nothing wrong with taking it in and thinking "It feels so good to be appreciated!" That isn't vanity...or is it? Is *that* a sin? Is it prideful? Is that a sin? What makes us rebuff the compliments that are given to us?
Let's try today to not do that. Let's try to say thank you, and then maybe take it one step further, and see what it feels like if we pretend that what was said was TRUE about us! Can you imagine? Can you imagine someone finding you so helpful, beautiful, funny, worthwhile? Can you imagine someone treasuring your friendship so much? Can you imagine that someone has been affected FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES FOR THE BETTER, by you?? By you just being you?
Let's try it.
Yesterday in my crazy Get Rid Of Fest, I came across a knick knack that I really cherish. It's a Willow Tree figurine, who is holding a heart. I love her. But she's a dust collector. I decided to let her go, but I can't put her in the garage sale or give her to Savers. I love her too much for that. I went through my mind, looking for someone's energy who resonated with this piece.
I found her!
While I was still visiting her energy, I wrote her a card, explaining that I hadn't gone out to buy this, but that I was releasing it, and it reminded me of her. That I see how much she goes out of her way for everyone, and how much she does all the time for the people around her. She really does. She's very, very considerate. It isn't easy on her, sometimes. But she does it. She is so gracious and she can't guess at how she's affected some people that I really love for the better. It's immeasurable.
She sent me a message later to say thank you. Then it happened. She said: I don't believe it about myself, but it was so sweet. I totally just paraphrased there, except that she said she doesn't believe it.
:(
Isn't that sad?
It's sad all the way around. It's a gift back to the giver to accept the compliment. Does that make sense? It is. You know how it feels when you say something nice to someone and they brush it off? It's kinda frustrating. It's a gift to just say "Thank you." if you can't find anything else to say. But it's even sadder that what she said is probably true for her. Did she let any of that sink in??? There is nothing wrong with taking it in and thinking "It feels so good to be appreciated!" That isn't vanity...or is it? Is *that* a sin? Is it prideful? Is that a sin? What makes us rebuff the compliments that are given to us?
Let's try today to not do that. Let's try to say thank you, and then maybe take it one step further, and see what it feels like if we pretend that what was said was TRUE about us! Can you imagine? Can you imagine someone finding you so helpful, beautiful, funny, worthwhile? Can you imagine someone treasuring your friendship so much? Can you imagine that someone has been affected FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES FOR THE BETTER, by you?? By you just being you?
Let's try it.
Still thinking...
I know, I wish I could turn it off sometimes too.
First of all, for R- Cullen was /is convinced that no one can see a thing in here as long as the lights are off, but most of the time there's a fire in the fireplace and that's plenty illuminating. He's very sad he can't get me to "relax" in the livingroom anymore. hahahah!
I was thinking more about how I've ended up in this place...I should say "we" because last night I said to Cullen "What else can we get rid of?" and he said "Funny, I was just thinking that same thing!"
I think it's because I've mostly stopped expressing myself by gathering things I like around me/us. Mostly. Like I said, I am a sucker for colorful flowers, candles that smell yummy and inspirational quotes. It's been slow in the coming, but I think that I/we have started to express ourselves through doing instead (I totally typed DONG first. HAHAHAHA!). Putting out, so to speak, instead of taking in. And in return, I keep somehow getting more and more of what I wish for. It's just the whole Thoughts Become Things theory at work, but it's kinda amazing sometimes. I totally understand that most people love to have pretty things surrounding them. It doesn't bother me, I just don't have that same need anymore. And yet MFN can tell you right now, it probably doesn't feel like I've thrown anything out at all when you're here. I DO have 4 kids and do daycare and as I mentioned I'm a smelly whore (candle lover) and flower child.
But now that I've said that, I'm going to go eat and then get rid of all the kitchen pots and pans that never see the light of day. LIKE!
I'm so excited for my willow tree. Poor Cullen. He doesn't know we're about to go on a hunt to buy one. I never see them anywhere. I should go google that.
I'm done for real for now.
*sips partially hydrogenated hazelnut creamer in coffee and feels artery clog just a tiny, tiny bit*
First of all, for R- Cullen was /is convinced that no one can see a thing in here as long as the lights are off, but most of the time there's a fire in the fireplace and that's plenty illuminating. He's very sad he can't get me to "relax" in the livingroom anymore. hahahah!
I was thinking more about how I've ended up in this place...I should say "we" because last night I said to Cullen "What else can we get rid of?" and he said "Funny, I was just thinking that same thing!"
I think it's because I've mostly stopped expressing myself by gathering things I like around me/us. Mostly. Like I said, I am a sucker for colorful flowers, candles that smell yummy and inspirational quotes. It's been slow in the coming, but I think that I/we have started to express ourselves through doing instead (I totally typed DONG first. HAHAHAHA!). Putting out, so to speak, instead of taking in. And in return, I keep somehow getting more and more of what I wish for. It's just the whole Thoughts Become Things theory at work, but it's kinda amazing sometimes. I totally understand that most people love to have pretty things surrounding them. It doesn't bother me, I just don't have that same need anymore. And yet MFN can tell you right now, it probably doesn't feel like I've thrown anything out at all when you're here. I DO have 4 kids and do daycare and as I mentioned I'm a smelly whore (candle lover) and flower child.
But now that I've said that, I'm going to go eat and then get rid of all the kitchen pots and pans that never see the light of day. LIKE!
I'm so excited for my willow tree. Poor Cullen. He doesn't know we're about to go on a hunt to buy one. I never see them anywhere. I should go google that.
I'm done for real for now.
*sips partially hydrogenated hazelnut creamer in coffee and feels artery clog just a tiny, tiny bit*
Picture this..
I'm making the MFN face of horror...the one when she makes her mouth go like ..that and her eye brows do...this, and she goes "eh!" in fear/disgust/horror. Do you see it? MFN, are you practicing it to see if that's what you actually do?? HAHAHAH!
I see an email from the person putting together the webinar regarding my presentation. It's fine, I know. Then it was sent out to the other speakers for feedback too. That's where I made the MFN face and said "EH!" because now I'm naked and people I do not know can judge me.
WHERE'S MY ROBE?!?!
See? No big deal and in a minute it will be okay, but ...(make face and sound again)
By the way, today I am feeling nicer than I have been. Delphin was over feeding his grandson breakfast (they chase them around and feed them) (that's their choice. I do not choose to do it that way but they do), and he was talking to him in a nice, quiet voice. He was speaking his native language so I did not understand anything, but it sounded so nice and soothing. Chuckie and Samantha are very lucky to have their grandparents so active in their lives. They go out and play with them and even though we do things REALLY differently in my house, they love them, no doubt about it. As he was murmuring to Chuckie, it sounded calming and reassuring and I'm so happy that Chuckie and Samantha are surrounded by love.
Insanity, but love too. :D Okay, so not all the way nice. But mostly. :)
I see an email from the person putting together the webinar regarding my presentation. It's fine, I know. Then it was sent out to the other speakers for feedback too. That's where I made the MFN face and said "EH!" because now I'm naked and people I do not know can judge me.
WHERE'S MY ROBE?!?!
See? No big deal and in a minute it will be okay, but ...(make face and sound again)
By the way, today I am feeling nicer than I have been. Delphin was over feeding his grandson breakfast (they chase them around and feed them) (that's their choice. I do not choose to do it that way but they do), and he was talking to him in a nice, quiet voice. He was speaking his native language so I did not understand anything, but it sounded so nice and soothing. Chuckie and Samantha are very lucky to have their grandparents so active in their lives. They go out and play with them and even though we do things REALLY differently in my house, they love them, no doubt about it. As he was murmuring to Chuckie, it sounded calming and reassuring and I'm so happy that Chuckie and Samantha are surrounded by love.
Insanity, but love too. :D Okay, so not all the way nice. But mostly. :)
I know what to do with it!
That sounds all kinds of dirty. It's pretty early for my mind to be in the gutter like that, gosh. ;)
Okay, I figured out what to do with the packet of stuff from Mexico that my mom has. In the packet are all the papers from the days we were in the hospital (in spanish), and ultrasound pictures from the morning that we lost the baby. At the time it was alive, and dancing around, bumping me.
I gave it all to my mom because it does what coming across the journal yesterday did to me- when I'm not expecting it, it bites me HARD and I bleed all over again. But what a burden for her. If I just leave it with her there will come a time when I will have to deal with it at some point anyway. If I can find a way to take care of it NOW, it will be DONE. I won't have to worry about finding it again.
But I can't throw it away. I just can't. It DID happen and it WAS horrible, and MY REAL LIFE started after that. That is when I was so hurt and devastated that the world shifted for me. It's when the veil was lifted and I started to see the illusions for what they are, and that there are miracles - MILLIONS of countless miracles in every moment, if we'll see them. WE are miracles. You see? I can't throw away something that was so monumental. But I absolutely can't keep it.
I'm going to bury it. Which one of you brilliant minds thought that up and sent it to me? Thanks for it. It's PERFECT. I will put it in something ....and I will write a letter of apology to anyone who might find it, because unless they are soulless it will make them at the very least sigh about it all, when they see it and find out what it is....and explain what happened, and when, and where, and how it's really okay because I have these four awesome babies now, but couldn't throw it away. Maybe they'll find it in a hundred years. Wouldn't that be something? THEN it could even become VALUABLE!
Maybe no one will ever ever find it, and the Earth and the baby that I couldn't keep will be one together forever.
Whatever is meant to happen will happen.
It's perfect. It just has to go a good solid 8 feet down and we're good. I'm so excited and I feel better already.
The hard part, of course, will be asking my mom for it and then HAVING it in my hands. But it's okay, it's better to be buried with my love and tears anyway, right?
GO ME!
Okay, I figured out what to do with the packet of stuff from Mexico that my mom has. In the packet are all the papers from the days we were in the hospital (in spanish), and ultrasound pictures from the morning that we lost the baby. At the time it was alive, and dancing around, bumping me.
I gave it all to my mom because it does what coming across the journal yesterday did to me- when I'm not expecting it, it bites me HARD and I bleed all over again. But what a burden for her. If I just leave it with her there will come a time when I will have to deal with it at some point anyway. If I can find a way to take care of it NOW, it will be DONE. I won't have to worry about finding it again.
But I can't throw it away. I just can't. It DID happen and it WAS horrible, and MY REAL LIFE started after that. That is when I was so hurt and devastated that the world shifted for me. It's when the veil was lifted and I started to see the illusions for what they are, and that there are miracles - MILLIONS of countless miracles in every moment, if we'll see them. WE are miracles. You see? I can't throw away something that was so monumental. But I absolutely can't keep it.
I'm going to bury it. Which one of you brilliant minds thought that up and sent it to me? Thanks for it. It's PERFECT. I will put it in something ....and I will write a letter of apology to anyone who might find it, because unless they are soulless it will make them at the very least sigh about it all, when they see it and find out what it is....and explain what happened, and when, and where, and how it's really okay because I have these four awesome babies now, but couldn't throw it away. Maybe they'll find it in a hundred years. Wouldn't that be something? THEN it could even become VALUABLE!
Maybe no one will ever ever find it, and the Earth and the baby that I couldn't keep will be one together forever.
Whatever is meant to happen will happen.
It's perfect. It just has to go a good solid 8 feet down and we're good. I'm so excited and I feel better already.
The hard part, of course, will be asking my mom for it and then HAVING it in my hands. But it's okay, it's better to be buried with my love and tears anyway, right?
GO ME!
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
The Minimalist Wife And Mommy
I'm SO EXCITED! I got the bedroom done. Night stands (previously known as end tables) are OUT! WHOO HOOOO!!!!
Now seriously, people, this whole thing is really a pretty big deal.
I giggle sometimes when I read D's "info" on minimalizing. With love, of course. He's single. The people's blogs he's shared are of a single mom with 3 kids, and a couple with one new child. That is NOT THE SAME.
My take on the momma with 3 kids is this: that would be me if I were divorced. It's SO much easier to do this when you are the only adult in the picture. YOU are in control. YOU get to influence your children. If anything ever happens to Cullen, expect the kids and I to take off asap.
And of course, when you are a couple and you both start off on the same page, well big flippin deal. That's EASY. Bringing a child into it will be a challenge as they'll find out- you can control how much shit you obtain during your pregnancy somewhat, and through babyshowers somewhat, but the fact is that they are going to start getting all sorts of toys and GOD HELP THEM when the kid/s (should they have more than one) get into school. They bring home EVERYTHING and all those firsts are such a big deal that you keep everything for awhile, until you can't.
So here I am. Married for 14 years, 4 children. 9, 7, 6, and 4.
I am SO LUCKY that Cullen sees eye to eye with me most of the time. He's been very bendy and flexible which helps. But it has still taken YEARS to get to where we are now, in regards to "stuff".
And we didn't start out this way. Oh, no. I should post a pic of our first apartment together. Especially I, LOVED stuff. The more stuff I had around me that represented how I feel on the inside, the better. It was the only way I really had then of expressing myself. That and poetry and writing in general (no shit, huh. Something shocks ya everyday). I had so much stuff. I'm a sucker for flowers and candles and books, oh my!
Anyway, at some point children came into the picture.
And all their shit came with it.
And Cullen- well fuck me, he's an adult with his own brain and his own likes and dislikes, and the man likes his man stuff. Not just what's in his pants, but STUFF. Tools, oh how he loves tools, and clothes, and shoes.
Minimalizing in the midst of all these crazies is NO JOKE.
And I have WHOOPED SOME ASS ON IT.
What I have left are the kids' rooms. You can see why I've put those off, can't you? It makes me want to swear. Jordan's room will be the easiest. Toss up between CJ and Josh's, and Julia's.
Cullen has been SO good through this. I don't think there's been one thing that he's pulled back out. He did the van today when he got home, and usually he's pretty crabby about that because I'm in it more than he is.
SO- if you want tips on how to minimalize in the midst of a husband and kids, here is how. Are you ready?
First you have to REALLY, TRULY want it. If you don't, you're going to end up in tears and give up. You will probably be in tears at some point anyway, so you've got to want it bad. Once you're there, pick one room to do first.
Got your room?
Now you are going to stage your room as if you're moving out and people are going to come look at your house. This is how I first discovered that i have a TON of shit I didn't need. We were going to move. I am a PACKING QUEEN. GOD I love packing. It feels soooo good to me. You are going to put stuff in boxes to donate, and to store. You need to get the extra furniture out of that room. If you don't use it, get it out. Eliminate any eyesores. Seriously- pretend that a potential buyer is coming to look at your house. Knick knacks? Take em down. Shit all over the walls? Pick what you can't live without and let the rest go. Cords everywhere? Go cordless or find a way to better conceal them. Clean your shit up. Once one room is done, make sure you follow through- meaning put the garbage in the garbage (holy shit, every last one of my yearbooks went into the garbage today. I'm so sorry mom, I know they were expensive!), drive the donation box to your nearest Goodwill or whatever, and neatly store the "must keep" stuff in a clear tote. Or colored if you want. I'm not really trying to micromanage you here.
Once you get that done, attack another room.
Kitchens are tough because there's so much "stuff" that we "might" need. So I use the 6 month rule. Have I used it in 6 months? No? Is it likely a neighbor has it to borrow if the need suddenly presents itself the day after I get rid of it? Get rid of it. Just let it GO. We all have our top 10 items that we use, pans, spoons, whatever. Let go of what is taking up space.
Because you probably have kids, let's talk about that stuff. There are a couple of things that I will NOT minimalize. Is that a word? It's telling me it's not a word. If you want children who are readers, you need to have books around. Lots of books, lots of rich reading for them. I will not get rid of books. I have a whole bookshelf PLUS of children's books. I also have a HUGE pile of learning books from my early homeschooling and my never ending want to homeschool (I know, just do it already. I know.). I will not get rid of those either. We use them. Again, kids use what is around. I have gigantic maps hanging on the walls in the livingroom of our different countries. Those stay. Craft stuff- crayons, markers, colored pencils, glitter glue, paper galore- I want my kids to use their imaginations and be creative, so I will keep things around that encourages that behavior.
What DOES get thrown out or given away are TOYS. Infants need toys, and toddlers need toys. At about 6 there is a big difference between what they play with and what is just taking up space. If they haven't played with it, they won't miss it. Plus, they really only need toy toys for playing inside, and ideally they are outside alot. We also have lots of children's bikes here, and outside toys for them to play with. I don't go ape shit getting rid of that stuff either. Again, some of the best games are the ones they will make up and I'll keep stuff around for them to use.
Once they are in school though- now the real battle begins. And good luck to you fighting it. It's never ending.
They come home with papers they've written, tests they've taken, and letter and number writing practice that they are very, very proud of. Pictures, Good God, the pictures. So many pictures. You are going to be BOMBARDED.
This has been by far the hardest part for me. The kid's stuff. I have thrown away everything so far, but 2 bins and I can't look at the two bins. Cullen will do that for me tomorrow morning. Report cards even. My mother would have an attack. But they are young, and I hate all the judging and how I felt looking back at mine. NOT that my kids will feel the same way, but ...? What will they ever be used for??? EVER??????? What will that preschool graduation paper EVER be used for???? They'll look at it when they are older and say "Oh." and move on. You know? I am NOT saying it's easy. I have cried harder during purging that stuff, and their clothes, than any other time...cept for that journal earlier today. That was a doozy.
Things I've kept- PICTURES. I have boxes of pictures, because they WILL want those one day. They are important. They matter, a lot. I believe in family trees and our history, and will preserve that much for them.
The other horror of all horrors involving the kids are this: they are their own people and they have their own seperate likes and dislikes. this equals more stuff. If you are living in a house, you're going to acquire their shit. I have an engineer on my hands and he loves those little tiny legos. He builds amazing shit with it. but it's a box of "stuff" sitting around. He uses it, but it's still STUFF. CJ still loves Pokemon and has albums full of it. They love their year books. They make crap, all the time.
I have this beautiful wolf picture and I just don't think I'll get Cullen to let me take that one down.
Anyway- think you can handle it? One room at a time. You don't have to do them all. Let it be a process. Maybe the urge only hits you every so often.
My goal is this: if I'm keeping it and it isn't a memory like my wedding flowers or those kinds of "keeps", it's out. In the open. If I don't use it in a few months and it's just been sitting there, it goes too. Nothing more will go into our storage space than the few boxes that are there, that I've been through. It's a few boxes of Christmas decorations, and fall decorations- hardcore single kidless people who minimalize probably don't understand that, but while we're living in a house, it's so much fun to indulge during the holidays and help create delicious feelings in our sweet babies. And a few boxes of the things that are keepers, for the kids.
Did I even finish the story about how I learned about all my crap? I packed to move and then we didn't move. And allll these bboxes sat in storage and I NEVER MISSED ONE THING IN THEM. It was like christmas when I went through them again, but we had a garage sale and got rid of the crap. YOU WON'T MISS THE SHIT THAT JUST SITS AROUND. I PROMISE. Someday when we take off in our RV, it will be super duper easy to put our shit in storage, and I bet we'll find room somewhere easily because we just won't have "stuff".
It's cleansing and purifying and it feels so damned good. LOVE IT.
By the way, Other Chuck isn't mad about anything at all. He's been sick with that damned cold for 2 weeks, and was busy with the garage doors before that. But don't worry, Cullen went ahead and told him I was scared that he saw something, and he was specific about what i was scared he saw. Great, Thanks.
I guess I'm not done yet- it's hard to get rid of dishes, with all these kids around. We go through em like crazy...Oh well. AND I am NOT taking my own advice in the entry way. It's the walls of fame in there, and there are kid pictures EVERYWHERE. I took them down from everywhere else and put them all in there, and it's glorious, if busy looking.
Okay I really think I'm done now.
Hey, just in case this sounded self righteous at all--you know how i hate that, I'm going to tell you something. *dramatic leo sigh* Cullen bought me creamer and i am shamelssly LOVING it in my COFFEE in the mornings. :) FAIL. For now.
THE END.
Now seriously, people, this whole thing is really a pretty big deal.
I giggle sometimes when I read D's "info" on minimalizing. With love, of course. He's single. The people's blogs he's shared are of a single mom with 3 kids, and a couple with one new child. That is NOT THE SAME.
My take on the momma with 3 kids is this: that would be me if I were divorced. It's SO much easier to do this when you are the only adult in the picture. YOU are in control. YOU get to influence your children. If anything ever happens to Cullen, expect the kids and I to take off asap.
And of course, when you are a couple and you both start off on the same page, well big flippin deal. That's EASY. Bringing a child into it will be a challenge as they'll find out- you can control how much shit you obtain during your pregnancy somewhat, and through babyshowers somewhat, but the fact is that they are going to start getting all sorts of toys and GOD HELP THEM when the kid/s (should they have more than one) get into school. They bring home EVERYTHING and all those firsts are such a big deal that you keep everything for awhile, until you can't.
So here I am. Married for 14 years, 4 children. 9, 7, 6, and 4.
I am SO LUCKY that Cullen sees eye to eye with me most of the time. He's been very bendy and flexible which helps. But it has still taken YEARS to get to where we are now, in regards to "stuff".
And we didn't start out this way. Oh, no. I should post a pic of our first apartment together. Especially I, LOVED stuff. The more stuff I had around me that represented how I feel on the inside, the better. It was the only way I really had then of expressing myself. That and poetry and writing in general (no shit, huh. Something shocks ya everyday). I had so much stuff. I'm a sucker for flowers and candles and books, oh my!
Anyway, at some point children came into the picture.
And all their shit came with it.
And Cullen- well fuck me, he's an adult with his own brain and his own likes and dislikes, and the man likes his man stuff. Not just what's in his pants, but STUFF. Tools, oh how he loves tools, and clothes, and shoes.
Minimalizing in the midst of all these crazies is NO JOKE.
And I have WHOOPED SOME ASS ON IT.
What I have left are the kids' rooms. You can see why I've put those off, can't you? It makes me want to swear. Jordan's room will be the easiest. Toss up between CJ and Josh's, and Julia's.
Cullen has been SO good through this. I don't think there's been one thing that he's pulled back out. He did the van today when he got home, and usually he's pretty crabby about that because I'm in it more than he is.
SO- if you want tips on how to minimalize in the midst of a husband and kids, here is how. Are you ready?
First you have to REALLY, TRULY want it. If you don't, you're going to end up in tears and give up. You will probably be in tears at some point anyway, so you've got to want it bad. Once you're there, pick one room to do first.
Got your room?
Now you are going to stage your room as if you're moving out and people are going to come look at your house. This is how I first discovered that i have a TON of shit I didn't need. We were going to move. I am a PACKING QUEEN. GOD I love packing. It feels soooo good to me. You are going to put stuff in boxes to donate, and to store. You need to get the extra furniture out of that room. If you don't use it, get it out. Eliminate any eyesores. Seriously- pretend that a potential buyer is coming to look at your house. Knick knacks? Take em down. Shit all over the walls? Pick what you can't live without and let the rest go. Cords everywhere? Go cordless or find a way to better conceal them. Clean your shit up. Once one room is done, make sure you follow through- meaning put the garbage in the garbage (holy shit, every last one of my yearbooks went into the garbage today. I'm so sorry mom, I know they were expensive!), drive the donation box to your nearest Goodwill or whatever, and neatly store the "must keep" stuff in a clear tote. Or colored if you want. I'm not really trying to micromanage you here.
Once you get that done, attack another room.
Kitchens are tough because there's so much "stuff" that we "might" need. So I use the 6 month rule. Have I used it in 6 months? No? Is it likely a neighbor has it to borrow if the need suddenly presents itself the day after I get rid of it? Get rid of it. Just let it GO. We all have our top 10 items that we use, pans, spoons, whatever. Let go of what is taking up space.
Because you probably have kids, let's talk about that stuff. There are a couple of things that I will NOT minimalize. Is that a word? It's telling me it's not a word. If you want children who are readers, you need to have books around. Lots of books, lots of rich reading for them. I will not get rid of books. I have a whole bookshelf PLUS of children's books. I also have a HUGE pile of learning books from my early homeschooling and my never ending want to homeschool (I know, just do it already. I know.). I will not get rid of those either. We use them. Again, kids use what is around. I have gigantic maps hanging on the walls in the livingroom of our different countries. Those stay. Craft stuff- crayons, markers, colored pencils, glitter glue, paper galore- I want my kids to use their imaginations and be creative, so I will keep things around that encourages that behavior.
What DOES get thrown out or given away are TOYS. Infants need toys, and toddlers need toys. At about 6 there is a big difference between what they play with and what is just taking up space. If they haven't played with it, they won't miss it. Plus, they really only need toy toys for playing inside, and ideally they are outside alot. We also have lots of children's bikes here, and outside toys for them to play with. I don't go ape shit getting rid of that stuff either. Again, some of the best games are the ones they will make up and I'll keep stuff around for them to use.
Once they are in school though- now the real battle begins. And good luck to you fighting it. It's never ending.
They come home with papers they've written, tests they've taken, and letter and number writing practice that they are very, very proud of. Pictures, Good God, the pictures. So many pictures. You are going to be BOMBARDED.
This has been by far the hardest part for me. The kid's stuff. I have thrown away everything so far, but 2 bins and I can't look at the two bins. Cullen will do that for me tomorrow morning. Report cards even. My mother would have an attack. But they are young, and I hate all the judging and how I felt looking back at mine. NOT that my kids will feel the same way, but ...? What will they ever be used for??? EVER??????? What will that preschool graduation paper EVER be used for???? They'll look at it when they are older and say "Oh." and move on. You know? I am NOT saying it's easy. I have cried harder during purging that stuff, and their clothes, than any other time...cept for that journal earlier today. That was a doozy.
Things I've kept- PICTURES. I have boxes of pictures, because they WILL want those one day. They are important. They matter, a lot. I believe in family trees and our history, and will preserve that much for them.
The other horror of all horrors involving the kids are this: they are their own people and they have their own seperate likes and dislikes. this equals more stuff. If you are living in a house, you're going to acquire their shit. I have an engineer on my hands and he loves those little tiny legos. He builds amazing shit with it. but it's a box of "stuff" sitting around. He uses it, but it's still STUFF. CJ still loves Pokemon and has albums full of it. They love their year books. They make crap, all the time.
I have this beautiful wolf picture and I just don't think I'll get Cullen to let me take that one down.
Anyway- think you can handle it? One room at a time. You don't have to do them all. Let it be a process. Maybe the urge only hits you every so often.
My goal is this: if I'm keeping it and it isn't a memory like my wedding flowers or those kinds of "keeps", it's out. In the open. If I don't use it in a few months and it's just been sitting there, it goes too. Nothing more will go into our storage space than the few boxes that are there, that I've been through. It's a few boxes of Christmas decorations, and fall decorations- hardcore single kidless people who minimalize probably don't understand that, but while we're living in a house, it's so much fun to indulge during the holidays and help create delicious feelings in our sweet babies. And a few boxes of the things that are keepers, for the kids.
Did I even finish the story about how I learned about all my crap? I packed to move and then we didn't move. And allll these bboxes sat in storage and I NEVER MISSED ONE THING IN THEM. It was like christmas when I went through them again, but we had a garage sale and got rid of the crap. YOU WON'T MISS THE SHIT THAT JUST SITS AROUND. I PROMISE. Someday when we take off in our RV, it will be super duper easy to put our shit in storage, and I bet we'll find room somewhere easily because we just won't have "stuff".
It's cleansing and purifying and it feels so damned good. LOVE IT.
By the way, Other Chuck isn't mad about anything at all. He's been sick with that damned cold for 2 weeks, and was busy with the garage doors before that. But don't worry, Cullen went ahead and told him I was scared that he saw something, and he was specific about what i was scared he saw. Great, Thanks.
I guess I'm not done yet- it's hard to get rid of dishes, with all these kids around. We go through em like crazy...Oh well. AND I am NOT taking my own advice in the entry way. It's the walls of fame in there, and there are kid pictures EVERYWHERE. I took them down from everywhere else and put them all in there, and it's glorious, if busy looking.
Okay I really think I'm done now.
Hey, just in case this sounded self righteous at all--you know how i hate that, I'm going to tell you something. *dramatic leo sigh* Cullen bought me creamer and i am shamelssly LOVING it in my COFFEE in the mornings. :) FAIL. For now.
THE END.
Whew, got it.
Okay, I'm put back in one piece now. Adalane woke up and we danced cheek to cheek to my 40's music, and then she just wanted to snuggle because I'm the luckiest girl in the world, so we snuggled. And I got through the box, and I'm freaking AWESOME. That's all there is to it. I'm a throwin away FOOL, and if you think that's an easy feat with husband and children in tow, you are a silly, silly fool. I should write a book about it. ;) How to minimalize with a Full House. Lord help me.
Is it wrong to sell a holy bible in a garage sale? It was my favorite one growing up. The pictures in it are terrific, even if some of it I do not believe. Maybe that will go in our "free" pile. MFN, it's on like donkey kong for the garage sale. I've got a ton of stuff.
Just thought I'd stop by and let you know I survived. I didn't read what I wrote, but the shock of it made it hit me like it just happened and it was horrible. HORRIBLE. And it will never happen again now. :) It's okay that I threw that away. There's no reason to keep it.
Now, all the positive pregnancy tests I've taken over the years...that's a different story. HA! One of the kids will be like WTF IS THIS?! when they go through these boxes. "This is where mommy pee peed...."
DORK!
Carry on. Open your windows if you can, it's kinda fabulous out there.
Is it wrong to sell a holy bible in a garage sale? It was my favorite one growing up. The pictures in it are terrific, even if some of it I do not believe. Maybe that will go in our "free" pile. MFN, it's on like donkey kong for the garage sale. I've got a ton of stuff.
Just thought I'd stop by and let you know I survived. I didn't read what I wrote, but the shock of it made it hit me like it just happened and it was horrible. HORRIBLE. And it will never happen again now. :) It's okay that I threw that away. There's no reason to keep it.
Now, all the positive pregnancy tests I've taken over the years...that's a different story. HA! One of the kids will be like WTF IS THIS?! when they go through these boxes. "This is where mommy pee peed...."
DORK!
Carry on. Open your windows if you can, it's kinda fabulous out there.
It snuck up on me
After crabbing at Cullen about the things you already are aware of, I decided I would clean out the rest of our "stuff" in storage. There's only a few boxes left, so he brought them up. I was teary throwing away baby shower decorations and seeing pictures of me with a baby in my belly (I didn't throw those away, don't worry), and this or that. It's how this goes when going through the personal, really personal things. I got through them though, because I am a rockstar. I got one box down to 3, and that box will go to my kids someday. Or...you know what I mean, I'm crying to hard to go fix it. 3 boxes into one.
And then the last two boxes are my favorites. They are full of books, the books that I really love. Even those I'm paring down on and letting go of some. Some I'm keeping, but they will go with the other books that I'm keeping and I will read and reread them.
And then it happened. The journal, the first ever baby journal I kept from the year 2000. It was for a baby that I would lose at 14 weeks. The first ultrasounds, the first little flutters in my belly and then it stops...just stops
because there was no more baby.
There's no point in keeping that, especially if it's going to blind me with tears and snot every time. I so wish Cullen were here right now, my heart really, really needs a hug, I can't get a grip. I need more warning that that.
And I threw it away.
And then the last two boxes are my favorites. They are full of books, the books that I really love. Even those I'm paring down on and letting go of some. Some I'm keeping, but they will go with the other books that I'm keeping and I will read and reread them.
And then it happened. The journal, the first ever baby journal I kept from the year 2000. It was for a baby that I would lose at 14 weeks. The first ultrasounds, the first little flutters in my belly and then it stops...just stops
because there was no more baby.
There's no point in keeping that, especially if it's going to blind me with tears and snot every time. I so wish Cullen were here right now, my heart really, really needs a hug, I can't get a grip. I need more warning that that.
And I threw it away.
Morning Fit (mini)
Cullen has today off of work, because he has to work Saturday. I was excited about that, wasn't that silly? I will admit, first of all, that some of the things that have "gone back to normal" are good. This is probably good too. Because for a little while there, everything revolved around the kids and I. He seemed really scared that if he didn't spend every waking second with us that I would leave him. So- I was excited he'd had a day off. For some reason I thought that meant family time. And NO, DFF, I did NOT think that it meant he'd help me with the babies. He has tried unsuccessfully a few times to get me to go nap or work out when he's here, and it doesn't feel right to me. They are my wittle babies to watch over. So bite me. But to hang out with us? Sure. The kids don't see him nearly as much and suddenly he's got a million projects going on- getting the hot tub up and running so we can sell it, visiting his mom, going to Farmington to visit his teachers, and don't forget the every important running and working out. There's no room for me anywhere in there. *sigh* It's okay, and we all know that I'm a spoiled fucking brat and that lunch will just show up and it will be just what I wanted and he'll take Jordan with him out, and I will have to take back this whole wahhhhhh later.
By the way, back to me wanting to leave him. Or HIM thinking I wanted to leave him. You probably don't remember the day but he point blank asked me and I hesistated. That is still what eats him up. I wish I could make him understand that he was GONE for TWO YEARS. We got his leftovers on SUNDAY. That was it, and there was stuff to do on Sundays. TWO YEARS. My hesitation was more about how I had to function as a single mom in day to day life, so when he was around, he was one more person to look out for. "Shhh, dad's sleeping. Go downstairs, dad's sleeping. No, dad's running right now..." and that if I were a real single mom, I could do exactly as I wished. I could take off with the kids and hit the road. I could do anything and not have to take another human's wants and needs into consideration.
But then he decided to get another job like RIGHT THEN almost. So maybe he does get it somewhat.
Yesterday he did come to CJ's practice after "working" even though I was there, meaning he could go home. But it was nice out so he brought Jordan and Josh and the kids played. I made a new friend named Julie. She homeschools her 6th grader. ! !!! She said she just wants to homeschool her through middle school, but I think she'll get to highschool age and remember how shitty that is for kids to, in general. I think hers is a more religious based curriculum than I'll use but Nice! A new friend!
That was an easy $50 a Target, too, the market research thing. I wonder if he hates his job. He's just a young guy, married with a 2 year old boy, lives in Eagan. His social security number is 475...I'm JUST KIDDING!
I would never post his social. ;)
The very last question about kids makeup was "Do you feel that this is a needed item?"
Of course it isn't. But we have girl babies, and they copy their mommas. If you know me, you know I barely wear makeup, and yet Julia loves it. *sigh* I have to pick my battles. Today I pick getting rid of more stuff. Or cleaning Jordan's room so we can paint it.
By the way, back to me wanting to leave him. Or HIM thinking I wanted to leave him. You probably don't remember the day but he point blank asked me and I hesistated. That is still what eats him up. I wish I could make him understand that he was GONE for TWO YEARS. We got his leftovers on SUNDAY. That was it, and there was stuff to do on Sundays. TWO YEARS. My hesitation was more about how I had to function as a single mom in day to day life, so when he was around, he was one more person to look out for. "Shhh, dad's sleeping. Go downstairs, dad's sleeping. No, dad's running right now..." and that if I were a real single mom, I could do exactly as I wished. I could take off with the kids and hit the road. I could do anything and not have to take another human's wants and needs into consideration.
But then he decided to get another job like RIGHT THEN almost. So maybe he does get it somewhat.
Yesterday he did come to CJ's practice after "working" even though I was there, meaning he could go home. But it was nice out so he brought Jordan and Josh and the kids played. I made a new friend named Julie. She homeschools her 6th grader. ! !!! She said she just wants to homeschool her through middle school, but I think she'll get to highschool age and remember how shitty that is for kids to, in general. I think hers is a more religious based curriculum than I'll use but Nice! A new friend!
That was an easy $50 a Target, too, the market research thing. I wonder if he hates his job. He's just a young guy, married with a 2 year old boy, lives in Eagan. His social security number is 475...I'm JUST KIDDING!
I would never post his social. ;)
The very last question about kids makeup was "Do you feel that this is a needed item?"
Of course it isn't. But we have girl babies, and they copy their mommas. If you know me, you know I barely wear makeup, and yet Julia loves it. *sigh* I have to pick my battles. Today I pick getting rid of more stuff. Or cleaning Jordan's room so we can paint it.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Ruh Roh...if there is a God..
please hear me and help me keep my mouth shut in a few minutes when I talk to Cullen. The last I heard was "I'll be home in a half hour, but just to get CJ, drop him off at practice and then I have to go out to a house in Burnsville.
UM, what did you just say?
That you're going to drop your 9 year old son off at his first baseball practice of the season on a new team and just leave him?
I'm sure other people are like "what's the big deal?" But NO. And for WHAT REASON? FUCKING WORK? Um- NO, AGAIN.
If he says that yes, this is what he is going to do, I'm calling my dad and my husband can kiss off.
I clearly don't tolerate work coming first, do I? That we are an inconvenience to him...FUCK THAT.
PMS anyone? Over reaction, anyone? I've got it all right here.
UM, what did you just say?
That you're going to drop your 9 year old son off at his first baseball practice of the season on a new team and just leave him?
I'm sure other people are like "what's the big deal?" But NO. And for WHAT REASON? FUCKING WORK? Um- NO, AGAIN.
If he says that yes, this is what he is going to do, I'm calling my dad and my husband can kiss off.
I clearly don't tolerate work coming first, do I? That we are an inconvenience to him...FUCK THAT.
PMS anyone? Over reaction, anyone? I've got it all right here.
I told you the Universe would do this...
I TOLD YOU!
I just got an invite from the National Kidney Foundation. They are going to ask the kidney chain to come to the October Kidney Walk and speak. This time there will be 1500 people there. :) I TOLD YOU that as soon as I said I didn't think I would ever be able to do that again, it would be a bigger venue with more people that came to me next. And this time it sounds like the others will all be more involved, I'm not sure if they'll do the same kind of set up or not. :) :) :)
I'm smiling now but I'm already wondering how i'm going to get my hands on a few glasses of wine beforehand.
So isn't that fun??? She said it's too great of a story to not tell again. It is a money maker, admit it. If you're at the kidney walk, you've been affected and you're more likely to open the pocketbook. That isn't the part that I care about though- it's the idea that someone out there might here our story and decide they can do it. THAT is cool. If people understood how really cool it is, there'd be a line of people waiting.
Whew. Just had to tell you. I have this webinar thing, which will be fine. I've put together the presentation, it's short and sweet and practice is on June 1st, and the actual thing is on June 2nd. Then the kidney walk in October. Hope you're ready to revive me. I still can't even watch the video from the other time.
MFN, this part is especially for you. Ophelia is a darling and I love her. I just really do. Jordan got his finger slammed in the door pretty good and she was very worried and very concerned and came right out to tell me what happened.
Julia looks super old with her hair shorter.
I have such big balls or a lack of suck up-ness or whatever that I just emailed my friend at NKF to throw out an idea on how to do the presentation of us for the walk. :)
Whew. Okay. We've got months and months. I can officially put this away and not think about it for like...6 months. :)
I just got an invite from the National Kidney Foundation. They are going to ask the kidney chain to come to the October Kidney Walk and speak. This time there will be 1500 people there. :) I TOLD YOU that as soon as I said I didn't think I would ever be able to do that again, it would be a bigger venue with more people that came to me next. And this time it sounds like the others will all be more involved, I'm not sure if they'll do the same kind of set up or not. :) :) :)
I'm smiling now but I'm already wondering how i'm going to get my hands on a few glasses of wine beforehand.
So isn't that fun??? She said it's too great of a story to not tell again. It is a money maker, admit it. If you're at the kidney walk, you've been affected and you're more likely to open the pocketbook. That isn't the part that I care about though- it's the idea that someone out there might here our story and decide they can do it. THAT is cool. If people understood how really cool it is, there'd be a line of people waiting.
Whew. Just had to tell you. I have this webinar thing, which will be fine. I've put together the presentation, it's short and sweet and practice is on June 1st, and the actual thing is on June 2nd. Then the kidney walk in October. Hope you're ready to revive me. I still can't even watch the video from the other time.
MFN, this part is especially for you. Ophelia is a darling and I love her. I just really do. Jordan got his finger slammed in the door pretty good and she was very worried and very concerned and came right out to tell me what happened.
Julia looks super old with her hair shorter.
I have such big balls or a lack of suck up-ness or whatever that I just emailed my friend at NKF to throw out an idea on how to do the presentation of us for the walk. :)
Whew. Okay. We've got months and months. I can officially put this away and not think about it for like...6 months. :)
Family
Do you know what I do not like? Not one little bit?
Tonight we happen to have 2 different things happening at the same time. Baseball practice and Julia and I have the market research thing at Target.
Part of the reason that it was so important when Cullen got out of his 2nd shift job was because he was not a part of our family for 2 years. You don't see the kids AT ALL, for days and days at a time when you work from 3-11. They are at school, and then they are in bed. You might see whoever is home for a little while, but if you're Cullen, you need to be running when you can, so you don't really get to see them much either.
So yay, normal hours. It's summer and they are busier now. Which means longer days, and when you're salary it kinda sucks a little bit but whatever. It'll be "worth it" in the winter, right? Except last winter he was doing 40 hour work weeks also. So now it's 50 hour work weeks and he works this Saturday too.
He just had the balls to call and ask if I can ask my parents if they can help get CJ to practice because he's not sure he's going to get home in time.
UM, NO.
This is when you say "I got here at 7am, I am leaving at 4 because my kid has baseball and that's plenty of time to be here working for you, thank you."
Shouldn't everyone live in Nickiland?
You should, really. It's just better here. Family comes first. I'm not asking him to leave EARLY and not put in his time. But then again he couldn't muster the courage to tell his boss, who happens to be our dear friend, back when I had my hysterectomy that he needed FIVE days off from work, and not just FOUR, leaving me to my parents who saved me AGAIN. What 34 year old relies on her parents so much? THANK GOD they are there. THANK GOD for the relationship they have with their grandchildren. It is more precious than Gold, and I'm thankful every single day that my babies will have that. And for my parents, that they get to know their grandbabies in such a terrific way. They actually KNOW them, what they like and what they don't. It's great.
But.
We are a TWO PARENT FAMILY NOW. GET YOUR ASS HOME IN TIME TO GET CJ TO BASEBALL PRACTICE.
Tonight we happen to have 2 different things happening at the same time. Baseball practice and Julia and I have the market research thing at Target.
Part of the reason that it was so important when Cullen got out of his 2nd shift job was because he was not a part of our family for 2 years. You don't see the kids AT ALL, for days and days at a time when you work from 3-11. They are at school, and then they are in bed. You might see whoever is home for a little while, but if you're Cullen, you need to be running when you can, so you don't really get to see them much either.
So yay, normal hours. It's summer and they are busier now. Which means longer days, and when you're salary it kinda sucks a little bit but whatever. It'll be "worth it" in the winter, right? Except last winter he was doing 40 hour work weeks also. So now it's 50 hour work weeks and he works this Saturday too.
He just had the balls to call and ask if I can ask my parents if they can help get CJ to practice because he's not sure he's going to get home in time.
UM, NO.
This is when you say "I got here at 7am, I am leaving at 4 because my kid has baseball and that's plenty of time to be here working for you, thank you."
Shouldn't everyone live in Nickiland?
You should, really. It's just better here. Family comes first. I'm not asking him to leave EARLY and not put in his time. But then again he couldn't muster the courage to tell his boss, who happens to be our dear friend, back when I had my hysterectomy that he needed FIVE days off from work, and not just FOUR, leaving me to my parents who saved me AGAIN. What 34 year old relies on her parents so much? THANK GOD they are there. THANK GOD for the relationship they have with their grandchildren. It is more precious than Gold, and I'm thankful every single day that my babies will have that. And for my parents, that they get to know their grandbabies in such a terrific way. They actually KNOW them, what they like and what they don't. It's great.
But.
We are a TWO PARENT FAMILY NOW. GET YOUR ASS HOME IN TIME TO GET CJ TO BASEBALL PRACTICE.
Cutest Babies Ever!
Besides mine, and yours, of course. I have the cutest ever babies sitting here, playing together and they are HILARIOUS. I should video em for you. Seriously. I want to eat them up.
The sunshine makes EVERYTHING BETTER. Even though I thought today was Thursday and then found out that it's only Tuesday, and a busy Tuesday night it will be. The sun is out so it's okay. I cut Julia's hair off, and she's SO CUTE! Then she wanted me to straighten it, so I did. She's a rock star.
I took my medicine today- YAY! More than enough, since I've missed. GO SMART NICKI!
Oh, the tired babies are right on schedule and want to go to sleep.
I'd like to retract my earlier judgements about my sister in law now. I love her. Whatever she wants to do is fine with me, I just don't think that COLLEGE is the right answer for everyone. No one knows what they really want to be or do when they grow up. And Real Life experience is the best teacher. CC was just complaining about trying to find a job but because he didn't go to college he isn't "qualified" for any. I don't buy that shit either. And how come no one seems to remember that we can all go into business for ourselves???? Why do we HAVE to work for someone else?
But I digress. I'm getting the good end of the deal. I get her cute baby and I get to be here with Jordan and Julia (half day) until he goes to school. WIN. :)
It's a home made bread kind of day.
And I'm going to go do something nice for my friend. Really, today rocks. OWN IT!
The sunshine makes EVERYTHING BETTER. Even though I thought today was Thursday and then found out that it's only Tuesday, and a busy Tuesday night it will be. The sun is out so it's okay. I cut Julia's hair off, and she's SO CUTE! Then she wanted me to straighten it, so I did. She's a rock star.
I took my medicine today- YAY! More than enough, since I've missed. GO SMART NICKI!
Oh, the tired babies are right on schedule and want to go to sleep.
I'd like to retract my earlier judgements about my sister in law now. I love her. Whatever she wants to do is fine with me, I just don't think that COLLEGE is the right answer for everyone. No one knows what they really want to be or do when they grow up. And Real Life experience is the best teacher. CC was just complaining about trying to find a job but because he didn't go to college he isn't "qualified" for any. I don't buy that shit either. And how come no one seems to remember that we can all go into business for ourselves???? Why do we HAVE to work for someone else?
But I digress. I'm getting the good end of the deal. I get her cute baby and I get to be here with Jordan and Julia (half day) until he goes to school. WIN. :)
It's a home made bread kind of day.
And I'm going to go do something nice for my friend. Really, today rocks. OWN IT!
"I wouldn't be where I am now..."
It doesn't make any sense.
Anything.
Honestly, I don't think I landed on the right planet.
Last night my nephew was telling me that he's going to go to mechanic school. This is PERFECT for him. AWESOME.
I have some news to tell you- not everyone is driven to go do more school after finishing 12+years of the shit. There are some people, like my niece, who are serious geniuses and love the shit. Or at least DO IT and mean it. Most of us probably don't give that big of a shit and just get through it.
I was happy for him. Here's why- there will always be shit to work on. He'll have to learn the new as well as the old because things are changing. This is America, where we are spoiled and dependent on getting around on wheels vs our feet/bike/whatever. In general, of course. He wants to work with his hands. This is all good stuff.
His mom wants him to go to bootcamp.
My sister and brother in law were all over him about NO, he has to go to a "REAL" school. I said "Most people don't even use what they went to school for" and SIL says "You're right, but I wouldn't be where I am now without having been where I was, and I needed to go to school to even get in."
Where are you again?
OH that's right. You hate your job and say every day that you wish you could stay home with your baby. Instead *I* get to stay home with your baby.
Interesting. I'm glad you paid for that.
But, of course, no one there understands me other than Cullen. They are all still so focused on getting the money, instead of the happiness. Time is just flying by. Her baby is 9 months old suddenly. She gets very defensive about "he likes me best"---as he SHOULD since she is his mother, but he acts differently around me than he does around her because he already works her.
I see him more than she does if you don't count the time he sleeps at night.
BUT I am so glad that she has money going to a job she doesn't like that much.
I know, we can go on about college all day. The opportunities etc. It's just too bad, all of it. University should be free, we'd be putting more educated people out there who can make better choices about how to use the shit they learned.
It still wouldn't give people balls though. People, in general, are still tied to "I need to make money even if I hate what I'm doing."
So...in the end...lose, lose. I hope Matt does whatever it is that HE wants to do. And that at least ONE adult will support him. Is he being "lazy"? Nope. Well, this is just my perspective, but I think it's a little ...ew when a man doesn't know how to change his oil or tires. I'm not saying you have to do it all the time, but know how to for the love of God. I'm a GIRL and I know how. COME ON!
Okay, morning rant OFF. For now.
;)
Anything.
Honestly, I don't think I landed on the right planet.
Last night my nephew was telling me that he's going to go to mechanic school. This is PERFECT for him. AWESOME.
I have some news to tell you- not everyone is driven to go do more school after finishing 12+years of the shit. There are some people, like my niece, who are serious geniuses and love the shit. Or at least DO IT and mean it. Most of us probably don't give that big of a shit and just get through it.
I was happy for him. Here's why- there will always be shit to work on. He'll have to learn the new as well as the old because things are changing. This is America, where we are spoiled and dependent on getting around on wheels vs our feet/bike/whatever. In general, of course. He wants to work with his hands. This is all good stuff.
His mom wants him to go to bootcamp.
My sister and brother in law were all over him about NO, he has to go to a "REAL" school. I said "Most people don't even use what they went to school for" and SIL says "You're right, but I wouldn't be where I am now without having been where I was, and I needed to go to school to even get in."
Where are you again?
OH that's right. You hate your job and say every day that you wish you could stay home with your baby. Instead *I* get to stay home with your baby.
Interesting. I'm glad you paid for that.
But, of course, no one there understands me other than Cullen. They are all still so focused on getting the money, instead of the happiness. Time is just flying by. Her baby is 9 months old suddenly. She gets very defensive about "he likes me best"---as he SHOULD since she is his mother, but he acts differently around me than he does around her because he already works her.
I see him more than she does if you don't count the time he sleeps at night.
BUT I am so glad that she has money going to a job she doesn't like that much.
I know, we can go on about college all day. The opportunities etc. It's just too bad, all of it. University should be free, we'd be putting more educated people out there who can make better choices about how to use the shit they learned.
It still wouldn't give people balls though. People, in general, are still tied to "I need to make money even if I hate what I'm doing."
So...in the end...lose, lose. I hope Matt does whatever it is that HE wants to do. And that at least ONE adult will support him. Is he being "lazy"? Nope. Well, this is just my perspective, but I think it's a little ...ew when a man doesn't know how to change his oil or tires. I'm not saying you have to do it all the time, but know how to for the love of God. I'm a GIRL and I know how. COME ON!
Okay, morning rant OFF. For now.
;)
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