is that you wake up actually as enthusiastic or with as large of an emotional hangover as if you actually just had that experience.
I'm so emotionally hung over I've already cried twice this morning.
Cullen got it once in the form of *bursts into sad tears* "you didn't SNUGGLE ME LAST NIGHT."
How effing pathetic is that? But we'll get to last night in a minute. Fucking security objects. Anyway. Then I gave my secret to my beautiful willow tree. The secret of the dream and why I was crying and why I love her and need her to weep for me. She promised she will do it all with so much beauty that I might cry all over again. She's so happy, you should see her. Every day she changes. She grows EIGHT INCHES A MONTH. How freaking cool is she???
So, my dream. I'll give you what didn't hurt first. There was a big storm coming, we were somewhere near an ocean, and it was gonna be hardcore. We had a half hour to get everything ready and to hunker down. Unfortunately, the storm shelters were in a sandstone cave and I didn't feel very safe. Jillian Michaels was there helping board things up and keeping us going. Weird. I also made DDF materialize. I was very happy at first. But he wasn't there to play with me or have fun or even talk, no. He was there ignoring me. Kind of. Okay, he didn't insist that I ignore HIM, so I actually sat on his lap and he carried on as if I didn't. Here's what sucks about the whole thing. When someone is a part of you, literally, and they are what might be the BEST part of you, and you can't get them to even TALK to you, you start feeling really, really sad. DDF, just like fucking always, was talking to me in my head instead of out loud, so while he was ignoring me sitting on him he was trying to decide what to do for the rest of the day, in my head he was telling me "this is how it has to be and you know that. It's okay. Don't pay attention to what you see." and out loud he carried on with plans which did nothing but illicit more sadness knowing he was just going to keep going and doing things, with no regard to me. Can a girl be any more pathetic? And then he got up to go.
I couldn't find my phone anywhere and Michelle and the other girls were being snobs about it, and at some point, I got it.. again. I understood, again, that even though being ignored was personal, if I can just keep it from feeling too personal, I'll see that it's all good and it's okay and he lives in my head anyway.
HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH Just so you know, as I type...right this very very second, do you know what happened? I can see both remotes across the room from me, but the TV just turned on. It's true. Many people would be screaming about what just happened, but me? Nope, I'm the crazy bitch with a broken heart over DDF, and my TV just turned on.
Back to my dream.
I needed to tell DDF that I understood and that I got it, and now I was crying anyway because ...well, because the whole things feels really SUCKY. Then I found my gift, from Cullen, which was a new phone and camera and I knew why they were all being so coy. So I got to tell him that I get it.
And then I woke up, with an emotional hangover big enough to cover all of us. But my weeping willow understands.
Okay, on to security objects. Any of your kids have them? Jordan does. A green blanket. No other blanket will do. This child...UGH.
What's nice about them is they go to bed right away, usually, if they have one. Or if they have a paci or thumb, they can plug themselves (most of the time) once they are old enough, and don't need you.
Jordan is four.
His blanket has been at my mom's house for 2 days now. Last night he was up every 5 minutes for EVER. The problem was that he couldn't suck his damned thumb without the damned blanket. Granted, it was only a half hour of him whining before I stuck his thumb in his mouth and he passed right back out.
What do I do? It's been two days, and in my experience, it takes about 2 days for a kid to get over a thing. I promised him to get him to shut it last night, that him, Caiden, Adalane and I would go get his F*CKING blankie from my mom's house. Wouldn't now be a good time to talk to him about giving it all up? I've always been a fan of thumb sucking, but that shits hard as HELL to break. With pacis, you take it away and know you're in for 2 days of hell, and then it's over, but how do you cut a thumb off? We did it with CJ but he had such a hard time. I don't know what to do.
So we were making out last night and Jordan's doing this. And Julia was coughing NON STOP, every few minutes. I don't know how he wasn't completely distracted, but I was. I know that's irritating. I did my best, but finally I just begged off. I'm not a complete ahole, I told him to go ahead and ...attack, but he was crabby because he likes it better when I'm not distracted and asking him to just get it over with. I dont' blame him, but then he was crabby and would NOT get it over with, so he rolled over, and didn't touch me, didn't snuggle me. Lucky for him (HA!) I have DDF in my head who even though he can be a butt sometimes, more often than not he says and does just exactly what I'm needing. This time he was a bird, and was snug in the nest, and he lifted one of his wings and I scampered in and got close to the soft feathers on the underneath of his wing, next to his body, and went to sleep. Until I woke up this morning and still had to let the sad of the night out one way or another.
Honestly! I KNOW I shouldn't talk out loud.
Bring on some freakin heat.
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