What is wrong with me!? I mean, I know that everyone can have an "off" day, but for a moment let's review my absolutely crappy cycles, shall we? It's everyone's favorite thing to do.
I am back to having 21 day cycles. This is how I started out when I was just a kid. 21 day cycles. I got on the pill at 16 and that, of course, regulated it.
Let's add in there that I start spotting on day 18.
For those who haven't had to count cycles to death for fertility shat, I'll tell you that cycle day 1 is the first day of your period. Spotting before hand does not count. So, to make this easy, we'll say that I start spotting on December 29th. I spot on the 29th, 30th, and 31st. Finally on January 1st I actually get my period. So I have already had to wear "protection" for 4 days, and it's only the 1st day of my period. We'll say that she lasts til the 6th of January. This is already the 6th day of my cycle. Since I have such short ass annoying cycles, I'm going to ovulate in less than a week from the end of my period. I ovulate around cd 11. On cd 18ish, I'm spotting again already.
This, friends, means that I'm practially always about a minute away from being premenstrual.
I'm SO LUCKY!
However, on the flip side, I'm wondering if this will keep the polyps from growing. I'm constantly bleeding. Maybe nothing can grow in there when I'm this way? What stupid things to sit around and wonder about.
Stupid, stupid girl stuff.
Maybe this Dr. Pepper and some chocolate will get me through?
In case you wondered, today I have been called the following names:
Insane
Crazy Nicki
Whack Job
Mile A Minute
Ridiculous
I decided that I'd keep track of how many names I get called in a day, just for fun, because lately I could swear that it's a daily thing, and it's everyone around me. I know, I know, it's with love, blah blah blah. I'm just sayin'. Willow The Tarantula is going to love me. She won't call me names. If she did, it would be "BRAVE"!
Monday, June 29, 2009
Grant Lee Buffalo Mockingbirds
Devastation at last finally we meet
After all of these years out here on the street
I had a feeling you would make yourself known
You came along just to claim your place on the throne
And I have been overthrown
Overthrown
And I thought if I towed the right lines
But these mockingbirds wont let me shine
Devastation my door was left open wide
You brought me into your heart then you swallowed my pride
I had a feeling you were hiding your thoughts
I made a note to myself I nearly forgot
Now I am overwrought
Im overwrought
And I thought if I towed the right lines
But these mockingbirds wont let me shine
And I thought if I towed the right lines
But these mockingbirds wont let me shine
One day this ground will break
And open up for me
I hope it will
I hope it will
Salutations at last down on my knees
I heard the bugle this morn blast reveille
Woke from a dream where I was in a terrible realm
All my sails were ablaze I was chained to the helm
And now I am overwhelmed
Im overwhelmed
And I thought if I towed the right lines
But these mockingbirds wont let me shine
And I thought if I towed the right lines
But these mockingbirds wont let me shine
And I thought if I towed the right lines (devastation at last)
But these mockingbirds wont let me shine
And I thought if I towed the right lines (devastation at last)
But these mockingbirds wont let me shine
And I thought if I towed the right lines (devastation at last)
But these mockingbirds wont let me shine
And I thought if I towed the right lines (devastation at last)
But these mockingbirds wont let me shine
After all of these years out here on the street
I had a feeling you would make yourself known
You came along just to claim your place on the throne
And I have been overthrown
Overthrown
And I thought if I towed the right lines
But these mockingbirds wont let me shine
Devastation my door was left open wide
You brought me into your heart then you swallowed my pride
I had a feeling you were hiding your thoughts
I made a note to myself I nearly forgot
Now I am overwrought
Im overwrought
And I thought if I towed the right lines
But these mockingbirds wont let me shine
And I thought if I towed the right lines
But these mockingbirds wont let me shine
One day this ground will break
And open up for me
I hope it will
I hope it will
Salutations at last down on my knees
I heard the bugle this morn blast reveille
Woke from a dream where I was in a terrible realm
All my sails were ablaze I was chained to the helm
And now I am overwhelmed
Im overwhelmed
And I thought if I towed the right lines
But these mockingbirds wont let me shine
And I thought if I towed the right lines
But these mockingbirds wont let me shine
And I thought if I towed the right lines (devastation at last)
But these mockingbirds wont let me shine
And I thought if I towed the right lines (devastation at last)
But these mockingbirds wont let me shine
And I thought if I towed the right lines (devastation at last)
But these mockingbirds wont let me shine
And I thought if I towed the right lines (devastation at last)
But these mockingbirds wont let me shine
Mazzy Star Fade Into You
I want to hold the hand inside you
I want to take a breath that's true
I look to you and I see nothing
I look to you to see the truth
You live your life
You go in shadows
You'll come apart and you'll go blind
Some kind of light into your darkness
Colors your eyes with what's not there.
Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think it's strange you never knew
A stranger's light comes on slowly
A stranger's heart without a home
You put your hands into your head
And then smiles cover your heart
Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think it's strange you never knew
I want to take a breath that's true
I look to you and I see nothing
I look to you to see the truth
You live your life
You go in shadows
You'll come apart and you'll go blind
Some kind of light into your darkness
Colors your eyes with what's not there.
Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think it's strange you never knew
A stranger's light comes on slowly
A stranger's heart without a home
You put your hands into your head
And then smiles cover your heart
Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think it's strange you never knew
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Oh, look. Blabbermouth still needs to blab!
I still feel very, very sad that I made my whole other blog go away, but I guess it's good practice in letting material things go, right?
Today is so yummy outside that I can't get enough. I'd pay money for a willow tree to sit under right now. It's 60-something degrees, there's a breeze, the sky is BLUE, the coffee is GOOD and I LOVE THIS WORLD.
Yesterday was the Hayes party and it was really good. We were at the park for 8 hours and I have no idea why I was so tired but I went to take a 'nap' at 8:30pm and Cullen attempted to wake me up but I slept til 8am this morning. :) It was incredible! I haven't done that in a million years. Cullen will say differently, of course.
The fourth of July weekend is coming up. We'll see my dad's aunt- her sister, my grandma, has alzheimers and is completely gone upstairs and has been for a long time. But my dad's aunt...she's 2 years younger (in their 90's, no less) and still has her wits about her. She's slowed down some, but lives independently. That's amazing to me.
I'm wondering about marriage lately. I'm married. I'll stay married. I love Cullen, but I'm looking around and wondering why 50% of marriages fail, and why even more than that would if people stopped staying together for the kids. When I think about it in BROAD terms (this has nothing to do with my own marriage necessairily), marriage is silly. I mean, we pair up, swear to stay together through everything and anything, and then- again, in general- spend the rest of our lives trying to be happy. Let's face it- we all fight about the same things, right? Money, drinking, not enough help, etc, etc.....there are those with bigger issues, like abuse and unfaithfulness, and those who's are probably calmer where it takes ALOT to ruffle feathers.
Oh, sure, the Bible says we are suposed to get married, but let's pretend that in general, we didn't get married. First, we'd smash that divorce percentile to pieces. I don't know what would happen- I was just going to say something about kids having step brothers and sisters and parents to no end, but I supose they already do, don't they? And who says that we wouldn't stay with the person we chose anyway? But it would take alot of the pressure off, and maybe we wouldn't be so mad about some things if we fundamentally knew that we were staying because we want to and not because to not stay points at a divorce, or not to make God "happy", or because this is our bed and now we have to lie in it, for the rest of our lives.
Just thinking out loud. Like I said, things are good here, so I'm not saying that I wish I didn't have to be married, but it's interesting to me that we can't figure out what is "wrong"...I don't think it's that people give up too easy. I also don't believe that we should have to stay where we aren't happy. Some people get married for the wrong reasons altogether anyways, right? In the beginning it's wrong, and it won't ever be right. And I haven't even mentioned CHILDREN yet and how you throw a couple of those into the mix and GOOD LUCK! What takes a village, we insist on keeping in tight little family circles, and we just don't understand why things go wrong. Just interesting to think about. I'm sure I won't be around when we start to figure it out and make changes that will lead to happier and more productive families, but that's okay because I'm a part of one right now anyway.
Jordan is in trouble for having a tantrum and throwing his cup of cereal all over. He's currently snuggled up to Josh, who felt bad for him and sat with him in time out. It's too cute. I almost hate to go enforce the fact that he has to clean up his mess now. : ) But I will. See ya later, peace and quiet!
Today is so yummy outside that I can't get enough. I'd pay money for a willow tree to sit under right now. It's 60-something degrees, there's a breeze, the sky is BLUE, the coffee is GOOD and I LOVE THIS WORLD.
Yesterday was the Hayes party and it was really good. We were at the park for 8 hours and I have no idea why I was so tired but I went to take a 'nap' at 8:30pm and Cullen attempted to wake me up but I slept til 8am this morning. :) It was incredible! I haven't done that in a million years. Cullen will say differently, of course.
The fourth of July weekend is coming up. We'll see my dad's aunt- her sister, my grandma, has alzheimers and is completely gone upstairs and has been for a long time. But my dad's aunt...she's 2 years younger (in their 90's, no less) and still has her wits about her. She's slowed down some, but lives independently. That's amazing to me.
I'm wondering about marriage lately. I'm married. I'll stay married. I love Cullen, but I'm looking around and wondering why 50% of marriages fail, and why even more than that would if people stopped staying together for the kids. When I think about it in BROAD terms (this has nothing to do with my own marriage necessairily), marriage is silly. I mean, we pair up, swear to stay together through everything and anything, and then- again, in general- spend the rest of our lives trying to be happy. Let's face it- we all fight about the same things, right? Money, drinking, not enough help, etc, etc.....there are those with bigger issues, like abuse and unfaithfulness, and those who's are probably calmer where it takes ALOT to ruffle feathers.
Oh, sure, the Bible says we are suposed to get married, but let's pretend that in general, we didn't get married. First, we'd smash that divorce percentile to pieces. I don't know what would happen- I was just going to say something about kids having step brothers and sisters and parents to no end, but I supose they already do, don't they? And who says that we wouldn't stay with the person we chose anyway? But it would take alot of the pressure off, and maybe we wouldn't be so mad about some things if we fundamentally knew that we were staying because we want to and not because to not stay points at a divorce, or not to make God "happy", or because this is our bed and now we have to lie in it, for the rest of our lives.
Just thinking out loud. Like I said, things are good here, so I'm not saying that I wish I didn't have to be married, but it's interesting to me that we can't figure out what is "wrong"...I don't think it's that people give up too easy. I also don't believe that we should have to stay where we aren't happy. Some people get married for the wrong reasons altogether anyways, right? In the beginning it's wrong, and it won't ever be right. And I haven't even mentioned CHILDREN yet and how you throw a couple of those into the mix and GOOD LUCK! What takes a village, we insist on keeping in tight little family circles, and we just don't understand why things go wrong. Just interesting to think about. I'm sure I won't be around when we start to figure it out and make changes that will lead to happier and more productive families, but that's okay because I'm a part of one right now anyway.
Jordan is in trouble for having a tantrum and throwing his cup of cereal all over. He's currently snuggled up to Josh, who felt bad for him and sat with him in time out. It's too cute. I almost hate to go enforce the fact that he has to clean up his mess now. : ) But I will. See ya later, peace and quiet!
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