Here is the story on the different lists and how three people are getting kidneys from my donation.
There are two lists--- the National Registry- this is the LONG list, the one that people who need a kidney and have probably looked for a match within their friends and family end up. Then there is the paired exchange list. This is the list of people who need kidneys, and have a willing donor. The problem being that the donor is not compatible with the person needing a kidney. BUT these people are SUPER SPECIAL people, because they have decided that they will stay a willing donor, to donate to ANYONE WHO THEY WILL MATCH WITH.
Isn't that amazing?
So check it- I was matched with someone on the paired exchange list who needs a kidney. That left their willing donor available to be matched with someone else on the list that they are compatible with, which is just what happened. That left THAT person's willing donor available to be matched. they didn't match with anyone else on the paired exchange list (some chains can be 10 people long!!!), so they were matched with someone on the National Registry - and those peeps don't have a willing donor available so the chain ends there. BUT- that's still THREE people, THREE families- THREE WORLDS that are going to get A LOT BETTER (hopefully). No more dialysis, no more pain, LOTS more energy and clean blood- that's three families that didn't know that was going to happen. Isn't that the FUNNEST EVER?! I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!
The two other surgeries are taking place in Fargo, on the same day. All 5 of us are getting kidney's removed or put in on the same day. :D AND! I! CAN'T! WAIT! I can't yell loud enough, bounce high enough, exclaim enough...
CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Truth, ya'll
ALRIGHT! I GET IT! I GET IT, WORLD! But thanks for the reminder. I get it. I remember and I'll try as hard as I can to remember.
This is what I'm going to remember: Stick people aren't real!!! And there is one of the most truthful things that I can ever utter: Most every feeling I have that is not made out of perfect, beautiful love, is probably not "real". It might be what I "think" but it probably isn't "correct". I can see this play out in my relationships- and I've been aware that *I* am the *issue*, but today, I was reminded again.
The universe LOVES ME.
Not only was B in the office and in his full glory (which means that my stomach hurts from laughing...I swear that you would never believe me if I described him and what he is like to you...I mean SERIOUSLY! He is a freakin STITCH! And lucky for me, he likes to make me/us laugh. He's a RIOT!)- and EVEN SAID OUT LOUD, during one of his stories, that he felt "so incredibly out of place, like he stuck out like a sore thumb." Didn't I just wonder if he feels how I felt yesterday? And who HASN'T felt that way, but still...I asked, and got my answer, without directly asking him.
Next up: it was a little bit like ...I don't know...it feels weird to say it...I must be "ON" today because I was getting an abnormal amount of attention. I brought food into the kitchen, which had 4 or so guys in it who I did not know until just today, and I haven't quite had an experience like that before. "Who *are* you?" "Who do you work for?" "Where have you been?" and other silliness that made me say "Here, have some cake and beans!" and run out of there feeling a little bit shy. And my all time favorite Jason was being very, very good to me today too. Lesson learned. Stick people aren't real, and my head is a stupid girl head every now and then. I can't listen to myself. You shouldn't listen to me either. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! OH IF ONLY YOU COULD STOP!!!! BUT YOU'RE ADDICTED!!!! TO MY INSANITY!!!!! It's amazing what you *notice* when you're not so busy worrying about yourself.
Okay I have a house to clean up and kids' hairs to cut soon, and girls to gossip wildly with. Okay, we won't gossip wildly. But I bet we'll laugh and tell some girl secrets. ;)
I love today.
AND I get to have surgery in MN!!! They are going to fly my kidney to ND. : ) All the surgeries are happening on the same day, same time. I LOVE THIS SO MUCH I can barely stand it! *BOUNCE*
This is what I'm going to remember: Stick people aren't real!!! And there is one of the most truthful things that I can ever utter: Most every feeling I have that is not made out of perfect, beautiful love, is probably not "real". It might be what I "think" but it probably isn't "correct". I can see this play out in my relationships- and I've been aware that *I* am the *issue*, but today, I was reminded again.
The universe LOVES ME.
Not only was B in the office and in his full glory (which means that my stomach hurts from laughing...I swear that you would never believe me if I described him and what he is like to you...I mean SERIOUSLY! He is a freakin STITCH! And lucky for me, he likes to make me/us laugh. He's a RIOT!)- and EVEN SAID OUT LOUD, during one of his stories, that he felt "so incredibly out of place, like he stuck out like a sore thumb." Didn't I just wonder if he feels how I felt yesterday? And who HASN'T felt that way, but still...I asked, and got my answer, without directly asking him.
Next up: it was a little bit like ...I don't know...it feels weird to say it...I must be "ON" today because I was getting an abnormal amount of attention. I brought food into the kitchen, which had 4 or so guys in it who I did not know until just today, and I haven't quite had an experience like that before. "Who *are* you?" "Who do you work for?" "Where have you been?" and other silliness that made me say "Here, have some cake and beans!" and run out of there feeling a little bit shy. And my all time favorite Jason was being very, very good to me today too. Lesson learned. Stick people aren't real, and my head is a stupid girl head every now and then. I can't listen to myself. You shouldn't listen to me either. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! OH IF ONLY YOU COULD STOP!!!! BUT YOU'RE ADDICTED!!!! TO MY INSANITY!!!!! It's amazing what you *notice* when you're not so busy worrying about yourself.
Okay I have a house to clean up and kids' hairs to cut soon, and girls to gossip wildly with. Okay, we won't gossip wildly. But I bet we'll laugh and tell some girl secrets. ;)
I love today.
AND I get to have surgery in MN!!! They are going to fly my kidney to ND. : ) All the surgeries are happening on the same day, same time. I LOVE THIS SO MUCH I can barely stand it! *BOUNCE*
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Day One, Offically on the Work Out Wagon
You all have no idea how big of a serious nerd I am.
You would not believe what I just totally worked out to. By work out I mean sweat on the treadmill. I was unsatisfied with any MP3 or Ipod in this house, so I hooked my laptop up so I could play DJ Nicki on youtube. I totally got down to the Commodores, Kool and the Gang Father MC, the Dazz Band, Neil Diamond, Kenny Loggins, Pat Benetar, Hall& Oates...yeah, baby. I said it. Let's not forget LOUNGIN' by my hot boyfriend LL. I did 4 miles. Not too bad. And I did 8 flights of stairs today w/Kari Blue Eyes. She's such a rockstar. She whined a little bit but when I dropped her off at her cube she said "Why don't you come over here TWO times tomorrow then?" :D It's a marathon, baby. I've got a couple of weeks to get my fabulous body ready for one more major surgery. WOOT!
And don't you just know that i'm about to take my sweaty ass outside in the rain where I am going to sit until I'm tired of being out there and then I'll go shower.
Feeling way better than before. Screw Skinny Pretty Bitches (SPB). I get to donate a kidney. And even if I didn't do that. DON'T CARE.
THIS space is SO much better. It doesn't hurt that ABS is signing BE NEAR ME either. *eyeroll*. How can I like singers &swing, and 80's and Colby O'Donis?
PS- I love Angie and Phil. I wouldn't survive work without them.
You would not believe what I just totally worked out to. By work out I mean sweat on the treadmill. I was unsatisfied with any MP3 or Ipod in this house, so I hooked my laptop up so I could play DJ Nicki on youtube. I totally got down to the Commodores, Kool and the Gang Father MC, the Dazz Band, Neil Diamond, Kenny Loggins, Pat Benetar, Hall& Oates...yeah, baby. I said it. Let's not forget LOUNGIN' by my hot boyfriend LL. I did 4 miles. Not too bad. And I did 8 flights of stairs today w/Kari Blue Eyes. She's such a rockstar. She whined a little bit but when I dropped her off at her cube she said "Why don't you come over here TWO times tomorrow then?" :D It's a marathon, baby. I've got a couple of weeks to get my fabulous body ready for one more major surgery. WOOT!
And don't you just know that i'm about to take my sweaty ass outside in the rain where I am going to sit until I'm tired of being out there and then I'll go shower.
Feeling way better than before. Screw Skinny Pretty Bitches (SPB). I get to donate a kidney. And even if I didn't do that. DON'T CARE.
THIS space is SO much better. It doesn't hurt that ABS is signing BE NEAR ME either. *eyeroll*. How can I like singers &swing, and 80's and Colby O'Donis?
PS- I love Angie and Phil. I wouldn't survive work without them.
ps-
isn't it also funny that I'm almost positive that MOST people feel this way? Like they don't fit, aren't good enough, aren't professional enough, don't "fit" anywhere, at some point?
Back to my original idea: humans are silly.
I'm going to go use my powers for good.
I'll report back.
Back to my original idea: humans are silly.
I'm going to go use my powers for good.
I'll report back.
It was bound to happen!
It happens every summer so this time around should be no different!
The Venus magazine came today.
Skanky perfect bodied bizactches.
UGH.
Here I am...and here's the deal. I don't need anyone to tell me that my body rocks. Because I'm a girl and I won't hear you anyway, if my head isn't *there* it won't matter. And only one person gets to "show" me that my body rocks (or so I show him? ha!)...so I don't need reassurance. I'm not looking for it.
Here are the facts:
I've had 4 kids.
I did that in 5 years.
I look FAN FREAKING TASTIC. I do. I met a man who was FLOORED when he heard I have four kids. He said "where'd they come from? Did they materialize out of thin air?!" Which he would NOT say if he saw what is under these clothes- but no matter. Everyone in the world sees me in clothes (cept the few lucky ducks that live with me, haha) so- whatever. I KNOW it. My entire life my smile has attracted all sorts of things/people to me. I might not look like Hilary Duff, or Swank for that matter. So what if I need my personality to complete the package? I happen to be ABUNDANT in personality too. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm good with who I am.
Cept for this little crisis that comes yearly when I'm looking through swim suit magazines because I do NOT- abstolutely, totally and completely- do NOT look like them. Not even a little bit. There isn't one part of me that can compete with any of it. Not the hair (hello unruly bedhead on my head)Not my feet, my legs, my arse, my hips, oh GOD not my hips or inner thighs, not my stomach- Oh, tummy...not what used to be my beautifully situated tah tahs, not my arms, which one day many moons ago were sculpted and pretty...not my shoulders, my back (HOW do we get backfat? Where the F does it come from?!)...not my face, which depends on my hair and my personality in order to get by...do you see this? I just trashed all of me. And I was almost fine before I looked at the magazine.
Almost fine because I happened to be in the elevator with stick people today. They were stick people, and they were perfectly made up, with long blonde hair, and perfectly put together, and they were not too loud, and they were "professional". What am I DOING there? Crazy curls, flowy dress on a fricken curvier body than I would "prefer" (on days like today), who was barking orders at Kari to get her up the last flight of stairs we were running today. WHO AM I?! I can tell you who I am NOT...oh, it's just so blantantly obvious who I am not. It was almost like being with my sisters for a full day- it makes me feel like I'm all wrong and just like I DO NOT BELONG HERE. I DON'T! I don't fit. It's bad right now, how WRONG and UNFITTING I feel.
Isn't that funny? Isn't it funny that I feel this way when there is a part of me that is very clear on how loved I am? How can I feel and be so loved and still DARE to feel so out of place and unfitting? Isn't that weird? Yet that's where I am, again, right now.
The good news is that tomorrow B will be in the office, and he's such a fabulously odd duck himself (in the all time best way possible...how MANY TIMES have I had that said to me about me? UGH!!! But I LOVE HIM! see? he's one of the best humans I know.....BAM! Another one. I wonder if he feels like this ever?) that I know that tomorrow I will not feel all by myself. I will feel SEEN tomorrow. There IS a difference between someone saying "I love you because of how you are." and someone saying "I love you because you are like me." Which he would never say, but he doesn't have to, because it's just....how it is.
Actually, the more I look around, the more I know that that is true of the people closest to me anyway.
Oh hell. We're off to the store. I put on a little black tank top and little khaki shorts- I'm sure they are too little, but have you been outside? Dizamn. It hot out (JB!!!! that was for you!) I'm going to strut around with my four kids and pretend that I belong in the world and I "fit" somewhere.
AND the Venus magazine went right into the garbage because CJ and Josh came home and the LAST thing they need to see is a bunch of airbrushed girls standing around like "SPANK ME WHILE I WEAR THIS BIKINI". Right where it belongs. In the GARBAGE.
The Venus magazine came today.
Skanky perfect bodied bizactches.
UGH.
Here I am...and here's the deal. I don't need anyone to tell me that my body rocks. Because I'm a girl and I won't hear you anyway, if my head isn't *there* it won't matter. And only one person gets to "show" me that my body rocks (or so I show him? ha!)...so I don't need reassurance. I'm not looking for it.
Here are the facts:
I've had 4 kids.
I did that in 5 years.
I look FAN FREAKING TASTIC. I do. I met a man who was FLOORED when he heard I have four kids. He said "where'd they come from? Did they materialize out of thin air?!" Which he would NOT say if he saw what is under these clothes- but no matter. Everyone in the world sees me in clothes (cept the few lucky ducks that live with me, haha) so- whatever. I KNOW it. My entire life my smile has attracted all sorts of things/people to me. I might not look like Hilary Duff, or Swank for that matter. So what if I need my personality to complete the package? I happen to be ABUNDANT in personality too. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm good with who I am.
Cept for this little crisis that comes yearly when I'm looking through swim suit magazines because I do NOT- abstolutely, totally and completely- do NOT look like them. Not even a little bit. There isn't one part of me that can compete with any of it. Not the hair (hello unruly bedhead on my head)Not my feet, my legs, my arse, my hips, oh GOD not my hips or inner thighs, not my stomach- Oh, tummy...not what used to be my beautifully situated tah tahs, not my arms, which one day many moons ago were sculpted and pretty...not my shoulders, my back (HOW do we get backfat? Where the F does it come from?!)...not my face, which depends on my hair and my personality in order to get by...do you see this? I just trashed all of me. And I was almost fine before I looked at the magazine.
Almost fine because I happened to be in the elevator with stick people today. They were stick people, and they were perfectly made up, with long blonde hair, and perfectly put together, and they were not too loud, and they were "professional". What am I DOING there? Crazy curls, flowy dress on a fricken curvier body than I would "prefer" (on days like today), who was barking orders at Kari to get her up the last flight of stairs we were running today. WHO AM I?! I can tell you who I am NOT...oh, it's just so blantantly obvious who I am not. It was almost like being with my sisters for a full day- it makes me feel like I'm all wrong and just like I DO NOT BELONG HERE. I DON'T! I don't fit. It's bad right now, how WRONG and UNFITTING I feel.
Isn't that funny? Isn't it funny that I feel this way when there is a part of me that is very clear on how loved I am? How can I feel and be so loved and still DARE to feel so out of place and unfitting? Isn't that weird? Yet that's where I am, again, right now.
The good news is that tomorrow B will be in the office, and he's such a fabulously odd duck himself (in the all time best way possible...how MANY TIMES have I had that said to me about me? UGH!!! But I LOVE HIM! see? he's one of the best humans I know.....BAM! Another one. I wonder if he feels like this ever?) that I know that tomorrow I will not feel all by myself. I will feel SEEN tomorrow. There IS a difference between someone saying "I love you because of how you are." and someone saying "I love you because you are like me." Which he would never say, but he doesn't have to, because it's just....how it is.
Actually, the more I look around, the more I know that that is true of the people closest to me anyway.
Oh hell. We're off to the store. I put on a little black tank top and little khaki shorts- I'm sure they are too little, but have you been outside? Dizamn. It hot out (JB!!!! that was for you!) I'm going to strut around with my four kids and pretend that I belong in the world and I "fit" somewhere.
AND the Venus magazine went right into the garbage because CJ and Josh came home and the LAST thing they need to see is a bunch of airbrushed girls standing around like "SPANK ME WHILE I WEAR THIS BIKINI". Right where it belongs. In the GARBAGE.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Hair wars
Cut it? Keep it? Cut it? Keep it?
Here's the thing...I have curly hair. And it's THICK. I have A LOT OF HAIR. Which is just fantastic, right? If you aren't me? If you don't have to deal with it? Right.
So, cut it, right?
Cept I'm doing so good growing it.
But then it went 90 degrees and 100% humidity on me, which makes my hair curly if I want it to be or not, and it has the effect of wearing a helmet. It's HOT. So, put it up. Right. That's how we're rollin.
OR, I could cut it all off meg ryan You've Got Mail style- which is adorable and cute and unfortunately, I probably look better with my hair shorter like that. Know how I know? the last time I seriously cut it off, like cut 5 inches or more off, so it was short and messy, it took 2 days for anyone to notice, because it looks so "normal"/"right".
But I'm doing so good and there is NOTHING better than Jordan and Josh running their fingers through my hair mindlessly while they are snuggling with me. They don't even think about it, they just do it. I LOVE THAT. Cullen playing with it when I'm falling asleep doesn't suck either.
I guess I'll do this...I won't cut it until I do. I came home yesterday, ready to bolt into the house and do it ,and Erin came out of her van, with her half curly hair all humidity shot to hell too, laughed at my insane curls and said "STAY STRONG! YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!" which stopped me momentarily...til I found a meg pic after watching the movie again and sent it to Amy, who of course is cheering me on that way. hehehehe
So..until I do, I won't.
Here's the thing...I have curly hair. And it's THICK. I have A LOT OF HAIR. Which is just fantastic, right? If you aren't me? If you don't have to deal with it? Right.
So, cut it, right?
Cept I'm doing so good growing it.
But then it went 90 degrees and 100% humidity on me, which makes my hair curly if I want it to be or not, and it has the effect of wearing a helmet. It's HOT. So, put it up. Right. That's how we're rollin.
OR, I could cut it all off meg ryan You've Got Mail style- which is adorable and cute and unfortunately, I probably look better with my hair shorter like that. Know how I know? the last time I seriously cut it off, like cut 5 inches or more off, so it was short and messy, it took 2 days for anyone to notice, because it looks so "normal"/"right".
But I'm doing so good and there is NOTHING better than Jordan and Josh running their fingers through my hair mindlessly while they are snuggling with me. They don't even think about it, they just do it. I LOVE THAT. Cullen playing with it when I'm falling asleep doesn't suck either.
I guess I'll do this...I won't cut it until I do. I came home yesterday, ready to bolt into the house and do it ,and Erin came out of her van, with her half curly hair all humidity shot to hell too, laughed at my insane curls and said "STAY STRONG! YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!" which stopped me momentarily...til I found a meg pic after watching the movie again and sent it to Amy, who of course is cheering me on that way. hehehehe
So..until I do, I won't.
I'M MATCHED! I'M MATCHED! I'M MATCHED!
I'M MATCHED! 3 PEOPLE WILL GET KIDNEYS! I'M MATCHED! I'M MATCHED! I'M MATCHED!
I AM GOING TO GET TO HAVE A GOODBYE LEFTY PARTY SOON! REALLY SOON!!!!!
Sunday, May 23, 2010
I wish I may...
Honestly! I'm sure this isn't the first time I've posted this, but this morning I was trying to decide what I should wish for next, and I have so much of everything that i couldn't decide.
It was making me insane. It IS making me insane. I get everything I ask nicely for. But it's so much that way that I start to feel selfish asking for things. Especially because the things I ask for start to involve and affect other people. So- as far as I can see, I have two choices...I am going to continue to asking for things for the people I love (OH I've got some big ones I've been working on for MONTHS now!) - I mean, COME ON! What could be funner than being the genie that is granting wishes secretly? NOTHING! How much fun? And who's the whackjob for THAT job? Well, ME, of course- who else could possibly actually believe that things are happening because she's asking the world to make them happen???? Tell me! And if it's YOU, too, NOTHING COULD EVER BE BETTER! That's like double the Make It Happen power!
That's what I'll do. That, and I will keep on loving everything and everyone as big as I possibly can, and keep on leaking as much thankfulness out of this silly human body as I can.
Thank you world, for Cullen waking me up early to take my thyroid pill so I could roll out of bed a little later and have the PERFECT coffee he made for me!
Thank you for a night like last night. I almost forgot how I used to love just plain ole driving around with the windows down and music on on nights that warm.
Thank you for steamy mornings that let me throw open all the rest of the windows, turn on the fan, and enjoy not being cold.
Thanks for my wild ass hair that I have no control over when it's humid. I'm sure my curls are just adorable. ;)
Thank you for me being silly. It's rubbing off on my kids and nothing tickles more than listening to Julia dork out to I FEEL GOOD just exactly the way I do.
Thank you for my parents. I can never say thank you enough for them. It makes me cry trying to express how thankful I am for them.
I LOVE YOU WORLD! Thank you for EVERYTHING!!!! And as soon as I can settle on what exactly to wish for, you'll be the first to know.
Okay, I'm scaring up a couple--- DEAR WORLD, I'M READY TO PART WITH THIS KIDNEY. LET'S GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD! I'M READY TO ACCEPT THE GIFT OF SURGERY, VICODIN, AND A BIG WISH THAT SOMEONE CAN GET OFF OF DIALYSIS!
And DEAR WORLD,I LOVE MY BABIES!! PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME NOT SCREW THEM UP!
Last one: DEAR WORLD! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE ABUNDANCE AROUND ME! I'M SO FULL I CAN BARELY CONTAIN IT! I'M SO THANKFUL FOR THE NEVER ENDINGNESS OF THAT!
There. For now.
It was making me insane. It IS making me insane. I get everything I ask nicely for. But it's so much that way that I start to feel selfish asking for things. Especially because the things I ask for start to involve and affect other people. So- as far as I can see, I have two choices...I am going to continue to asking for things for the people I love (OH I've got some big ones I've been working on for MONTHS now!) - I mean, COME ON! What could be funner than being the genie that is granting wishes secretly? NOTHING! How much fun? And who's the whackjob for THAT job? Well, ME, of course- who else could possibly actually believe that things are happening because she's asking the world to make them happen???? Tell me! And if it's YOU, too, NOTHING COULD EVER BE BETTER! That's like double the Make It Happen power!
That's what I'll do. That, and I will keep on loving everything and everyone as big as I possibly can, and keep on leaking as much thankfulness out of this silly human body as I can.
Thank you world, for Cullen waking me up early to take my thyroid pill so I could roll out of bed a little later and have the PERFECT coffee he made for me!
Thank you for a night like last night. I almost forgot how I used to love just plain ole driving around with the windows down and music on on nights that warm.
Thank you for steamy mornings that let me throw open all the rest of the windows, turn on the fan, and enjoy not being cold.
Thanks for my wild ass hair that I have no control over when it's humid. I'm sure my curls are just adorable. ;)
Thank you for me being silly. It's rubbing off on my kids and nothing tickles more than listening to Julia dork out to I FEEL GOOD just exactly the way I do.
Thank you for my parents. I can never say thank you enough for them. It makes me cry trying to express how thankful I am for them.
I LOVE YOU WORLD! Thank you for EVERYTHING!!!! And as soon as I can settle on what exactly to wish for, you'll be the first to know.
Okay, I'm scaring up a couple--- DEAR WORLD, I'M READY TO PART WITH THIS KIDNEY. LET'S GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD! I'M READY TO ACCEPT THE GIFT OF SURGERY, VICODIN, AND A BIG WISH THAT SOMEONE CAN GET OFF OF DIALYSIS!
And DEAR WORLD,I LOVE MY BABIES!! PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME NOT SCREW THEM UP!
Last one: DEAR WORLD! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE ABUNDANCE AROUND ME! I'M SO FULL I CAN BARELY CONTAIN IT! I'M SO THANKFUL FOR THE NEVER ENDINGNESS OF THAT!
There. For now.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
The funniest 6 year old ever lives here.
While eating pancakes this morning, Josh says "Mom, can I have some powdered sugar, please....with berries on top?"
Pause. Then he says..."Please...with Katy Perry on top?"
HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
Pause. Then he says..."Please...with Katy Perry on top?"
HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
Friday, May 21, 2010
AND...
We're down to basic cable. That's right. 1-23. I've dreamed of going TVless completely as an experiment...as is right now I have a bunch of boys howling because they can't see the Twins cept for Sundays, and Cullen is begging for a package that will let him see the Twins while he's home during the summer. But we're one step closer to being TV free. I wonder how much more family time we'll have without TV? I wonder how much more my babies will read instead? Or make up games? Or hate me? Or never want to be home because they'll want to be at their friends' houses so they can watch TV?
Where's the fricken rule book?
Where's the fricken rule book?
Take me there!
I hear the drums echoing tonight
But she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation
She's coming in the 12:30 flight
The moonlit wings reflect the stars that guide me towards salvation
I stopped an old man along the way
Hoping to find some old forgotten words or ancient melodies
He turned to me as if to say
"Hurry boy, it's waiting there for you!"
It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do
I bless the rains down in Africa
Gonna take some time to do the things we never had
The wild dogs cry out in the night
As they grow restless longing for some solitary company
I know that I must do what's right
Sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti
I seek to cure what's deep inside
Frightened of this thing that I've become
It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do
I bless the rains down in Africa
Gonna take some time to do the things we never had
Hurry boy, she's waiting there for you
It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do
I bless the rains down in Africa, I bless the rains down in Africa
I bless the rains down in Africa, I bless the rains down in Africa
I bless the rains down in Africa
Gonna take some time to do the things we never had
Tomorrow
Tomorrow morning I am going to wake up, pop a thyroid pill, and brew me some coffee. I'm going to have about 3 cups, and I will kill this caffeine headache. Yessir, that is just what I'm going to do!!!! Can't WAIT! See you in Nickiland!
Every little thing she does is magic
Julia is SO cute. We just played 8 games of Connect 4 in a row. Everytime I won, she insisted on changing colors of checkers, like the ones that won are magical or something. It had nothing to do with my mad Connect 4 skillz, no it was the magic checkers. Now she's peeking at me from the door. I love her precious face more than I could possibly put into words. Her whole face lights up when she smiles. You would never know that she smells faintly of puke.
I haven't shared pics of my babies in a long time!
When having 4 kids is a curse...
Okay, it's never a curse, however, when there is a virus in da house....not having 4 kids would make it run it's course faster.
It's so interesting how they each get sick in their own way though...
Cullen, the biggest kid...started it early Mon morning, writhing around in bed. Jordan got hit Tuesday. CJ, Wed- but he seemed fine. Outside playing, etc. Me, Thursday. Evil. Evil, evil, evil. The Mom should NEVER GET SICK. Julia today. She's a rockstar too. She wants to go play at Chuckies. UM..NO. I think he's the one who did this to us.
Josh is the last man standing.
My biggest issue now is what to do for dinner. The thought of food makes me want to die still. Fast food makes me want to die. I can't let Julia eat yet. I guess I could order in pizza or something, but again- I think I'd die smelling it. Seeing it? All I want is a Jamba Juice and that's way the hell over there. Too far away. And let's face it, I'm still in jammies and my unruly hair is unacceptable to go out. I have bed head.
JAMBA JUICE, JAMBA JUICE, JAMBA JUICE. If I trusted Julia's tummy a little more, I would consider bringing them all out. I REALLY want it. REALLY TRULY. Still doesn't solve the problem of what to fee them. Cooking is absolutely OUT. I can't think too hard about any food for them.
Joshy got his art VIP today, and Cullen said he was very surprised. :) I love that for him. His art teacher ADORES him. In fact, I should email her a thank you for adoring him so much. I mean- she sees right into his heart. Every kid should be so lucky to have a teacher adore them so. Okay I'll go do that. And comtemplate a vicodin to help me get through dinner time. Gosh, i wish I was like that so I could do it. hehehe
It's so interesting how they each get sick in their own way though...
Cullen, the biggest kid...started it early Mon morning, writhing around in bed. Jordan got hit Tuesday. CJ, Wed- but he seemed fine. Outside playing, etc. Me, Thursday. Evil. Evil, evil, evil. The Mom should NEVER GET SICK. Julia today. She's a rockstar too. She wants to go play at Chuckies. UM..NO. I think he's the one who did this to us.
Josh is the last man standing.
My biggest issue now is what to do for dinner. The thought of food makes me want to die still. Fast food makes me want to die. I can't let Julia eat yet. I guess I could order in pizza or something, but again- I think I'd die smelling it. Seeing it? All I want is a Jamba Juice and that's way the hell over there. Too far away. And let's face it, I'm still in jammies and my unruly hair is unacceptable to go out. I have bed head.
JAMBA JUICE, JAMBA JUICE, JAMBA JUICE. If I trusted Julia's tummy a little more, I would consider bringing them all out. I REALLY want it. REALLY TRULY. Still doesn't solve the problem of what to fee them. Cooking is absolutely OUT. I can't think too hard about any food for them.
Joshy got his art VIP today, and Cullen said he was very surprised. :) I love that for him. His art teacher ADORES him. In fact, I should email her a thank you for adoring him so much. I mean- she sees right into his heart. Every kid should be so lucky to have a teacher adore them so. Okay I'll go do that. And comtemplate a vicodin to help me get through dinner time. Gosh, i wish I was like that so I could do it. hehehe
Monday, May 17, 2010
SUCCESS!
"I am sorry I was so rotten when you were sick. Thank you...I appreciate you not being that way to me while I'm sick."
APOLOGY HEREBY OFFICIALLY ACCEPTED
APOLOGY HEREBY OFFICIALLY ACCEPTED
HAPPINESS
I'm trying to decide when I'm the happiest. Isn't that fun? You should do it too. I'm learning so much this time around.
I am in a place now where WHERE I am does not matter. This house (which I love, and I honestly have the best neighbors in the universe...they will singlehandedly keep me here longer than I'd stay otherwise), the small townhouse with the huge bedrooms but no living space, Farmington...it doesn't matter where I am. So much. I have so much fun dreaming of the Perfect Location, what it looks like, what it feels like, what the inside of my house there is like, what's in it, what's around it. What the kids do there how it feels to be there. That is so much fun...but home is wherever I am, right? It's ME. It's whatever I do or don't do that makes a nest. It's the people around us. It's the love we have for them, and share with them. It's noticing what is beautiful and amazing right HERE. It's the shade in the backyard, it's the leaves...it's the tireswing swaying in the breeze. It's the hastas....it's the flowers growing out of the tree trunk. I'm going to go get a pic of that and post it for you.
So isn't it all perception? Isn't everything perception? If we can see what's RIGHT HERE, isn't everything...perfect? Isn't the old blue couch comfy and snuggly, the way it cradles you? Isn't my super dirty carpet testament to how many kids run through here all the time? Isn't it wonderful sometimes how my freakin phone doesn't stop ringing and I end up with a LIST of people to call back, and it's all friends and family? Can't we be in heaven whenever we want?
Can we find the spaces between the moments to be grateful and see what's right here in front of us?
Said the girl, who, just last night was laying in bed, crying, thinking "oh please...can't I be done here yet? I want to go HOME. I'm DONEEEEEEEE feeling stuck." But I can talk a good game like no ones business. AND even better, I actually FEEL that way. Know what frustrated me last night? I even know what it was. I started to blog. Cullen came in, saw me on the computer (which he NEVER does because I don't go on it when he's around because he has such a holy effing fit over it), asked what I was doing, and I read what I'd blogged- which was about how I notice weekends are weekends now, and I kinda like it. He got offended that before weekends weren't fun for me even though HE IS HOME then. So I explained to him how waking up and doing all the things I do Mon-Fri on Sat and Sun too made weekends not all that much different than weekdays. He was offended. He sat in silence. For all I know he was starting to not feel well, but that didn't stop him from...well, anyway....so I shut down the stupid computer and said f it, I'd finish it later when he wasn't going to be around to feel jealous of a stupid computer.
And it made me feel stuck and trapped. What kind of bullshit is it that my THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS are criticized like that? Or...I should say I chose to feel criticized. i don't NEED to take anything personally. I could have sat there and finished puking out my head. You'd think he'd appreciate it so he doesn't have to hear it ALL, all the time. Anyway- whatever. I let it make me feel a lack of freedom, which makes me long to be FREEEEEEE from being in a human body. THEN last night, I got to be. It was awesome. Sleep is a great escape sometimes. And today, I feel ALL BETTER. YAY ME! YAY YOU!
Happiness is truly only a thought away. I need to start practicing merely recalling how it feels when I'm not happy instead of giving myself those actual experiences.
Love,
Crazy
I am in a place now where WHERE I am does not matter. This house (which I love, and I honestly have the best neighbors in the universe...they will singlehandedly keep me here longer than I'd stay otherwise), the small townhouse with the huge bedrooms but no living space, Farmington...it doesn't matter where I am. So much. I have so much fun dreaming of the Perfect Location, what it looks like, what it feels like, what the inside of my house there is like, what's in it, what's around it. What the kids do there how it feels to be there. That is so much fun...but home is wherever I am, right? It's ME. It's whatever I do or don't do that makes a nest. It's the people around us. It's the love we have for them, and share with them. It's noticing what is beautiful and amazing right HERE. It's the shade in the backyard, it's the leaves...it's the tireswing swaying in the breeze. It's the hastas....it's the flowers growing out of the tree trunk. I'm going to go get a pic of that and post it for you.
So isn't it all perception? Isn't everything perception? If we can see what's RIGHT HERE, isn't everything...perfect? Isn't the old blue couch comfy and snuggly, the way it cradles you? Isn't my super dirty carpet testament to how many kids run through here all the time? Isn't it wonderful sometimes how my freakin phone doesn't stop ringing and I end up with a LIST of people to call back, and it's all friends and family? Can't we be in heaven whenever we want?
Can we find the spaces between the moments to be grateful and see what's right here in front of us?
Said the girl, who, just last night was laying in bed, crying, thinking "oh please...can't I be done here yet? I want to go HOME. I'm DONEEEEEEEE feeling stuck." But I can talk a good game like no ones business. AND even better, I actually FEEL that way. Know what frustrated me last night? I even know what it was. I started to blog. Cullen came in, saw me on the computer (which he NEVER does because I don't go on it when he's around because he has such a holy effing fit over it), asked what I was doing, and I read what I'd blogged- which was about how I notice weekends are weekends now, and I kinda like it. He got offended that before weekends weren't fun for me even though HE IS HOME then. So I explained to him how waking up and doing all the things I do Mon-Fri on Sat and Sun too made weekends not all that much different than weekdays. He was offended. He sat in silence. For all I know he was starting to not feel well, but that didn't stop him from...well, anyway....so I shut down the stupid computer and said f it, I'd finish it later when he wasn't going to be around to feel jealous of a stupid computer.
And it made me feel stuck and trapped. What kind of bullshit is it that my THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS are criticized like that? Or...I should say I chose to feel criticized. i don't NEED to take anything personally. I could have sat there and finished puking out my head. You'd think he'd appreciate it so he doesn't have to hear it ALL, all the time. Anyway- whatever. I let it make me feel a lack of freedom, which makes me long to be FREEEEEEE from being in a human body. THEN last night, I got to be. It was awesome. Sleep is a great escape sometimes. And today, I feel ALL BETTER. YAY ME! YAY YOU!
Happiness is truly only a thought away. I need to start practicing merely recalling how it feels when I'm not happy instead of giving myself those actual experiences.
Love,
Crazy
I'm a jackass
I am. Just a little bit. I am trying to overcome this. I have one more smart ass comment waiting to come out, and I've got some time to stop it.
I've joked that it's like I'm a newborn in daycare by going back to the office. I seem to not feel SUPER since being back there.
Turns out my immune system ROCKS. I'm still SUPERSTRONG.
A couple of weeks ago, I had a day when I did not feel so good. I never ever had a fever. Chills/Hot/Chills/Hot- NO FEVER. A fever should come with that, right? I don't know if I even picked it up at work...CJ had been sick the week before, Jamie a couple days before him. CJ had a fever, never puked or threw up and it was just a day, so I was guessing that was what was going to happen to me too.
It was BIG DRAMA here when that happened- because I went ot work. Cullen got FOR REAL mad at me that I didn't stay home to "be with him" when I was sick. But I think most people do what I did and try to make it. I DID make it, the medicine I took helped me to feel better. When I got home, it was wearing off. Cullen had taken the night off to maybe...what? Show me up? That he'd take time off even though I wouldn't? He said he did it because I didn't feel good and it was CJ's first pratice. I was VERY THANKFUL- like thankful beyond words that he did that because I wasn't going to make it. He told me to go lay down, and I slept for 3 hours. Still no fever ever, just tired and chills/hot stuff. The next day I felt much better. But we had a huge fight (SO STUPID) over how I wouldn't call in sick. I haven't called in sick in a long time becuase Ihaven't needed to, but more importantly, I want Jeff to see that I'm trying. Even if I'm sick, I'm trying. And I was upset when Cullen got upset becuase he wasn't my soft place to fall- I got in trouble for taking that nap. Oh, how I heard about that 3 hour nap. I was Good Enough to be at work ALL DAY LONG, but he took the night off, and I have to NAP?
Guess who is puking and pooping his brains out? :)
Guess who has the hots/colds? I'm considering reminding him of my 3 hour nap and what an asshole he was about it. ASSHOLE. Don't worry, I'm going to give him some medicine so he can make it at work. I'm going to clean the bathroom for him, it's NASTY and I love him. But I can't promise that he isn't going to hear something about what a total jackass he was when I was sick, other than taking work off so he could "help" me. Which he did, I just don't know if that was his true intention.
Anyway. We'll see. He won't be up anytime soon so I have time to swallow the mean words waiting to make an appearance in the form of "It's too bad you were so mean to me when I felt that way, isn't it? Don't worry, I won't be a jackass about you sleeping it off."
SWALLOW IT, ME!
I've joked that it's like I'm a newborn in daycare by going back to the office. I seem to not feel SUPER since being back there.
Turns out my immune system ROCKS. I'm still SUPERSTRONG.
A couple of weeks ago, I had a day when I did not feel so good. I never ever had a fever. Chills/Hot/Chills/Hot- NO FEVER. A fever should come with that, right? I don't know if I even picked it up at work...CJ had been sick the week before, Jamie a couple days before him. CJ had a fever, never puked or threw up and it was just a day, so I was guessing that was what was going to happen to me too.
It was BIG DRAMA here when that happened- because I went ot work. Cullen got FOR REAL mad at me that I didn't stay home to "be with him" when I was sick. But I think most people do what I did and try to make it. I DID make it, the medicine I took helped me to feel better. When I got home, it was wearing off. Cullen had taken the night off to maybe...what? Show me up? That he'd take time off even though I wouldn't? He said he did it because I didn't feel good and it was CJ's first pratice. I was VERY THANKFUL- like thankful beyond words that he did that because I wasn't going to make it. He told me to go lay down, and I slept for 3 hours. Still no fever ever, just tired and chills/hot stuff. The next day I felt much better. But we had a huge fight (SO STUPID) over how I wouldn't call in sick. I haven't called in sick in a long time becuase Ihaven't needed to, but more importantly, I want Jeff to see that I'm trying. Even if I'm sick, I'm trying. And I was upset when Cullen got upset becuase he wasn't my soft place to fall- I got in trouble for taking that nap. Oh, how I heard about that 3 hour nap. I was Good Enough to be at work ALL DAY LONG, but he took the night off, and I have to NAP?
Guess who is puking and pooping his brains out? :)
Guess who has the hots/colds? I'm considering reminding him of my 3 hour nap and what an asshole he was about it. ASSHOLE. Don't worry, I'm going to give him some medicine so he can make it at work. I'm going to clean the bathroom for him, it's NASTY and I love him. But I can't promise that he isn't going to hear something about what a total jackass he was when I was sick, other than taking work off so he could "help" me. Which he did, I just don't know if that was his true intention.
Anyway. We'll see. He won't be up anytime soon so I have time to swallow the mean words waiting to make an appearance in the form of "It's too bad you were so mean to me when I felt that way, isn't it? Don't worry, I won't be a jackass about you sleeping it off."
SWALLOW IT, ME!
I love me a good weekend!
Okay- bonus #2 to working in the SO (stupid office) (with people I love, but it's still the office)- weekends ARE weekends again! This is new and different. Not all that long ago, I remember thinking that weekends were no different than weekdays except I didn't have to worry about getting reports done or answering the phone. Now, weekends ARE different. And FUN!
Friday night I got a date night. I JUST complained that Cullen hasn't set up a date night for us in a long time, where it's just me and him and HE finds the babysitter. Without me saying it to HIM (Hey, did someone out me???!!) he went and did it. All by himself. He was on days, and he got a babysitter (THANK YOU SHAWN AND ERIN!) and we went and overate at Old Chicago. Then we hit Kohls and Michaels...I was ready to go grocery shopping, but we were by BDalton, and I LOVE that store..I mean LOVE IT. I can't express it enough (go figure), but I didn't feel like we had time for me to dink around in there. I can kill HOURS in there...Cullen dragged me in anyway. And, of course, it ate me up. I can literally just go from row to row looking at books. I LOVE the energy of a bookstore. It's BEAUTIFUL energy, and...OH, it's just so good. Anyway, I am perfectly happy not buying anything and i didn't have anything in particular in mind to buy this time.
But it found me anyway.
MY BOOK. MY BOOK FOUND ME. It was the only one there. Has that every happened to you? Where IT grabs YOU? I probably levitated when I held it. I stood there and read it til Cullen found me glowing. I don't know how I spent another 45 minutes in there, when I just couldn't take it anymore. Reading it in earnest was REALLY funny because it even reads like I talk a little bit. It says ROCK ON and Magic over and over. Notes From The Universe. My own little handbook to help me (want to) stay here. Sometimes.
We went to Marshall Saturday to see how the other half live. (wink). First of all, NICE DRIVE out there. It's 212 to 23- they live off of 23. Super easy, and super pretty. I LOVE FARMS. I love how pretty they are, how neat and I especially love the ones that have babies sproutin up already. I love farm houses, and barns and silos and imagining what a day might be like there. Hard work, but isn't it the most worthwhile work ever? I wished for every farm I saw that they'd have the all time best yield EVER this year. They can all get together and talk about how incredible it was at harvest time and make a load of money. Wouldn't that be awesome?
I always wonder ....well, I'll finish that sentence in a minute. I hate sirens- they make me feel sad because someone is obviously in need of SOMETHING. So when I hear sirens, I'd say GOD BLESS YOU. I figure that it can't HURT anything- someone needs some help of some sort, and the people coming to help- well, it's kinda nice that there is someone always available to help at all times. Sometimes they see some really shitty things, some really emotionally heavy things. You know? So I figure a good God Bless You covers everyone. Because kids copy everything, CJ started doing it to. And it's extended to people on motorcycles without helmets. I know someone who is paralyzed and now has the mentality of a 4 year old because he didn't have a helmet on and crashed. The kids point them out first often. So that's how we roll. Cullen calls me the girl who God Blesses everything. If you really want to know (ha!), I God Blessed all of the farms I saw too. I also love to write love notes to families of people who have died in car accidents and leave them on the crosses there. Someone still visits it, obviously. Sometimes I wonder if anything every comes of those. I hope good comes of it.
Their neighborhood is beautiful- it's new so there aren't mature trees yet, but the houses are gorgeous. I love my sisters new house. It'll be fun to visit there.
Yesterday was so beautiful that it hurt from the minute I got up. The sunshine and the morning shadows, and how warm it was outside. It started my silly spiral that I haven't learned how to stop yet. I get frustrated because it is SO AWESOME outside that I cant EXPRESS IT ENOUGH so it get frustrating. I went to Suzanne's came home and mowed, which was a good way to meditate and be thankful...and then grocery shopping, which DID feel good, to spend money, and then everyone came over for dinner, which I loved too. OH and I got to play with Jamie's hair and it's brilliant. I love it. Sounds good, right? and it was, but for some reason I still ached to be able to let it out SOMEHOW. I don't freaking know. Sometimes I don't want to be HERE anymore (Earth). I just know I could LET IT OUT if I wasn't in this silly body.
But I do love Danny and Deb to pieces. And MFN's of course. And Jane, and Mike, and Brian and Emily. I do NOT love this super loud noise coming from the fridge. I am going to love the coffee I'm about to brew, and the yummy creamer I'm going to dump in it, and the caffeine buzz that will ensue. My ass is back on the treadmill today. I love all my babies' short haircuts. Freakin STUDS. Jordan is suddenly looking like a four year old instead of my wittle baby. I would definitely be having more babies right now if I could.
I like not having to go into the office today. it gives me one lazy day to be at home and not get dressed. What am I going ot do about Tuesday? it's the daycare class that ocmes every other MONTH, and it's CJ's first baseball game, and it's very important to him that I'm there. I'm getting votes both ways, that there are a zillion baseball games and one class every other month. I feel like I'm making a decision either by skipping the baseball game or by going to it. I don't want the guilt of missing it. Cullen won't be there either. My parents will be, but they are not The Mom. That's my BABY and he so loves for me to watch him. :( : ( : ( :(
I do not know what to do.
I do know that CJ is making pancakes and he's singing about the butter just the same exact way I would, have and do. LIKE!
Morning poop rules. Jamie, thinking of you today. Good luck!
Friday night I got a date night. I JUST complained that Cullen hasn't set up a date night for us in a long time, where it's just me and him and HE finds the babysitter. Without me saying it to HIM (Hey, did someone out me???!!) he went and did it. All by himself. He was on days, and he got a babysitter (THANK YOU SHAWN AND ERIN!) and we went and overate at Old Chicago. Then we hit Kohls and Michaels...I was ready to go grocery shopping, but we were by BDalton, and I LOVE that store..I mean LOVE IT. I can't express it enough (go figure), but I didn't feel like we had time for me to dink around in there. I can kill HOURS in there...Cullen dragged me in anyway. And, of course, it ate me up. I can literally just go from row to row looking at books. I LOVE the energy of a bookstore. It's BEAUTIFUL energy, and...OH, it's just so good. Anyway, I am perfectly happy not buying anything and i didn't have anything in particular in mind to buy this time.
But it found me anyway.
MY BOOK. MY BOOK FOUND ME. It was the only one there. Has that every happened to you? Where IT grabs YOU? I probably levitated when I held it. I stood there and read it til Cullen found me glowing. I don't know how I spent another 45 minutes in there, when I just couldn't take it anymore. Reading it in earnest was REALLY funny because it even reads like I talk a little bit. It says ROCK ON and Magic over and over. Notes From The Universe. My own little handbook to help me (want to) stay here. Sometimes.
We went to Marshall Saturday to see how the other half live. (wink). First of all, NICE DRIVE out there. It's 212 to 23- they live off of 23. Super easy, and super pretty. I LOVE FARMS. I love how pretty they are, how neat and I especially love the ones that have babies sproutin up already. I love farm houses, and barns and silos and imagining what a day might be like there. Hard work, but isn't it the most worthwhile work ever? I wished for every farm I saw that they'd have the all time best yield EVER this year. They can all get together and talk about how incredible it was at harvest time and make a load of money. Wouldn't that be awesome?
I always wonder ....well, I'll finish that sentence in a minute. I hate sirens- they make me feel sad because someone is obviously in need of SOMETHING. So when I hear sirens, I'd say GOD BLESS YOU. I figure that it can't HURT anything- someone needs some help of some sort, and the people coming to help- well, it's kinda nice that there is someone always available to help at all times. Sometimes they see some really shitty things, some really emotionally heavy things. You know? So I figure a good God Bless You covers everyone. Because kids copy everything, CJ started doing it to. And it's extended to people on motorcycles without helmets. I know someone who is paralyzed and now has the mentality of a 4 year old because he didn't have a helmet on and crashed. The kids point them out first often. So that's how we roll. Cullen calls me the girl who God Blesses everything. If you really want to know (ha!), I God Blessed all of the farms I saw too. I also love to write love notes to families of people who have died in car accidents and leave them on the crosses there. Someone still visits it, obviously. Sometimes I wonder if anything every comes of those. I hope good comes of it.
Their neighborhood is beautiful- it's new so there aren't mature trees yet, but the houses are gorgeous. I love my sisters new house. It'll be fun to visit there.
Yesterday was so beautiful that it hurt from the minute I got up. The sunshine and the morning shadows, and how warm it was outside. It started my silly spiral that I haven't learned how to stop yet. I get frustrated because it is SO AWESOME outside that I cant EXPRESS IT ENOUGH so it get frustrating. I went to Suzanne's came home and mowed, which was a good way to meditate and be thankful...and then grocery shopping, which DID feel good, to spend money, and then everyone came over for dinner, which I loved too. OH and I got to play with Jamie's hair and it's brilliant. I love it. Sounds good, right? and it was, but for some reason I still ached to be able to let it out SOMEHOW. I don't freaking know. Sometimes I don't want to be HERE anymore (Earth). I just know I could LET IT OUT if I wasn't in this silly body.
But I do love Danny and Deb to pieces. And MFN's of course. And Jane, and Mike, and Brian and Emily. I do NOT love this super loud noise coming from the fridge. I am going to love the coffee I'm about to brew, and the yummy creamer I'm going to dump in it, and the caffeine buzz that will ensue. My ass is back on the treadmill today. I love all my babies' short haircuts. Freakin STUDS. Jordan is suddenly looking like a four year old instead of my wittle baby. I would definitely be having more babies right now if I could.
I like not having to go into the office today. it gives me one lazy day to be at home and not get dressed. What am I going ot do about Tuesday? it's the daycare class that ocmes every other MONTH, and it's CJ's first baseball game, and it's very important to him that I'm there. I'm getting votes both ways, that there are a zillion baseball games and one class every other month. I feel like I'm making a decision either by skipping the baseball game or by going to it. I don't want the guilt of missing it. Cullen won't be there either. My parents will be, but they are not The Mom. That's my BABY and he so loves for me to watch him. :( : ( : ( :(
I do not know what to do.
I do know that CJ is making pancakes and he's singing about the butter just the same exact way I would, have and do. LIKE!
Morning poop rules. Jamie, thinking of you today. Good luck!
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Pina Colada Dreams
If I admit that I have a cold, will it make it more real? Should I just keep telling myself that the universe loves me by letting me sneeze every so often, becuase if I do it right, it's *really* good? Don't act like you don't know what I mean...It's *full body shiver* good. And the slightly disconnected feeling that hasn't really gone away would also lead me to believe that I have myself a little sumpin sumpin.
Right. So I figure I'm all good.
I have a confession: I hate Chris Brown when I'm being judgemental- but it didn't stop us from playing it over and over tonight during the Dinner Party we had. I know you'll be jealous you missed out, but they also made me listen to Justin Bieber. So I threw on the headphones and sang to them at the top of my lungs. It wasn't pretty, friends. I butchered him up as good as I could. Even Jordan was covering his years. I was a supasta!
My cute cute hubby "surprised" me by working days tomorrow, and getting a bbsitter for tomorrow night so he can take his food whore out to eat! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAAY!!!!I can't decide if I want to go eat the Best Fish Tacos Ever at Doolittes or hit Old Chicago and have a mouthgasm from some Italian Nachos or ...pick a thing. YUM. My skinny ass Cullen "accidentally" has lost 10 more pounds and is down to 172. UM, HELLO??? That's ENOUGH, FREAKY! If he loses 20 more we'll be the same size and I'm SO not okay with that! Boy must be bigger!
CJ and Josh think they are SO FREAKING FUNNY- they went downstairs and started HOLLERING and SCREAMING and running upstairs...I totally thought there was a 30 legged nasty running around down there. They were just kidding though.
I took care of my "issue" that I mentioned earlier. *CHEERING*
Angie's niece is going to give birth any time now, and it makes my non uterus really miss labor. Is that the stupidest thing ever? I know it was miserable, but I loved the part when the contractions start hurting, and it's suddenly "real", like really, really REAL. And I LOVE pushing. OMFG. I love, love LOVE pushing. Nothing feels better in the whole world, not even the super good sneezes.
Minnie Driver- not hot and NOT on my list. However, I like her accent.
Okay ya'lls. I'm done now. Cheers dears!
Right. So I figure I'm all good.
I have a confession: I hate Chris Brown when I'm being judgemental- but it didn't stop us from playing it over and over tonight during the Dinner Party we had. I know you'll be jealous you missed out, but they also made me listen to Justin Bieber. So I threw on the headphones and sang to them at the top of my lungs. It wasn't pretty, friends. I butchered him up as good as I could. Even Jordan was covering his years. I was a supasta!
My cute cute hubby "surprised" me by working days tomorrow, and getting a bbsitter for tomorrow night so he can take his food whore out to eat! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAAY!!!!I can't decide if I want to go eat the Best Fish Tacos Ever at Doolittes or hit Old Chicago and have a mouthgasm from some Italian Nachos or ...pick a thing. YUM. My skinny ass Cullen "accidentally" has lost 10 more pounds and is down to 172. UM, HELLO??? That's ENOUGH, FREAKY! If he loses 20 more we'll be the same size and I'm SO not okay with that! Boy must be bigger!
CJ and Josh think they are SO FREAKING FUNNY- they went downstairs and started HOLLERING and SCREAMING and running upstairs...I totally thought there was a 30 legged nasty running around down there. They were just kidding though.
I took care of my "issue" that I mentioned earlier. *CHEERING*
Angie's niece is going to give birth any time now, and it makes my non uterus really miss labor. Is that the stupidest thing ever? I know it was miserable, but I loved the part when the contractions start hurting, and it's suddenly "real", like really, really REAL. And I LOVE pushing. OMFG. I love, love LOVE pushing. Nothing feels better in the whole world, not even the super good sneezes.
Minnie Driver- not hot and NOT on my list. However, I like her accent.
Okay ya'lls. I'm done now. Cheers dears!
How To Be A Bitch
I need to figure it out. NOW. Some people are probably born more assertive and unafraid of hurting people's feelings than others of us. I'm not good at it. I'm kick ass at being passive aggressive. Yes, I do! But to just outright tell someone "Knock it off NOW"...unless it has to do with my kids, I don't like it. I don't like confrontation (most of the time...I guess sometimes I go out looking for it)...and I'd rather hide than tell someone "DON'T CALL ME ANYMORE."
I see this in my sister too...we're "too" nice to people, and sometimes we attract folks that we don't mean to. You know it...you can see it already....the old man in the bar that we smiled at because he was smiling at us, next thing you know he's siddling up, buying us a drink. Okay, fine, it's been awhile since that occurred. But it's the same thing. Hanging out with people, laughing, having fun, and they might like it too much. Michelle gets this way more than I do because she's in sales. I don't get it so much now, but I have 1 leftover from a long time time. And I'm going to make it go away because I'm done. Over it. I'm going to release that "friendship" (?????!!!!!).
But....ugh.
I wish I knew all the rules. Who it's okay to be nice to, and how to be a bitch. I'm going to request that for the rest of the day here at work, I am referred to as Lucy Wench. Maybe that will help me grow a pair. :D
I see this in my sister too...we're "too" nice to people, and sometimes we attract folks that we don't mean to. You know it...you can see it already....the old man in the bar that we smiled at because he was smiling at us, next thing you know he's siddling up, buying us a drink. Okay, fine, it's been awhile since that occurred. But it's the same thing. Hanging out with people, laughing, having fun, and they might like it too much. Michelle gets this way more than I do because she's in sales. I don't get it so much now, but I have 1 leftover from a long time time. And I'm going to make it go away because I'm done. Over it. I'm going to release that "friendship" (?????!!!!!).
But....ugh.
I wish I knew all the rules. Who it's okay to be nice to, and how to be a bitch. I'm going to request that for the rest of the day here at work, I am referred to as Lucy Wench. Maybe that will help me grow a pair. :D
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
In less than an hour...
Love will come to me in the form of:
I am choosing not to post the nutritional information, because I'm going to eat the sons of bitches no matter what and I choose to do it without guilt. I'm STARVING. But like all mad, passionate love affairs, I'm full aware that this one too will need to come to an end. It's been a wonderful week of eating whatever the hell I want and not running or doing anything to upset my knee(s), but game on again. Soon. I'm no fool. Those nachos can't cut me off. This is all on me: which is a crapshoot. Left to my own devices, I can't promise that I'll break it off or step away appropriately. In that department, I do SO much better (and it's not really better, I just can do it...) following someone else's footsteps.
So, I know...I know it can't be like this forever, but for tonight, it is, and I'm going to make out with those nachos so hard core they will never be the same again. They might even beg me to not break up with them at all. They might just want me to stay forever.
Okay...I'm going to pee, so that when it's time to love love love those nachos, I won't have to pee in the middle of it. Happy Tuesday.
I am choosing not to post the nutritional information, because I'm going to eat the sons of bitches no matter what and I choose to do it without guilt. I'm STARVING. But like all mad, passionate love affairs, I'm full aware that this one too will need to come to an end. It's been a wonderful week of eating whatever the hell I want and not running or doing anything to upset my knee(s), but game on again. Soon. I'm no fool. Those nachos can't cut me off. This is all on me: which is a crapshoot. Left to my own devices, I can't promise that I'll break it off or step away appropriately. In that department, I do SO much better (and it's not really better, I just can do it...) following someone else's footsteps.
So, I know...I know it can't be like this forever, but for tonight, it is, and I'm going to make out with those nachos so hard core they will never be the same again. They might even beg me to not break up with them at all. They might just want me to stay forever.
Okay...I'm going to pee, so that when it's time to love love love those nachos, I won't have to pee in the middle of it. Happy Tuesday.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Just being...
There are different ways of just being.
I have times when I desperately wish to be somewhere beautiful where I can just sit and absorb it all, at my own pace, without any time constraints or anyone needing anything from me. Okay, I live in that space fairly often.
Other times, like today- it is different. Today I am just me. I'm not trying hard to fix anything, I don't care overly much about pouring as much love into the world as I can, and I let MFN see me looking just exactly like I do right now, and it ain't pretty. And I don't care. I am just being me, the dulled down, not exuberant, quiet version of me. I'm not taking in a whole bunch of new information and I don't want to. I don't want to listen to music, because I feel just a little disconnected from everything and don't feel reachable or touchable. Not in a bad way, just a ...just being kinda of way. Probably Cullen is the only person who actually doesn't mind me like this- God knows he probably NEEDS me to be this way every once in awhile to give his ears a break. HAHA. I do know something---- I know that I'm not actually that irritating. Every now and then I have to remind him or Michelle or Angie that they'd miss the deafening silence if I were gone but I know that I'm not intolerable. But even so, days like today probably benefit him.
We had a "nice" talk today. He's so much more rational and owns so much more of the craziness he's been spewin on me when I bring it to him instead of him having a meltdown and bringing it to me, again. It was "nice". We'll see if I can make it through the week without doing "something" to set him off. Of course, I know that's all craziness too. Sounds controlling and nutty, which it kinda is, and we'll see if he can keep himself settled down. And in the meantime I'll see if I can find some motivation to read the 5 love languages. I'll probably borrow it out first. I'll read it better if I stop having flashbacks of the All Time Worst relationship I ever had in my life. :) TRUE DAT.
Judy Garland was beautiful and had a beautiful voice. In case you forgot.
Where do you think Heaven is? If it's (motioning) out there somewhere...aren't we already there? We're just another planet floating in the sky, in "heaven".... I am hoping that there is another realm where all our humanness falls away and we can shine as our true selves without the emotion and fear that we carry when we're in a body and need a relative world to deal with.
End of thought.
End of post.
Carry on. :)
I have times when I desperately wish to be somewhere beautiful where I can just sit and absorb it all, at my own pace, without any time constraints or anyone needing anything from me. Okay, I live in that space fairly often.
Other times, like today- it is different. Today I am just me. I'm not trying hard to fix anything, I don't care overly much about pouring as much love into the world as I can, and I let MFN see me looking just exactly like I do right now, and it ain't pretty. And I don't care. I am just being me, the dulled down, not exuberant, quiet version of me. I'm not taking in a whole bunch of new information and I don't want to. I don't want to listen to music, because I feel just a little disconnected from everything and don't feel reachable or touchable. Not in a bad way, just a ...just being kinda of way. Probably Cullen is the only person who actually doesn't mind me like this- God knows he probably NEEDS me to be this way every once in awhile to give his ears a break. HAHA. I do know something---- I know that I'm not actually that irritating. Every now and then I have to remind him or Michelle or Angie that they'd miss the deafening silence if I were gone but I know that I'm not intolerable. But even so, days like today probably benefit him.
We had a "nice" talk today. He's so much more rational and owns so much more of the craziness he's been spewin on me when I bring it to him instead of him having a meltdown and bringing it to me, again. It was "nice". We'll see if I can make it through the week without doing "something" to set him off. Of course, I know that's all craziness too. Sounds controlling and nutty, which it kinda is, and we'll see if he can keep himself settled down. And in the meantime I'll see if I can find some motivation to read the 5 love languages. I'll probably borrow it out first. I'll read it better if I stop having flashbacks of the All Time Worst relationship I ever had in my life. :) TRUE DAT.
Judy Garland was beautiful and had a beautiful voice. In case you forgot.
Where do you think Heaven is? If it's (motioning) out there somewhere...aren't we already there? We're just another planet floating in the sky, in "heaven".... I am hoping that there is another realm where all our humanness falls away and we can shine as our true selves without the emotion and fear that we carry when we're in a body and need a relative world to deal with.
End of thought.
End of post.
Carry on. :)
Friday, May 7, 2010
I never stop learning!
I wasn't going to blog about this because ya'll are probably tired of hearing about my difficulties in understanding Cullen the past couple of months. I mean, I completely understand what he's saying as far as him feeling left out of most everything cept weekends- it's because he is. But one of the big arguments we've had is me cleaning----- which I do plenty of. This is important. Ready?
He kept saying that the things he does he is doing for me and that he loves doing things for me (this is true, and I know it). He feels like I don't reciprocate that. Everytime he says that i allow myself to turn into Yelly Wife because who SAYS that to a mother of freakin FOUR KIDS who is WORKING FULL TIME ALSO?! WHO? No one, that's who. No one in their right mind. So we have gone approximately 17 rounds over this, always resulting in me saying very rude things, because SOMEONE is cleaning the floor, vaccuuming, shampooing carpets, doing the laundry, scrubbing the toilets- ya know? SOMEONE IS.
BUT- there was a breakthrough, the breakthrough I've been looking for. I seriously thought he was losing his marbles. But THEN!!! Magic works came out of his mouth, magic words that held the key, the clue- after a full 2 hours of duking it out and me ready to move him out, he said "I just don't get it. I put the table in the laundry room, with the radio, to make it easier for you to do laundry. I was so excited for you to see that and you barely cared. I weeded out by the tire swing and was so excited to put mulch down and make it look good, and you didn't care about that either...."
That probably doesn't sound like anything but whining at first pass, but read it again, friends. The Answer Is There!
The way that HE SHOWS ME LOVE is by DOING THINGS "FOR ME"---- he was hurt when I didn't get overly excited about either of those things. They were nice of him to do, but I was doing laundry without the table and radio before, and no matter if there is a water fountain down there, I'm still going to do laundry, right? He gives his love to me that way...I feel it more when he brings me coffee or food. The way that I show him love is by waiting up at night for him, buying his faves at the grocery store, and putting out more than anyone who's been married for this long puts out (hahaha!). I offer to cook for him All The Time but he won't eat anything outside of his soups and sandwhiches during the week. Sounds fine and dandy, but here's what's happening! I'm not folding the bazillion socks the way that he's asked me to- that is something HE would do to show ME love, and that's how he RECEIVES love- so by me not doing it, it feels like a F*CK YOU to him. And trust me, I don't do it. Ever. EVER. He hates that I let the van get messy too. When I clean it, he feels like I love him.
There's a book called the Five Love Languages which I have and I clearly need to read it, because it's evidently a REAL THING. Things that I ask him to do for me that he doesn't ever do are little things like letting me sleep in (Dear God!!) or writing me a little love note. OR something as "insignificant" as acknowledging how hard I'm working trying to keep everything going, when it's obvious I struggle sometimes (forgetting the spelling bee). See? I bet almost everyone runs into this....if our love languages aren't the same, we feel like "huh. wonder why he bought me THAT" or "all i ask her to do is _____". I get it now! I mean, he's been "whining" for 3 months now, and a lot of that just has to do with wanting desperately to be home having fun with us, but the part about me cleaning, the part that makes me want to beat him over the head with a cast iron...well, now I understand. He isn't saying that I DON'T do everything else, and he isn't even saying that I'm not doing ENOUGH...he's saying that he hates the sock hell downstairs and that he'd feel loved if I took care of that because that's what he'd do for me. I GET IT NOW!!!!!! I am so happy.
So, me and the socks and my lack of cable...we have a hot date tonight. :)
He kept saying that the things he does he is doing for me and that he loves doing things for me (this is true, and I know it). He feels like I don't reciprocate that. Everytime he says that i allow myself to turn into Yelly Wife because who SAYS that to a mother of freakin FOUR KIDS who is WORKING FULL TIME ALSO?! WHO? No one, that's who. No one in their right mind. So we have gone approximately 17 rounds over this, always resulting in me saying very rude things, because SOMEONE is cleaning the floor, vaccuuming, shampooing carpets, doing the laundry, scrubbing the toilets- ya know? SOMEONE IS.
BUT- there was a breakthrough, the breakthrough I've been looking for. I seriously thought he was losing his marbles. But THEN!!! Magic works came out of his mouth, magic words that held the key, the clue- after a full 2 hours of duking it out and me ready to move him out, he said "I just don't get it. I put the table in the laundry room, with the radio, to make it easier for you to do laundry. I was so excited for you to see that and you barely cared. I weeded out by the tire swing and was so excited to put mulch down and make it look good, and you didn't care about that either...."
That probably doesn't sound like anything but whining at first pass, but read it again, friends. The Answer Is There!
The way that HE SHOWS ME LOVE is by DOING THINGS "FOR ME"---- he was hurt when I didn't get overly excited about either of those things. They were nice of him to do, but I was doing laundry without the table and radio before, and no matter if there is a water fountain down there, I'm still going to do laundry, right? He gives his love to me that way...I feel it more when he brings me coffee or food. The way that I show him love is by waiting up at night for him, buying his faves at the grocery store, and putting out more than anyone who's been married for this long puts out (hahaha!). I offer to cook for him All The Time but he won't eat anything outside of his soups and sandwhiches during the week. Sounds fine and dandy, but here's what's happening! I'm not folding the bazillion socks the way that he's asked me to- that is something HE would do to show ME love, and that's how he RECEIVES love- so by me not doing it, it feels like a F*CK YOU to him. And trust me, I don't do it. Ever. EVER. He hates that I let the van get messy too. When I clean it, he feels like I love him.
There's a book called the Five Love Languages which I have and I clearly need to read it, because it's evidently a REAL THING. Things that I ask him to do for me that he doesn't ever do are little things like letting me sleep in (Dear God!!) or writing me a little love note. OR something as "insignificant" as acknowledging how hard I'm working trying to keep everything going, when it's obvious I struggle sometimes (forgetting the spelling bee). See? I bet almost everyone runs into this....if our love languages aren't the same, we feel like "huh. wonder why he bought me THAT" or "all i ask her to do is _____". I get it now! I mean, he's been "whining" for 3 months now, and a lot of that just has to do with wanting desperately to be home having fun with us, but the part about me cleaning, the part that makes me want to beat him over the head with a cast iron...well, now I understand. He isn't saying that I DON'T do everything else, and he isn't even saying that I'm not doing ENOUGH...he's saying that he hates the sock hell downstairs and that he'd feel loved if I took care of that because that's what he'd do for me. I GET IT NOW!!!!!! I am so happy.
So, me and the socks and my lack of cable...we have a hot date tonight. :)
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY
I got the biggest happy when I came to work today.
I have to be careful when I write about certain things, because I would never want anything in here to get me or anyone else in trouble.
That being said, it's a Br story.
He is just the best ever- he really is. Cu hears about it all the time. He is hysterically funny, incredibly smart, and I think he runs a brilliant department. He is the best kept secret here ever. And he's a dork which means we get along fabulously.
He came in and took off his jacket, wanders over and tells me "You're here enough now so I can tell you this. This morning, it's raining, it's cold, and I don't want to come to work. I'm trudging up the stairs, sighing, and then I remember! Nicki's here today! We can laugh and have fun! I can do this! Today is a good day!"
Isn't that the all time best ever? Topped only by the fact that part of the reason that being in the office is fun is him, too!
I'm such a lucky, lucky, lucky girl. I love my friends!
I have to be careful when I write about certain things, because I would never want anything in here to get me or anyone else in trouble.
That being said, it's a Br story.
He is just the best ever- he really is. Cu hears about it all the time. He is hysterically funny, incredibly smart, and I think he runs a brilliant department. He is the best kept secret here ever. And he's a dork which means we get along fabulously.
He came in and took off his jacket, wanders over and tells me "You're here enough now so I can tell you this. This morning, it's raining, it's cold, and I don't want to come to work. I'm trudging up the stairs, sighing, and then I remember! Nicki's here today! We can laugh and have fun! I can do this! Today is a good day!"
Isn't that the all time best ever? Topped only by the fact that part of the reason that being in the office is fun is him, too!
I'm such a lucky, lucky, lucky girl. I love my friends!
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Coming soon to a neighborhood near you...
OH I'm so irritated!
This is all completely RUMOR right now- I have NOTHING based on fact. RUMOR HAS IT that the dude living right (pointing kitty corner) is a level 2 sex offender. Level 2's have a moderate risk of reoffending. I don't think that MN alerts the public regarding level 2's because I CAN'T FIND ANYTHING ON HIM. Here is how the rumor goes: a girl that lives down the block works for the BPD. Apparently at some point (trying to find out WHEN)..comcast or someone was doing some work there and found something obnoxious like 500 pics of children on his puter.
DID YOU HEAR THAT?
That's all I know. That's IT. I don't know what he did to be classified as a level 2, I have no idea what or when the puter thing happened, we've got NOTHING. That's almost more dangerous than HAVING info because your mind can play lots of naughty tricks on you.
I've never seen the dude in the half a year we've lived here. BUT I have 4 kids. Lucky for me, we discuss OFTEN what to do in regards to "strangers" etc. CJ got even more information tonight as he listended to MFN and I freak out on the info giver, trying to get more info.
What's almost more irritating is that WHO ELSE is a level 2? Who HASN'T been caught and ISN'T registered. My first instinct was to MOVE IMMEDIATELY, but there's no getting away from it. These assholes are everywhere! I HAVE FOUR KIDS!
Do you have any idea how confusing it is to swing from feeling like there is more beauty in this world than I can hold in my head? I pretend I'm on the soft, felty leaf of a lotus blossom, surrounded by the vibrant color and sweet scent, I imagine myself there, feeling all of it with all of me, wondering how it feels to BE the flower... or how sweet something as simple and complex as a kiss can be, souls touching and taking and giving and loving...and then THIS, and I WANT OUT OF MY BODY AND OFF THE EARTH NOW! I can't stand to THINK about what people like this like, what they do, what they want to do, how they do it. Those are OUR BABIES.
What do I do with that info? It's just rumor, I can't find shit online, and so I'm at the mercy of waiting for info? What kind of crap is that? Why don't we get to know that info? Where was that notification? WHAT DID HE DO????
I supose it's better to know than to not know?
Can we get away from it?
I want to live in the country, somewhere amazingly beautiful, away from most of the freaks, with just enough people nearby so that I don't die of loneliness, and I want my kids to run and play and learn through doing and discovering, and I don't want to have to reiterate one hundred million times to my precious babies that I don't care if someone is wagging $100 bills in their faces, they are to come home to me immediately and tell me everything. I don't care if they are CRYING, BLEEDING, HURT. Come and get me. This is nuts.
And it was no different than yesterday, but yesterday, the day before, so on and so forth- I did not know.
What else don't we know?
This is all completely RUMOR right now- I have NOTHING based on fact. RUMOR HAS IT that the dude living right (pointing kitty corner) is a level 2 sex offender. Level 2's have a moderate risk of reoffending. I don't think that MN alerts the public regarding level 2's because I CAN'T FIND ANYTHING ON HIM. Here is how the rumor goes: a girl that lives down the block works for the BPD. Apparently at some point (trying to find out WHEN)..comcast or someone was doing some work there and found something obnoxious like 500 pics of children on his puter.
DID YOU HEAR THAT?
That's all I know. That's IT. I don't know what he did to be classified as a level 2, I have no idea what or when the puter thing happened, we've got NOTHING. That's almost more dangerous than HAVING info because your mind can play lots of naughty tricks on you.
I've never seen the dude in the half a year we've lived here. BUT I have 4 kids. Lucky for me, we discuss OFTEN what to do in regards to "strangers" etc. CJ got even more information tonight as he listended to MFN and I freak out on the info giver, trying to get more info.
What's almost more irritating is that WHO ELSE is a level 2? Who HASN'T been caught and ISN'T registered. My first instinct was to MOVE IMMEDIATELY, but there's no getting away from it. These assholes are everywhere! I HAVE FOUR KIDS!
Do you have any idea how confusing it is to swing from feeling like there is more beauty in this world than I can hold in my head? I pretend I'm on the soft, felty leaf of a lotus blossom, surrounded by the vibrant color and sweet scent, I imagine myself there, feeling all of it with all of me, wondering how it feels to BE the flower... or how sweet something as simple and complex as a kiss can be, souls touching and taking and giving and loving...and then THIS, and I WANT OUT OF MY BODY AND OFF THE EARTH NOW! I can't stand to THINK about what people like this like, what they do, what they want to do, how they do it. Those are OUR BABIES.
What do I do with that info? It's just rumor, I can't find shit online, and so I'm at the mercy of waiting for info? What kind of crap is that? Why don't we get to know that info? Where was that notification? WHAT DID HE DO????
I supose it's better to know than to not know?
Can we get away from it?
I want to live in the country, somewhere amazingly beautiful, away from most of the freaks, with just enough people nearby so that I don't die of loneliness, and I want my kids to run and play and learn through doing and discovering, and I don't want to have to reiterate one hundred million times to my precious babies that I don't care if someone is wagging $100 bills in their faces, they are to come home to me immediately and tell me everything. I don't care if they are CRYING, BLEEDING, HURT. Come and get me. This is nuts.
And it was no different than yesterday, but yesterday, the day before, so on and so forth- I did not know.
What else don't we know?
hahah
MOM! IT'S JUST NOT FAIR! YOU *NEVER* LET US PLAY IN THE STREET! WHY CAN'T WE? WE'LL WATCH FOR CARS! I SWEAR MOM! NO FAIR! WHY WON'T YOU JUST LET US PLAY IN THE STREET!"
The little things...
like running into Josh's teacher, getting a big Miss You hug from her- I love her. She was SO Excited to hear my daycare idea...said how much it sucks for the teachers to have no where for their kids to go and living so close to the school... :) Made me happy.
Then I was thinking back to today and all the fun I had before I stupidly let myself feel like I"m not doing enough AGAIN, just because someone said I'm not.... and it's a good solid list.
Angie sucks at the song game, so I had her speak in exclamations today instead, and that was equally silly. Because everyone can hear everything I freaking say (UGH! what they must think!) Phil picked up her slack and played the song/exclamation game with me for awhile. It was good humor! I had a couple of phone calls that made me giggle big time, and then lunch rolled around. It was our monthly meeting, so Br was there, and he is SOOOO FUNNY. I just love who he is. Phil was sitting on one side of me, and Br was across from us. The highlight- which won't be funny to you probably, was when I started giggling at him for saying partial parcels 3 times in a (BREAKING NEWS! CHUCKIE'S TRAINING WHEELS ARE OFF! YAYAYAYYAY!!!) row and was stumbling all over them. He paused, and then said "We will never hire an employee named Portia to pick partial parcels." We were cracking up. Phil whispered "jesus!" under his breath making me laugh even harder. That might be the first time that Phil realized that Br would actually play all the stupid games I make us play if he weren't always so busy.
He got the Oriental Trading Co mag today too, and that's always a freaking hoot. Angie and I spent a good 20 minutes being entertained. It was awesome. I can't express my appreciation for how funny he is. Engineers rock.
Angie called for me so I RAN into her cube, pretended to trip and fall. I brought her lilacs today.
SEE? Today didn't suck. I only let it hurt me when Mr. Crabby Pants couldn't stop finding shit wrong at home, things that *i* am suposed to be doing.
But- now I'm home, and I'll clean his stupid effing castle so he has nothing to bitch about, and I'll work on finding a nice little spot to put the enormous hurt that grows from the years of feeling like he just doesn't get how much I'm doing all the time. Someday, someday, he'll know. THIS is where the irritated part of me does NOT want to hear any bullshit about how "Great" he thinks I am, when all I hear most of the time is how his underwear aren't clean or the boys toilet isn't scrubbed or why isn't CJ dressed for school when he gets home from work in the am. Or I'm not fucking calling him enough, but I have time to play on the puter, why is that? Or how the peanut butter was left out, and the garbage "never" gets taken out unless he does it (it just ain't right, it's not true)...it was my choice to let that make me sad and hurt and angry. So what am I doing? Cleaning his castle even more than i already fucking do.
Hm. But I'm holding on to the happy so the only thing that may show my horror at having to do everything and being told I'm not doing it enough is that I'm pretty sure it's not a normal 4 time a week week. :D He's noticing already. Asshat.
Jamie's rule: add some roses to the thorns:
Cullen brought me coffee this morning
He loves me, really, he does.
He tickles my back every night, or any time I ask him to.
He's working 2 jobs even though I keep telling him he doesn't need to, for us.
He has been an amazing support through my struggles with working out/eating.
He loves the kids so much that I have to keep him from spoiling them rotten.
He loves me even when I'm being the most miserable version of myself possible.
Is that enough now? Thanks. hehe
Then I was thinking back to today and all the fun I had before I stupidly let myself feel like I"m not doing enough AGAIN, just because someone said I'm not.... and it's a good solid list.
Angie sucks at the song game, so I had her speak in exclamations today instead, and that was equally silly. Because everyone can hear everything I freaking say (UGH! what they must think!) Phil picked up her slack and played the song/exclamation game with me for awhile. It was good humor! I had a couple of phone calls that made me giggle big time, and then lunch rolled around. It was our monthly meeting, so Br was there, and he is SOOOO FUNNY. I just love who he is. Phil was sitting on one side of me, and Br was across from us. The highlight- which won't be funny to you probably, was when I started giggling at him for saying partial parcels 3 times in a (BREAKING NEWS! CHUCKIE'S TRAINING WHEELS ARE OFF! YAYAYAYYAY!!!) row and was stumbling all over them. He paused, and then said "We will never hire an employee named Portia to pick partial parcels." We were cracking up. Phil whispered "jesus!" under his breath making me laugh even harder. That might be the first time that Phil realized that Br would actually play all the stupid games I make us play if he weren't always so busy.
He got the Oriental Trading Co mag today too, and that's always a freaking hoot. Angie and I spent a good 20 minutes being entertained. It was awesome. I can't express my appreciation for how funny he is. Engineers rock.
Angie called for me so I RAN into her cube, pretended to trip and fall. I brought her lilacs today.
SEE? Today didn't suck. I only let it hurt me when Mr. Crabby Pants couldn't stop finding shit wrong at home, things that *i* am suposed to be doing.
But- now I'm home, and I'll clean his stupid effing castle so he has nothing to bitch about, and I'll work on finding a nice little spot to put the enormous hurt that grows from the years of feeling like he just doesn't get how much I'm doing all the time. Someday, someday, he'll know. THIS is where the irritated part of me does NOT want to hear any bullshit about how "Great" he thinks I am, when all I hear most of the time is how his underwear aren't clean or the boys toilet isn't scrubbed or why isn't CJ dressed for school when he gets home from work in the am. Or I'm not fucking calling him enough, but I have time to play on the puter, why is that? Or how the peanut butter was left out, and the garbage "never" gets taken out unless he does it (it just ain't right, it's not true)...it was my choice to let that make me sad and hurt and angry. So what am I doing? Cleaning his castle even more than i already fucking do.
Hm. But I'm holding on to the happy so the only thing that may show my horror at having to do everything and being told I'm not doing it enough is that I'm pretty sure it's not a normal 4 time a week week. :D He's noticing already. Asshat.
Jamie's rule: add some roses to the thorns:
Cullen brought me coffee this morning
He loves me, really, he does.
He tickles my back every night, or any time I ask him to.
He's working 2 jobs even though I keep telling him he doesn't need to, for us.
He has been an amazing support through my struggles with working out/eating.
He loves the kids so much that I have to keep him from spoiling them rotten.
He loves me even when I'm being the most miserable version of myself possible.
Is that enough now? Thanks. hehe
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
4:18. Leaving house while letting it all out like the "normal" people do. Good luck, me.
Stupid fucking everything. Phone OFF! Jamie to arrive SOON! Drink in hand SOON!
Sun is out NOW.
Whew.
Okay.
"normal" Nicki, outta here.
Stupid fucking everything. Phone OFF! Jamie to arrive SOON! Drink in hand SOON!
Sun is out NOW.
Whew.
Okay.
"normal" Nicki, outta here.
And then take THIS!
Drama Free Wednesday. I'll do what I gotta to do it....
I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine.
I got a love, and I know that it's all mine.
Oh.
Do what you want, but you're never gonna break me.
Sticks and stones are never gonna shake me.
No.
Take me away: A secret place.
A sweet escape: Take me away.
Take me away to better days.
Take me away: A higher place.
I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine.
I got a love, and I know that it's all mine.
Oh.
Do what you want, but you're never gonna break me.
Sticks and stones are never gonna shake me.
No.
I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine.
I got a love, and I know that it's all mine.
Oh.
Wish that you could, but you ain't gonna own me.
Do anything you can to control me.
Oh, no.
Take me away: A secret place.
A sweet escape: Take me away.
Take me away to better days.
Take me away: A higher place.
There's a place that I go,
But nobody knows.
Where the rivers flow,
And I call it home.
And there's no more lies.
In the darkness, there's light.
And nobody cries.
There's only butterflies.
Take me away: A secret place.
A sweet escape: Take me away.
Take me away to better days.
Take me away: A higher place.
Take me away: A secret place.
A sweet escape: Take me away.
Take me away to better days.
Take me away: A higher place.
Take me away: A secret place.
To better days take me away.
Take me away to better days.
Take me away: A higher place.
The sun is on my side.
Take me for a ride.
I smile up to the sky.
I know I'll be all right.
The sun is on my side.
Take me for a ride.
I smile up to the sky.
I know I'll be all right.
I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine.
I got a love, and I know that it's all mine.
Oh.
Do what you want, but you're never gonna break me.
Sticks and stones are never gonna shake me.
No.
Take me away: A secret place.
A sweet escape: Take me away.
Take me away to better days.
Take me away: A higher place.
I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine.
I got a love, and I know that it's all mine.
Oh.
Do what you want, but you're never gonna break me.
Sticks and stones are never gonna shake me.
No.
I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine.
I got a love, and I know that it's all mine.
Oh.
Wish that you could, but you ain't gonna own me.
Do anything you can to control me.
Oh, no.
Take me away: A secret place.
A sweet escape: Take me away.
Take me away to better days.
Take me away: A higher place.
There's a place that I go,
But nobody knows.
Where the rivers flow,
And I call it home.
And there's no more lies.
In the darkness, there's light.
And nobody cries.
There's only butterflies.
Take me away: A secret place.
A sweet escape: Take me away.
Take me away to better days.
Take me away: A higher place.
Take me away: A secret place.
A sweet escape: Take me away.
Take me away to better days.
Take me away: A higher place.
Take me away: A secret place.
To better days take me away.
Take me away to better days.
Take me away: A higher place.
The sun is on my side.
Take me for a ride.
I smile up to the sky.
I know I'll be all right.
The sun is on my side.
Take me for a ride.
I smile up to the sky.
I know I'll be all right.
YEAH, take THAT...
Last night I had the strangest dream
I sailed away to China, in a little rowboat to find ya
And you said you had to get your laundry clean
Didn't want no one to hold you, what does that mean? And you said...
Ain't nothing gonna break my stride
Nobody gonna slow me down, oh no
I got to keep on moving
Ain't nothing gonna break my stride
I'm running in a one touch ground, oh no
I got to keep on moving
You're on the road and now you pray you'll last
The road behind was rocky
But now you're feeling cocky
You look at me and you see your past
Is that the reason why you're running so fast? And she said...
{chorus}
Ain't nothing gonna break my stride
Nobody gonna slow me down, oh no
I got to keep on moving
Ain't nothing gonna break my stride
I'm running in a one touch ground, oh no
I got to keep on moving
{chorus
I sailed away to China, in a little rowboat to find ya
And you said you had to get your laundry clean
Didn't want no one to hold you, what does that mean? And you said...
Ain't nothing gonna break my stride
Nobody gonna slow me down, oh no
I got to keep on moving
Ain't nothing gonna break my stride
I'm running in a one touch ground, oh no
I got to keep on moving
You're on the road and now you pray you'll last
The road behind was rocky
But now you're feeling cocky
You look at me and you see your past
Is that the reason why you're running so fast? And she said...
{chorus}
Ain't nothing gonna break my stride
Nobody gonna slow me down, oh no
I got to keep on moving
Ain't nothing gonna break my stride
I'm running in a one touch ground, oh no
I got to keep on moving
{chorus
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
I'm marrying the world.
Here are my vows.....
Dear World,
As your unlawfully and not really wedded wife, I promise to you, and all of the people in it, to be as drama free as I possibly can, each and every day.
What does that mean? That means that when I'm punchy and kicky and there's no "real" reason for it, that I'll keep my mouth shut. I will resist the urge to find someone to pick on (damn!) to let some of it out. *SIGH* I promise that if it really needs an out, I'll let it out like most normal people, and just cry it out, even if that's uncomfortable feeling.
I promise not to engage in any crazy raging debates, but rather try to hear others with an open mind and an idea that I could learn something from them.
I promise to stand by my side and stick up for myself when it's necessary. I won't assume that anyone else will do it, and I will try to not be offended when someone discusses my obvious shortcomings. It's not worth it. And if I'm open about them myself, I won't care when someone else is discussing them, should that come up, right?
I promise to keep getting better at feeding myself. Even if I go broke for a minute doing it. I'm getting better and I will keep getting better.
I promise to protect myself from emotional vampires who are not friends at all, but need machines that only want to suck the life out of me and others around them.
I promise to not take on guilt that will not serve me. If a little guilt will serve me, I will help myself to a healthy dose of it, be moved, and then release it.
When stuff from the past comes up to bite me, or I find myself in *that* space again, and I want to recitfy it in some way, shape or form, I promise to look at whatever it is in the most basic terms to determine if I really need to go back there and touch that again, or if I can just let it go.
I promise that I will remember that when I'm dealing with others, I'm really dealing with myself and I'll treat them that way.
I promise that if I see an opportunity to shine some love somewhere, i will do it instead of just thinking about it. I'll BE THE CHANGE I want to see in the world.
I promise that the world can count on me, at the very least, to assume that it's a GOOD place instead of a horrible place.
I promise to look at the loving, good things, and not focus on all the atrocities going on.
I promise to heal any hurts in the world whenever I can, however I can, as often as I can, the best that I can.
And to me, I promise I will stop wearing jewelry that makes me break out in hives. This itching and scratching and calamine lotion is NOT worth it.
I'm sure there's more, but believe me...that will be plenty for me to try to remember tomorrow. :P
Dear World,
As your unlawfully and not really wedded wife, I promise to you, and all of the people in it, to be as drama free as I possibly can, each and every day.
What does that mean? That means that when I'm punchy and kicky and there's no "real" reason for it, that I'll keep my mouth shut. I will resist the urge to find someone to pick on (damn!) to let some of it out. *SIGH* I promise that if it really needs an out, I'll let it out like most normal people, and just cry it out, even if that's uncomfortable feeling.
I promise not to engage in any crazy raging debates, but rather try to hear others with an open mind and an idea that I could learn something from them.
I promise to stand by my side and stick up for myself when it's necessary. I won't assume that anyone else will do it, and I will try to not be offended when someone discusses my obvious shortcomings. It's not worth it. And if I'm open about them myself, I won't care when someone else is discussing them, should that come up, right?
I promise to keep getting better at feeding myself. Even if I go broke for a minute doing it. I'm getting better and I will keep getting better.
I promise to protect myself from emotional vampires who are not friends at all, but need machines that only want to suck the life out of me and others around them.
I promise to not take on guilt that will not serve me. If a little guilt will serve me, I will help myself to a healthy dose of it, be moved, and then release it.
When stuff from the past comes up to bite me, or I find myself in *that* space again, and I want to recitfy it in some way, shape or form, I promise to look at whatever it is in the most basic terms to determine if I really need to go back there and touch that again, or if I can just let it go.
I promise that I will remember that when I'm dealing with others, I'm really dealing with myself and I'll treat them that way.
I promise that if I see an opportunity to shine some love somewhere, i will do it instead of just thinking about it. I'll BE THE CHANGE I want to see in the world.
I promise that the world can count on me, at the very least, to assume that it's a GOOD place instead of a horrible place.
I promise to look at the loving, good things, and not focus on all the atrocities going on.
I promise to heal any hurts in the world whenever I can, however I can, as often as I can, the best that I can.
And to me, I promise I will stop wearing jewelry that makes me break out in hives. This itching and scratching and calamine lotion is NOT worth it.
I'm sure there's more, but believe me...that will be plenty for me to try to remember tomorrow. :P
What if...
What if you had stage 3 or 4 cancer? Would you get the hellish treatment that will make you sick as hell in hopes that you buy more time not feeling like that?
(I don't think I would. Sorry. I know, it's probably terrible of me, maybe "wrong" since I'm a mother, but I'd rather feel good and have quality time than be so sick...)
What if you could pick ONE song to NEVER EVER hear again? What would it be? (Tom's Diner, which is on right now, is mine. For now.)
What if you could pick only ONE song to be played over and over again? (ummmm out of everything I love, Music Box Dancer wins. I wouldn't get sick of it.)
What if you got fired today????
What if you came from a place of assuming that you have a gift to share with everyone you meet?
What if *I* ....OH, Meg Ryan is so on my list.
What if every time I felt so punchy and kicky I did something nice for someone instead?
What if ...Karen from Will and Grace is on my list. NOT Megan Mullany, but Megan as Karen.
What was I saying?
I'm distracted. I need to go shower, but first...
(I don't think I would. Sorry. I know, it's probably terrible of me, maybe "wrong" since I'm a mother, but I'd rather feel good and have quality time than be so sick...)
What if you could pick ONE song to NEVER EVER hear again? What would it be? (Tom's Diner, which is on right now, is mine. For now.)
What if you could pick only ONE song to be played over and over again? (ummmm out of everything I love, Music Box Dancer wins. I wouldn't get sick of it.)
What if you got fired today????
What if you came from a place of assuming that you have a gift to share with everyone you meet?
What if *I* ....OH, Meg Ryan is so on my list.
What if every time I felt so punchy and kicky I did something nice for someone instead?
What if ...Karen from Will and Grace is on my list. NOT Megan Mullany, but Megan as Karen.
What was I saying?
I'm distracted. I need to go shower, but first...
GAH!
I missed the fing spellingbee!! CJ was in it and I MISSED IT!!!!!!!!!
I SUCK! I SUCK! I SUCK! I SUCK!
On the upside, I had all 4 kids ready for the day, I dropped 2 of them off where they were suposed to go, and I made it to work, dressed and ready for the day.
However-
I MISSED THE STINKIN SPELLING BEE!! CJ took 6th place. I HATE ME a little bit for missing that. DAMMIT. UGH.
It's going to rain, and I hope it pours. I will go stand in it, and chase my babies around.
It's sprinkling now. I'm going to punch out of work and go out there and pour out some love, and hopefully CJ will hear the I'm sorry that I'm still giving to him. I'm sorry I forgot, I'm sorry I would have had to send Grandma anyway, I'm sorry she didn't see it, she'll be mad when she finds out that his shitty mom forgot the spelling bee, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that my head is too full sometimes of everything else I'm trying not to forget, and that it's a kid thing that gets left out.
I'm sorry.
I am so so sorry, my babies.
I promise I'm trying to remember everything.
I SUCK! I SUCK! I SUCK! I SUCK!
On the upside, I had all 4 kids ready for the day, I dropped 2 of them off where they were suposed to go, and I made it to work, dressed and ready for the day.
However-
I MISSED THE STINKIN SPELLING BEE!! CJ took 6th place. I HATE ME a little bit for missing that. DAMMIT. UGH.
It's going to rain, and I hope it pours. I will go stand in it, and chase my babies around.
It's sprinkling now. I'm going to punch out of work and go out there and pour out some love, and hopefully CJ will hear the I'm sorry that I'm still giving to him. I'm sorry I forgot, I'm sorry I would have had to send Grandma anyway, I'm sorry she didn't see it, she'll be mad when she finds out that his shitty mom forgot the spelling bee, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that my head is too full sometimes of everything else I'm trying not to forget, and that it's a kid thing that gets left out.
I'm sorry.
I am so so sorry, my babies.
I promise I'm trying to remember everything.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Sink hole
My sink hole is opening up, little by little. "Mommy, please play Snakes and Ladders with me." "Mommy, will you come outside and play with us?" "Sure, kids, for about 10 minutes, and then I have to pay attention to work again."
All 4 are home. 2 are used to being blown off, mostly.
It makes me feel like SHIT.
Cullen says I should stay at Regis.
I don't want to.
I don't have to.
He says I'll have a hard time finding kids to come to daycare.
I don't think I will but once Regis is gone, so is the steady for sure money.
This is stupid.
And getting stupider.
I have a cyst on my left ovary. It's been painful for about a week. It'll either burst or shrink at some point. We'll see what my hormones make it do this cycle. My knees are swollen and Cullen thinks I shouldn't be a runner, that I need to go have them looked at by someone who knows joints and feet, since mine are flat and have been since I can remember.
I'm not going to get looked at for that either. I'm just not going to run for a minute and let the swelling go down, again.
I am NOT having ONE MORE MEDICAL THING DONE TO ME UNTIL I HAVE DONATED A KIDNEY.
I got in trouble for the laundry. At the end of the "discussion" Cullen mentioned that none of the issues he has with me will be an issue once he's home at night. That might be true. But until then I get to try to figure out how I'm now suposed to work in the office and keep his laundry completely done. I don't know where his underwear are, and I guess I'm suposed to. He still trumps me because he has 1.5 jobs with effed up hours while I *just* have the one paying job.
I got a minor nap in today, and he bought me a coffee and went and got Jordan's big boy bed. I can't *really* be crabby, can I? Oh look, the babysitter is taking care of the kids (the tv) and now I'm going to have to move them so I can call a salon back.
HM. Maybe I need to knock it off, play that game and go sit outside for a minute? Maybe I won't send my report til tomorrow even though I'll get spanked for it, so that I can play with the kids?
Stupid, stupid, stupid. What kind of choice is that? And what kind of person am I that I don't WANT to get spanked about working from home anymore?
All 4 are home. 2 are used to being blown off, mostly.
It makes me feel like SHIT.
Cullen says I should stay at Regis.
I don't want to.
I don't have to.
He says I'll have a hard time finding kids to come to daycare.
I don't think I will but once Regis is gone, so is the steady for sure money.
This is stupid.
And getting stupider.
I have a cyst on my left ovary. It's been painful for about a week. It'll either burst or shrink at some point. We'll see what my hormones make it do this cycle. My knees are swollen and Cullen thinks I shouldn't be a runner, that I need to go have them looked at by someone who knows joints and feet, since mine are flat and have been since I can remember.
I'm not going to get looked at for that either. I'm just not going to run for a minute and let the swelling go down, again.
I am NOT having ONE MORE MEDICAL THING DONE TO ME UNTIL I HAVE DONATED A KIDNEY.
I got in trouble for the laundry. At the end of the "discussion" Cullen mentioned that none of the issues he has with me will be an issue once he's home at night. That might be true. But until then I get to try to figure out how I'm now suposed to work in the office and keep his laundry completely done. I don't know where his underwear are, and I guess I'm suposed to. He still trumps me because he has 1.5 jobs with effed up hours while I *just* have the one paying job.
I got a minor nap in today, and he bought me a coffee and went and got Jordan's big boy bed. I can't *really* be crabby, can I? Oh look, the babysitter is taking care of the kids (the tv) and now I'm going to have to move them so I can call a salon back.
HM. Maybe I need to knock it off, play that game and go sit outside for a minute? Maybe I won't send my report til tomorrow even though I'll get spanked for it, so that I can play with the kids?
Stupid, stupid, stupid. What kind of choice is that? And what kind of person am I that I don't WANT to get spanked about working from home anymore?
Cinco de Mayo
Besides being Shawn's birthday and Amy's birthday, it is Matching Day at the U of M for the paired exchange list.
I have no expectations at all regarding this, and I'm happy to report that that is actually TRUE. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that things are going to go just exactly perfectly. And if I'm not matched this time, or June 5th, I will get off of that list and do the "normal" list. My project at work will be done and I'll be ready to have surgery. Yippeee.
But until then, I will sit and not have any expectations for Wed. None. If I were expecting any less, there would be nothing. :D
I have no expectations at all regarding this, and I'm happy to report that that is actually TRUE. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that things are going to go just exactly perfectly. And if I'm not matched this time, or June 5th, I will get off of that list and do the "normal" list. My project at work will be done and I'll be ready to have surgery. Yippeee.
But until then, I will sit and not have any expectations for Wed. None. If I were expecting any less, there would be nothing. :D
Today's Feature Person: Amy!
I wonder if she'd hate that I'm going to do this. Oh well, I do it to everyone else I love, too, right?
Amy is a ROCKSTAR!!!!!
I'm totally impressed by her. Amy has the ability to go some place where she doesn't know anyone, or knows no one WELL, and she seems to do "fine". I HATE when I have to do something like that...I hate having to get my head on good enough so that I can just talk about anything to anyone. That takes a lot of energy for me. Amy seems to just do it.
But it's even bigger and better than that because I was friends with Steve, who happens to be her husband, first. And I don't know about you, but as a girl, I can't say that I've LOVED it when Cullen is befriending someone I don't know. I don't HATE it and in general I'm really not that jealous of a person, but enter FF (f*cking facebook)...and there are lots of recipes for disaster staring you in the face. I don't know how Amy felt about the Whackjob that her husband was fb friends with, but I couldn't blame her if she was a little bit WTH about it, about me. And I imagine that when we moved a stone's throw away from them, she didn't feel like clapping either. I COULD be wrong about all of this...she's way more logical and level headed than I am, but if it were ME that's how I'd feel.
We had our first "party" on Halloween. She blew my mind by coming over - she literally knew only Steve and my sister there. She came anyway. AND THEN, she went shopping with me, still not even knowing me...and she kept coming back! I felt like I was stalking her a little bit, but a girl needs some mommy friends! :)
At some point I stopped feeling like I was stalking her and she might have started coming over not to shut me up, but because she wanted to.....and now, I'm coming out of the closet. I LOVE AMY!!!!! She is so funny, funny, funny! And I have LOTS to learn from her in being rational (NOT my strong suit, probably) and she seems a bizillion times calmer than I am. I bet she's super at her job because of how she is, too. I love when I get to see her. It's good stuff when Amy and Jamie (I'm going to rename myself Yay Me so that I can rhyme with them) are over. Too bad I can't get abs from laughing because I'd have a 6 pack on my way to a 12 by now. I am just HAPPY!
Dear Amy,
Thanks for being such a rockstar. I love that you live close by, I love your baby to pieces and I'm having so much fun getting to know you. You crack me UP!!!! Here's to our super fun summer!!
-Yay Me
Amy is a ROCKSTAR!!!!!
I'm totally impressed by her. Amy has the ability to go some place where she doesn't know anyone, or knows no one WELL, and she seems to do "fine". I HATE when I have to do something like that...I hate having to get my head on good enough so that I can just talk about anything to anyone. That takes a lot of energy for me. Amy seems to just do it.
But it's even bigger and better than that because I was friends with Steve, who happens to be her husband, first. And I don't know about you, but as a girl, I can't say that I've LOVED it when Cullen is befriending someone I don't know. I don't HATE it and in general I'm really not that jealous of a person, but enter FF (f*cking facebook)...and there are lots of recipes for disaster staring you in the face. I don't know how Amy felt about the Whackjob that her husband was fb friends with, but I couldn't blame her if she was a little bit WTH about it, about me. And I imagine that when we moved a stone's throw away from them, she didn't feel like clapping either. I COULD be wrong about all of this...she's way more logical and level headed than I am, but if it were ME that's how I'd feel.
We had our first "party" on Halloween. She blew my mind by coming over - she literally knew only Steve and my sister there. She came anyway. AND THEN, she went shopping with me, still not even knowing me...and she kept coming back! I felt like I was stalking her a little bit, but a girl needs some mommy friends! :)
At some point I stopped feeling like I was stalking her and she might have started coming over not to shut me up, but because she wanted to.....and now, I'm coming out of the closet. I LOVE AMY!!!!! She is so funny, funny, funny! And I have LOTS to learn from her in being rational (NOT my strong suit, probably) and she seems a bizillion times calmer than I am. I bet she's super at her job because of how she is, too. I love when I get to see her. It's good stuff when Amy and Jamie (I'm going to rename myself Yay Me so that I can rhyme with them) are over. Too bad I can't get abs from laughing because I'd have a 6 pack on my way to a 12 by now. I am just HAPPY!
Dear Amy,
Thanks for being such a rockstar. I love that you live close by, I love your baby to pieces and I'm having so much fun getting to know you. You crack me UP!!!! Here's to our super fun summer!!
-Yay Me
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