like running into Josh's teacher, getting a big Miss You hug from her- I love her. She was SO Excited to hear my daycare idea...said how much it sucks for the teachers to have no where for their kids to go and living so close to the school... :) Made me happy.
Then I was thinking back to today and all the fun I had before I stupidly let myself feel like I"m not doing enough AGAIN, just because someone said I'm not.... and it's a good solid list.
Angie sucks at the song game, so I had her speak in exclamations today instead, and that was equally silly. Because everyone can hear everything I freaking say (UGH! what they must think!) Phil picked up her slack and played the song/exclamation game with me for awhile. It was good humor! I had a couple of phone calls that made me giggle big time, and then lunch rolled around. It was our monthly meeting, so Br was there, and he is SOOOO FUNNY. I just love who he is. Phil was sitting on one side of me, and Br was across from us. The highlight- which won't be funny to you probably, was when I started giggling at him for saying partial parcels 3 times in a (BREAKING NEWS! CHUCKIE'S TRAINING WHEELS ARE OFF! YAYAYAYYAY!!!) row and was stumbling all over them. He paused, and then said "We will never hire an employee named Portia to pick partial parcels." We were cracking up. Phil whispered "jesus!" under his breath making me laugh even harder. That might be the first time that Phil realized that Br would actually play all the stupid games I make us play if he weren't always so busy.
He got the Oriental Trading Co mag today too, and that's always a freaking hoot. Angie and I spent a good 20 minutes being entertained. It was awesome. I can't express my appreciation for how funny he is. Engineers rock.
Angie called for me so I RAN into her cube, pretended to trip and fall. I brought her lilacs today.
SEE? Today didn't suck. I only let it hurt me when Mr. Crabby Pants couldn't stop finding shit wrong at home, things that *i* am suposed to be doing.
But- now I'm home, and I'll clean his stupid effing castle so he has nothing to bitch about, and I'll work on finding a nice little spot to put the enormous hurt that grows from the years of feeling like he just doesn't get how much I'm doing all the time. Someday, someday, he'll know. THIS is where the irritated part of me does NOT want to hear any bullshit about how "Great" he thinks I am, when all I hear most of the time is how his underwear aren't clean or the boys toilet isn't scrubbed or why isn't CJ dressed for school when he gets home from work in the am. Or I'm not fucking calling him enough, but I have time to play on the puter, why is that? Or how the peanut butter was left out, and the garbage "never" gets taken out unless he does it (it just ain't right, it's not true)...it was my choice to let that make me sad and hurt and angry. So what am I doing? Cleaning his castle even more than i already fucking do.
Hm. But I'm holding on to the happy so the only thing that may show my horror at having to do everything and being told I'm not doing it enough is that I'm pretty sure it's not a normal 4 time a week week. :D He's noticing already. Asshat.
Jamie's rule: add some roses to the thorns:
Cullen brought me coffee this morning
He loves me, really, he does.
He tickles my back every night, or any time I ask him to.
He's working 2 jobs even though I keep telling him he doesn't need to, for us.
He has been an amazing support through my struggles with working out/eating.
He loves the kids so much that I have to keep him from spoiling them rotten.
He loves me even when I'm being the most miserable version of myself possible.
Is that enough now? Thanks. hehe
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