I never stop learning!

I wasn't going to blog about this because ya'll are probably tired of hearing about my difficulties in understanding Cullen the past couple of months. I mean, I completely understand what he's saying as far as him feeling left out of most everything cept weekends- it's because he is. But one of the big arguments we've had is me cleaning----- which I do plenty of. This is important. Ready?

He kept saying that the things he does he is doing for me and that he loves doing things for me (this is true, and I know it). He feels like I don't reciprocate that. Everytime he says that i allow myself to turn into Yelly Wife because who SAYS that to a mother of freakin FOUR KIDS who is WORKING FULL TIME ALSO?! WHO? No one, that's who. No one in their right mind. So we have gone approximately 17 rounds over this, always resulting in me saying very rude things, because SOMEONE is cleaning the floor, vaccuuming, shampooing carpets, doing the laundry, scrubbing the toilets- ya know? SOMEONE IS.
BUT- there was a breakthrough, the breakthrough I've been looking for. I seriously thought he was losing his marbles. But THEN!!! Magic works came out of his mouth, magic words that held the key, the clue- after a full 2 hours of duking it out and me ready to move him out, he said "I just don't get it. I put the table in the laundry room, with the radio, to make it easier for you to do laundry. I was so excited for you to see that and you barely cared. I weeded out by the tire swing and was so excited to put mulch down and make it look good, and you didn't care about that either...."
That probably doesn't sound like anything but whining at first pass, but read it again, friends. The Answer Is There!
The way that HE SHOWS ME LOVE is by DOING THINGS "FOR ME"---- he was hurt when I didn't get overly excited about either of those things. They were nice of him to do, but I was doing laundry without the table and radio before, and no matter if there is a water fountain down there, I'm still going to do laundry, right? He gives his love to me that way...I feel it more when he brings me coffee or food. The way that I show him love is by waiting up at night for him, buying his faves at the grocery store, and putting out more than anyone who's been married for this long puts out (hahaha!). I offer to cook for him All The Time but he won't eat anything outside of his soups and sandwhiches during the week. Sounds fine and dandy, but here's what's happening! I'm not folding the bazillion socks the way that he's asked me to- that is something HE would do to show ME love, and that's how he RECEIVES love- so by me not doing it, it feels like a F*CK YOU to him. And trust me, I don't do it. Ever. EVER. He hates that I let the van get messy too. When I clean it, he feels like I love him.
There's a book called the Five Love Languages which I have and I clearly need to read it, because it's evidently a REAL THING. Things that I ask him to do for me that he doesn't ever do are little things like letting me sleep in (Dear God!!) or writing me a little love note. OR something as "insignificant" as acknowledging how hard I'm working trying to keep everything going, when it's obvious I struggle sometimes (forgetting the spelling bee). See? I bet almost everyone runs into this....if our love languages aren't the same, we feel like "huh. wonder why he bought me THAT" or "all i ask her to do is _____". I get it now! I mean, he's been "whining" for 3 months now, and a lot of that just has to do with wanting desperately to be home having fun with us, but the part about me cleaning, the part that makes me want to beat him over the head with a cast iron...well, now I understand. He isn't saying that I DON'T do everything else, and he isn't even saying that I'm not doing ENOUGH...he's saying that he hates the sock hell downstairs and that he'd feel loved if I took care of that because that's what he'd do for me. I GET IT NOW!!!!!! I am so happy.
So, me and the socks and my lack of cable...we have a hot date tonight. :)