Sink hole

My sink hole is opening up, little by little. "Mommy, please play Snakes and Ladders with me." "Mommy, will you come outside and play with us?" "Sure, kids, for about 10 minutes, and then I have to pay attention to work again."
All 4 are home. 2 are used to being blown off, mostly.
It makes me feel like SHIT.
Cullen says I should stay at Regis.
I don't want to.
I don't have to.
He says I'll have a hard time finding kids to come to daycare.
I don't think I will but once Regis is gone, so is the steady for sure money.
This is stupid.
And getting stupider.

I have a cyst on my left ovary. It's been painful for about a week. It'll either burst or shrink at some point. We'll see what my hormones make it do this cycle. My knees are swollen and Cullen thinks I shouldn't be a runner, that I need to go have them looked at by someone who knows joints and feet, since mine are flat and have been since I can remember.
I'm not going to get looked at for that either. I'm just not going to run for a minute and let the swelling go down, again.
I am NOT having ONE MORE MEDICAL THING DONE TO ME UNTIL I HAVE DONATED A KIDNEY.

I got in trouble for the laundry. At the end of the "discussion" Cullen mentioned that none of the issues he has with me will be an issue once he's home at night. That might be true. But until then I get to try to figure out how I'm now suposed to work in the office and keep his laundry completely done. I don't know where his underwear are, and I guess I'm suposed to. He still trumps me because he has 1.5 jobs with effed up hours while I *just* have the one paying job.

I got a minor nap in today, and he bought me a coffee and went and got Jordan's big boy bed. I can't *really* be crabby, can I? Oh look, the babysitter is taking care of the kids (the tv) and now I'm going to have to move them so I can call a salon back.

HM. Maybe I need to knock it off, play that game and go sit outside for a minute? Maybe I won't send my report til tomorrow even though I'll get spanked for it, so that I can play with the kids?
Stupid, stupid, stupid. What kind of choice is that? And what kind of person am I that I don't WANT to get spanked about working from home anymore?