But there are more witches and now we've pissed them off. I feel sad like when Hussein was killed. But yay, whatever, I guess.
So let's talk about sex. That's much better.
I think I can officially say that I have tried just about everything that was giving me a complex that maybe I'm not "fun" enough. For posterity, I'll list them and show you where I still failed. You simply can't say that I'm so self righteous that I don't "try".
I went to continue reading the poorly written fantasy novel that I was reading (it was free at least, and I see the potential, just not put together very well. It bores me, and if it were an actual book, I'd skip to the very end to see what happens) and MFN's Cowbell had found one of my attempts at smut. Not writing it, reading it. I will say that I will never PAY for smut to read, and there is plenty on the nook for free, in which you can get samples so you don't have have the whole thing if it sucks. People are fairly unimaginative. I can't get past words like "throbbing" and "pulsing". "Wet" is boring, but "gushing" makes me want to throw up. I tried it again last night when it was there (no wonder Ch was giggling), but even knowing "what was coming" didn't help. I know what foreplay is and I just have to say: my own imagination is much better than the smut I've tried reading. WAY better.
I have to also admit that I didn't try watching porn after that, because if I can't get through a few pages without giggling like a 5th grader and rewriting it without using all the normal adjectives in my head and tearing apart sentences and putting them back together properly...well, I've never been good at watching porn and it just doesn't interest me, I'm so sorry. I know that men are visual creatures so I get why they (in general) like it, but it's just not for me.
I bought that little lacy see through thing that didn't fit the girls very well and that's going to Savers with a note saying "I swear I didn't wear this it's brand new!"
I have found no correlation between the things I've tried and more nookie. In fact,I think the biggest correlation is where I am in my cycle.
I feel like I've said all this before, but it's my official ruling. And our love life is good, so I'm saying that all the "hoopla" out there is coming from people who need help getting off (the men, probably)...and the one girl who recommended the smut is having some really big fertility issues right now and I bet that it's a great escape when everything sex related in your own life is also very emotional and hard.
That, my friends, concludes Nicki's "I'll try it Because I've Been Married forever And Will Not Be Called Boring" ---and right, no one called me boring, but I'll make sure that no one ever does.
And don't you wish you could live in my imagination for a minute? Lord, I beat the pants off of any book anyday.
If the sun doesn't come out today, I'm buying an RV without Cullen's consent and by GOD, I'll have us packed up and ready to go find some sunshine by tonight. The place sucks. It's May 2nd. It's also Jane's birthday that her husband wasn't expecting her to make it to.
The Catholic Aunt wants to go out for coffee so we can talk more. I really love her but I really don't want to go. It makes me sick. I don't CARE about what she believes. It's fine. I suppose I could go in fiesty and tell her that Osama is in heaven with Hitler and we can discuss how in the world I could dare think that, and she can find out that it's all of HER principles that make me think that, minus the God who acts like a stupid human.
5 days without thyroid meds. I'm an idiot. I'll have to double up for awhile and get my metabolism back on track. Isn't that the stupidest thing you've ever heard? DDF loves berating me for that. What a lazy slacker.
So in my dream last night I was at an outdoor amplitheater. My right thumb nail was falling off and kept shifting and I'd push it back onto my nail bed (BARF!). The boys were getting up to go get ready to to their part. No one cared I was there, it was full of people I graduated with. I was by myself, and I felt just how I felt back in highschool, lost in the crowd and very unimportant. Josh Doheny got up to do his tribute to HIS GRANDMA. Yes, all these boys were getting up to speak about their Grandmas. I was about to snap my nail back into place and the alarm saved me.
WTF.
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