There are truly no words that can really describe what happens as soon as I "get away", but I am guessing that that is true for most anyone.
So, I'll give you snippets of things that I love so much. How's that?
#1. Tina
I've described her to you before, and if you have known me for a couple of years, you might recall an incident that we had involving her oldest daughter and I. She was confiding in me about her boyfriend, and her plans to have sex. She was too afraid to speak with her parents and I told her that I would be there for her. Whatever she needed, I'd do what I could to help keep her safe (meaning I'd buy her condoms if she couldn't be talked out of having sex). This is debatable amongst just about everyone, if that was the right thing to do or not, but I went straight from my own experiences with having Suzanne to talk to and how it saved me. Face it, people- you may or may not have done whatever you wanted when you were growing up, regardless of what your parents wanted, but most of us did just that. If they (we) couldn't be stopped, well- God help us, let's hope that there's an adult somewhere that we can trust. Tina is terrifying when she's mad, and she was FURIOUS. Rick, who is The Most Laid Back Person In The Universe came over and was SHOUTING at me. I didn't back down. I hope someone will be there for my kids if they are too afraid...
Back to Tina. She is probably the most typical Leo I've ever known. She is 50, with hair almost down to her butt. The color changes from black to reddish with blonde highlights. She is deliciously indulgent, just like a cat. She is self assured and was in the service, is not afraid to go toe to toe with anyone, and yet somehow is almost childlike needy of Rick. She admits to stealing him from their children when their children probably really need/ed him more than she. She asks to be waited on, but is also very giving of herself. She works part time at one job, and will let you know that she has TWO jobs, the other being the mother to their 3 kids, who she has raised mostly all by herself since Rick works 2nd shift and always has (puke!). She requires naps daily, also just like a cat. She loves to drink and feel drunk. You will always know exactly where you stand with her, and she commands and demands respect. She kisses me goodbye. I love eating with her because she enjoys what she's eating. In fact, she's present no matter what she's doing, which is probably why I feel more grounded when she's around. LOVE HER.
#2. Rick
Rick is, as I've mentioned, the most laid back person you'll ever meet in your life. He is just mellow. He also loves to drink (this is funny since I'm just not a drinker), and goes along with whatever (which is why he fits with Tina so extremely well). Cullen teases me about the fact that for some reason, I implicitly trust him. This doesn't mean that I'll do everything he tries to make to do, but that's the joke- that he can get me to do anything. He's very easy to have around and to be around. This is why we love to have them around even though it's our anniversary trip.
#3. The Rustic Inn
Speaking of food- I tell you, this place just hits a home run every single time. I have never had a poor meal there, and although they are sometimes busy and it takes a little while, it's worth it. I am not a pie girl, but with the lunch special I ordered some came with- I chose blueberry cream pie. People, this pie was OUT OF THIS WORLD. The crust wasn't even a true crust, it was a meringue, somehow, with a flaky sweet outter shell to it. Blueberries, cream, vanilla, sugar, cream cheese were piled on top of that, with home made whipped cream on top of that. Hey, I never said it was HEALTHY. Unbelievable. We were all moaning.
#4. Gooseberry Falls
Yeah, so we go almost every time we're there. There's a reason. Cullen and I snuck to a part that was hard to get to and probably not very safe, considering how full the falls were and how icy it was. And just where I was standing, I was breathing the cleanest, purest, greenest, most delicious smelling air ever. It actually gave me love tears, just standing there breathing. I was reconnected with the tree I was touching, and the million year old rock that is made of the same stuff I am. I could feel all the life around me that I couldn't see or hear, but I could feel the vibration of it along with the pounding of the water falls, and the power of the river bed. The lower falls were completely flooded, again, and we couldn't get Tina to do the upper falls. We could have gone on by ourselves, but that would have taken the rest of the day. Instead, we found Origami paper for CJ and Josh, who have been asking for it forever and are quite good with origami. I found a tshirt that I loved. It is raspberry pink, and in the same color stitching has a happy face and the word "happiness" with it. Simple. I am the kind of girl who takes things in and let them become a part of her and move on. I don't "need" things and I really prefer to keep it as simple as possible. When I wasn't looking, Cullen bought it for me, to make sure I stay as spoiled rotten as possible. :) I also learned more about the consequences of our horrible actions when we forced the Native Americans off of their rightful land- they started having to fight with other tribes over the little land they were allowed. HORRIBLE. So horrible. But none the less, I love Gooseberry and I love the men who built that place.
#5. Mike at the bar
Cullen and Rick think they are special because he remembers them and comes to hang out when we are there. I'm sure he recognizes lots of the "regulars" who stay there. No matter, he is swell and he "forgets" to charge us for all of the things we eat and drink. The smoked salmon and unpronounceable cheese was TO DIE FOR. We gobbled it up and was given more, at no charge.
#6. Eagles
We saw many eagles, but my favorites are when they are on the side of the road, sitting on a deer carcass, eating away. They are OWNING that carcass and doing what nature intended to happen- we all cycle back to the earth. On top of that, they are, of course HUGE raptors and it's only when you see them up close and realize that they are easily 2 feet tall that that you begin to understand their power. I bet they were the trexs back in the day. POWER. LOVE.
#7. Fat-n-Happy's
It's the little antique/thrift store next to the Rustic Inn. I suppose most of it is "garbage" but these people make their living with this stuff. And there are ALWAYS treasures to be found. ALWAYS. You just need to look- ask the American Pickers. In this case I found me two books, which I will be telling you about shortly. I almost made it to $10.00, which would have gotten me a whole 25% off. She gave it to me anyway. That's just a little, tiny thing, but do you know what? I'm telling the Universe that I liked that a lot and am so grateful and I just know that something good will come right back to her.
#8. Wayne Dyer
I picked up The Power Of Intention at F-N-H's. It's right up my "New Age" alley. It says exactly the same thing as all my other "feel good" books say, but in a slightly different voice, which is why I love reading SO MUCH. It's probably why I love people so much too. It is so refreshing, and ...well, glorious, to hear about the way someone else sees a thing. Gosh, there's nothing more that I love than getting to see through someone else's soul for a little while. Beautiful. And it makes me alive, again. Alive with hope, and I can SEE everyone more clearly again, and see my place and feel connected to all the beautiful souls that I love. It's a magnificent book (in my own humble "cafeteria religion" loving opinion, of course).
#9. Slow Waltz in Cedar Bend (or whatever it's called.HAH!)
The same dude that wrote Bridges of Madison County wrote this little gem. I TELL YOU--- if you have not read Bridges, I double dog DARE you to read it. Read it and tell me you aren't affected deep down. Tell me it doesn't pull on you and make you think of things, remember things, dream things. It's awesome. It's a full on 13 on a scale of 1-10. Slow Waltz, on the other hand, is a little tamer. I give it a solid 7 on the same scale. The story was fine, it's the way he describes things---there are things that no one talks about, but most of us have felt. Things that we probably don't discuss with anyone, but live quietly with. It's nice to have someone put a voice to those things, even if it makes my insides ache a little bit. I also love hearing someone else being described. Don't you love that?? Doesn't it make you love that person through them? That little thing also makes me feel alive- so no one is going to be writing to me or about me, describing me in such delicious detail, but I know that it's alive in me...all the things that could be said, are fully alive in me. I love knowing that.
#10. The waves, at night.
There's just nothing else to say. There are few more theraputic sounds.
#11. Making a big, healthy, nourishing breakfast for everyone.
I love doing this for my kiddos, and it's even more rewarding in some ways to do it for big people. They are VERY thankful. And I got to show em how I don't need to use butter or salt to make something kick ass.
#12. Things that smell like spring that I bought.
I couldn't stop. Truly, I like it keep it simple. I don't wear perfume because even though it smells good (my sister always smells so good), you can't smell the person when they have perfume or cologne on, and I LOVE the smell of...well, whoever. That probably sounds creepy. Have you ever smelled someone, and the smell of them feels like home? And heaven? And perfect? And delicious? I know my kids' scents. They know mine whether or not they know it. I know Cullen's. He most certainly knows mine as well. I love that. I love that place in the neck, perfect for burying your nose and inhaling their scent. I love picking up a tshirt that still smells like the person who was wearing it. LOVE IT. But I couldn't stop buying delicious smelling lotions and body sprays. Vanilla Lemon, Tangerine Sapphire, something called Kiss Me Here...I smell good enough to eat and anyone who is near me knows it too. I'll save em for especially warm, vibrantly alive days.
Okay...let's see...I was on a roll with manifesting on the spot this weekend. Got your seatbelt on? Crazy's driving....
Last week there was a thing I found in mom's Lakeside Catalog that I wanted. It's a picture of a GORGEOUS tree, with a saying under it called "living life"- it resounds with me (minus "The Lord Giveth and The Lord Taketh Away" because I don't believe in that at all, but whatever). Enough to make me want to buy it, and I usually can brush off those urges. BAM- there it was, even bigger than in the magazine (and more expensive), and it's a woven version that hangs. Cullen of course, wanted me to have it, saying that it was as much for me as it was to help support the local stores up there. He won. As he talked me into it and I went to go take it off the wall, the girl checking us out said "WOW! That *just* came in!" Of course it did- I was coming. ;) Next, in Grand Marais at the Trading Post, I was looking for a vegetarian cookbook that was realistic. I mean one that uses things I've actually heard of and wouldn't require going to uber specialized stores to gather expensive ingredients. BAM- there was the book "starting Clean" and the ingredients are easy and the recipes sound AWESOME. I bought it. Can you guess what he said? "I just got that book in yesterday." Of course! This kind of stuff probably happens to all of you, because we are ALL doing it, all the time. How do you think you got here? How do you think you even got the puter you're reading this on? You wished for it, and then took steps to make it happen. YOU ARE AWESOME!!!!!
And one more...We were in Two Harbors on our way home, talking about Ethan and Sarah. Ethan was the little guy I was watching. They moved up to live with her parents so she can hunker down and save some money. She's working. I asked Cullen if he would rather stay at her parents house in Two Harbors than where we will be staying, for the marathon. He said NO, and we talked about them for a few minutes. We came into Duluth and decided to stop at the Holiday just before hopping on the freeway, homeward bound. We came out, and THERE- THERE THEY WERE. Sarah, Ethan and her parents. In Duluth, right then, at that gas station.
So wild!
What else? Do you want to know about how perfect nature is? The felled trees, the baby pines growing, spring coming, the earth drinking the water...how heavenly it smells, how it reaches into the inside of me and wraps itself around me, and through me? How it reminds me that while I struggle to meditate, I live a walking meditation OFTEN, and it matters. My internal dialogue matters. In a good way.
In other news, I've been asked to SPEAK at the National Kidney Foundation thing on Sunday and it's freaking me out. This is where Cullen could do a little better to support me. I'm sure he's a little nervous about the event anyway, afraid that I will once again flutter off and leave him to fend for himself. I was not good at focusing when I met the kidney chain, and I felt bad. He knows that there will be some of that, again, at this event. Especially if I am going to speak. I'm scared to death. I know it will go fast, and I know that it's going to be a blast, and that it's a really kick ass opportunity- *I* could influence someone to donate a kidney! A working mother of 4 young kids could inspire someone. But...scary. I also missed the last minute conference call for the webinar for dialysis patients. We'll see what they say now that I'm back in town.
Cullen also had "the talk" with me about the RV. I get one of these talked every time before I make my big idea happen. The talk about what's practical and what really needs to happen first (like a new van). He also said he'd rather rent one 3 times and get different types of class a RV's each time so we can drive them and really use them and find out which one will work the best for us. That's pretty expensive but makes sense. Is he just holding me off? I don't know, but I feel better at least knowing I'm not stuck next winter. We WILL leave, in an RV. AND before that, we'll leave in an RV- he said we can go whenever I want, take the kids and bolt for a week. When I can, of course. Daycare, work and all that blah blah blah. :) Tina had a brilliant idea also- the 5 of us Hayes kids buying a condo on the beach together. Working on that too. Vacation homes are al the rage right now since there are so many foreclosures. It's hard since we have no debt what so ever, talking about ANYTHING that will give us some......but whatever.
There. I think you're caught up. We went. We got refocused, refreshed. It was heavenly, purely heaven. The water, the air, the words, the books, the feelings, the company, the stores, the food, the breeze on my skin, the hot tub warming me up, warm blankets, warm crusty bread and butter, General Tao's chicken and rice, delicious spices I bought for my vegetarian dishes, the chocolate covered coffee beans I ate........seeing my babies again. I can't even call when we're gone because hearing their voices rips me up inside. Julia was missing us pretty good and had mom call us this morning. Her little voice started shaking when she was talking to me, and I thought I was going to die. I couldn't wait to get home again.
There. The book is out. That was totally better than pooping, and I'm sure I didn't even touch half of what I meant to tell you about. XO
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