Delusions

Here is a taste of the delusional world I live in, of Cullen's making.

Yesterday I had THE BIGGEST craving for a tomato, mozzarella and basil sandwhich from Panera. It is PHENOMENAL. Out of this world. Homerun. Delish. I was ready to load up the daycare kids and go get me one, cept I didn't want to climb to get the booster down for D.
So I didn't.
I had everything out to make my world famous kick ass tater tot hot dish, and Cullen came home. He offered, knowing there were Things We Had To Do after daycare hours, to take Julia, go get her new school shoes, drop off our Comcast things to make the break up Official, grab a $5 pizza for the kids and him, and go get me my sandwhich.
He came home having done all that, with tomato basil soup, crusty bread and my sandwhich.
AWESOME. It was the best EVER. I had an experience while eating it. I think I named eating something organic and vegetarian as one of the things that makes me feel sexy on the other blog....and I was eating something organic and vegetarian. I guess you should know that by "sexy" I do not mean I Want To Have Sex now, but it makes my whole body Alive, and happy down to my toes. All of me was eating that sandwhich, and dipping my crusty bread in the tomato basil soup. It was the best ever.
Afterward I wished for something fizzy. I'm not a huge soda drinker, so I have what my dad calls "a shot" of it. The diet I took a sip of was flat and gross.
Before I knew what happened, Cullen appeared with a fresh Dr. Pepper (my favorite!) from the gas station. I didn't even know he'd left.
This is what my life is like. Do you see? A) I am INSANELY, impossible to find words for, grateful for Cullen and how he does this. He's been doing this for so long that I almost have to believe him when he says that he is happiest when I am happy. B) I am constantly working on NOT counting on things like this to happen all the time, or else He Wins, in the way of spoiling me so stinkin rotten that no one else could ever tolerate me and my "needs". I think if I stay grateful and surprised every time the Cullen Magic happens, I can keep from taking this Magic for granted. C) I feel like there's no way to reciprocate appropriately. I make his lunches for him most of the time, but he doesn't let me massage him, or anything "extra" like that. At some point, won't he feel resentful? Won't he feel like "with everything I do for her...."? I know that that falls entirely on him, because I most certainly try to do things for him all the time....but....?
Who knows.
This morning, by the way, he came back after leaving for work, with a mocha from Starbucks.

I think what has happened, actually, is that I dreamed for so long of a fairy tale life, and I knew it when I met him by the things he said...but I think I actually fell into a story. The whole "thoughts become things" theory, at work again.

*dreamy*