Playing dress up

BTW- the more I say it the more I'll have to do it...and it's tmi, probably, but GOI (get over it)- after all the daycare kids leave, I'm packing mine up, bringing them to Kohl's, and I'm going to use my $40 in Kohl's cash to yes, but something like lingerie. I am. I vow not to come home with something COMFY and COZY to wear to bed. I promise to come home with something that won't likely stay on me very long once Cullen gets home from work. I promise I'll actually put it on. I can do this. I don't own one piece of anything "fun" right now. Motherhood to four kids sucked the "fun" out of me at some point. At some point self preservation became more important than giving Cullen something fun to look at.

But I've been listening to my friends with less kids or no kids, who are still emerged in the SUPER FUN SEX time of their lives (I tell you: WORK IT! ENJOY IT! THINGS WILL BE DIFFERENT LATER, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU DON'T THINK THEY WILL!), when sex still resides as one of the top 3-5 things on a girls mind. They still care about different positions and making things good and fun for the person they are doing.

My sex life is plenty active, and I think I can be proud of that. And I know that good sex is so much more than sexing it up. It's more emotional than anything (for me anyway)--- and nothing in the world can beat THAT. But boys are visual, and like I said to N and D, who doesn't want to see their wife..the mother of their children...slutted up now and then? To get a glance at the girl who used to have that as one of her top priorities? Right. So, I'm going to go for it. Clearly I cannot buy something super trampy, nor would I want to. Fact is, although I have no problem getting down and dirty and would be horrified if any of the things I've done or said were repeated back to me when I'm not in *that* space...I'm not a skank. And my kids will all know what I'm buying anyway, so slut mania is out. But I have faith that I can find something perfectly perfect anyway.

Can you believe I just posted this out loud? But come ON! I've been married to him for 14 years. There's a reason men like porn and nudie mags. They are visual creatures. I know naked is fine. Naked is good. I know that. But it has truly been years since I've put forth or even had the energy to put forth any effort in this particular area. It's Friday night. Me having the energy for it NOW is sketchy as well, but I'm committed. Or at least I'll buy it. heheheheheheh

MFN- don't you worry. When we're up north next week, I'll be in nothing but sweats and hiking stuff too. He'll just have to be happy with NAKED all weekend. Which he hasn't complained about yet. :D