The longest ever goodbye

When we got to Cullen's parents house yesterday, it wasn't good, right from the beginning. What was good was that the windows were open and there were bouquets of fresh flowers everywhere- this is very Jane. Very Jane In The Spring. I love spring at their house, it's so good. The food smelled good. No one else was there just yet. And Mike and Jane were no where to be found.
This usually means that Jane is in bed.
And if she needs help it means that it isn't a good day for her. And it wasn't.
It's very easy and clear to me, sitting from here, to say that they should have given her some water pills IMMEDIATELY, and probably a catheter too, since she didn't feel well enough to even be awake and she can't walk by herself anymore. But what do I know.
It was a good day there, with family around. But when I went in to say hi and bye to Janie before we left for my parents house, it hits all over again. She's swollen everywhere (GIVE HER SOME WATER PILLS!!!) ...her stomach is very, very distended (WATER PILLS NEEDED!!!!)...and she was having a hard time keeping her eyes open. The night before she had been hallucinating- she thought she was the pope. ;) She says she didn't have ANY water pills yesterday (this is likely, she hates them. She should have 3 a day but only takes one) (And this is what happens when she doesn't take any, but Mike will tell you differently).
And in the end, it doesn't really matter. Go ahead and stop giving her water pills. But it's painful to her. How long will she be here if she takes 3 a day? How good will she feel?
When we left there I felt mad and sad and resigned. Happy Easter!
It always feels good to go home (my parents), but it was hard to shake the sad feeling of seeing her like that. And she asked for the weirdest thing...a little thing to go on her nightstand to put all her shit in, something with drawers that's easy to reach. Was she feeling self conscious? I have no idea. I opened the window for her.
I made coffee this morning. I don't have anything for creamer but Baileys. :) DDF said "So?" then he thought about the fact that a half a wine cooler almost rendered me unable to drive yesterday. Now he purrs "Go on, then." ha!
And whatever DDF says...goes. :)