What would you do if someone you were tied into relationship with (family member, on Cullen's side) said something to someone else in the family SO DEROGATORY about your husband, so totally and completely insulting, that you never wanted to speak to them again?
You know this information, and you will not and cannot tell your husband that it was said because it would completely destroy the already very fragile relationship that is hanging by a thread anyway?
How much strength does it take to take that information in and not let it affect how you feel? How you act?
Maybe I should share the put down? I can't decide. I don't ever want to risk him reading it. EVER.
And as far as I can tell, I already have my work cut out for me as far as somehow shoving it aside enough to have to deal with him. He disgusts me as a human being.
HELP! R---you strike me as maybe being able to help with this with ideas for some reason. Sorry to call you out like that. :) I am all ears to anything anyone has to offer! Thank you!!!
Lady,
ReplyDeleteI am not R.
However I am the great J and I am here. (sorry R to bust in on your groove)
I think it depends on the context and content.
I think it's quite the burden to hold yourself. It's bound to flare up because of your disgust with the family member will not be hidden from your Cullen. Send me an email if you like...we can talk there.
<3 I just sent you an email with the gory details. :)
ReplyDeletelady! you are obsessed with mailing to an account i never check and only have for IM! use my new last name one. :P
ReplyDeleteDid you hear this person say this to the family member? If you didn't, sometimes people, not on purpose, relay things incorrectly or out of context. Perhaps confronting the one who said it and ask why they said it and maybe they are just ignorant about whatever or you'll learn the context, etc. Although, not really knowing what happened..that is all I can offer.
ReplyDeletejla- I did, silly! I just forwarded it to you again. :)
ReplyDeleteJLK- No, I did not overhear it, but we were on the subject of what the insult was about, and he hemmed and hawed about sharing it, worrying that I would tell Cullen and cause world war III. Cullen's brother did "take care of it" as far as letting the person know how inappropriate the comment was, in all ways shape and form. But it's just rotten, rotten, rotten. I'm visualizing the Meanie as an infant and a cute toddler, trying to get over my disgust. Keep it comin...need more ideas of how to let it go with OUT causing WWIII. You realize that as The Most Impulsive Person In The World how much strength it's taking me to NOT jump in and clobber the Meanie for it?? :)
I am probably nor R, although my name is Rebekah. I would tell you to think honestly about the things that you think about others or say about them. I know there are many times where I think the most vile things about people that I love, and I'm sure they do about me. We say things that, when we really think it through, we don't mean. In the moment, we feel particularly irritated about someone and say terrible things. Oh, the things I have said about my husband, mother, sister, daughter... in the heat of the moment. I don't mean it, even if there may be some truth to it. It's just me venting. The trick is to keep it to ourselves.
ReplyDeleteIt actually WAS you!!! :)
ReplyDeleteI have managed to not say a word to him, my father in law. I have received some wonderful help in finding a way in my head to tolerate his very unhealthy views and ways of spewing it out onto others. I have to remember that he is horrible- simply HORRIBLE at communicating. Plus, he is his fathers son- and he is just exactly like him. After my mother in law passes we can stop putting ourselves in the path of emotional abuse (which is what it boils down to). We don't have to be around it then. For now, we just put on our shields. The problem with keeping it all in is the resentment that can grow, and there must be forgiveness in order to not have resentment, and to be able to be loving. Currently- resentment resides. I don't like feeling like I'm merely tolerating someone, anymore than I like feeling like someone is tolerating me. He has offered to leave when we come over so we can visit my mother in law and not have to hear any of his nonsense. I expected Cullen to say "That's okay, we come to see you too" but instead, without even knowing the vile thing that was said about him, he said "Great, thank you!" So maybe this weekend we'll go visit. :) And keep trying to find a way to forgive his inability to communicate and the horrible things that come out of his mouth.