Chivalry

IS it dead? And what IS it, exactly? Don't get me wrong, I know it when I see it, but where does it STEM from? Does it come from a *want* to be chivalrous? Is it a "supposed" to kind of thing, as in the man is supposed to protect his family, the wife is supposed to raise the kids...and that kind of thing?????

*I* must be growing up some. My brother in law that I have sometimes really struggled with in the past has been a positive JOY to be around. I've had a lot of fun talking to him when he's been over. Maybe it's always been this one issue that really gets under my skin...I'll have to examine that. Right before leaving, he made a comment and it ...OH it gets me GOING! I said "newborn first babies are NO JOKE." and he agreed. I then said "I hate to say it, but I see why divorces happen after kids are born." to which he replied, "Women can't handle it."

Oh my GOD.

I don't even know where to start. First of all, I am NOT like some feminists who are very RAH RAH GIRLS. I'm not. I don't care about a woman being president. These things don't bother me. Don't really much care. I would probably care if I were being HELD down by some rule, but I don't feel held down by any rule that I want to break.
I also feel like I give men respect in general. I know I vent here, but there's a reason I didn't make Cullen get up in the middle of the night 50 times with kids when they were little: he had to get up and leave the house and go to work. That all sounded like a marvelous break to me, but I understood he was GOING TO WORK. I was staying at home. Working or not (for me), I wasn't going anywhere. We knew I'd duct tape the kids so I could take a nap at some point. I get it. Men work ....way to go, men. I think MEN (I'm about to generalize in a big way- forgive me?) put the pressure on THEMSELVES that THEY alone need to support their family. If a man is so unhappy in his job and his wife refuses to help him problem solve that issue- well, that's a whole different problem, isn't it. I know that society has set it up this way- the women stayed home, the men worked and they DID support the family. If the wife wishes to stay home, and the husband agrees with that, great. But even THEN- no one needs to be miserable in a job day to day. What the f*ck did I start out saying??? Oh- for some reason my brother in law feels like men don't get the proper respect, and what makes me NUTS about that is that he just absolutely has no idea what so ever what being the mother is like.

I fully realize that he can turn around and say the same thing. Having been one to feel babies fall out of my body too early, puke my guts up from hormones day after day, almost pass out while driving from pregnancy exhaustion, chase other babies when I can't even bend over, have an identy crisis as my body morphs into something alien, and then feel the alien itself move THROUGH ME and EXIT MY BODY.....WOW. How about the hormone cocktail required to produce milk? Or even sustain the pregnancy in the first place? I am so very, very sorry- I'm almost positive right now that my frame of mind surrounding this must be in the wrong, but I dare say that women go through and experience pregnancy, childbirth and parenthood in a little more intense of a way than men do. Although "nothing" will ever be the same for a man when his child is born (or it will if he is not part of the child's life), he goes back to work a few days later. The biggest change in his life might not even be the baby- it's the insane creature that was formerly his wife. She's hormonal, freaking out about this baby, sure she's not making enough milk, short on sleep, can't keep up, can't think and DON'T FREAKING TOUCH ME. You know? First time babies are no joke. Of course, some women go through it much smoother, much calmer than others. Some men probably do have a melt down about having to provide for this family now, everything matters more after a child comes into the picture.
I say that I may be seeing it incorrectly because this very same issue comes to me from him over and over, and the only reason I can think of (other than him being a total jackass in this one regard) is that my thinking on it is missing something. Really, do men need that much of a pat on the back while we're having an identy crisis over who were just were and who we are now and how to take care of this life that we love more than we knew we could, who came with NO MANUAL? Really? I don't know if I buy it.

I already knew this about me, but this just cements it more. I think that there is little sexier than a man who not only is unafraid to talk to women about women issues (in a sincere manner), and onto that list will go a man who somehow recognizes that the woman who gave birth to his child just experienced the most intense year of her life, and it's a ride that never ends. We only adjust to it, grow with it and change with it. I know *I* was in awe of watching my child come out of my body...when a man can be in awe of it too, and understand that it's bigger than ANYTHING ELSE OUT THERE...can recognize the miracle of the whole deal, see the complete beauty in it, and honor it....Damned Sexy. And I'll put $500 down that the men who are that way are the same ones that love to take their kids out. They are the ones who can't wait to come home to play with them. Who take a day off of work to surprise the stay at home mom and take the kid/s out. Probably bring her flowers at the same time. The ones you see out with their children showing them the world. Yup. I just bet.