Examination

2 things- I rock, but you already knew that. What gray hairs? Check. Did it. Valentine's bought- CHECK, did that too. ALMOST bought some cards to send out on my own, but because that would totally contradict my disgust at the Hallmark holiday, I resisted. :) Go me!

Okay, now the other thing. I've had 2 people mention that it's a little sad and pathetic of me to feel bad about wanting to go out when Cullen's gone. I need to examine that further. So...lets. :) I was concerned about the way I felt about wanting to stop being a wife and mother for one night, but I have realized now that I'm thinking about it deeper, that it doesn't mean that I need to go out drinking or socializing necessarily (although that is so still on the table). I would be perfectly happy all by my wittle self sitting in a book store all night long. Literally. I will be happy going into Michaels and getting 10 different ways inspired. If it were light out and halfway decent, I'd take my self for a run down by the bass ponds (if they are even runnable) or around woodlake. This makes me feel better, knowing this. It isn't about "escaping" so much as it is about the fact that I could, can and will go out by myself (or with others, but I mean minus kids and/or Cullen) and that while I'm out, I am just ME. I don't get to do that very often. I won't have to hurry home at a particular time. We are home bodies- he used to have to DRAG me out of the house. Now I go more willingly, and perhaps my JOY at the idea of my upcoming "freedom" has more to do with the fact that it's fucking winter STILL and I'm "stuck" in this house day after day after day with these babies that I can't put outside either. I can't take them for walks, we are sitting in here. It makes me want to RUN from my house on the weekends, see the outside world and the people in it.
So maybe, just maybe I'm not the horrible person he imagines me to be sometimes? I don't really think there's anything "wrong" with me, but sometimes when he looks at me or says "I don't feel comfortable being gone for 4 days" and I know it's because of ME and him worrying about what I'll be doing, it makes me feel sad...and then to want to do some of the things that he's worrying about...well...how can I not feel bad then?
Round and round we go.

Sun is out for the 3rd day in a row. Rock on! I need more songs on my Ipod. Whatcha got?