Still Whiny, don't feel bad if you skip reading it.

Still a whiny bitch.
I made it through Friday.
Yesterday I still didn't feel good and considered bailing on our date with Dan and Deb even though I knew it would be good to see them. I took a nap, woke up feeling the same, and went anyway. I wish I could describe to you properly what it feels like to have mid level dizziness all the time. I can tell you that reading is a little sucky and driving is very sucky. My back ache seems to be getting worse. Either my bed is really terrible or else it's related to my stupid ovaries.
Anyway- we went to D&D's and went out. I did pretty good til about 7:30pm. I wanted to go home. I didn't. I hung in there til 8:30, and we went back to D&D's house. I did eat a little something while we were out, too. I was nervous about that, but I got some food in. We played cards at their house til 11:30 and I just couldn't keep going anymore. So we came home to an empty house (SHAWN AND ERIC ROCK!!!!), and went to bed. Cullen took our bed and brought it out here and started a fire in the fireplace (vs taking the bed out here and deciding to burn the house down), and we slept. Awesome!
Today I was going to pretend that I feel normal but my back like I said hurts more. Cullen got me a mocha w/3 shots of espresso in it- I played with the idea of running on the treadmill in an effort to be normal, but I didn't. Cullen left to go do his TWENTY MILE RUN (2hrs 57 min) and I did laundry. Shawn called and asked if I could come pick the kids up vs him dropping them off. This scared me. I did it anyway, but not without some tears. Driving like this is bullshit. I almost went to moms and asked dad to drive me but you know me. Gotta prove to me that I can do it, so I did it. I was in tears by time we got home, and I shoved a sandwhich in and crashed on the couch.
The ultrasound is tomorrow. What is more irritating? They find NOTHING and this is "not really happening/all in my head" or they find cysts and ...then what? It's stupid to worry. I have enough pain to be almost certain that something will be found somewhere. UNLESS- unless I am having symptoms of something that i had at this time in the last lifetime. ;) Quantum physics and all that magic.
I suck at going to the doctor- it scares the hell out of me. You'd think I'd be used to it by now, wouldn't you? What are the chances if they see "nothing" that I'll feel like myself again when I walk out of there? Want a list of symtoms? It's pretty pathetic.

loss of appetite
lower back pain
peeing often, round the clock
dizzy
i feel crampy sans uterus
shortness of breath
fatigue
pelvic pressure
sex hurts

If that's not the most pathetic list of cyst symptoms you've ever seen, I don't know what is.
Here's to tomorrow. I just have to make it through the morning with all those kiddos.
Cheers.