Funny world.

Sometimes it's a funny world. Okay- ALL the time. Don't we all wake up laughing? HAH.

It's strange how self centered we all are, even when we aren't. I suppose it's fairly "normal"- we are we and without the magical powers to see the full picture, we are left to see our little universe and how we affect it.

There are people in the kidney chain other than me. And they all have families. And even if they didn't get their kidney straight from ME, they got it because I donated a kidney to someone else. Sometimes attention from people outside of the chain, but related to the chain, feels overwhelming. It's just a glimpse at the bigger picture.

It's also funny ...i feel like I posted this already, but it's STILL funny! It's funny when someone who does not like you, someone who would probably do anything they could to avoid bringing their children to you, *need* you. It's funny in the way of "haha on you. I send you flowers more often than your husband does and you don't like me and you need me." I want to stick my thumbs in my ears and waggle my fingers at her. Isn't that mean? It is. Perhaps I'm totally wrong and she doesn't dislike me. I wouldn't know. Her communication isn't great.

Have I told you lately that renting rocks? We're getting a new dishwasher. Hope he's hot and likes to cook, too. JUST KIDDING. A really truly dishwasher. And I'm not paying for it. And I have the most deliciously blue kitchen with a gorgeous new floor that they are paying for also. That's so awesome! I know that the homeowner in you is tsking me because we're not "making" any money while we're living here, but really, most people aren't. If they aren't upside down, they've lost a buttload on their houses and need to wait for the market to come back. Plus, I don't have to sell anything when we're ready to blow outta here. We just give notice and go. It's The Best Ever. LOVE IT. Plus, someone's gotta be a perma renter. Might as well be me.

I'm also very happy that I can just be me, mostly. Clearly it's not appropriate for me to be All The Way Me all that often, but 85% ain't bad. I'm not cleaning up my act so that people at my work see me in one way, and I don't have to "act" a certain way ever. I'm surrounded by kids. The more immature I am, the better. WIN!

Last night the last mile was KILLING ME. My knee was SCREAMING but there were still fun songs playing and I decided I'd go for a full hour of running. So for the last half mile, I slowed down my run and sang at the top of my lungs. What was it? OH! HAHAH- outting myself as total nerd again- it was You Really Got A Hold On Me by smokey robinson and the miracles. It's a great slow down song and it reminds me of my dad and i just LIKE IT, OKAY? GET OFF MY BACK, Damn. tee hee. I didn't KNOW that the TV was being reset and so CJ, Josh and Cullen had no choice but to listen to me belting it out. I couldn't even hear me. :D :D :D I got an "earfull" when I came up about not quitting my day job and who needs discipline when you are forced to listen to that. And they positively scattered when I asked if they wanted it up close and personal. :D Now I know how to get some alone time, don't I.

Did you hear the weather forecast for next week? Shoot me.

In case you're dying to know, if failed yesterday at my weak ass attempt to change into something half way decent for Cullen last night. And I'm going to fail again today, how's that grab your junk? It was a nice thought though, wasn't it? Instead I'll shop online for some cute spring dresses, how's that? Fair enough?

I feel really, really badly for my cousin in law. She's probably not even that. I love her. She's married to Cullen's cousin. She's married into the family, which bonds us instantly anyway, she's a riot, she has a really big heart- she's great. She went to Cali to be with her dad for his first chemo treatment. He was just diagnosed with liver cancer a month ago. She went and got to be with him. I don't know if it was the chemo or just the cancer kicking his ass, but he DIED. THANK GOD she got to be there, but my heart is broken when I think of how her heart is broken. It almost takes my breath away, and I have to remind myself that he's okay and she will be okay. But to stop into her shoes for a minute and take on what she feels...you go to bed, crying and exhausted, and every time you roll over and become slightly conscious, it's right there: He's Gone. Over and over and over. Until your head starts to get used to that idea. Icky.

Isn't it weird how we all have our own energy that we give off? Some people give off an earthy feeling, and others give off strength, and others very female or male, while others are more androgenous, some are athletic, some are rock n roll. Speaking of rock n roll- last night I went to get crickets at the ole chuck n dons, and this guy walked in. I wished I was still in there when he was, so I could get a better look. He was totally rock n roll and normally this doesn't faze me. I don't care, but there was something about him.... Maybe it's the self confidence to be so totally yourself on the outside? I don't know. I wonder what I would look like on the outside if I made my insides match? Maybe I already do?

Go chew on that for a while. Or spit it out. Either way- carry on. Nicki Puke done.