I don't know what is getting me. Is it the waiting? The feeling that there's no more that I can do for that so now I must wait? Is it my job (boss)? Yesterday I thought we had a pretty good day after I shared my feelings, but is it still weighing on me and I just don't know it? Is it that tomorrow is payday and I have more ways to spend that money than money that is making me feel like this? Is it winter? Is winter finally getting me? I vowed to make it til February before getting sucked into the black hole (and not my own, haha!) of a desperate need to see spring again.
No, I don't know what it is. Maybe it's not knowing what I want to be when I grow up. I have a stable and steady job, but as far as volunteering goes, I haven't found one thing that really grabs me. Organ donation does, maybe afterwards I'll find that I'm still passionate about it? I think my problem is that most issues that I perceive as being problems, are so huge that I feel helpless. I do a little something here and there knowing that I didn't solve anything, I might have made the load lighter for a second, but that's about it. I do realize if I stuck with one thing, I COULD and WOULD make a bigger difference, and that is the satisfaction that I keep missing. But what is that one thing? Where is it? Who do I hurt the most for? How do I pick? Should I do foster care some day? Should I work at the homeless shelter, helping people get back on their feet? Maybe I could work in the kitchen full time- right now, if someone doesn't volunteer, it doesn't happen. Is it kids? Is it grown ups? Is it people afflicted with disabilities that leave them requiring assistance? Is it our older generation, the one that most of us throw to the side?
How do I choose?
OH! The day just gets more and more interesting!
My friend Suzanne came over tonight, and I kid you not- word for word, she said "I need to find something that I'm passionate about, and I want it to be volunteer oriented, but I have no idea what to choose. What makes one issue any more important than another?!" and had the exact conversation with her, in real life, that I just got done saying up there. And she understood exactly. She suggested that we take the journey together. Isn't that interesting?
I was picking the kids up from school and walking with Lisa. Lisa mentions that she thought of me, because her friend mentioned how negative the news seems all the time, and how her friend mentioned finding good news happening and alerting the media. Well, this is something I've talked about wanting to do for a long time. ES and I talked about going out to interview people to get their good stories even. Lisa asked if I'd be interested in participating. I said YES! OF COURSE!!! wondering if she and I had ever talked about my ban of the news and my dream of doing the "good" news. It turns out she meant alerting the news about my dream of donating a kidney! It hardly seems news worthy to me, but she did it. Isn't that the sweetest heart ever?! Even that I came to mind. That is so sweet. Anyways, that's our new mission. We want to bombard the news with the good stories going on. We're going to have some FUN!!!!! I love kindred spirits!
I read the 4 part series that was just in the Star Trib on kidney donation. One of the surgeons who would do my surgery was in it. I t talked about the good and the bad, paired exchange and what compensation for donors would do for getting more people to donate, and how that could be done. It was really well written. I invited her to be a part of my donation since I'm new in it, if I get to do it. My sincerest hope is that she has been so bombarded by the same offer from many other people that she will need to turn me down. : ) That would be the best news ever!
Cowboy pizza from Papa Murphy's ROCKS THE HOUSE!!! Shawn and the kids came over tonight, and Suzanne and Michael came over too. It was a very fun night for ME! :) I need to shower soon. I need to go to work tomorrow. I feel like I need to do so many things. ONE THING AT A TIME.
Okay. First I'm going to procrasinate on the shower. :)
See?
I don't get to check it off (my procrastination) until 10:15. hehe
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