TWITCH!

It's coming! It's coming! I'm getting all twitchy on the inside. It's been starting, and I've been holding it at bay. The sunshine has helped, but then last night, full force, and what wasn't full force was today after a little talk with Dave brought me to my knees:

The Dead Of Winter

Last night Conan, whom I do not watch, had Tony Bennett on. I love him. I'm such a geek, but all that music is just my favorite. So I watched him singing. Do you know what he was singing? SOME CHRISTMAS SHIT. My problem with this is that IT ISN"T CHRISTMAS. Christmas JUST passed so it isn't even like when it's November 1st and you hear your first Christmas song on the radio and it pulls on you. No. No, it made me feel desperately sad that Christmas is gone, and there is NOTHING- no hope of spring for months yet....NOTHING. Today, the sun is out and it helps, it really does. But the thought of the smell of puddles, of the green starting to poke through the stagnant ground....it makes me ache terribly inside. The blue sky, the air that smells like LIFE and HOPE.
Dave is going to Jamaica in March. He still has 4 weeks to wait but just knowing that he's going somewhere warm. Last year, I swore that we'd take a vacation in February, somewhere warm, because each year it seems to hurt a little more til I feel like begging for spring. And here we are, and we are NOT going on vacation. My vacation will come in the form of being in a hospital for hopefully 2 days (that means that for 2 days I won't have to cook or do anything for anyone but me!). We'll go to the North Shore in April like normal, and that does help TONS but that's MONTHS AWAY.
I need it NOW! I'm glad the sun is out, blue sky is here.
But I can't promise I'm going to make it.
I don't even know what NOT making it encompasses.
Hopefully I'll just...make it.

My father in law called today, and said he needed a Nicki Fix. My aunt is the only one who asks for that. I'm used to getting the opposite. Like my sister shuushing me because my exuberance is too much for her. And all the other non sense. He must be very, very sad. He can be my love note today. I'll go do it now. Dear God, help me say it all right. Cullen's mom fell last night, and she's pretty sick right now. Every day is a gift, but it would be tremendously hard to see it day in and out. UGH!
SPRING!!! GET HERE SOON!