Practicing!

I just practiced telling someone else about the kidney! It was our neighbor, and he was asking about the surgeries I've had. Since he will find out sooner or later anyway because he's over here, or his kids are, often enough, I did it. He took it easy on me, and that is always nice. YAY. I am about 95% there- to the place where I don't feel worried about how anyone will react and I'm just getting so close to being ready to tell anyone that I damned well want to. :) Big talker, aren't I?

Yesterday I felt really crabby about writing, too. I swear, sometimes I wish I could be a psychologist. I'm so easy to figure out, if I could split myself in two, and one part of me be the psycho dr and the other part of me be me, it'd be SO MUCH FUN! I couldn't figure out what made me so irritated about the whole thing, but I guess it makes sense. I have NO "official" training at writing, and I can't figure out what the point would be of trying to get published. One of my favorite places in the universe is a book store- ANY book store. But look around when you're there. How many of these people have peeps actually BUY any of their shit? That is thoroughly irritating. NOT because I necessarily want people to buy anything I would ever actually get published- and let's be real, that's not likely to happen anyway, but to feel like a drop in the ocean. I HATE that feeling. And it's true enough in the real world anyway, how would I ever deal with feeling like that ALOT? Who wants to beg people to read their stuff?! It made me crabby. IF that dream ever came true, would I WANT the pressure of HAVING to create something? I don't know. But at least I figured out where the growliness was coming from. Did anyone notice besides my sister? hahahha. She wouldn't have noticed if we wouldn't have talked about it anyway. I'm a nerd.
The kids brought their report cards home. I hate knowing that no matter what, I AM shaping them somewhat and I don't know if I'm doing it RIGHT. I hate that feeling, too. CJ doesn't love reading. He enjoys reading books, but it isn't his passion and I don't force him to. I'm suposed to force him to. I am. Honest. But what's happening to him is that he is "required" to read 5 books a week, so he picks easy and fast to read ones, blows through them so he can fill out his assignment page. It makes me a little bummed because reading is EVERYTHING to me. I LOVE reading. BUT- I think forcing him to do something will make him enjoy it even less. Catch 22? I don't FIT anywhere. I should care more, but I want him to study and learn about what he CARES about! I used to just think that our post secondary schooling system was a little messed up, but no, it's all of it. I KNOW and I get that there is some things that help them out alot to have as a foundation. I get that part, but do you know what? I still don't care...if his grades aren't fabulous in certain areas, I don't care. He's doing the best he can. The million dollar question: Would he do better in a one on one situation, when he could move at his own pace and the requirements were smaller, and he didn't have pressure to be done by a certain time? YES. CJ for SURE would excel at just about everything if he had a one on one situation. He has 3 of his bestest friends, who are NOT quite, calm boys, but all the way boys, and "reeling in the sillies" is a big part of every fricken day. He doesn't get in trouble, but I bet she has to remind him every day to do it. She is the best teacher ever, I LOVE how she teaches, but in the end, this is still a group of 8 year olds who are sitting in class all day instead of doing lots of physical activity. Winter doesn't help. You put a lot of kids together, and expect them to not pay attention to the other kids? We're so stupid. Honestly. So I support my babies, and I love my babies, but hell. If he gets 2's instead of 4's in some of his stuff, I am so sorry to say that I am not worried or concerned. Maybe I should be? And how the hell are they going to send home a bunch of homework to do every night? After they've been in school for 7 hours a day? OH!!! I JUST WANT TO HOMESCHOOL SOMETIMES. But since I still have to be employed full time, he'll keep going to school and I'll keep supporting him the best I can. He's such a good kid. Our education system is insane.
Yet 3rd world coutries are dying for education, and those kids just soak up everything they can because it's the way OUT.
We're so messed up. The whole thing.
Today I had the bestest pregnancy related experience since being pregnant. I got to go maternity clothes shopping with my Kimmy. I wonder if she knows that I'm so happy for her to be pregnant that it gives me happy love tears thinking about her having a baby. It was so much fun. Sometimes, just sometimes, going through the maternity section tugs at my heartstrings and makes that insatiable ache begin. But not today! Today we celebrated Kim and her baby bump. She makes me cry from laughing so hard. I love her so much. I should write a I LOVE KIM page, and then I'd need to write a I LOVE MICHELLE page too, and I think I've almost used up all my words now, LUCKY YOU!
Have you SEEN the moon? HOLY CRAP, it's enormous and incredible. We talk about the moon rising and setting, when it's US moving...we're in space! We are a planet in space, moving all the time. We have a moon. We're so cool. : ) We're moving through time and space and we act like it all revolves around US. We forget how enormous this whole space is.
Okay. I'm done now.
NIGHTY NIGHT!