I hate waiting. This reminds me, in some small way, of waiting to find out if I was pregnant. It's a dream, on the horizon, and I don't get to know for another week if I get to do it.
Psychology is so interesting. Today I am flat. I am emotionally drained, still- and there are other factors going into that, not just the waiting, but I am just...waiting. I'm scared. The last time I had to wait, I got a call a few days later from my lovie KN, telling me that it was over, I wasn't going to get to be a surrogate. I see the beauty in it now..., obviously. I'm uterusless. If we'd gone further in the process before it falling apart, it would have meant more heartbreak for L and M. If this doesn't work out, no one in particular is affected, just me. SIGH. I'll just have to let myself be absorbed by the rest of my life until I hear something.
I feel sick when I think about getting a dog. Just in case you wondered. My mother in law desperately wants me to have one, and she wants to come with me to the pound. I really do love animals more than humans (and I adore humans, mostly), but I just considered it again, and it makes me feel sick. I so don't want to clean up after an animal, or have to come home to let it out, or take it with me everywhere. I'm so not there yet. I still think if I get one it will have to be obnoxiously large or obnoxiously small, but the thought of one period, turns my stomach. Willow is enough.
I don't miss my period.
I smelled spring today. Did you? For one minute, I could see the potential in the melting. I know, I know. We've got effing MONTHS of this crap left, but I felt the potential for a second. The windows wide open, a warm 65 degree breeze blowing through, the kids running in and out, the world turning green after the icky white for so long.
CJ is so adorable. I really love who he is. Did I tell you this already? We were talking about girls in his class and I asked if anyone liked him (girl wise) and he said "yeah, there's a couple." I asked who, and he told me. I asked how he knew, and my smartie party 8 year old says "Well, one I can tell because she's always looking at me, and the other is always standing near me." heheh. I LOVE that. I love that he took notice of that and that he's just no big deal about it. It wasn't about cooties or girl germs or chasing on the playground. I love his heart.
Holmes on Homes is a decent show. I think I really like that guy. But I like Dog the Bounty Hunter too even though he's a FREAK. Okay, I could take or leave Dog, but I love Beth and her boobs, and I love Leiland. I don't know why. He is not attractive to me. Maybe it's a quiet confidence or something. I don't know. I'm sad it's not on. Nothing is flippin on. OH! Will & Grace is on. YAY ME! That show never stops being funny.
See how bored I am? I HATE CULLEN WORKING NIGHTS! I can't wait for this summer when he's on days again.
Sounds like we'll have a good turn out for Saturday. The kids should have a blast and I should get lots of adult time with grown ups! WHOO HOOOO!
I'm watching the biggest commercial right now. It's an Ikea commercial, and the hubby and wife come bounding into the kitchen, whoopin and hollering, like they entered a locker room, and they're all about all these appliances and the teamwork...yeah, not as good to hear about it, huh?
What else can I possibly entertain myself with?
Cute stories about the kids? TOnight Josh got up from doing homework- on his own- to help Julia look for her pink blankie which has been missing. He moved her BED to look behind it. On his OWN. I love that so much. I love when CJ comes into the room and he's carrying Jordan. I love watching Julia and Jordan at the Indoor park, when she's following behind him so she can give him a boost up onto the platforms that are a little too tall for him. They don't even talk about it, they just do it. THANK GOD they have eachother. All of them.
Okay, W&G is back on. You're off the hook. I'll be more interesting one of these days. I am covered in BLAH right now. : )
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