Love

Tonight JLK and Marte Party get a big ole shout out! What an interesting night I've had.
I hate to beat a dead horse, but I am getting just exactly what I wanted to get by sharing my intentions of donating a kidney. I have never felt like I belonged anywhere- maybe it's more appropriate to say that I've never felt like I FIT IN. I don't MAKE SENSE. Finding Cullen gave me freedom in that sense. I met him and the first night we were hung out, I peed off of a tree, we were up in a tree and I had to pee, and so I did. I think I also had a chew to show him that girls can be just as stupid as boys. Well, peeing off a tree probably did that too. Anyways, my point was YOU'RE GOING TO KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GETTING RIGHT OFF THE BAT. No surprises. I kept it up. I kept saying my thoughts, no matter how "weird" they seemed, I kept right on being me as obnoxiously as I could.
And he liked it.
And he loved it.
And he was brave enough to stick by me when things were hard.
Really hard.
Things we never dreamed of experiencing.
And so he gave me wings, to be me, with the rest of the world.
I stopped worrying, stopped caring that I didn't make and sense. I got used to the looks, the laughter, the idea that people think I'm a little bit crazy. It gave me permission to do whatever else I felt like doing. Like maybe replacing all of my bosses pictures of his family with pictures of me with my head shaved. HAHAHAHAHAH! It was so funny! OMG, then Ang bought this paperclip holder that looks like a man sitting on a toilet, and there is tape on the toilet roll, the tape dispenser. Put it right in BM's office!!! HAHAHAHAHAH!
ANYWAYS- after awhile, looking around, more and more things didn't make sense to me. Organized religion...I stopped trying to figure out why I didn't get it, and scrapped it all together. The way people treat one another is horrid. Why? And I started to feel like why was I just speculating? I should just DO IT. I started DOING THINGS. Sometimes, some of the things I do, or want to do, challenge people's thoughts and ideas. I dont' care if they disagree with my perspective. That's the beautiful right that we have. I ran into more than one person who were disgusted that I wanted to be a surrogate. It's not about THEM, it's about ME. MY JOURNEY. No one in the world needs to walk this path. I'm not pushing myself onto anyone else's path, and I do not ask or demand that anyone walk on this one. In fact, no one has to LOOK at my path. It's not about THEM! This is about my life, and the little web of lives connected to mine. My husband understands, or pretends to. I'm going to guess that he does since we've been dancing in this life for 12 years now, together. Surely if my own husband, the father of the 4 sweetest beings to ever grace my life, supports me...surely, I'm not completely off my rocker in wanting to do this. So I will. Try anyway.
And we are going to FLY.
It really isn't unusual for me to feel like I need a friend and find that no one seems available. How many phone calls have I made and no answer? Tonight, I needed a friend, and I got TWO friends. It was magical. They swooped in, and lifted my heart back up, dried my tears and set me back on my feet, and I just honestly can't be thankful enough.
I'm a lucky, lucky girl!