Nicki, here's a soap box, tell us how you really feel..

Ick. Blogs are so narcissistic. It's actually as gross as it is theraputic. Who was it the other night that snickered "*YOU* have a blog?" Yeah, I know. What could possibly be so important that I have to BLOG IT? Or have other people read it. It's not a cry for attention, I'm just a little SNARKY right now.
There is a method to my madness, it turns out.
I learned something about me right now. I must have known it somewhere in me...
I haven't run in days. Because I'm holding in a lot of stress about work. It's how I roll. I look completely calm on the outside. I'm not the only one who deals this way. I've had to learn to actually say when something is causing me stress because it does come out in weird ways, but I just ...don't show it. I'm carefully holding it in, waiting for the Epitome Of The Stress to come to be, and pass.
Well, I supose it's evident if you're around me enough. Eating is hard, not the eating disordered don't wanna eat, just not overly hungry because of stress. I'm a little barkier at home trying to work because I feel extra pressure over everything I am doing.
You wouldn't think that this review would be such a big deal, would you? I'll admit that chances are really good that I'm making it a lot bigger than it's going to be. Or maybe I'm not. Working from home has given me a freedom to do two things at the same time: be with and raise my babies, and work and bring in an income. It IS NOT working anymore. It hasn't in a little while. I have said it for a very long time, I'm not 100% at anything I'm doing. BUT having said that, I am AMAZING for juggling like I have, and THAT is what is pissing me off. I am going to have to hear about how unamazing what I've been doing is, because the fact that I'm raising kids at the same time factors in NOT AT ALL in this review.
So anyways, I know it's coming, I'm fine, I've got a plan, I'm taking action, it's all good, somehow, but I haven't run because that kinda lets the Monster out. I'm preparing to hear a bunch of hard stuff, that will likely hurt my feelings, and to run is to let the RUN, FATTY monster out, because it's an opportunist like no other. I did good for almost 2 miles but then it was LOUD and horrible and now I'm sitting here crying trying to make the noise stop. I still have on my black work socks. I probably smell. I need a shower, but I just am done right now. I failed a little bit, I couldn't beat my head tonight, and I tried, and I lost.
Stupid girl. Nothing should be *this* big of a deal. Not stupid ass running, not my stupid ass review...
I'd really be a rockstar if I got back on and kept going.
The song is singing to me being alone, is the best way to be....but it's NOT for me right now.

It's okay. I'll be okay. I always am. One more hour.