day 4/2

Day 4 of caffeinefreen-ness (mostly...I might have had a dr pepper with Allyssa last night)- my head feels clearer today and I don't feel that desperate feeling I've felt, where I'd do almost anything to ingest enough caffeine to launch me into Nickiland. I'm already there today.

Day 2 of Trying To Show Cullen That He's Important Here- and we have liftoff, I think! After an amazing session last night with my own personal accountant and psychologist (Allyssa)- I presented our ideas to him last night and I think he heard them and can see the beauty in them. I won't launch into details yet since he hasn't decided much of anything one way or another. But he feels like normal Cullen again. He brought some dried ice home from Fed Ex and the kids were all very excited, standing around the sink listening to it bubble and watching it steam and pour over the sink. Here's hopin! Go, Me.


I wonder if I can make Jeff better, too? I have a game plan for next weeks TERRIFICLY ANTICIPATED review. I think. I need to go in there armed with a plan for if and when I get attacked or asked for a plan of just how I'm going to take care of *this*. Of course I'm anticipating him slamming me, and he might not completely slam me. I don't screw up anything HUGE. Nothing unforgiveable, I don't think. It's little things. Not all the time, just when I'm being micromanaged. Today, I think I can deal. I need to get ready to hear anything I might hear next week, and remember that this is all *extra* stuff, it's only what I make it to be, and no matter what he says, *I* know that I'm juggling more than he ever could and I'm doing pretty good, considering. And I'll have to practice opening me up so I can hear him without being hurt by it. Stupid human stuff.

I love my friends to pieces. I can't be thankful enough.......