Floating...

I just emailed my brother in law. It made me teary, but it's a good teary, I guess. Love tears? And while I'm sitting here, feeling my heart hurting for people I love, the sweetest, softest, bestest breeze ever just came in through the wide open window. I can feel the warmth from the sun and I feel like I'm floating. It's heavenly.

Do you think there is anything worse than the deathwatch? And do you know what? Know what sucks? The fact that when Quentin leaves his body, there is NOTHING I (we) can do to fix the enormous OUCH that is going to take place. That's the sucky part. Nothing fixes the missing. I cry every time I think about her looking at the clock because he usually came home from work right then. Or that thought "Have to check on dad..." and then the BAM that hits you when you realize you DON'T have to check on him ever again. It makes my heart so sad. I wish we could do something to help that.
I'm not afraid. Maybe most people aren't. I'm not afraid to be where it hurts. I'm not scared of seeing Quentin or Rick or Tina or helping her go through his things while she's crying. I'm not afraid of her sitting on my couch crying. But I wish I could touch the hurt and make it a little less for her, for them. Rick has to deal with losing his father in law, who he's fairly close to, and his wife's grief. They have 3 kids who will experience their first big loss. I want to touch the ouch. :(
Maybe, just maybe? Maybe it can be a little bit the same ...where the hurt is so big that they can actually feel love more? I don't know.
Sucky.

It's sucky, but all this yummy, yummy air is wrapping me up and making it okay. I feel a little bad feeling okay, knowing that they don't feel so okay over there. SIGH. That's why I emailed him.

Okay, time to go play outside.