WHAT? I'm not a Leo????!!

Oh, well NOW there's going to be an astrological war to end all wars. I am now a Cancer. (oh and ain't that a mouthful...)
HELLO???

First of all- I KNOW. I know, I know, I know. I KNOW- astrology is for the birds, the dogs, whatever you want to say. It's a bunch of shit. We can read about the signs and find a little bit of ourselves in all the signs. I can "fit" into Cancer, as a sign, but How ...

Okay. Let me get this straight.

1. We move time around like it's nothing. We take an hour here, add an hour there, and if you go far enough east or west, we'll change the time for you some more. Unless you're Arizona, who doesn't believe, so they stay the same all the time, while the rest of us jackoff's are losing or giving an hour. Not only that, but the places on the other side of the world are so far ahead of us or behind us that travelling there either puts us in the future or the past. And somehow, this is okay with everyone. Has anyone noticed that time doesn't really exist????????

2. We switch up our ideas constantly of what is okay and what isn't. We pick and choose which "sins" are okay and which aren't. And if the POPE tells us another one is okay (like birth control)...well...we almost have to rewrite the Bible. Which does actually happen. Find the early editions and find one from now and you will find lots of stories missing and a lot of new ones added. How the hell do people just keep putting up with this, and believing this stuff? How come more people aren't questioning the validity of what is being shoved down their throats? Why don't people QUESTION anything???

3. People don't discipline their kids enough. Fricken spank em already. Good Lord. Nothing else you're doing is working.

4. So why would ASTROLOGY be any different? We had to shut down runways at airports to rename them because North isn't even North anymore. Did you hear that? Happened at the Tampa airport while we were there. DID YOU HEAR THAT? NORTH IS MOVING. HELLO.
Of COURSE then astrology will change. The dates will change. Nothing is EVEN REAL!!!!!! It is all illusion. I guess I see why humans want to make things make sense, so they make things up, but it's almost funny sometimes. Nothing here is real. Now I'm a cancer. The good news for all of you is that cancers are MUCH quieter than Leo's, they don't like the spotlight nearly as much as Leo's and we are apparently MUCH more nurturing than Leo's.

However, this is going to be a problem for my sister, who is now a Gemini. She's got a whole lot of work ahead of her.