Outta my way.

Yesterday I was crabby with not knowing what's real and what's drama as far as my mil is concerned. That's not much better, because now we have Kimmy on Cullen's case about being a jackass to his dad (which he is). Mike is an emotional WRECK, rightfully so, but THE SKY IS FALLING has been yelled a few too many times and some of us are stuck here.
Cullen doesn't work today because he works Saturday (oh, goody). But instead of going to bed with me (which he normally does, which is nice after being forced to go to bed alone for a couple of years when he worked 2nd shift, unless I wanted to sacrifice my own sleep to wait up for him, which as you know, I also did)...he got up (again) to go drink and watch TV. DAMN THE FUCKING ALCOHOL. Just great, you know? THIS is what I'm in for? THIS is how he is going to deal with the emotional hells that will come our way? Drinking? Fanfuckingtastic. Can't wait.

Yesterday he said to wake him up at 7:30 so he could get up and have coffee with me. That's a semi joke anyway because by 7:30 75% of my kids are awake and Adalane and Ethan are here. There's no more relaxing going on at 7:30 this morning. Which doesn't matter because he didn't get out of bed til 8am. It's only a half hour, what do I care? I don't trust him anymore. I don't trust that he'll do daycare "with" me. So I was irritated with im when he woke up for getting up after sex (come on, I'm not some whore), and then not getting up when he said he would. Then Kim and Travis show up and Kimmy's got her claws out. I've had the same talk with Cullen over and over. I can't stand Mike anymore than he can, but I can't imagine what it's like to be waiting for a heart attack to steal her in the night, or have to watch her even more slowly disappear. Sucky.
I don't even know what my problem really is. I am not truly expecting to be doing daycare forever and ever, and I most certainly am not planning on having 10 daycare kids here and depending on Cullen, that is the most for sure thing. So why do I CARE????
WHAT'S MY PROBLEM??? Is it that during every THE SKY IS FALLING Jane crisis that I am on the backburner because that's my job? That even though I'm slowly losing someone I love deeply, it doesn't matter, I wasn't born to her and therefore Cullen gets to have as much time as possible as he can while I do everything else? Including let him sleep as much as he wants and put out like a machine allowing him to get up and drink when he's done with me?
CALGON TAKE ME AWAY! My attitude SUCKS. Why is it that the men that I love the most, the very, very most, all have a thing for alcohol? Every one of them. Count em.
I need a new attitude.
Ethan's mom is bringing him at 6:30am because she woke up late yesterday, and she needs to make up time. I can either STAY OPEN LATER or OPEN UP EARLIER to accomodate her. I really dislike having to be open past 5. I already do 10 hour days every day. Today it's 10.5. I can't expect her to pay me extra LIKE I SHOULD, because she's a single mom. It's just a hard situation.
Sometimes, I want to do everything differently. I was warned about being taken advantage of by people- family as well as others. I'm tired of feeling like I'm being taken advantage of. And *I* am in control of that.
PISS OFF. I really need a new attitude.