Home Body

This should make you laugh. You'll know why in a minute.

I (we) had to go downtown this morning for our small group daycare class. Can I tell you how much I HATE downtown? I am NOT a city girl. I am most certainly a suburb girl. I could do well to never go downtown ever again. Cullen pointed out that I liked Chicago, but I say that that was different. We were in Chicago with Leti and Martin, my 2nd surrogate couple. He was an architech...well, both were, and to see the city through THEIR eyes was AWESOME. I learned a lot. But guess how much? I couldn't recall one cool thing i learned. If i get to go on a vacation anywhere, (sorry Nik), Chicago doesn't hit it for me. I'm not the club going girl. I'm not even interested in expensive dinners out. Museum's are okay---- my favorite museums are the ones that DON'T feel like a fricken institution. WHY do they think that such whiteness will feel welcoming??? I love art to pieces, but the white coldness of museums turns me off.
In fact, did I write about my melt down in Florida??? We did the kids club for the kids one night and then we LEFT the resort. I was SICK. I HATE (feel the giggles coming on???) HATE HATE not knowing where I am. HATE IT. Makes me totally sick. Takes me a couple of days to get to know a resort, and to try to know a city? BARF. Are we all on the floor laughing yet? Yes, the girl who wants to go take off in a RV just said all that. I think that would be different though because the RV would be like home, and my "home" would go wherever we went, so that's how I'm talking my way out of that one.
HATE not knowing where I am.
HATE big, busy, rush, rush cities where all these little mice have these jobs and run scurrying around, everything is SO important all the time. Barf. HATE IT. The only "big city" thing that I'm okay with is the U of M, and that's by default. Because I've been there so much that I don't feel sucked in and overwhelmed and I really like what they do there (mostly). I think sororities and fraternities are stupid too. It's all stupid. I told you, I don't really belong on Earth, do I??? People who went to college and lived the college life never let go of it. My brother in law just went to his 40 year reunion, and they drank and partied like they were still in college. Well, now that I think of it, MFN and Pooks adored their college experience too. Just not for me. I like knowing were I am, I like making my surroundings comfortable and do something to reflect ME. Going partying isn't fun to me. A night on the town doesn't even sound fun to me. I'm a big ole bore! What sounds super fun to me is going to dinner, then going to see Ralphie May, and then coming home to a quiet house, making out with Cullen and going to bed. I must be 60 years old already.
Cullen, by the way, is on board for buying a RV and taking off next winter for a few months to try it out. He is going to see what options he has for taking a leave of absence or getting laid off for that winter. That way we'd keep our insurance. Maybe we can be true snow birds! The only other large issue is school for the kids. I'd have to talk to their teachers and find out if I can have the curriculum and work that is due and either send it in weekly, or what kind of arrangements and options are available. Maybe I'll just get to home school by default then?
Did you SEE the moon last night?
Cullen feels nervous about just taking off. Nervous because it's so big, and it's one of the things that SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many people talk about doing but no one does (til they are all grown up and retired). But he says that he understands that the only thing stopping any of us from doing what we want is ourselves, the things we tell ourselves, the things that we believe that the world feeds to us. MFN and I had this talk about what we're all doing here. How we've been fed this idea that we need to settle down, reproduce and then work "hard" to make the money to pay for the people who see our kids more than we do, to buy the things we just "have" to have, etc. And I realize that a LOT of HARD work does go into that. Raising kids is no joke. Getting your ass out of bed every day to be overworked is no joke. Throw in there trying to take care of yourself or have any time for yourself at all and there is seriously no time left in the day.
I want out of that. And in my own little opinion, I already have it pretty damned good....*I* have seen the firsts of my children. *I* have been here. I still get to be here. I get to teach and help raise children. But to have THE WORLD teach them, even if it's "only" for a few months at first...to explore, to touch, to see, to feel...don't you want to hug a redwood tree? Don't you want to read underneath one for a few hours? Don't you want to sit in a forest and paint with watercolors? Sit so still that animals scurry around you, feeling safe? Don't you want to go park by a big lake? I dream of seeing places outside of my little world. We stay at the same places when we go to the North Shore. It's hard to go stay inland with the lake right there. I want to though! I want to feel everything.
We're gonna. Watch. There are other things we'd have to consider. Would we keep this house? Would we just find another house to rent when we're going to be heading back? Would we , would we, would we. We'll find out.
I know one thing. I'm not going to go exploring downtown anywhere. :)

Poopybutt Hayes, signing off...