1. Me: Did you know that all of us are walking around not *really* knowing what we look like? Mirrors are not what we really look like and neither are pictures. Isn't that funny?
Cullen, trying to stop my prattle: Yes, funny.
Me: Did you just hear what I said??? Don't you get it? Isn't it weird????
Cullen, trying harder to stop my prattle: VERY weird. *starts petting my hair to put me to sleep*
Me: How come you are okay with it? You are seeing yourself backwards in the mirror. That's not the you that I see.
Cullen: Oh, dear. Here, let me tickle your back...
Conversation #2
Me: Don't you recognize the people in the airport? Have you noticed that EVERYONE looks familiar?
Cullen, taking a dive: yes.
HAHAH. Okay, I don't totally blame him. After 14 years together, he's heard PLENTY of my insane thoughts, and I don't blame him for not wanting to dive into any of it much further. But just sometimes I get so HUNGRY for something REAL, something deeper, something that lets me know that there's more out there than "how's the weather?" "Have a nice trip?" and "How'd you sleep last night?"
Things like the warm spot on a baby's neck, where it's soft and smells like them and contains all that is important in life.
Things like talking about that person you met once that changed you for the better for ever.
Or how to comfort the dying.
And how to Really Be Alive.
What dream to dream next, what to make happen.
Tell me about the miracle that happened to the "nobody" down in Georgia the other day, the miracle that should really be told to everyone in the universe, but not enough people will ever know. I want to know about it.
I sat next to a man who used to sail for a living. He sailed the Pacific. He sailed at Alaska. Can you imagine? I could have listened to him forever. Give me the DETAILS. Make me BE THERE.
People keep saying "tell me about your trip" and I give them the aqua water, the white beaches, the warm pool, the glorious sun, because I (stupidly?) think that's what they want. I didn't tell them how the decor in our room almost made me cry because I loved the art so much, or how the music that plays all day and night reminded me of Mexico and I felt like I reconciled something big about that "loss" this time, in Florida...or how I could see Julia at 30 when she was talking to me about Captain Redbeard, or how I noticed her walking different, proudly, after her friend Chloe saw her and called out hello in passing. How Jordan floated in the middle of the pool for and hour with floaties on, waiting for CJ and Josh to come back from playing putt putt because he was so excited to show them where he was in the pool....how I noticed CJ carefully NOT noticing the girl his age who walked past him when we were playing ping pong....the way my heart burst when CJ turned around on the airplane and said "MOMMY, can I have a sprite when they come by?" MOMMY? YAY!!!! How Josh TRIED to do a flip on the bungee trampoline but couldn't quite get it, and how I know how it ate him up afterwards....seeing the kids play tag with the ocean, seeing them sleeping peacefully at night after passing out from a long, long day of fun......How a trip reconnects me with the whole world again, how much I really want to move to NORTHFIELD of all places...how I remember that I can do anything I want to, I really can....
We didn't go to Busch Gardens.
Have you been there? Cullen has. He doesn't remember it, and he really wanted to spend the $350 (that was WITH the discount) for a HALF DAY. There is nothing you can say to me to make me want to go there, to spend that money for THAT. I love animals- LOVE animals. Drop me off at a zoo all day long and I'll never get enough. Let me be zoo keep for a day and my life is complete (again)....I'm NOT paying for something they won't remember. Cullen doesn't remember! All the kids wanted to do was play in the pool.
Yeah. I get sick of hearing my thoughts. Sometimes I want someone to entertain me with something REAL. Which I supose I could find by reading other blogs. Instead, I'll go read another stupid teen angst book. Why do I like them so much? Out of the bazillion books out there to read, I'm hung up on these. What a DORK.
The "People keep saying "tell me about your trip" " paragraph made me sooooo happy! I love it! That is what I want people to tell me. Sometimes I try and find the magic question that is going to get people to open up and tell me things like that. Because if you ask a generic question like "how was your trip?" you are going to get a generic answer.
ReplyDeleteSame thing with "hey, how's it going?" People just respond with a generic, "Good," no matter what is going on in their lives.
It seems like a silly thing but sometimes I can pinpoint times when I asked just the right question that changed how the course of a relationship went (for the better.) For one client it was when I asked him about jigsaw puzzles. For my friend David it was when I asked him why he signed his name David instead of Dave. Not mindblowing questions at all, but they just opened something up and we started talking about things that while trivial, mattered to us. That expressed something about how we personally really felt about something. Not just a generic answer.
I want to do that with everyone.