The Nurse In Mexico

Do you see how tedious this list can be? :)
When we were in Mexico, for our first time ever, I was 14 weeks pregnant. I had not wanted to go, I mean, I was dead set on going, and I didn't get excited until we were there. I felt like crap, eating was a nightmare, and I'd had a bleeding scare a week before.
Things went wrong right away. I hate that vacation. I know it holds it's purpose, but I hate it. I'm sure that I'm thankful I wasn't actually AT HOME, where maybe I'd stay pregnant just to lose it a few weeks later and have to give birth. At least I was somewhere beautiful, but I was so far from home. I wanted my mommy.
I don't speak fluent Spanish and I was scared out of my mind. I had no idea what the hell was going on. But my one nurse saved me.
She was so very sweet to me. I hoped that she'd be on every day that I was in the hospital and she was. When I'd throw up, she'd teach me how to say vomit in Spanish. She wiped my tears away. She rubbed my shoulder and pet my hair. She felt bad for the stupid American girl, the sad, pregnant, stupid American girl whose pregnancy was going to end right there.
When it was time for me to leave, I had a HUGE packet of papers for the insurance company to choke on. Along with it were my ultrasound pics of the baby that was just alive and kicking around yesterday. She held my hands as she gave them to me, and the way she looked at me...I'm going to guess she knows about loss like that. She kissed me goodbye and pet me some more. I (we) felt so alone and scared and I was so mad, GOD I was so mad that I was there. OH! I cry now remembering how pissed off I was, and how unfair that felt, how much I hated everything with everything in me. That stupid ocean. SCREW the stupid ocean. All those people on the beach beneath my window at the hotel, having FUN?! FUCK THEM. How DARE THEY. I'm a million miles from home and I just spent 3 days in a MEXICAN HOSPITAL, AND I LOST THE BABY AND I DIDN'T WANT TO BE HERE IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE! OMG! I was so angry. She was the quiet angel who I knew hurt for me and wished differently for me. I couldn't communicate with her for crap, but it didn't matter. Our hearts spoke.
I wish I knew her name. I wish she knew how much I appreciate even now, her compassion and love. I send her love from over here, and I hope that she has the most beautiful life with the biggest gifts ever, and I hope something special happens for her just because I am wishing it so.