The First Time

I've posted this at least a million times before. But I've got another newbie, a newly pregnant princess. I can't tell her any of this stuff because she'll get enough of that from the rest of the world.
This girl is the youngest of 6. ALL of her older siblings are BOYS. She brings a whole new meaning to PRINCESS. But the thing is- she's the most level headed girl I know. SO level headed. Better with money than all of her brothers combined. Smart, smart, SMART girlie here.
BUT- but- just as we all were before we had kids, she is about herself. Not in the horrible way that it sounds, and she's had a WEE taste of parenthood since she has 2 step daughters, but it is not the same.
We either were trying to get pregnant or we get a surprise, but either way- one thing is for sure. The second that tests pops up positive, nothing is ever the same again for us girls. Immediately, we become aware that we are suddenly actually DOING this thing that we've been chasing after, and there is no break, as in "Gee, I really want a bottle of wine tonight...I'm not going to be pregnant for one night so I can get loaded." No, there's no breaks. You might be sober cab to the annoying, irritating drunks for the next 9 months, but you don't get to be one of them (or should I say PLEASE don't be one of them!!!). it happens right away.
Some girls feel sick and others never do, but your body starts changing no matter what. If you do get sick, however- that is hard. It's hard because you don't feel like you, and you realize that your boyfriend/husband has no freakin clue, and usually the sympathy isn't as forthcoming as it should be. They just can't even guess what it feels like though, so we can't blame them too much. Well, we can, but we shouldn't. You feel like you're never going to feel normal again, and while in part that is true, it's not true in the way you imagine. There will be a day when you can eat again without wanting to vomit with every bite. There will be a day when you can smell hamburger and not toss your cookies. There will be a day when you don't need a nap every 45 minutes.
Some ladies enjoy the benefits of all the extra hormones in ways that others don't. The moodswings are a nightmare, the crying jags that feel like they'll never stop are exhausting..but if you are lucky, you'll feel amorous toward your beloved. This never happened for me. Not even once. If anything, I actually held back puking. Nice, right? I hope it's different for everyone else out there, it would be a hell of a lot more fun to want to boom boom pow instead of hurling your brains out.
All this passes, you see. None of it stays. It passes. But when you're going through it for the first time....
There is no real rationality going on, right? When you get mad, it's ALL THE WAY mad. Sad? Get out a box of Kleenex. Happy? Well, you'll likely cry again.
OH! OH! BUT WAIT! What was that flutter? Could that have been the little itty bitty baby? No....wait, there it is again! And suddenly, there it is...our BABY. The reason this is happening, the reason for life itself...moving inside of us. Little flutters that no one but us can feel, growing bigger, stronger, until the outside world can feel it too. We're growing, and we wear maternity clothes, and suddenly realize that we're going to be PARENTS. How do we do that without totally messing them up? What if we do it all wrong? WHO LET US PROCREATE?! But then we watch our belly, in the flesh, and we see bumps, and we know we are connected in a way that no one else in the universe can be, to this child. We are physically connected. It eats what we eat. We feel when it moves. It's magical and there's no going back...
Then suddenly, we're re-eating our meals over and over as the reflux kicks our asses. We're sleeping sitting straight up and chugging the Cherry Mylanta like it's going out of style. It doesn't matter how "safe" the food is, we will revisit over and over. Which is just as well since we're up peeing over and over. It now takes 3 good heave-ho's to get out of bed at all, waddle to the potty, waddle back to bed to do it all over again in an hour. This is practice, believe it or not. And when you are getting up to feed the baby all the time, you'll be happy you don't have a basketball in your stomach and you don't have to pee so much. : )
The process is smart though. The Creator is smart. By the very end, you will be uncomfortable enough where labor starts to sound good. You will even realize that the baby is intending to come out of your VAGINA, but this won't scare you nearly so much, because you are pretty sure you'd let it come out of your MOUTH if it wanted to, you just want it over and OUT. Isn't that smart? It's the only way to get a bunch of super pregnant women to run toward labor with relief and hope on their faces. Only til the real contractions start, but you know, at first it's very exciting.
There are a dozen different ways that labor can start. Induced, a c/s, water breaking...it's different for everyone. Labor also is a story in and of itself. Everyone's got stories, and not one experience will be the same as another. I did one birth without an epidural. I did the other 3 with. In fact, I'd still have one now if they let me. If I could walk with it, that is. I love the thing. I love giving birth. I LOVE pushing babies out, nothing has ever felt so gratifying in my life. I didn't want them to be over so quickly. After CJ, it was just a push or two for each of them. There is nothing more amazing in the universe than feeling a human being move right through your body. Awesome.
CJ, of course- being the first- he was a different story. This almost 9 lbers ripped me to pieces, but I didn't feel that. I pushed like I was dying, and I actually had quite a conversation with my maker during that time. We got a lot cleared up in that 1 hour 45 minutes of pushing. Have you ever been so mad, sad, broken and hurt that you can feel it all throughout your body, and all you want to do is roar so loud out into the world that the entire planet can hear you? A deep, never ending, all you've got ROARRRRRRRRRRRRR, that you feel from the bottom of your toes? All the energy from the miscarriages, all the hurt, anger, disappointment, unfairness, all the learning, growing, loving...I roared it out through those pushes. It was terribly theraputic, and I never want to have to work that hard in my life EVER again.
Then...it's over. All the growing, all the changes, all the worries, all the excitment, the planning....it's over. There is a child on your belly, and this is YOUR CHILD. You were actually pregnant with a human being and now it's done. You are not pregnant anymore and there is +1 people in the room. Isn't that wild?! I looked at CJ and immediately I knew that my mother loves me bigger than I ever guessed, I was instantly over the moon for this creature, and I announced loudly "Sad. Only child. I'm NEVER doing THIS again."
: )
Okay, just a few more times. : ) I'm done now.
The first time is ...the first time. The second time is easier in almost every way, if you have a "normal" go of things. It gets easier to know that it's just hormones making you want a divorce and wonder what you were thinking, getting pregnant. It gets easier to know that nothing you feel is going to stay that way, as far as hormones go. You will return to normal, mostly.
Now we're on to nursing and post partum and new motherhood. I'll let your bleeding ears heal and hit that tomorrow or so. Depending on how many words I get to use up during the day, that is.