The Minimalist Wife And Mommy

I'm SO EXCITED! I got the bedroom done. Night stands (previously known as end tables) are OUT! WHOO HOOOO!!!!
Now seriously, people, this whole thing is really a pretty big deal.
I giggle sometimes when I read D's "info" on minimalizing. With love, of course. He's single. The people's blogs he's shared are of a single mom with 3 kids, and a couple with one new child. That is NOT THE SAME.
My take on the momma with 3 kids is this: that would be me if I were divorced. It's SO much easier to do this when you are the only adult in the picture. YOU are in control. YOU get to influence your children. If anything ever happens to Cullen, expect the kids and I to take off asap.
And of course, when you are a couple and you both start off on the same page, well big flippin deal. That's EASY. Bringing a child into it will be a challenge as they'll find out- you can control how much shit you obtain during your pregnancy somewhat, and through babyshowers somewhat, but the fact is that they are going to start getting all sorts of toys and GOD HELP THEM when the kid/s (should they have more than one) get into school. They bring home EVERYTHING and all those firsts are such a big deal that you keep everything for awhile, until you can't.
So here I am. Married for 14 years, 4 children. 9, 7, 6, and 4.
I am SO LUCKY that Cullen sees eye to eye with me most of the time. He's been very bendy and flexible which helps. But it has still taken YEARS to get to where we are now, in regards to "stuff".
And we didn't start out this way. Oh, no. I should post a pic of our first apartment together. Especially I, LOVED stuff. The more stuff I had around me that represented how I feel on the inside, the better. It was the only way I really had then of expressing myself. That and poetry and writing in general (no shit, huh. Something shocks ya everyday). I had so much stuff. I'm a sucker for flowers and candles and books, oh my!
Anyway, at some point children came into the picture.
And all their shit came with it.
And Cullen- well fuck me, he's an adult with his own brain and his own likes and dislikes, and the man likes his man stuff. Not just what's in his pants, but STUFF. Tools, oh how he loves tools, and clothes, and shoes.
Minimalizing in the midst of all these crazies is NO JOKE.
And I have WHOOPED SOME ASS ON IT.
What I have left are the kids' rooms. You can see why I've put those off, can't you? It makes me want to swear. Jordan's room will be the easiest. Toss up between CJ and Josh's, and Julia's.
Cullen has been SO good through this. I don't think there's been one thing that he's pulled back out. He did the van today when he got home, and usually he's pretty crabby about that because I'm in it more than he is.
SO- if you want tips on how to minimalize in the midst of a husband and kids, here is how. Are you ready?
First you have to REALLY, TRULY want it. If you don't, you're going to end up in tears and give up. You will probably be in tears at some point anyway, so you've got to want it bad. Once you're there, pick one room to do first.
Got your room?
Now you are going to stage your room as if you're moving out and people are going to come look at your house. This is how I first discovered that i have a TON of shit I didn't need. We were going to move. I am a PACKING QUEEN. GOD I love packing. It feels soooo good to me. You are going to put stuff in boxes to donate, and to store. You need to get the extra furniture out of that room. If you don't use it, get it out. Eliminate any eyesores. Seriously- pretend that a potential buyer is coming to look at your house. Knick knacks? Take em down. Shit all over the walls? Pick what you can't live without and let the rest go. Cords everywhere? Go cordless or find a way to better conceal them. Clean your shit up. Once one room is done, make sure you follow through- meaning put the garbage in the garbage (holy shit, every last one of my yearbooks went into the garbage today. I'm so sorry mom, I know they were expensive!), drive the donation box to your nearest Goodwill or whatever, and neatly store the "must keep" stuff in a clear tote. Or colored if you want. I'm not really trying to micromanage you here.
Once you get that done, attack another room.
Kitchens are tough because there's so much "stuff" that we "might" need. So I use the 6 month rule. Have I used it in 6 months? No? Is it likely a neighbor has it to borrow if the need suddenly presents itself the day after I get rid of it? Get rid of it. Just let it GO. We all have our top 10 items that we use, pans, spoons, whatever. Let go of what is taking up space.
Because you probably have kids, let's talk about that stuff. There are a couple of things that I will NOT minimalize. Is that a word? It's telling me it's not a word. If you want children who are readers, you need to have books around. Lots of books, lots of rich reading for them. I will not get rid of books. I have a whole bookshelf PLUS of children's books. I also have a HUGE pile of learning books from my early homeschooling and my never ending want to homeschool (I know, just do it already. I know.). I will not get rid of those either. We use them. Again, kids use what is around. I have gigantic maps hanging on the walls in the livingroom of our different countries. Those stay. Craft stuff- crayons, markers, colored pencils, glitter glue, paper galore- I want my kids to use their imaginations and be creative, so I will keep things around that encourages that behavior.
What DOES get thrown out or given away are TOYS. Infants need toys, and toddlers need toys. At about 6 there is a big difference between what they play with and what is just taking up space. If they haven't played with it, they won't miss it. Plus, they really only need toy toys for playing inside, and ideally they are outside alot. We also have lots of children's bikes here, and outside toys for them to play with. I don't go ape shit getting rid of that stuff either. Again, some of the best games are the ones they will make up and I'll keep stuff around for them to use.
Once they are in school though- now the real battle begins. And good luck to you fighting it. It's never ending.
They come home with papers they've written, tests they've taken, and letter and number writing practice that they are very, very proud of. Pictures, Good God, the pictures. So many pictures. You are going to be BOMBARDED.
This has been by far the hardest part for me. The kid's stuff. I have thrown away everything so far, but 2 bins and I can't look at the two bins. Cullen will do that for me tomorrow morning. Report cards even. My mother would have an attack. But they are young, and I hate all the judging and how I felt looking back at mine. NOT that my kids will feel the same way, but ...? What will they ever be used for??? EVER??????? What will that preschool graduation paper EVER be used for???? They'll look at it when they are older and say "Oh." and move on. You know? I am NOT saying it's easy. I have cried harder during purging that stuff, and their clothes, than any other time...cept for that journal earlier today. That was a doozy.
Things I've kept- PICTURES. I have boxes of pictures, because they WILL want those one day. They are important. They matter, a lot. I believe in family trees and our history, and will preserve that much for them.
The other horror of all horrors involving the kids are this: they are their own people and they have their own seperate likes and dislikes. this equals more stuff. If you are living in a house, you're going to acquire their shit. I have an engineer on my hands and he loves those little tiny legos. He builds amazing shit with it. but it's a box of "stuff" sitting around. He uses it, but it's still STUFF. CJ still loves Pokemon and has albums full of it. They love their year books. They make crap, all the time.
I have this beautiful wolf picture and I just don't think I'll get Cullen to let me take that one down.
Anyway- think you can handle it? One room at a time. You don't have to do them all. Let it be a process. Maybe the urge only hits you every so often.
My goal is this: if I'm keeping it and it isn't a memory like my wedding flowers or those kinds of "keeps", it's out. In the open. If I don't use it in a few months and it's just been sitting there, it goes too. Nothing more will go into our storage space than the few boxes that are there, that I've been through. It's a few boxes of Christmas decorations, and fall decorations- hardcore single kidless people who minimalize probably don't understand that, but while we're living in a house, it's so much fun to indulge during the holidays and help create delicious feelings in our sweet babies. And a few boxes of the things that are keepers, for the kids.

Did I even finish the story about how I learned about all my crap? I packed to move and then we didn't move. And allll these bboxes sat in storage and I NEVER MISSED ONE THING IN THEM. It was like christmas when I went through them again, but we had a garage sale and got rid of the crap. YOU WON'T MISS THE SHIT THAT JUST SITS AROUND. I PROMISE. Someday when we take off in our RV, it will be super duper easy to put our shit in storage, and I bet we'll find room somewhere easily because we just won't have "stuff".
It's cleansing and purifying and it feels so damned good. LOVE IT.
By the way, Other Chuck isn't mad about anything at all. He's been sick with that damned cold for 2 weeks, and was busy with the garage doors before that. But don't worry, Cullen went ahead and told him I was scared that he saw something, and he was specific about what i was scared he saw. Great, Thanks.
I guess I'm not done yet- it's hard to get rid of dishes, with all these kids around. We go through em like crazy...Oh well. AND I am NOT taking my own advice in the entry way. It's the walls of fame in there, and there are kid pictures EVERYWHERE. I took them down from everywhere else and put them all in there, and it's glorious, if busy looking.
Okay I really think I'm done now.

Hey, just in case this sounded self righteous at all--you know how i hate that, I'm going to tell you something. *dramatic leo sigh* Cullen bought me creamer and i am shamelssly LOVING it in my COFFEE in the mornings. :) FAIL. For now.
THE END.