What is it today?!
All this old garbage coming back, feels like. Where the old stuff reminds me of what I've done and where I've been. And I have to just let it be, because it's what was.
Then I look at ultrasounds of babies becuase my friend is freaking out about her ultrasound at 15 weeks, that maybe it's not REALLY a girl because it's early and without even freaking THINKING ABOUT IT...I see a 14 week ultrasound and it was clearly a boy and BAM! I'm in Mexico losing my sweet baby that I just SAW on the ultrasound, kicking and moving around, my 14 week baby, couldn't speak spanish, scared out of my mind, wanting to be home, and wanting not to see Cullen's helpless tears...WTF is it today?! Where does this come from?
I have my babies. I still think if I hadn't lost it there it would have been here, much, much further along. And it doesn't help much.
UGH. Well, maybe I'll see if I can run today. Maybe it will help.
Even after Tuesday, the calendar says W T F.
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