*FINE*

*takes off WonderWoman cape, throws it to the side*. FINE. Hi, I'm Nicki and I'm a stupid human afterall. : )
But I'm trying!!! Tomorrow is a new day and Cullen- sometimes I have no idea what I'd do without him. There's no one else who has been on the journey of WHACKJOB with me like he has. He's been through this with me. He helped my head so much. Now I just have to overcome this thing, and I KNOW I CAN!!! Tomorrow is new and I'll try again, and I probably won't feel this way.
Cullen's emotional vampire re entered his life tonight. It's frustrating to watch, kinda. I dumped mine when I was pg with Jordan. It was hard, I'd known her since I was very young, but I was done. Cullen hasn't seen his in 6 years. When they were growing up, Cullen was really insecure because of his learning disability. I didn't know him in school, obviously, but some of the stories about how sick he'd be about going to school are heartbreaking. Scotty had been his friend all growing up. Cullen felt like Scotty had it all goin on. He was good looking, everyone liked him, family was great. Cullen loved hanging out with him. In fact, they went to jail together. Idiots. They are lucky they are alive. As Cullen grew up some, he noticed Scott's temper. And he acted a little bit spoiled. Not always so nice to his mom and kinda screwing people over....like Cullen helping him cut a tree down- Scotty got paid $1500 for it- he was only there 1/2 a day. he wanted to give Cullen $300. Or wanting Cullen to help him move to SD. Cullen got there, ready to go, early in the morning. Not only was nothing ready to go, barely packed, but Scott and his wife were having a raging arguement (very volatile relationship) all day long. It was 9pm before Scotty was ready and when Cullen refused to go (YAY BABY!! WAY TO STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!!!) Scotty was pissed. That was the last time they saw eachother. They wanted to get together, but Scotty's got a divorce going on, and kids to put down, etc. So he said he'd call between 7:30 and 8, and they'd meet.
It was 10 before he was ready.
Typical.
But Cullen loves him, for some reason. He knows what he's getting into. He knows he won't get a word in. He knows Scott might need that ear right now anyway. After they eat they are coming back here. YAY. Hells no, my butt will go to BED before they get here. I hope Cullen doesn't put up with any shit.
My head is so very, very tired. Cullen never goes out. NEVER. I mean, he's always working, but he really prefers to be home. I am very happy that he went out, esp because it was so late. But my head...it's soooo tired...and I feel a little bit like I failed today, and I might be willing to pay someone to come play with my hair til I fall asleep, and remind me one more time that THIS is not THAT big of a deal and tomorrow I can try again. THANK GOD IT'S MONDAY. ;) I bet you don't know anyone else who would say that. *waiting for lights to flash and an award to be awarded* *still waiting* *well, damn.*
For the record, I haven't been "lunatic girl" in at least a year. Before the hysterectomy, I was working out and it was messing with me a little bit. This came out of nowhere. *I* was the one who made Cullen fly out of bed to go get it. I was so happy when he got it home. Well all I know is that it's going to be a loud ole Nicki Party when I leap this hurdle, with my cape back on, magic wand in hand, glitter dust following me wherever I go, white go go boots on. : )
For real, Lee Ann Chin has THE best yogurt ANYWHERE. It's like sunshine in a cup, it makes everything better. Don't you love that it was light out til 6pm today? It was such a beautiful weekend.....
If I cry my very pathetic self to sleep here on the couch with the TV on, will you nominate me for a drama grammy award? This shit shouldn't go to waste....

TOMORROW WILL BE BETTER!

Dramatic Leo- OUT!