Flashbacks

Every now and then I get a glimpse of the me of me from before kids, and of the Cullen of Cullen from long ago also.
In the day to day, as aware as I am of how different the both of us are because we have to be, I forget about who we were back then. Some of the things that drew us together in the first place. Sometimes when we have alone time, we play the music game or watch whatevers on TV. We might be snuggling, but we miss out on the chance to remember who we were.
This past week was particularly hard. I was doing okay up til Thursday night, and I'm sure my extra BLAH was from having Tayler here all week. She was easy and she was good and it was even fun to have someone else for the kids to play with. But it was one more person. And I didn't wait up for Cullen at all. I'd make Tayler go to bed and I'd go to bed too, and Cullen didn't like it very much. Turns out he counts on seeing me for a few minutes when he gets home more than he knew.
Last night, I waited up for him.
While I waited, I hopped on Youtube and found some fun meditations and self hypnosis stuff (which is really just meditations). By the time he got home I was completely blissed out and chill. I wasn't so much of that earlier in the night. :) We hung out for awhile and went to bed.
I was still fairly zoney and feeling like i'd pass right out, and do you know what he did? He did something that he used to do fairly often for me, and I'd forgotten all about it. He played with my hair and tickled me to sleep. I'm sure it took all of 5 minutes, but it made me remember life before kids. He'd set up our bedroom in our apartment with candles, and blankets on the floor, and lotion. First he'd massage me real good, then he'd put in this fantastic meditation CD I had, and he'd tickle me and play with my hair til I was passed out so good that the place could have burnt down and I wouldn't have noticed. It was sooooo yummy. And I don't know if he knows how much that helped me. When I stopped being eating disordered I had to deal with every feeling that came up, and some of them weren't so good. And those times really helped me recenter and relax again and feel like everything was okay.
*dreamy sigh* I slept HARD last night. I even dreamt about the end of the world. Nice, huh? It was a little scarey, but really, it was pretty. :)
Wheezer ROCKS. GIRL IF YOU'RE WONDERING IF I WANT YOU TO, I WANT YOU TO...