I stopped drinking coffee. It was hard and I miss it still, but I am tired of thinking about all the shit I put into my body. Coffee CAN'T be good for us. It's acidy, and it just can't be good. And really, for being a "morning" person, I wasn't feeling like one anymore. Til I had some yum yum coffee, of course. It really sucked not having it.
But now I feel better. I still want it, but I don't think I'll choose to drink it. I even put the coffee maker away and gave my super duper creamer to Jamie. Can you believe I did that? I don't have to pee nearly as much in the mornings now, either. : )
My new boss, who is harder to read than Latin, gave me some nice feedback today. I've been feeling like a fish out of water trying to accomodate the dc's and figuring out how to do this thing I'm suposed to be doing. Every time I screw something up I feel awful and then I feel annoyed that I have no clue what I'm doing. So the feedback was REALLY, REALLY appreciated. Angie has saved my butt over and over and over and OVER while she's been recovering from surgery, and I emailed him to let him know what a wonderful job she's done holding my hand. I wanted him to know- she is a rockstar and she knows her shit. But it was nice of him to tell me that I'm doing good too, and that with this particular task, there's only one way to learn, and that's to do it, screw it up and figure it out. YAY!
I'm getting more and more scared/excited about the kidney. I've finally taken in all the "bad" outcomes. I've read the stories and let it sink in and I totally and completely get why anyone who freaks out over it or is unsupportive feels that way. However, the good stories are so good and amazing, and that's the kind of story I'm going to have. I'm very excited. Recovery sounds very familiar. I'm sure it will be different in it's own special way, but most people say that they were shocked by the pain- which I totally was after the hysterectomy- and that the first week is the hardest. It all sounds familiar. There is one theme among the not so great stories, and that's a feeling by the donor after the surgery that they don't matter anymore. That the nurses, dr's, transplant team stops their care somewhat. Most people don't say that, but the people who have had issues after the surgery say that. So I'm going to make sure I find out who will be available to help me after the surgery- SHOULD I need help. The other thing they talk about is a let down feeling when it's all over- I can see that, and I won't be surprised when it comes. I imagine that to be the same let down after a surrogacy, when the new family goes home and we are no longer pregnant, no longer the universe to the couple we're growing a baby for. We miss our new friends, and we're left with unpregnant bodies making milk and hormones shifting back to normal. I understand the let down feeling all too well. It's the annoying noise in my head that makes me keep looking for something to feed the monster inside.
I'm not nervous about the gallbladder surgery even a little bit. I'm more irritated with having to pull my head out of my butt so quickly and go right home. I have a new plan for eating that we'll see if I pull off. I'm imagining without a gallbladder and eventually kidney, I should keep on eliminating icky foods from what I eat. The kids are SO excited (not) about the GOOD NEWS that we'll be taking in lots more veggies and a lot less...processed crap. They'll do okay with it. They'll have to. So tonight we ate garlic bread pizza and I'm about to go make out with some lemon cookies. : ) AND I'm looking forward to getting to pop a vicodin for a good reason. : ) : ) : )
I don't miss my period. Not even a little. I celebrate not having it. I feel totally free and I love it.
Did you SEE the sunrise today? Omigosh. It was incredible. I was laying in bed with Jordan (he strolls in around 6am and will fall back to sleep with me) in awe of the incredible beauty that was lighting up the sky. The orange was so bright and gorgeous...you could almost hear it. I loved it.
Arkansas was outstanding. I can't properly describe what it's like to be there. We follow a pretty close schedule every year, but it doesn't matter. Our rituals feed my soul like nothing else can. The kids are SO good on the way there and back, and I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE getting to see Bob's side of the family. I just love everyone. The food is always amazing, and the kids are just off playing. Shopping on Friday with Rose and Mom is the best ever! I can't get enough. It filled me up in a way that I needed badly! It was so good to have Cullen around, relaxed, not having to rush to work or anything.
Okay, I think that is it. If you're lucky.
No comments:
Post a Comment