Janie

I was trying not to do family in my I love list, because I'll be doing it for even longer than if I just stuck to friends and randoms, but I can't help it anymore. I love them too much.

Imhappened to marry into a great family. Truly. Some of the people I'm closest to are my in laws. How many people can say that? I hope, truly, that it's alot more than I imagine.

My mother in law is awesome. She did daycare for 33+ years (!!!) and ...I don't even know where to start. What I love about her is that when I first met her, she didn't seem overbearing. When I came into their family, I was young, had put myself through hell, and was currently eating disordered. She wanted to know about it. She had never known anyone struggling with it, and wanted to know what it was like. I liked that I could talk to her about it and not feel judged- she has always been really non judgemental seeming. She had always said that the hardest part of doing daycare was some of the parents...the stories she heard and situations she had to diffuse and be in the middle of...UGH! Anyways...

She used to entertain all the time. Sunday dinners were a huge event with lots of people and she loved it. I didn't understand how she could like doing that, but I was young and it would take me 2 hours to get up enough energy to even be there, or to eat (stupid eating disorder). I did like getting to see everyone, and it was fun once everyone was there, it just seemed like a lot of work to go through weekly.

She always decorated for every event that was going on. Her kids love her house, and for a good reason. There was no expense spared, that's for sure! Spring, summer, fall, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, 4th of July, birthdays....she did amazing things. I'm sure that her husband helped also- so here's your shout out, Mike: Way to go with the cleaning and decorating! Her house felt the way you want home to feel.

And then...she fell ill. It's been 8 years now- EIGHT YEARS of her being sick. There have been times when we thought she wasn't going to make it. And she always did. There have been times when I've watched her cry in frustration as one by one, things she used to love doing, she could no longer do. She didn't want to not do Sunday dinners but she couldn't. Little things like reaching up high for things, she'd shake and get frustrated and swear. Cleaning became harder. Little by little, the little letting go's began.

It used to make me cry....the upside being how much more I appreciated each time she could do something, each time we were all together at her house again. Only now we participate way more in the cooking and cleaning up. Often, it's just too overwhelming for her to have all the bodies at her house, all the kids running around. She tires fast now, standing for a few minutes wipes her out.

Last year was the first year that she didn't host Christmas Eve. We hosted it in the party room. It was different. It was NOT the same, of course....it was nice enough, I supose, and it is always good to be together with everyone. This year, when I mentioned to her that we are open to doing it at our house if she decides she can't, she was quite adamant that she could, and planned on hosting it this year. Part of me sang (it's just the tradition and Christmas-y feeling), while the other part of me doubted that it could happen. It is SO much easier to leave a place when you are done than to have to sit there amoungst people and messes and try to get ready for the following morning...so it's at our house.

She's been my first call when I'm not sure what's wrong with a kid...she's seen it all. She has been very tolerant of me and my "crazy" views, even embracing some of them. She wants to hold my spider. She can cook like no one's business. It's delicious. Terribly unhealthy, mostly, but delicious. She just wants her kids to be happy and taken care of. She has held up her family all these years, allll these years, she is the cornerstone. She's the knower of what is going on, the shopper, the do-er. There is nothing her kids won't do for her.

It's been hard to see the little letting go's happen, but good, also. They said she wouldn't last 5 years, and it's been 8. She is not well, but she is here, and she is full of love. I will cheer, I swear it, I will cheer for her when she's out of her body and free again. I will miss her like crazy, and it will be a big hit on us when it does happen, but I'm so happy that she's here now.

She "doesn't like" to talk on the phone, but we kill some time that way. : ) I love my Janie.