For some reason, the end of a year makes me feel a little bit sad. I probably wouldn't feel sad if we didn't take notice of it, but it's just another reminder that time is flying and I can't hold on to the things that I really want to.
It's so interesting how much can happen in a year, and how it seems like it took a really long time, at the time, but how little time has passed.
The funnest thing for me personally in 2009 was that all of the sudden, my children were "easier". Jordan got potty trained fully and I got to stop hauling a diaper bag with me everywhere. He wants to keep up with his brothers and sister so the stroller wasn't necessary all the time. He stopped napping and there was such a relief. Where once I thought I'd die without nap time, now I felt a freedom of being able to carry on all day, AND have kids who passed out at night. I felt like me again for the first time since having kids, and it has been wonderful.
I went to Chattanooga, TN for work. I'm the last person in our department to go because I've always had little babies and they wouldn't make me travel during that time. I was gone for 26 hours, and in that 26 hours Jordan fell from the 2nd story window at home. Unbruised, unbroken, but Cullen was scared out of his mind. Jordan is a ball and I'm so thankful that he is!
Cullen's uncle passed away. He represents the idea of donating a kidney. It is so sad that he passed away, he was so wonderful to so many. He was the oldest of 14 kids. 15? But his legacy lives on. If I am blessed enough, I will get to help save someone from dialysis, and their life ending early. THANK YOU JOHNNY!!!!! Thank you for being that example. I'm sorry for every hour dialysis stole from you, I'm sorry for all the poking, all the pain, all the other things that occurred from your kidney's failing. I'm relieved you are free now, and well, and please bless this process I'm going through.
I had a surgery that I was very emotional about beforehand, and very unemotional about afterwards. I was astounded to find that I didn't feel a loss at all, and now I just plain ole REVEL in not having my period, or cramps, or any of that non sense. I LOVE IT. I feel amazing, and I love, love, love it! I learned what recovery after a major surgery is like, and I'm not looking forward to the next one at all. Esp because it's clear that Cullen will not be a part of it, so I'm on my own asking for help, and can I tell you how NOT FUN that is, when this is something I'm "doing to myself unnecessarily"? When the consensus amoung the people who love me most is that I'm purposely taking time away from my family when i don't have to? NOT FUN. Oh well. Angels surround me and I am positive that help will arrive in the least expected ways!
Then I learned that labor pains aren't that bad afterall, when my gall bladder freaked out. Holy hell. That was a nightmare and I want to throw up thinking about it. Thank God I'll never have that issue again either. heheheheheheh
I have a new boss, who i'm learning is very ...thorough. Which reminds me...I have my report to send off. My new boss was my friend back when I was miscarrying repeatedly, and I am so thankful for the way his friendship helped carry my broken heart back then. I can still see HIM sometimes when I'm talking to him, instead of BOSS MAN. Instead of BY THE RULES, I can still see FUN HIM in there, and it's so good. He still has a really good heart.
Cullen's mom is still here, which is a bigger miracle than I have words for.
I've picked up a new friend or two via my brother in law dating. I think his point is to find me friends. : ) Then he breaks up with them and goes and fetches me another. : ) hehe
We moved into a house we love. This one might keep me here for awhile. Cullen wants to buy it someday. I'm just happy that he's happy to keep renting because that's what I really want to do. : )
Over all, I'm still ass backwards in my wants and needs compared to the masses but I still don't really care. I'm not alone. I know other people who think like I do. Look out if we all ever group together and decide to fix a thing. Til then, I'll just hope that the kidney donation will kill the need in me to DO SOMETHING for a little while, and I can hope for clarity on maybe a certain avenue that I can do good for, and stick with one thing, ya know? So far nothing has grabbed me and made me want to keep doing MORE and MORE for one cause.
We'll see.
Okay, I'm over the year. Let's get 2010 here.
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