for the record, sometimes it's positively exhausting being the "weird" one. If i hear about how strange I am one more time, I'm going to scream. And Cullen wonders why I don't tell anyone the things I do when no one is looking. The things that I do that I think are nice, other people think are just bizarre and don't understand why in the world I do the things i do.
Last night, after a nice full round of "OMG, you are the weirdest person ever!" Cullen and Danny went to go get my sister some medicine. Danny felt the need to tell me as we were playing cards that he just couldn't stop when they were out...he had to tell Cullen again that I'm the most bizarre person he's ever known.
I know he loves me. They come over and they laugh and play, they hug and kiss me, they love my children. I KNOW they love me.
But it still made me cry when i was by myself.
Screw it! They don't understand the depth of your emotion. It makes them uncomfortable. That's okay, but since they can't understand it, they are going to think your weird. It isn't meant to be mean. It's kind of like how a parents pretend scares their child. The parent is just having fun. The child will remember that forever as scary, and might even have minor/temporary trust issues with their parent. The parent, even if the child, in tears, tells them it is scary, will just say sorry but will still tell the story to friends and family while laughing about it. They can't comprehend their child's fear, even if they have felt it from their own parents. You put yourself in people's shoes all of the time, which is why you probably rarely say anything that hurts feelings; you think before you speak. Most people don't. When you are old, they will respect you more for it. And as you've been saying about death, they will love you for it once you are dead. It sucks. When I was in church I would show people love. They didn't know how to react. Some didn't trust me. Their form of love was surface. Anything beyond that was too uncomfortable. I still did it and I am glad I did.
ReplyDeleteokay, first of all, you are pretty much the most awesome person I know.
ReplyDeletesecond of all, people only think you are "weird" because we live in this selfish and cold society. not always, but there is a lot of selfishness going on, and since you don't choose to live like that, people find it "weird." I think in an ideal world, you would be the norm. It SHOULD be weird for people to NOT donate their kidneys to a person in need- not the other way around.
what do they think is weird about you?
You are a little bubble of sunshine. Don't change, ever! Go on being "weird" if that is what you are doing, cuz I like it!!!
Merry Christmas!!!
I love you both.
ReplyDeleteOh, the picture of the kids that I don't know...remember that story a few blogs back? Deb was horrified that I didn't send the card back and said that I'm a grown up now and it's time to think like a grown up. Danny said that that did it, nothing can save me now, I'm the weirdest person to live, no one would do something like that. Cullen didn't help, of course, since he couldn't figure out how I DIDN'T think to just send the pic back, and I swear to God you would have thought that I had a leprachun hung up by his toes that I fed bird food to every night, the way they all sat around wondering what is wrong with me. On top of the fact that I wrote them a note back. UGH.