Hercules

I am strong.
I got all 4 kids ready, fed, me ready and out the door.
I'm at work.
It's BUSY.

That's okay.

It's CJ's bday, and there's a lil party after work. Which is why I HAVE to be okay today. My baby deserves that much.

So I'm mentally drained.

Last night wasn't good. Oh no, it wasn't. My darling hubby "accidentally" had too many drinks and he's not a good drunk. No, I am so plenty sick and tired of the rude, derogatory comments he makes when he's drunk. So now he's in suck up mode, which is almost as irritating.

Mentally drained.

My older sister, whom I love dearly, who just worked her ass off to up and move to MN, thus completing our family.... is moving back to Arkansas. I'm devastated, frustrated, sad and confused for her, and for us.

I am so fucking tired.

I am tired of sitting upright.

I have total control over my thoughts and reactions. I am the creative one in all this. I have, at the least, co created every situation around me.

But I feel tired.

I need to find Cullen a job.

I need to get ready to be done with here.

I just screwed something else up at work. I swear to you, the gas made my head HOLEY.

I need to breathe and relax and know that everything is okay. I have all week to complete the things on my list. I need to trust that what is happening with Rose is actually happening in everyone's best interest somehow. I need to have another discussion with Cullen about the affect the things he says has on me when he's drinking and how it isn't that easy to just flip the sober switch and let it all go the next day when he's sorry.

I've almost made it....