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There is a woman here named Barb. She has been on dialysis for almost 5 years. It isn't good. Today she has a big bandage on her arm.
It's the first time I've seen her since I've been back to work, and she was very excited to talk to me. Told me how much hope it gave her when she saw the news and read the paper, and how she and her transplant dr talked about it and how blown away she was when she found out it was me.
Her daugher was going to donate to her. Her daughter got cancer.

I didn't know. I didn't know she needed a kidney. I didn't know she's been on the list for that long. I didn't know. I wish I had more kidney's. I don't know how I feel. I don't know how I feel seeing her all bandaged up, knowing what life is like for her. I didn't know! I didn't know! I didn't know!!!!! I didn't know!!!! I didn't know she needed one. I don't know...how can people see her every day and not want to help? Say hi to her and walk by? I'm falling apart. Why doesn't anyone want to help????

That's probably not the right attitude. People have a right to keep their own two kidney's. But I'm standing here, jumping around, I feel fine, I'm all healed up, surgery was fine. Isn't there anyone else here brave enough? She's just sitting there, waiting....

Then I look at Phil, whom I love. I adore him! And he needs a pancreas. I can NOT stand knowing this. I can't stand knowing it and not being able to do anything. I probably CAN actually donate my pancreas. I swear they do them...and they do. Partial pancreas. NO, I'm not really going to do it. I'd seriously consider it if he gets really sick though.

Okay, I need to go find my happy place again.