Here is what a stressed out Nicki looks like

Or at least sounds like.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

First, I am going to pat myself on the back. We had both vehicles DIE Memorial Day (how effing convenient!)- and had two other vehicles appear, and there are 2 more backups for those backups waiting. That's pretty lucky.
We incurred some (!!!) expenses in the way of towing, diagnosing, renting trailers to haul the van back home, etc. Unplanned expenses- this is why some people have savings and are happy they have savings when they need it. We don't have savings. Never have. Stupid? Maybe.

THEN---- THEN, the State of MN yanked $300 out of Cullen's last check, for back taxes that were due. This could have been prevented- I could have stopped it, but my limit is reached and I didn't call. Cullen didn't want to call. When he told me the news, instead of flipping out over the lack of that money also, I just said "Well, at least that's a done deal now." Good attitude!

Today, however, is when all the shit hit the fan.

Now- I'm still partially patting myself on the back because my head is still mostly right about money- it's not real, the world does NOT revolve around it, when I die, nothing of material value counts, matters or is important. That's why it's possible for me to give up a kidney. It's just a "thing". I don't care about matieral things, they don't matter. I know that we will always be provided for, we always have been and always will be. I know I could dream BIGGER and have MORE and MORE "things" but I haven't felt that need.
But I might start visualizing falling into a pile of money.
We can bounce checks with the best of them, folks! Back into the all familiar hole we go. In ONE account. I should laugh and be happy that the other account is just fine. I'm working on it. I did have a near melt down, where I called Cullen at work (SO UNFAIR! I'm sorry baby!) and confessed to complete and total stress. He does a great job of smoothing my feathers, reminding me that I don't have to shoulder the entire world all by myself anymore. I warned him, and I'll show him all my cards that I've been protecting him from (or making it so he doesn't have to deal so he can just eat sleep and work), but that he might not like it.
Hm...I feel another post coming on about protecting him from things.
So, back to ole reliable. Ready?

For today, we have a roof over our heads.
For today, we have 2 cars that work.
For today, we have all the food we need to eat, plus some.
For today, we all have more clothes than we need.
For today, we are surrounded by people who love us.
For today, all the essentials needed to live are here and we have them and it's fine.

So, YAY.

Barf. Stupid money.