The Wheel In The Sky

First of all, please remember that I'm under the influence of my annoying as hormonally jacked body. :)
I melted down yesterday, trying to pack all of us. We'd been grocery shopping, I'd been doing laundry and juggling children, I'm not sure if Willow is happy, and I melted down. Especially because sometimes- SOMETIMES-I worry that Im doing all this work and we'll go to the cabin and Cullen will hang out with my dad and drink, drink, drink and need to sleep in every day we're gone while I stay responsible and go to bed early so I can get up early with the kids. Sometimes- JUST SOMETIMES- I feel a little bit sad and lonely that he isn't excited to go to the cabin to hang out with ME. I AM worth hanging out with. I don't mind the alone time to be with my thoughts, and I love my mom and aunt and the kids, but sometimes it wouldn't make me feel bad to feel like *I* was his focus. So I freaked out.
And he called me in the middle of it.
He came home and took the kids out while I picked up the house but did nothing exciting except watch So You Think You Can Dance and dreamed of not being a clutsy mess. THEN! He brought his mom to our house, which was so unexpected that it made me bounce with the happies. She is so excited about Willow. Wouldn't you know that she went right over and pet my spider?! She pet it, just like that. She wanted me to hold her, and I almost did, but then I didn't. Today when I go buy her more crickets I'm going to get her to take another one out so I can hold it and practice.: ) For how much I like my spider I shouldn't be so scared. STUPID GIRL! :) Oh well, I own her. One thing at a time.
By the way, is anyone else a little bit concerned about what I'm going to do next? I am. Only kinda. My kidney donation paperwork is ready to go, and I can send it in in the fall, Cullen said. Hopefully knowing that will keep any other crazy idea away.