...AND....the update!

I apparently survived although it was questionable yesterday, wasn't it? Didn't you worry just a little that you were going to hear it on the news that Nicki Hayes died of anticiption? :D Never fear, I am here. And if THAT was going to kill me (and I *was* starting to wonder yesterday!) I would have been dead a lonnnnggg time ago.

Eventually, MFVP came over and let me know he was ready to talk with me. We went into the conference room and he sat down, a little dejected, and said "What can I do for you." It wasn't a question even. :) And I took a big breath, waited a beat and said "It's time for me to go."

And what followed was almost too GOOD to write down. I think I want to keep it for me. He is wonderfully supportive, and not in the "we wanted you out" way. He completely gets me and understands me and I can say that I know that he feels the same way about me that I do about him. I wish there were adequate words that I could use to tell him. He will be the hardest thing about leaving, I think- other than sitting next to my bestie every day. I wish there were a way to keep him.

Then he walked me down to 2 up's office (MFVP is 3 up) so I could tell him, and that was fine. MFVP had said that 2 up would call JJJ and let him know (another reason I love him to pieces), but 2 up wanted me to call him, which was probably the way it should go. MFVP did let me know that he knows "everything"- which I was certain that he did--- he was speaking of my inability to win favor with JJJ--- and I love that he would have, if I'd have asked, done "the job" for me. He is with JJJ now and for the rest of the week in SLC. So I was a nervous wreck, wayyyy worse than at any point in the day, when I had to call JJJ and tell him the good news. Not because I thought he'd be upset- clearly this will be good for him, but because I am scared of him. Must be a trust issue of some sort.

"Hello?"
"Hey JJJ, it's Nicki. Are you busy?"
"Oh, hey. No, now's fine. What's up?"
"Just wanted to let you know that I spoke with MFVP and 2 up today, and I put in my notice."
"OH! You DID?" (honest surprise)
"Yes. I'm sorry I did it while you are away but if I waited til you are back, it would be less than 2 weeks notice and I wanted to be fair. I get to be home with the kids."
"Wow. Okay...."
"If there's anything you can think of that you want me to start working on before you get back, let me know."
"Thanks, and thanks for letting me know."

The end.
It took another hour before I felt hungry again, but I DID eat and it was good. I did NOT sleep much, but it's okay. I need to reconcile a couple of things in my head, esp regarding JJJ. Even if things had been different, if he'd been kinder or easier to work for, I would still have needed to be in the office because it was getting harder to work from home. You've heard this before from me? And even if I didn't work for HIM, but for someone else in the department, I still would miss being with my kids. I have never gotten to JUST BE WITH MY KIDS. This will be a first, and I can't WAIT. So, in the end, my decision isn't JJJ based at all, and I actually should THANK HIM for helping me get enough balls to fly the nest and reach for a dream instead of sitting here at a "perfectly good job" because it's a paycheck. I want to resist the urge to give him any "constructive criticism", which I REALLY have the urge to do because AR won't say anything to him when she's upset by the way he acts. And that happens. I'm way more impulsive than she is. She probably has a better ability to seperate what happens here with her life at home though.
So..anyway...there's the update. I DID IT.
I feel awesome, and I think it's going to be a really good 2.5 weeks. My heart will break a little on September 17th, but on the 20th when I wake up and I don't have to hurry up and punch in and make lunches and get kids ready for school and punch out to go to work...well...I'll smile. And then call AR to say good morning. :D