HAVE I MENTIONED THE WEEPIES?

Okay- I'm getting minorly stressed out.

By everything.

This is normal pre-surgery stuff.

I'm trying to finish up the shit here at work, and it's "shit" today because it feels irritating. My replacement - who is gone all this week- had 1 day to learn how to be me, and she doesn't know ANYTHING about computers. I had to teach her how to copy paste, and that was an hour long deal. It isn't her fault- NOT HER FAULT at all, but I am left feeling like stuff is going to not be taken care of for a couple of weeks. I know Ang and Kel will help her, or end up doing it, but I'd feel MUCH better knowing it was a done deal, ya know?



Cullen is starting to feel the pre surgery stress too, of having plans and stuff to do beforehand. He is thoroughly enjoying moving as a herd, so where one goes, apparently the rest does too. This is okay- like tomorrow he is going to fix someone's pool. It's going to take him an hour and he figured that the kids and I would go too, and we could swim while he works. That's nice, OR I could stay home and CLEAN and nest and get ready to be worthless for awhile. Even if the kids stayed with me. OR I can "let go" and just go enjoy time with the kids and Cullen in a pool.



Last night my sweet babies were so amazing. CJ and Josh rollerbladed around Nokomis, and Julia and Jordan RAN! Most of the way...Cullen gave them turns on his shoulders for a little while. Then we stopped and let them swim before dragging them home.



Okay. I just need to breathe. Everything makes me tear up, but I have the bestest friends. Chocolates are raining down on me, and regardless of anything, next week and the week after will go just fine here. I can't figure out one of my stupid reports that isn't updating....and Kel is attempting to do one of my reports right now as I type. I deleted all the information I entered, so he could give it a go. Which is a good idea. I just need to BREATHE. BM, nurse from Fargo (did you know that I know 4 people with the initials BM?!) called to make sure I have my kit, and that i'll get blood drawn today and overnight it to Fed Ex. I need to grocery shop. I need to figure out tomorrow. I just want to STOP. I am smart enough and wise enough to understand that I have an opportunity here, a brilliant, shining opportunity. I can conciously CHOOSE to let go of this stress. I can choose what I want to feel and how I want to "see" things. I can chill out and not worry, which is what I am letting go of right now as I type this. I will not worry anymore. Work is going to be fine. I am going to get to my appt this afternoon. I will get groceries bought this afternoon. Everything is okay. Everyone is great! The kids are ready for me to have surgery, I am ready, Cullen is ready. He expressed that it has hit him that he will be sitting for 5-6 hours, waiting for news on the surgery, feeling concerned. I would rather be me than him! I don't like the waiting and worrying part. Me? I'll get hit with some of the sleepy meds, feel INCREDIBLY fun for a few minutes, to the point of having to work really hard to get my self onto the operating table, and then BLAMO! I'm out. And one half of a second later, I will be woken up.

And I'll say "Did it really finally happen?" and she'll say "yes! you did great!" and then I'll zone out and struggle for an hour to stay concious so that I can see Cullen asap. And I'll finally feel a little ouch where the incision is, where my insides are already starting to heal, and I'll have confirmation that indeed, my very cool body gave up a kidney and Righty will even right then be working for both.



CAN'T WAIT.



Okay. Weepies are still here, but I'm no longer worried about all the extra stuff happening. I love making concious choices!